Chapter 3
September 26, 2011
It had been a week since my last nightmare. A week. Considering the frequency I've had them over the last several months, that was definitely a record. I knew they weren't gone for good, my life is never free from them for long, but it was nice while it lasted. I even began to feel rested.
Last night, though, ended that streak. Every time I closed my eyes, I was back in the hanger, reliving Montgomery's last night. And it was so vivid. I could almost smell the chemical tang of jet fuel, hear the echo of the shots, feel the warmth of Rick's body as he held me. Nothing ever changed. The memories just repeated over and over again. What would it have mattered though, even if the dreams had happy endings, the reality is still there. Montgomery is gone. He died trying to protect me. I don't blame myself for his death... he made his choices, but no matter what people say, like with my mother's death, I will always bear some of the weight.
I miss you Roy. I miss you so much.
Kate capped her pen while she stared at the page. She didn't really know why writing in her journal made her feel better, but it did, especially now that she was getting comfortable doing so. She still worried that someone would read it, but because of that concern, she was always very careful to put it back on her dresser when she wasn't using it.
She stood from her bed and stretched her stiff muscles. On days like today, when she was restless and tired, her injuries reared their ugly heads; the scarred tissue bunching and pulling in her body.
After putting her journal back in it's place, Kate showered and readied herself for work. She had a feeling it was going to be a long day and she just wanted to get it over with. Just as she pulled her navy blazer from the closet, her phone chirped. She took it from her nightstand and read the text from Esposito. Not even eight in the morning and they already had a body. Just par for the course.
Without hesitation, she pressed 3 on the speed dial and waited. After only one ring, the phone clicked and she was sure she heard Martha Rogers saying "Lady Beckett my lord". Kate cocked an eyebrow in confusion. Still no one said hello, but then she heard Martha continue, "Richard, are you crying?"
Castle answered her that he wasn't, it was just the onions. What on earth is going on over there?
She heard the phone shuffle around a bit more before Castle finally answered the phone in a slightly strained voice, "Good morning Beckett. Do we have a body?"
"We do. Is everything OK over there?"
"Yes! Desdemona here is just being dramatic."
Kate didn't even ask. "Okaaaay! Well, I'm heading out now." She rattled off the address. "Meet me there?"
"Yeah, I'm on my way."
"Alright. See ya soon."
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By the time Beckett arrived on the scene, a number of vehicles and news vans had clogged the now closed off road. She parked her Crown Victoria as close as she could, took a deep breath and got out of the car.
Before she'd even closed the door, a taxi carrying Castle pulled up next to her.
He paid the driver and hopped out, joining her as she headed down the block.
"You don't look like a guy who's been crying all morning."
"I wasn't crying all morning. Can I help it if thinking about Alexis going off to college chokes me up?"
Kate smirked. "I thought it was the onions."
"OK. I'll admit it wasn't just the onions, not completely. I mean, she's gonna to be gone in a few months. My little girl!"
"Yeah, but she's growing up, Castle. And she's going to a great school. Its whatchya want isn't it?"
"Yeeees. I'm just not ready."
"OK, well she is. So you two are just not on the same page."
"So what do I do?"
A slight warmth ran through Kate. She secretly loved when Castle asked her for parenting advice or input on the teenage female psyche. Not because she thought she was any type of expert, but because she knew that Alexis was the most important aspect of his life, and she loved that he trusted her enough to seek her council, even with his daughter.
"Let her go," she answered confidently, despite Castle's surprise. "Trust me. You don't want to hold on too tight; you'll just drive her away."
At the mouth of the alley where their victim waited, the press waited impatiently, hounding her with questions the moment they saw her approach.
Beckett brushed them off with practiced ease, spoke with an officer and then joined Lanie and the boys over the body, which had been cleanly split in two.
When Castle reacted to the scene, she silently commiserated.
"Uh, so he was uh..."
Lanie stood from where she squatted over the blood pool and finished her friend's sentence. "...Split right down the middle. From the top of his head all the way down to his.."
Castle flinched. "Ehhya"
"Oh please," the ME chastised, "The guy was sliced in two. I'd say his unit is the least of his problems."
"Then you do not understand the sacred bond between a man and his unit."
Unbidden, a mental image of Rick, that Kate was not prepared for, popped into her head, almost making her blush. She immediately pushed it away, in lieu of the case at hand. "OK, so what was the murder weapon? Guillotine?"
"A sword." Lanie handed her a bloody baggie containing a piece of metal. "Tip broke off in the body."
They continued to study the scene and gather all the information they had available before finally moving to question the only known witness.
After more than two hours on the scene they weren't any closer to finding the sword wielding killer, so they headed back to the station and then later to the morgue to speak with the victim's next of kin.
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Kate could feel Castle's eyes on her as she stormed from Gates' office and was talking to the guys. When she turned back to him she caught his line of sight. He was staring at her butt.
"Like what you see Castle?" She said sarcastically. "You know if this case is boring you, you don't have to stick around."
Rick ignored the barb but had the decency to flush slightly. "This case is anything but boring. I'm not going anywhere."
"You're right about that. You'd think it would be hard to get stranger than finding a man in an alley, divided in half. Yet between his apathetic mother, Valtini dropping trou to show us his monogrammed derriere, and now knowing that our murderer is a comic book based super hero... It's been a weird day."
"And a long one. You look tired. Think maybe you should call it a night?" Rick asked softly.
"I'll be fine. I just didn't sleep well last night."
Castle didn't say anything, but the concern on his face was undeniable.
Kate looked around but didn't see anyone close enough to hear them, so she leaned forward til their heads almost touched and whispered, "Some nights I still have nightmares. Last night it was the hanger and everything that went down with Montgomery. It just kept repeating over and over."
He took a deep breath and reached to cover her hand which rested on her knee, with his own. "I understand. I have dreams about that, and you getting shot too. It hurts to relive it."
Kate nodded. She was relieved that he didn't freak out from her confession, but concerned to know he was plagued with the nightmares too.
"Kate, no matter what time it is or how strong you feel, call me if it happens again. You aren't alone."
"Rick, I can't.."
"Please."
She thought about it for several long seconds. "Only if you promise to call me when it happens to you too."
Slowly he began to nod.
Just talking to him like this must have relaxed her because suddenly she was overcome with exhaustion. When she yawned, she used it as an opportunity to remove her hand from his and then stretch.
"Maybe you're right. It is getting late, and I am tired. Can I give you a lift back to your place?"
"Normally I'd accept, but you don't need to spend that extra time carting me around. You need to go to bed. I'll just grab a cab."
Both Kate and Rick stood and reached for their jackets.
"Calling it a night?" Ryan asked the pair as they passed him.
"Yes. Beckett here may not admit to being tired, but I'm calling her bluff. She needs to get some rest and Alexis is waiting for me at home, so we're heading out."
"See ya tomorrow." Esposito called out without looking up from his computer.
"Night!" Kate responded before following Castle into the waiting elevator.
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As crazy as the day before was, that day was equaled in productivity. It wasn't often that they could solve a murder in two days, but this was one of those lucky breaks that they all appreciated and now Tony "The Butcher" Valtini, the killer, was being processed and booked.
That only left two things, tackling the ever present pile of paperwork and more importantly, releasing a suspect and fellow police officer, Ann Hastings from custody.
Earlier in the day, they'd first arrested Hastings' boyfriend, Paul Whitaker, a soft spoken journalist, for the murder, but it became evident that although he was willing to take the fall, he was only covering for the real superhero/vigilante turned murderer. Knowing that Whitaker was innocent spun a new light on the evidence, leading them to an abandoned tenement where they found their masked crusader, The Lone Vengeance, AKA Officer Ann Hastings.
Even in the face of overwhelming evidence, Ann always swore to her innocence, and Kate wanted to believer her. Mainly because she didn't want to believe that someone so like her could commit such a heinous crime, even it if was for a "good" reason. Yes, she admitted to moonlighting as a superhero, taking some situations into her own hands, but not murder.
Like Beckett, she lost a parent to senseless crime, leading her to the life as a cop. Yes, she had a past that she wanted to avenge, but she would not kill a man over it. The whole thing made Kate wonder what she herself was capable of, if really pushed.
After what seemed like hours of talking, Hastings presented enough evidence to push the investigation away from her, at least for the moment, but she wouldn't be going anywhere in the mean time.
Thankfully though, she was innocent and they were able serve justice against the man who had taken his vendetta to a new level.
Now as Beckett walked back to holding, she couldn't tear her thoughts away from everything that had come out today. Hastings was a great cop who was awarded and well decorated. She had a bright future despite a dark past. She also had a man who loved her enough to sacrifice his future for her. Would Castle do that for her? In less than a heartbeat she was sure of the answer.
Kate stood at the Holding Desk, which held all the papers that would have to be signed and filed, while Officer LaVette released Hastings.
Ann signed the top form without instruction. She was familiar with the routine even if it was usually from the other side of the law.
Beckett pointed to an envelope on the desk. "Those are your personal effects. You probably want to make sure everything's there."
"Thanks Detective Beckett," Ann said sincerely.
"Ann you're a good cop. And you've got somebody who cares about you." Kate nodded toward Paul Whitaker who was waiting for Ann. "Don't be so driven by the past that you throw away your future."
The younger cop took a breath but didn't answer.
"Take care."
Ann turned away and walked to her boyfriend. As Kate watched them she noticed Castle and Gates for the first time,watching from farther down the hall. If he heard what I told her, he'd tell me it was good advice that I should learn to follow. But he doesn't understand just how hard it is to actually do.
The Captain and Rick seemed to be talking to each other and Kate didn't want to get caught staring so she continued to watch as the departing couple finished gathering their things to leave. So really hoped that everything would work out for them. After everything else, they could use a happy ending.
"Detective," Iron Gates called. The three walked toward each other. "About Officer Hastings, she, uh, fled the alley when you ordered her to stop. Some reason you're not pressing any charges?"
Beckett's brain scrambled for a reason that didn't look sentimental or incriminating. She looked to Castle for help but he was no help "I, uhhhh..." Thankfully though, it didn't seem to matter what her reason was because the Captain continued to talk, answering for her.
"...Think that given the number of folks wearing that costume we can't prove that it was her in the alley or anywhere else for that matter."
Relief! "Exactly, Sir."
Castle's eyebrows raised.
Gates continued. "She's a promising officer. That said, it'd be bad for all of us if Lone Vengeance were to show up EVER again."
"I don't think that that will be a problem Sir."
"Well lets make sure it isn't."
With that, Gates was gone.
Castle stepped in closer to her and dropped his voice to just above a whisper. "Either she just grew a heart..."
Kate smiled and finished his sentence like usual. "...Or she's worried about how it would look if the press found out that Lone Vengeance was one of our own."
The elevator dinged, drawing both her and Castle's attention again to the now freed couple. Just watching them together, hand in hand, made her smile.
"A writer and his muse, fighting crime. Just like us." Castle stated thoughtfully.
Like us, Kate pondered. Us!
As the elevator began to close, the couple closed the distance between them and began to kiss.
Kate's eye grew wider as she realized just how much like them she wanted "us" to be. More than ever before, a part of her wanted to grab Rick's hand and pull him into the elevator for a passionate kiss just like that. A blush started to form at the memory of their last kiss. She knew that another chance at a moment like that would do nothing less than set off fireworks. A tingly warmth began to pool in her belly.
Awkwardly, Rick brought his eyes to hers, but just for a moment. Both were obviously embarrassed, and most likely more so from their own thoughts rather than what they'd actually witnessed.
"So tomorrow?" he asked.
"Mmmmmhmmm." she agreed.
She couldn't even speak to answer because if she opened her mouth, a full blown smile would break through, allowing him to see more of her heart than she was willing to show.
"Kay!"
There was nothing more to be said. At least not here and not now.
Rick turned and left her standing there, watching him, still trying to suppress her grin.
Looks like when I get home, I have more to add to my journal.
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September 27, 2011
Tonight Rick and I met a young a couple, who he appropriately described as "A writer and his muse, just like us". Three years ago I would have been furious with such a statement. One, for being called his muse and two, for for being bound to him by the word "us". But so much has changed.
Now "us" has become writer and muse, and it's not so bad. In fact, it's good. Very good. As are the statements, friends like us and partners like us. It's all the wonderful truth. Is that where it will remain though? Or will it develop into a couple like us, lovers like us, maybe... maybe even married like us? When did I even start thinking like this?
Most of the time I can't see that kind of long term permanence in our future, but not because its not plausible, but because I hate to let myself dream of the possibilities. A future with him could be so many wonderful things, but if it didn't work out, how would I go on?
I think right now that if everything else wasn't going on in my life, I'd throw caution to the wind and be willing to take the next step. But the weight of life and the wall, still holds me back.
Speaking of the wall, tonight after leaving the station, I ended up going back because I'd left my keys in my desk. When I returned, there on my desk was another brick.
Ryan, who was packing up for the night, noticed me pick it up and told me that Castle had brought it by a few minutes earlier, but didn't explain why. I told him it was part of an inside joke. He looked skeptical but thankfully didn't pry farther, because I couldn't tell him about it's true meaning.
Now that I'm at home, I have the brick on my mantle, propping up a photo. Next time Rick's here he'll see it and know its value.
Another brick down means a clearer view to the outside, to the future. I only hope that I won't regret allowing myself to see.
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A/N: Good morning! Hope everyone is doing well.
Last night while carving my pumpkin (It's a Castle/Nikki Heat one... if you haven't seen it, you should. I'm pretty excited about it), I realized how busy this week and weekend are going to be, and I wondered when I was going to find the time to post, let alone write. So since I had a little time now, I decided to post this a couple days earlier than I planned. At least it guarantees that you don't have to wait a full week or more for an update. If I can still post this Fri/Sat like planned, so be it, you just get a bonus chapter this week. But if I don't, rest assured that either Mon or Tues I will.
Thank you for the continuing feed back. I'm really glad you're enjoying the story, and that you liked the brick. I really loved the idea of Castle giving her bricks, but I wasn't sure if it would go over well with everyone else.
Until next time!
