A Gradual Descent
Chapter 3: Debt
Author: Knowhere
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Nothing.
AN: Thanks for the responses it makes it all worthwhile. It's nice to hear that most of you seem to be enjoying it. And without further ado, on with the newest installment…
Asa: Thanks.
Summary: Literati. She refused to be a cliché, falling for the seemingly dangerous guy when she was with the safer one. He refused to let the innocent girl of his friend to make him feel something unwanted. He'd tease, flirt, and have his fun, but they're both unprepared by the need to be with one another. AU.
---
"You're up early." Jess greeted Simon without prelude, surprised that his usual late sleeper of a friend was up at seven thirty in the morning, and on a Sunday no less.
"I have some work to do."
"You going into the office?"
"Yeah. For a couple of hours." Simon took a sip of his coffee. "I have a meeting a client for lunch later."
"Never stopping, huh?" Jess nodded. Simon was hopelessly devoted to his work, determined to be a partner in his law firm before the age of thirty-five. Each respective man was driven in their own way, Jess in his continual quest for the perfect words in his novels, Simon in his vigilant pursuit of the law with an honesty that made most other corporate lawyers cringe. They both respected each other's works, though they didn't always understand the inner workings. Jess's knowledge of the law came from various episodes of Law and Order, and Simon's knowledge of books contained just the current John Grisham best seller.
"Rory's still asleep." Simon spoke up.
Jess glanced quickly at the closed door. "So what?"
"Don't scare the wits outta the girl when you blast your music as you work."
"Not working today." Jess shrugged. "It's Sunday."
Simon laughed out loud. "As if that's ever stopped you."
He snickered. "I'm getting older. I think it's about time I took a Sunday off for myself. You should consider it, Cannon."
"Yeah, right. As if I could afford the luxury of loafing around the apartment like you."
Jess chuckled. "You're just jealous."
"Damn right." Simon smiled and picked up his briefcase, downing the rest of his coffee before closing the front door behind him.
Picking up his favorite mug, Jess methodically steeped his tea bag into the steaming water, watching the color change. With the morning paper tucked under his arm, he found his way across the other side of the apartment, Simon's half. He stood there, with his tea and paper, staring at the pristine white door. Why was it so hard for him to admit what he felt for this woman? This woman who was untouchable because she was the girlfriend of his best friend. But Simon didn't know Rory. Jess knew that she refused to let Simon see the real her. She had claimed that Simon saw what he wanted to see and that was easier. But Jess knew it was bullshit. She was afraid of letting Simon see her, and oddly enough, it only made Simon want her less.
Oh, Simon never said those words aloud, but Jess knew. He could tell by the way his friend moved, the way he spoke about Rory. His eyes didn't spark, didn't hold anything more than respect and base affection. There wasn't the swirling passion that Simon deserved. Jess had seen Simon fall before. Several times. He didn't look as dull as he has with Rory. When Simon fell, it was all consuming, something that Jess refused to do himself. He had seen his friend loose his wits, loose his self-control, only to have all of that feeling thrown back into his face when the girl eventually became uninterested.
So why was he always filled with a strange urge every time he saw Rory? Why did he always need to insult her just to keep her at bay? When he pushed her, she pushed back. When he struck, she did so as well. And the one time she struck him physically proved the point all too much. Jess saw the heat between the two of them. He knew that she wanted him. He wasn't being arrogant or vain; it was the plain and simple fact. They wanted each other. He wanted her body. Jess wanted her in more ways than one. He wanted her in all ways, all positions. He wanted to feel the softness of her hair in contrast to the hardness of his muscle. Jess wanted to feel her snug against him, inside and out. He wanted to feel the shake of her climax around his arousal. He wanted to know if she was the kind to cry out during sex. Was she the kind to muffle her moans or did she keen like a crying kitten? He wanted her for one night. He wanted her for every night after that. He wanted her.
Then why did he also want her mind? He wanted that strange alchemy of her sharp wit and intelligence all for himself. She was like the perfect heroine of his book; the one that was elusive and proved never to be precisely written according to plan. She was the kind of character that he wanted to write about, but always backed out in the last minute. He could never get it quite right and anything less than perfection would ruin such a character. He wanted her body, yes, but he realized that after the release, he wanted her mind. Rory was the kind to keep him on his toes. Jess knew he wanted her in a way that Simon could never compete with.
But Jess refused to even begin such a competition. Better to keep her at arm's length, leave her to Simon. Finder's keepers. Simon found her first, and he had a right to her. Jess knew better than to push such boundaries.
The door opened with a soft noise and Jess berated himself at being caught in such a foolish position. Rory almost collided with him. "Oh!"
"Morning." Adopting his face of nonchalance, he glanced at her rumpled hair and Simon's day-old dress shirt.
"Simon's not in his room." She mistook Jess's presence as an attempt to find Simon.
"Huh." Taking the opportunity, he walked away, all too well aware that she was staring at his bare legs and chest. He grinned at himself and wondered if she liked what she saw. He was clad only in a pair of hunter green boxers. Returning to the kitchen, he dropped the paper onto the counter and refilled his mug with more water. "He left early. Meeting with a client."
"Oh." She ran nervous fingers through her hair, combing out the tangles. "Will he be back?"
"Don't think so. Not for a while, anyways."
"I guess I better get going then."
He met her gaze. "You hungry?"
"What?"
"You heard me."
She clenched her fist at the statement. It was becoming too familiar. She was beginning to notice things about Jess. His familiar vocabulary, his nuances, his lazy smile. They were all apart of his armor. She wanted to kiss him or punch him until all that armor disappeared. "Yeah, I'm hungry."
"Good." He nodded and began to walk the short distance to his room. "Get dressed."
"Why?"
"Well," he smirked at her, "I don't care if you wear only Simon's shirt outside, but maybe it's not the best idea."
"We're going out?"
He leaned causally against his door. "Is that okay with you?" He saw her consent in her eyes and turned. Before kicking the door closed, he remarked. "Ten minutes."
She turned and shut the door behind her as she stripped out of the shirt and donned her own t-shirt.
---
"You ready to order?"
She peeked around the laminated pages of the diner's menu once more. She couldn't decide on the Belgium waffles or the stack of pancakes. They both looked so good. "Almost…" Trailing off, she bit her lip as she considered the steak and eggs.
Laughter shook him silently. Rory was an open book in most regards. He had watched her debate over breakfast choices over the last fifteen minutes, seeing the flex of her lean muscles as she flipped back and forth between the pages. "I'm pretty hungry, you know?" He teased her gently.
Rory actually appeared sheepish. "Yeah."
The waiter appeared with the usual pad of paper and a bored expression on his face. "What will it be?"
Jess reached across the table for her menu, cutting her off before she had the chance to speak up. "We'll have the Belgium waffles, the famous stack of pancakes, and the sunny side up eggs with bacon. Two glasses of orange juice and a cup of coffee. Oh, and half a grapefruit." Smirking, he met Rory's surprised gaze. "Anything else, sweetheart?"
She fought a grin. "Nope."
The waiter disappeared with a roll of his eyes.
Jess laid a casual arm along the back of the booth, watching Rory with eagle eyes. "What?"
"How do you do that?"
"Do what?"
She leaned on the table, elbows spread. "Know what I want before I even know myself."
He grimaced. Shit, but that was a weighty statement wrapped in the innocence of her simple question. "You stared at the menu long enough."
She rubbed her eyes, making her freckles stand out even more on the bridge of her nose. "I couldn't decide."
"Yeah; saw that." He liked her like this. Pale, disheveled, and devoid of any makeup to mar her clean skin. This was as close as he was going to get to see what she looked like in the mornings, sleepy and sated. Only he knew painfully well that he didn't put that bemused expression on her face. His best friend did.
The food arrived and she eagerly dug into the nearest plate. "This is good."
He smiled softly. "I'm glad you like it."
"Here, try." She pushed the pancakes over to him.
"No it's okay, you enjoy."
The waiter reappeared with the orange juice and coffee, with a half a grapefruit in a bowl. Jess took it and dug in with a spoon. Rory stopped and watched. "That's all you're eating?"
"Yeah."
"Why did you order all that food then?"
"It made you happy, didn't it?"
All of a sudden, her appetite vanished. Why did he have to do that? Say those things that were so kind, throwing her off? She pushed the plates away.
"What's wrong?"
"Don't say stuff like that." She dropped her gaze and her voice. "Please stop."
Thoroughly confused, he tried to catch her eyes. "Stop what?"
"Don't be nice."
He chuckled. "Didn't you complain before that I was rude and arrogant beyond compare?"
"Yes, but it's easier to hate you."
"Ah." He leaned back against the booth. They sat in silence for minutes, five, ten, he lost count. Somewhere along the way, he ran a shaky hand through his hair and released an uneven breath. "It's not fair." He mumbled. Fixing his stare on her, he continued. "Did you know that I owe Simon my entire career?"
"What?"
He grunted. "Yeah. I didn't have the start up to even focus on my manuscript at the time. And when I finally finished it, it was rough, unpolished, and in desperate need of editing. But I couldn't afford it, and there wasn't a publishing agency in the city that would give me the time of day. Simon's dad worked in PR and he was the one who got me some appointments. If it weren't for Simon, I'd still be doing god knows what, with my books nothing more than a string of meaningless words."
She nodded. "That's why you're so loyal."
He snorted. "Simon's loyal. I'm betraying his trust every time I look at you."
His blunt words cut her beyond comprehension. "I doubt it's to that extreme."
"That's because you have no idea what's running through my head."
"Oh."
His eyes sharpened at once. "You're no good for Simon. I meant what I said a while back."
Suddenly, every compassionate thought she had for Jess flew out the window. "Fuck you."
He bit his lip. "Don't tempt me."
"If I'm so not suited for Simon, then why are you even bothering?"
"I said you're no good for Simon. I never said anything about me."
Her breath caught in a bubble, midway between her throat and her mouth. "You just want something you can't have."
"That's for damn sure."
She became disgusted. "You don't want me, you want what Simon has."
A harsh laugh exploded. "That's where you're wrong, sweetheart. Simon has the girlfriend, I want the woman."
"You just want to get laid."
"Yeah, that would be nice."
Her face was murderous. "Then go out and find one of your leggy conquests and leave me out of it."
"Rory." His voice was subtle and demanding. "Aren't you tired?"
"Tired of what?"
"Of being something you're obviously not. I've seen you with Simon; you let him lead you around, almost like a trophy. Not that he does it consciously. Simon's a gentleman, through and through. But I've never seen you disagree with him on anything. He obviously doesn't challenge you, 'cause you damn well don't challenge him."
"If I'm so bad for Simon, why don't you just convince him to break up with me, then?"
His eyes became hard. "I won't do that."
"I don't get it. Why is Simon so loyal to you?"
Jess gave a humorless grin. "That's something you have to ask Simon himself."
---
She did. Later that night, as they were snuggled in bed with only the bedside light on, legs entwined, she drew her fingertip across his broad chest. "Simon?"
"Hm?"
"Why are you so close with Jess? What's the reason behind it?"
Simon stiffened. "Why do you ask?"
Rory glanced up at his softened features. He was so handsome, no one would deny it. He was classically beautiful, as much as a man could get. But he lacked flaws. He didn't have a single freckle or scar on his face or his body, except for the calluses on his fingers from years of school. "Just…curious."
"You still don't like him?"
She ignored the question. "Why are you so loyal to him? It goes beyond the normal confines of friendship. You two are loyal to a fault. It's almost blind devotion."
He swallowed, rubbing her bare shoulders almost compulsively. "Jess…saved my life once."
That was the last thing she expected. Rory sat up, unconscious of the fact that the sheet dropped to her waist, baring her chest to the cold air. "What?"
"It sounds clichéd, doesn't it? But yeah…Jess saved my life. We were at a local bar. I was pretty buzzed. Not stumbling drunk, but enough where my eyes were glassy and I had a hard time focusing. I wanted to go back to the apartment, Jess didn't. I left earlier and was mugged on the way home. The guy had a knife…" He trailed off briefly, his eyes hazing over at the memories. "I had spent all my remaining cash on my bar tab. The guy got angry and he started to push the knife closer to my throat. I really thought that was it."
Rory sat there, crossed legged in disbelief. Jess had hid behind his insults and charming smiles, never showing a compassionate glance at anyone. She was only beginning to understand the depth of Simon and Jess's friendship.
He continued, unaware of her flurry of emotions. "Jess had left soon after me, wanting to make sure that I got home okay. He saw us in the alley and came up behind the guy. The mugger was surprised to say the least. He knifed Jess just below the ribs right before Jess punched him hard enough to knock him unconscious. I dragged Jess to the nearest hospital. I had never been so scared before. And it wasn't even the mugging that had me shaking, it was the fact that I had Jess bleeding on me." Simon blinked, shaking his head as if to clear away the memory. "And that's the whole sob story." By the time he finished, Simon regained his easy smile and disarming charm. "Sounds straight out of a soap opera, doesn't it? Or least a poorly made for TV movie."
"No."
He smiled and mistook her expression for concern. "I'm fine. Jess is fine. He stayed in the hospital for a few days, nothing serious. The wound didn't nick anything major."
"Was that before or after you got Jess a publisher?"
Simon's smile vanished. "He told you that?"
"Yeah, over breakfast this morning."
"Jess has talent. It was clear, even to me. But no one wanted to read the work of an unknown. And I owed him my life. I convinced my dad to finance Jess's first book." He pulled Rory closer to his body, feeling her bare breasts rub against his chest. "Jess doesn't know that. He thinks I found him an editor and that the editor knew of a publisher."
"You paid to get his first book published?"
He dismissed her awe with a vague shrug. "My family has money. My grandfather owned a very successful company, and my dad was the CEO of a good PR firm downtown. We could afford it. But I never told Jess that."
"He never found out?"
Simon shrugged. "If he did, he never said so." He rearranged their legs so that she fitted snugly against him. "It all worked out. Look at him now; he's earning more than he knows what to do with. That devil was praised from here to high heaven for his last novel. Did you know that?" Simon's words burst with emotion. He sounded like every proud parent.
Her voiced lowered as she felt the brush of his erection against her thigh. "Yeah. I've read his stuff. It's good." Feeling him nod against her, she snuggled closer, not knowing what else to do. He brushed a gentle kiss behind her ear, running his other hand down the sides of her body. Smiling, she rolled him onto his back, and gazed down at him from above. His teasing smile was in place as he smoothed his hands up her body, cupping the shallow weight of her breasts. The sheets pooled around her waist and she nudged his erection to the place she wanted as she lifted up on her knees to take him in. He sighed in sleepy pleasure.
But when she came, she pictured brown eyes instead of bright blue ones. And when she felt Simon groan out his own climax, she knew that he wasn't going to be the great love in her life. Simon was nice and perfectly adequate. In the silence of the dark room and the comforting arms of her boyfriend, she realized that she wasn't the person Simon was looking for. And she vaguely came to the fact that Simon already knew that as well.
---
He was sitting at the kitchen table the next morning typing like a madman. Nothing could disturb him, not the pounding against the walls signaling his neighbor's complaint about the loud music, the rumble of hunger in his stomach, and not even Simon's early departure for the office an hour ago.
She watched him. So this was the picture of Jess Mariano hard at work. She came up to the table, circling him like prey. "Why did you make it sound like you were the one in debt to Simon, when it's obviously not the case?"
His eyes looked up but his fingers didn't stop. "He told you." Finishing the last of the paragraph, he snapped the laptop shut. He reached for the cup of cold tea at his side, and took a sip.
"Yeah, he told me."
Jess leaned back in the chair, tipping the front legs up and off the ground. "Simon's a proud man. It wasn't my story to tell. If he wanted to tell you, it was his prerogative, not mine."
She absorbed the impact of his statement. "When you said that I was no good for Simon—"
"Look, I probably shouldn't have—"
Rory cut him off in turn. "No. You say what you mean. If there's one thing I've learned about you is that you're honest to the point of insulting."
He chuckled. "I'm not that honest, believe me."
"Well, whether or not that's true, you meant what you said about me and Simon."
"Yes, I did."
Rory sat down on an adjacent chair. "When you said it, were you speaking for him?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean…" She bit her thumbnail. "Does he think I'm no good for him?"
He swallowed another bitter taste of lukewarm tea. Getting up, he walked into the kitchen. "I never said that."
"No, you didn't. I'm asking you now."
"Why?"
"Just answer me, damn it!"
He didn't rise to her anger. "Maybe we shouldn't talk about this."
She had never known Jess to back out of a conversation before, and the fact that he was doing it now only enraged her further. "Like hell we shouldn't. You've turned me life upside down, do you know that? I have the safe boyfriend. He's kind and good-looking. He's caring in a way that's almost uncanny. He's respectful of women and he's practically every girl's dream!"
Just as she wanted, he got angry. Snagging her waist, he pulled her tightly against him. "What the fuck do you hope to accomplish by telling me all that?"
"Simon's perfect, damn it! He's perfect, and all I can think about is how he's no good for me. How I'm no good for him. All I can think about is the way you stare at me so intensely that it makes me want to run away. The fact that you know what I want to say before I even do scares me. And when Simon touches me, all I can think about is you! You and your cheap one-night stands that parade through the apartment almost every night. Simon's the better man but I can't help but want the less than perfect one instead!" Her chest heaved with an ache that was beyond words.
His jaw slackened but his grip on her waist remained steady. "Take that back." Jess's words trembled and it frightened him.
"You got what you wanted, didn't you? You made me realize I was with the wrong guy. Are you happy now?"
He didn't know if he was happy or just happily standing in hell. What was going on? He had pushed her; yes, he had pushed her so far. But what was this? "I…"
Rory rose up on her toes and caught his lips between hers in an angry kiss. She wanted him to pay. Pay for ruining a good relationship between her and Simon. She wanted him to understand just what she was giving up. She needed to feel Jess against her again, pressed up the length of him until she felt the evidence of his arousal. She wanted to hurt him just as much as he hurt her. But she wanted to understand…she wanted to know just why Jess was so intensely private. Just why did he hide behind his hordes of females and his work? Why did he feel like he didn't deserve what Simon freely pursued? A steady relationship, a girlfriend, and…love.
Jess responded instantly, his body coming to terms with what his brain couldn't comprehend. His rational side couldn't understand what the hell was happening, but his body knew all too well. He opened his mouth wide and felt her bite down on his lower lip, he grimaced, but let her do as she pleased. She was venting out her frustration on him, and he had no control over it. He didn't want to control her. He wanted her. All of her.
She threaded fingers through his messy brown hair, marking him as her own. She had a desperate need to claim him just as much as he did her. Pressed up against him, she tilted her head back to accommodate the weight of his kiss. He bent forward and cupped his large hands below her bottom, bringing her higher and harder against his body. Jess pulled her up, hands below her hips, and lifted her. She wrapped her legs around his waist and wound her arms around his neck.
Suddenly, Rory became too heavy for him. Her kiss was distracting him too much. Groping for the surface of the counter, he started to set her on the stainless steel, but she clenched her legs tighter around his waist. Grinding into his hips, the seam of her jeans pressed just right against his erection. He staggered and felt her back thump against the refrigerator instead. Magnets jolted from their peaceful existence on the face of the fridge and dropped with a clatter. One of the glass ones shattered at their feet.
She was too much for him to hold up. Slipping, he bent down and continued his assault as he hovered over her on the tiles of the kitchen floor. Fast, cold hands dug at his simple black t-shirt. She pulled it over his head and he felt the scrape of her nails against his back. With his eyes screwed shut, he kissed her harder, thrusting his tongue in time with their hips. His lips were already feeling chapped, bruised under the pressure of her fuller ones, but he couldn't stop. A choked sound escaped from the back of her throat and he blindly felt for the strap of her tank top. Tugging down with more force than necessary, he heard the slight ripping of seams. He pushed aside the thin cotton of her bra and rolled the hardened nipple between his thumb and forefinger.
She arched up and searched for the buckle of his belt. Using both hands to undo it, she groped for the zipper of his jeans, not taking notice of the fact that he had moved his lips down to her neck, nipping the curve of her shoulder. Jess took her breast into his mouth, creating a hot suction while his free hand continued to tease the other one. She keened up into his mouth, feeling the scrape of his teeth on the underside of her breast. Rory was distracted and her hands came up to his chest instead of finishing the undoing of his pants. She stroked his nipples, watching in delight as he gulped in air. She kissed the tightness of his neck, his muscles straining as he met her mouth once again.
Their chests rubbed together, feeling hot skin on skin contact. He hissed and bent down further to take the other breast into his mouth. Tongue and teeth teased her while his hand trailed down her body. He pressed the heel of his palm against the seam of her jeans, pressing until she cried out. He kissed her neck, sucking the throbbing vein as she rubbed against his hand, seeking for the elusive climax. He altered the positioning of his hand slightly, and suddenly she was there, grasping for air at the same time she reached out for his body. He came up to oblige her, nuzzling her chest and then the sides of her neck gently as she rode the waves of her orgasm.
When Rory finally came to, her eyes cleared and she felt him lay down beside her on the hard tile. Gathered up in his arms, she looked up at him, fearful of his reaction. But his face was blank, save for the brief flicker of concern that danced across his brown eyes. He was beginning to regret this and she knew it. "Jess?"
He sat them up, but didn't release her from his arms. He rubbed her back in a gentle caress and tucked up her fallen tank top strap. "This was wrong." She reached out for him, shaky fingers coming into contact with the warmth of his chest. He caught her questing hands between his steady ones, and brought them to his lips. He brushed a single kiss in the center of her palm. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. Please forgive me."
That was so unlike the Jess she'd come to know that it scared her. She watched with dread as he got up, knees cracking as he stood. She saw him disappear behind the counter, the sharp click of his bedroom door signaling his departure. Rory licked her dry lips and rubbed her weary eyes. Standing, she tore off a single sheet of paper towel and bent down as she gently picked up the broken glass of the fallen magnet. Rounding up the rest of the silver magnets, she stood again, feeling the wobbly effects of her climax. Locking her knees, she replaced them to the best of her memory. Each slap of metal on metal resounded in her ears. When she finished, she went to retrieve her purse from the couch, where she had left it last night. Shouldering the bag, she left the apartment without another glance.
He listened for the lock of the front door. When he knew for certain that she was gone, he opened his own door, watching in brooding silence, staring at nothing.
---
"You okay?"
Jess glanced over at his friend from the other side of the small café table. "Yeah."
"You seem quiet." Realizing what he just said, Simon smirked. "More than usual."
Taking the packet of cigarettes out of his back pocket, Jess pounded it against his open palm. "Huh."
"What the hell is that?" Simon reached for the cigarettes but Jess pulled them away.
"What do you think?"
A blond head shook in disgust. "You quit years ago. Do I have to show you the pictures of the black lungs again?" Over five years ago, Simon had made it is own personal crusade to make Jess quit smoking. He used every trick in the book. Simon bought the patch, the gum, hypnosis tapes, and herbs. He gathered medical journals filled with gruesome pictures. He intervened Jess and his smoking habits. Simon had gone to great lengths to rid his friend of his filthy habit. The only thing that worked? Simon promised to pay rent all by himself for a year. Jess quit cold turkey the very next day.
"No, don't bother with the pictures."
"Well fuck, I want my money back then."
Jess chuckled but didn't light up. "A deal's a deal. I quit."
"Obviously not if you're smoking again."
"I'm not."
"Then what are those? Candy?"
"Nervous habit." Jess mumbled.
Simon sipped at his ice-tea and watched the people walking on the sidewalk. "What's going on with you, Mariano?"
Jess's eyes glazed over and he steeled his body for what was inevitable. "I kissed Rory."
A long moment passed between friends. Simon took a deep breath and played with his fork. Quietly, he spoke. "Yeah, I know."
"You know?"
"Well, I guessed." He speared the remains of the chicken on his plate. "Rory's been adamant about not coming back to the apartment with me. And when we have sex, she's totally out of it."
Jess clenched his jaw at that last part.
"And you've been weird lately. Plus the fact that there hasn't been a woman in your room for the last two weeks was practically a first." He paused and tried to make light of the situation. "Except for the time you had your tonsils out." Unable to make the joke ease the tension, Simon stared at Jess with unforgiving eyes. "I'm not an idiot. I knew something was up between the two of you."
"We didn't sleep together."
Simon nodded. "I know. You'd never go as far as that." He curled his fingers around his tall glass, knuckles turning pale against the darker color of his ice tea. "I told you to stay away from her."
Their conversation was eerie. It was as if they were discussing anything beside the ultimate betrayal between friends. "I know."
"What the hell were you thinking?"
"I wasn't." He sighed loudly.
"What is it that you want, Jess? Her? Do you want her?"
Jess sucked in a shaky breath. "Not like this."
"Like what?"
"At the cost of this." Jess gestured his hands at the space between their bodies.
Simon shrugged. "She's not the love of my life, and I'm not hers."
"Doesn't matter."
"It helps. You were right. There's something missing in her. She's pretty and interesting, I'll give her that. But there's no spark there. It's like she's waiting for someone to come and get her, but I'm not the one she wants. And she's not the one I want. I just liked being with her. It was nice. It was comfortable."
Jess picked up his spoon and clanked it around the edge of his coffee cup. "I guess. But it doesn't matter. I'm not picking up where you left off."
"Then don't think of it like that." Simon breathed in. "God knows I owe you more than something like this."
Jess's eyes snapped up. "I don't want your obligations. We both know it swung both ways."
"Do you, now?"
Jess chuckled, leaning back and watched the pedestrians on the street. "I'm not an idiot, Simon. I know you paid for my first book."
"And here I thought I was doing such a good job at keeping it secret."
"Yeah, well. Your excuse of that editor was really too thin. I knew there was no way in hell anyone could be that well connected without the greasing of some palms, somewhere."
Simon snorted. "I didn't bribe anyone."
"You very nearly did." Jess raked a hand through his hair. "In any case, what I did was wrong, despite what we've done for each other in the past. It doesn't excuse the fact that I crossed an unspoken line."
"It wasn't unspoken. I told you to keep away. I deliberately said it." Simon's brief temper flashed. He was angry at the betrayal of Jess more than anything else. It wasn't Rory they were speaking about. She was the catalyst. Simon felt betrayed by his friend, not his girlfriend.
"I know." Jess clenched his fist. "Let her go then." He dismissed the topic.
"And then what?"
"Whatever. She grows up, we forget."
Simon scowled. "She's not a kid, you know. Nearly thirty. She's only about six months younger than you."
He hadn't realized. She seemed younger. "Let's just forget about this."
"Is that what you want?"
Jess didn't answer. It's what I needed.
"No answer?"
He shook his brown head.
Simon nodded and tapped his fork again. "I'm breaking up with her. No matter what you decide, it's not right for me to continue to be with her. I know it, she knows it, hell even you know it."
"You don't have to. I mean, I know what I just said, but—"
"Of course I have to." He stood and pulled a few bills out of his wallet.
"Simon…" Jess trailed off and watched his friend don his jacket.
"I'm going to stay somewhere else tonight." He was still hurt.
Jess never felt more wretched in his life. Seeing the betrayal play so clearly across his friend's face was more than he could take. "Simon, I'm—"
"Don't say it. I know you think you are, but I don't think it's really true."
Jess remained seated, even though he wanted to leap to his feet. "I am, damn it! If I could take it back, I would."
Simon smiled a wan expression. "Why take back something you don't regret?"
"I'm sorry, Simon. I really am."
"No. You're sorry you hurt me. But you're not sorry about what happened with her." He left Jess at that.
Perhaps he had ruined forever the trust they once shared. That thought, beyond all others, sobered Jess and made him really think about how he could have ever let a woman come between him and Simon.
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AN: Please review after reading.
