"I strongly recommend you find another psychiatrist," the uniform-ridden officer spoke, disapproval in his tone. His dark, bushy eyebrows were downcast as he looked down on Roxas. Looked down on all of them. Roxas himself shrunk down even further into his hoodie. "It's clear you need one."

"Hey." Riku narrowed his eyes as he stepped in between Sora and the officer, folding his arms as he made clear that he wasn't going to be pushed down. Degraded. Something Sora would never stand up against, who was just… standing there, a harsh gaze directed the man. "That's enough. You got what you needed, right? I'm sure you have much more important business elsewhere."

The rugged, older guy held Riku's intimidating gaze before tutting in disgust. He turned towards where Aerith was standing against the wall, a million emotions passing through her face at once. Not many distinguishable. She wasn't gone yet, though. "Just a call away if you need us. I'll personally handle it if you want to press assault charges."

With that, he was gone. Riku sighed, moving to place his hand lightly on Sora's unnaturally still shoulder. "Prick."

A hysterical laugh burst out of Sora's lungs, tinged with desperation. Roxas winced.

idiotidiotidiot -

The room fell silent for a few, long seconds, the four of them now standing in another, larger room, due to the damage in Aerith's office. Though it still seemed too small. Cramped. Tight.

"Roxas."

At the mention of his name on Aerith's hesitant lips, his head shot up towards her direction, facing her with wide eyes.

She's going to say it, I'm not worth it.

"I want you to continue being my patient." Her eyes held determination, though her hands shook slightly. From fear? Adrenaline? Shock?

"Seriously?" It was Sora who spoke first, his voice uncertain. Was he wondering if Aerith would want to treat him still? "Is that even… allowed?"

"If Aerith wants it, then yes. Since Roxas hadn't directly attacked her, nothing technically happened." Riku rubbed the back of his neck uneasily as he spoke. "Though the bill for damages may be steep..."

"I'm not giving up on Roxas." She nodded, almost as if to confirm to herself that it was what she wanted. She then looked at Sora, a kind smile on her lips. "Or you."

Nothing else was said on the drive home.

Roxas wasn't sure what he could say. Nothing would fix what he did.


He went straight to his bedroom and slept. Roxas could barely feel his bandaged hands as he drifted into a dreamless sleep, awakening when night had already fallen, not a sound to be heard. Not even bothering to walk to the window he lit a cigarette with his lighter, the nicotine numbing his veins further. When he'd finished, the cigarette nothing more than a stump, he sat absent-mindedly playing with the lighter, the flame dancing in front of his eyes, bright mixes of oranges and yellows blending into a simple flame that could cause so much destruction. Flashes of a voice passed through his mind as he stared, one which was soft, familiar, that he deeply missed. Axel. A person he'd probably never see again. That thought shouldn't affect him as much as it did.

Deep in thought, he didn't notice the flame inching closer to his skin until pain lanced through his fingers, affecting the only part which wasn't bandaged, to his luck. In shock he dropped the lighter, watching it harmlessly bounce off the bed and onto the floor. Groaning, he flexed his fingers, not finding the motivation to cool it in any way. At least pain was constant. He knew it wouldn't be long...

Roxas desperately needed a distraction.


He did miss Hayner. They were an on-and-off couple for about a year, various pointless arguments cracking them more often than it was worth. About a week before he'd overdosed he'd called it quits. All they did was fuck every second they could and Roxas had shamelessly cheated on him, which Hayner knew about. There was no relationship, not on his side. He'd grown tired of fight after fight, tired of emotionally investing himself in somebody he didn't love.

Hayner knew about the abuse and promised to keep quiet. He wasn't happy about it, not by far.

Right up until he found out what happened, and knew it was Luna's fault.

There seemed to be a struggle; all anybody knew is that Hayner shot her and disappeared. An anonymous call to the police had an ambulance arriving within minutes, though she was already dead. Sora… apparently, Sora was at school when it happened. Returning to a bustling house, bloodstains on the floor, cordoned off from any outsiders.

His fingerprints were everywhere. Hayner didn't bother to cover his tracks.

Almost two years with not a single sighting. Like he'd just been wiped off the face of the earth. He didn't even leave a note, nothing for Roxas to wake up to. Not that he expected anything, really. As he said, there were no feelings involved.


Downing another addictive shot of vodka, sitting in a sorely missed, familiar bar, the blonde shivered as the alcohol coursed through his veins, taking effect in the form that his mind was turning hazy, coherent thoughts starting to fade. He smirked when he felt a familiar pair of hands snake around his waist and a husky voice whisper in his ear, stubble tickling his ear slightly as the hot breath sent a shiver down his spine.

He knew he'd be here tonight. Two years didn't change that, at least. He could take some normalcy out of that.

"I missed you, Roxas."


When he was fifteen, Roxas met a guy at a bar who went by the alias of Xemnas. Nobody knew his real name, supposedly, but he didn't care. Just as long as he could forget everything for a while. He was older, more experienced. They met at least once a week, twice if he had a particularly bad day. He never stayed.

Before he'd ended up in a coma, that was.

Xemnas was a tall, very tall, muscular man, who seemed to be more than willing to do anything that Roxas wanted him to. That was the main thing he liked about having a no strings attached 'relationship'. No unnecessary kissing, or foreplay, or heart to hearts, nor feelings.

He had complete control. It gave him stability, a habit that he couldn't break out of, didn't want to. He could come and go as he pleased, and nobody could stop him. Punish him.

The moment his body entered the familiar pale, bare bedroom, without any hesitation, rough lips were forced upon his. Roxas smiled into the kiss, pushing his tongue through the other's awaiting mouth for dominance. The year and a half had benefited him largely, as he'd grown significantly taller, gaining a better dominance over Xemnas than before. More control.

Forcefully guiding the larger man backwards, Xemnas groaned in retaliation as his back hit a wall, unaware of the space around them, their bodies getting closer by the second, friction making him go wild against the blonde. He could already feel the other against him, the basic actions that he was giving more than enough. Putting his hands on either side of his head, Roxas began to eagerly nip down the side of Xemnas' neck, grabbing the man that was clearly aroused by his thin, flimsy top and throwing him harshly to the bed, a gleam in Roxas' blue eyes.

Without breaking eye contact, he pulled his shirt over his head, smirking when he saw Xemnas' clockwork reaction, unable and unwilling to hide his lust, his need. Although Roxas did notice a distinct look of sadness from him at the scars that extended over his still malnourished body, ones that Xemnas had seen countless times before yet never spoke about, the more powerful gaze of lust made that doubt and shame fade away. The scars weren't a topic he'd ever speak about. Not to Xemnas. They didn't do heart to hearts, or even have basic conversations about anything other than sex.

It made him feel a sense of pride and power, instead, the fact that he could reduce Xemnas to nothing but a man with lust, willing to give up any and all power. That was exactly what he needed. Nothing else mattered.

Xemnas was practically panting on the bed, his eyes clouded over with lust, waiting for Roxas to make the first move, his permission. Their unplanned time apart was affecting Xemnas more than he originally thought as the man Roxas was now currently straddling was painfully hard underneath him. And right now, he looked as if he'd been deprived of sex his whole life, almost too eager. Reminiscent of a godforsaken puppy.

Leaning down slowly, the blonde purred seductively, biting his lip. He lent down and lightly bit the other man's lip in turn, blue baring into the unique shade of yellow. Roxas knew they were contacts, too fake to be real, but they added to the mystery, the allure.

On cue, the silver haired man shivered and moaned, and Roxas began unbuttoning his trousers, his mind on nothing else but the current situation. The feeling was addictive, fuelling his desire to crash his lips onto Xemnas' again, taking off the man's trousers and throwing them across the room, wasting no time in taking off his boxers too. The both of them, fully undressed and needy, combined with the feeling of bare skin on skin felt more pleasurable than he could describe.

The blur overtook his head again, a sea of need, lust, and pleasure. He didn't realise how far he'd gone until a specific thrust had caused Xemnas to cry out in pleasure, or pain, he couldn't tell; but he didn't care. He needed to carry on. To lose himself. To not feel anything anymore.

It was working.

He moaned loudly as everything crashed around him, his breathing laboured and head spinning. Xemnas followed with a similar effect, and when Roxas glanced sideways, he was watching him with a sickly mixture of adoration and bliss.

He couldn't look at that for more than a few seconds.

Pulling out of him he flopped down on the bed, closing his eyes as he came down from his ecstatic high. When the blonde's erratic breathing had calmed, he again looked over at the silver haired man, who was watching him expectantly, eyes shining. Roxas knew what he wanted. And he was sure that Xemnas would be more than willing to give it to him.

"Round two?"


Roxas picked up his abandoned shirt from the floor, looking back at the worn-out man lying on the bed, fast asleep, breathing laboured. He looked so vulnerable while he was sleeping, mouth slightly open. Such a strong, defensive man. Which Roxas reduced to a defenseless one when they were together.

Weak.

'I love you.'

Love.

People never fucked for love.

Love was pointless. Xemnas didn't love him, no matter how many times he let it slip that he did. Just a crush. If their little situation ever fully ended, Xemnas would easily get over it – an infatuation with what he couldn't have. Roxas knew of this infatuation, that much was clear. He wasn't harming anybody by having a little bit of fun, and that's all Xemnas would ever be. He knew that, and never objected.

Fully clothed, he slipped out the door, not bothering to leave a note or to say goodbye. He never did.

He silently cursed himself when he stepped out into the cold air, realizing that it was night already, dotted stars scattering the sky. The buzz from the alcohol was long gone, leaving him feeling empty, craving something to distract himself already. He couldn't go home, not at this rate. His mind was too active.

Sora was not going to be happy.

Roxas pulled the hood of his jacket up over his messy spikes, savouring the slight relief from the chill. He began to walk from the house that was on the outskirts of Twilight Town, a posh estate which was blanketed with forests as far as the eye could see. After a while, not bothering to check the time, the surroundings became more bustling, familar. Roxas noticed he was near the bar he met Xemnas at before he dialed his brother's number on a new phone he'd given him. He barely knew how to work the thing. As he was waiting for his brother to pick up, he pulled out a cigarette and lit it up, taking a deep drag.

"Roxas, where the hell are you?" Various sounds cut through the background amongst club music. "I've been so worried!"

"I went to see a friend. Sorry."

A grumble sounded through the phone.

"Are you at work?"

"Yeah. It's in west Twilight Town. Called the Okami."

Roxas knew that bar. Coincidentally it was down the same street as the 'Pink Flamingo,' the flamboyant gay bar which he met Xemnas at. He was just lucky Sora hadn't witnessed him exiting with him previous.

Taking a drag of the cigarette he'd forgotten about between his fingers, he heaved a deep sigh.

"Guess I better check out this place you're working at, huh?"

A pause. "Really?"

"I'll see you in ten minutes."


Roxas threw the butt of his second cigarette into the damp gutter, the club music beating steadily, seeping over to where he was standing. He was expecting a sleazy bar, bodies grinding against each other, crap pay and late hours, in the same bracket as the one he was in not long prior. When he stepped inside, however, it was anything but. A chilled-out lounge welcomed him with black leather sofas, chairs and a white bar, free of anything remotely underclass. Transparent glass steps led upstairs to where the club music originated, and he could just make out the silhouettes of people dancing. Two doors situated in the bare corner of the room, one of them being the entryway to the toilets and the other guarded by a keypad.

"It's... classy?" Roxas raised his eyebrow at Sora, who was currently mixing drinks for a couple standing at the bar. He felt out of place around the overdressed people he passed.

Sora chuckled as he handed the drinks to the couple, regarding them with a smile, before turning to his brother. His expression seemed wary, though he didn't question Roxas' disheveled appearance. "You underestimate my bartending skills, Roxy."

Roxas put his hands up in mock-surrender. "Why don't you show me some of those amazing bartending skills then? I'll have you know I'm an amazing critic." Sora rolled his eyes and turned towards the bar, only for both of them to freeze as a loud voice screeched from the entrance. A blur of dirty-blonde cannon-balled towards him, almost making him fall to the floor as he was enveloped into a tight hug. Roxas stilled momentarily, the sudden assault catching him off guard. Sora sucked in a breath, shaking his head to the side.

"That's... Demyx. He's quite... excitable." Sora hummed, sliding a drink he'd made over to his brother. Roxas silently thanked him.

"Clearly… Could you stop suffocating me?" Roxas gritted his teeth, the rather tall man releasing him instantly. Demyx, unfazed, skipped over to behind the ebony bar, opposite to where Roxas was. Now that he could comfortably breathe, Roxas could get a better look at Demyx, who was happily standing with a rather large grin on his face. He had quite attractive features, with strong, high cheekbones and a sharp jawline. His dirty blonde hair was styled into a mullet with shaved sides, albeit at the back where it ended on the bridge of his collarbones. Small strands fell in his face, lengths varying from his eyebrow all the way down to his chin. He looked like the sort of person you might find modelling, those chiseled, smooth looks the ones you'd come across plastered on the front of a high-end magazine. Not working… at a bar.

"You're so cute! So much cuter than Sora described, mind you. I just wanna hug you-"

"-Please don't," Roxas rebutted, sighing, while Demyx pouted. Although he looked like a model, he certainly didn't act like one. Roxas motioned to the drink. "What's this, anyway?"

"Black Death," Sora grinned. "I will warn you, it's strong. It's one of the new drinks that Reno introduced recently."

"Reno?"

"The owner of this place. Reno Sinclair. He said he'd drop by, but I have no idea when." He shrugged, leaning his elbows against the counter. "He's never one to give specifics."

"I just hope he doesn't bring his brother." Demyx pinched the bridge of his nose, small wrinkles forming as he frowned. "God, I know he's my roommate, practically best friend, but that guy can be an ass sometimes. Especially when he comes here."

"He's like a goddamn homicidal pyro firetruck." Sora frowned.

Roxas managed to splutter out a reply when he'd finished laughing at the mental image. "A pyro firetruck?"

"He's got these," Sora did wide motions over his head, "massive red spikes. So does Reno, but his are less wild. Anyone would think they're twins."

"Reno wouldn't risk it. Last time he was here he set fire to the bar." Demyx sighed, rolling his eyes, "Hence the 'pyro.' He always used to set things on fire when we were kids. Now and again his stupid ass does it again."

Roxas let the two fall into animated conversation, a smirk playing at his lips.

At the time, he didn't think to ask what the brother's name was.


"Sora talks a lot about you, y'know," Demyx muttered, wiping the counter with a cloth. Sora had gone to clean the area upstairs, and the place was rather quiet, considering it was only midnight. They had a fair amount of customers that still stumbled down the stairs in a drunken haze, however. He swirled his straw around in the glass, the iced beverage long melted, and the buzz of the alcohol all but gone, making him feel drowsy, unfocused. The events from earlier today was finally catching up to his still weak state… although the doctor advised against pushing himself, he couldn't let himself rot in the bedroom.

"I..." He took a deep sigh, pausing, choosing his words carefully. "I haven't seen the kid this happy since you woke up. You're all he's got now, and if I have to be honest I think you're the only thing that's been keeping him going this long." The blonde had a serious tone to his voice, his aquamarine eyes wholly focused on Roxas.

"I'm not going to do something that stupid again, trust me." His voice cracked and he shut his eyes, resting his head on his arms, outstretched on the bar. Roxas wasn't sure if he could even trust himself, the promise sounding like an empty lie. Was it a lie? He wasn't sure anymore.

"Let him in. He's your brother, not the enemy."

"It's... not that easy." If he couldn't let Sora in, the person who knew him better than anyone else, then what hope did he have?

"Look, Sora hasn't told me much, but he's told me enough. You can't move on unless you let go of the past. Your brother has tried his best, but he can't do it without you. I'm just giving you some advice here; take it or leave it, but all I wanna do is help-"

Demyx was cut off by the door opening roughly, his mouth popping open in surprise. Glancing at the exit, Roxas saw two men walk in, both with unruly red hair, talking amongst themselves. One of them had larger spikes, more pointed and casting out in all directions. He guessed that was Reno's brother, or 'homicidal pyro firetruck.' He was tall, dressed in casual clothes and had obviously made no effort to calm the spikes, unlike his brother, who had them slicked back. Pyro sported teardrop-shaped tattoos underneath his blazing emerald eyes which, at the moment, were focused hard on the person in front of him. The other male must have been Reno, since the two looked identical, more so than he would've thought. He had similar tattoos to Pyro, but instead had red lines tracing his cheekbones, accentuating his face. Again, two people who looked so unique, he had to be honest, fit right in with Demyx.

"And there he is, in all his glory, the infamous Axel."

"Axel?" Roxas spluttered in reply, surprise and shock coating his voice. Axel sighed, breaking his glare–and conversation–with Reno to turn to the source that disturbed him, but froze when he saw the blonde's face.

A mixture of confusion and surprise spread across his face, before he burst out with, "I thought you were dead."

"You two... Know each other?" Demyx seemed completely lost, looking between the two of them, a deep frown etched across his features.

"Axel… I heard him, while I was… in the hospital." Roxas' eyes locked with emerald again, and he could feel his gaze burning into him, studying him.

The blonde was interrupted by the sound of a glass shattering, seemingly from upstairs, or maybe it was Sora letting one slip through his fingers. His eyes widened, attention turning towards the direction the sound came from. He wasn't focused on Sora, though. The sound of glass breaking rang in his ears, repeating over and over, flashing images of Luna and her stone hard eyes. Stabbing. Repeatedly. He could feel himself shaking, his vision becoming blurry and all he could see or hear was her, taunting him; all he could feel was the pain of the sharp glass cutting into him. He could barely breathe. He tried to focus on the hands that were holding him, a touch he could scarcely feel, tried to focus on the faint voices that were calling his name, but to no avail. The pain became stronger, the images became more vivid, the threats became louder. Roxas could hear Sora speaking frantically, now most likely next to him, most of it unintelligible; he managed to make out the words 'flashback' and 'shit, glass' before he felt himself go limp and his surroundings faded, fully immersing him in the memory.

"It's your fault Leon left."