I walk home in a daze, unaware of my surroundings. My brain could very well explode at any moment. That is, if the fireworks would stop swirling around it. I touch my lips again
It wasn't until awhile later that I realized that I never said 'I love you' back. But I don't know if I do. All I know it that I practically melted in his hands when he kissed me. But he doesn't know that, I thought. You didn't answer. He doesn't know how you feel. You don't know how you feel.
I'm glad that when I get back home, my family is already at Haymitch's. I walk slowly into my room, and lie down on the bed. I try desperately to fall asleep, but my mind is running rampant, going from one thought to another. But they all seem to be about one thing: Gale. No matter how tight I close my eyes, I can't stop the sparks from flying around my head. Nothing like this had ever happened to me before, and I can't tell what my feelings were.
Surely I was kissing him back. There is no doubt about that. But was it just heat of the moment? Or was I truly in love with Gale? Did it even matter now? I didn't tell him how I felt. For all I know he's crushed. I hurt someone else in my life. Is it always going to be this way? Me always having to harm those that I care about?
After about an hour of contemplating, I finally hear Gale come in. I close my eyes and pretend that I'm asleep, waiting for his footsteps to die out. But I hear him stop, and he's pretty close.
"Katniss?" He asks. It breaks my heart hearing the tone in his voice. It's too late for me to make my decision. He is already hurt. He's hurt because of me.
I hear him sigh and walk away. When I can no longer hear his footsteps, I let the tears fall. I try to make them as silent as possible, but every now and again I let out a sound of complete sadness. I keep crying until there are no tears left, and then I cry some more. By the time I dry my eyes and check the clock, it's 3:14 A.M.
Quietly, I get out of bed, and walk out of my room. From the hall, I peer in at Gale, asleep. He looks so innocent, so childlike. But at the same time he looks strong, like a man. Like Gale. He has always been my rock, someone for me to talk to. I know that if I need him, he'll be there for me. He can always protect me. The sight of him sleeping helps me comprehend some of my feelings. And then, a feeling in the pit of my stomach that I immediately distinguish.
Gale had been my friend for about four years. But in a matter of months it was like we knew each other perfectly. And of course I got to notice how handsome he was. In fact, I knew he was smoldering hot. But I rejected these feelings to the back of my mind, dismissing them without a second thought. Recalling those memories, I remember now seeing him watching me when he thought I wasn't looking. It wasn't the type of look you would give a friend. But, again, I dismissed any notion that we were, or would ever be, more than friends.
I remember now after the reaping in the Justice Building, and the guards were dragging him away. The moment came back like a flood.
"You know I won't! Katniss, remember, I –"
What? He what? Did he know even then that he loved me?
How could I have not suspected it? It was obviously so clear to the rest of the world that he felt this way about me.
"You mean a lot to someone. And if you ask them I'm sure they would do the same as Peeta."
"But you'll find something that will help you cope. Hey, it could be right under your nose."
And it was.
It was then, when I was watching Gale sleeping, that I realized loved him too.
I crept back to my room, and slept silently for the rest of the night.
I awoke around noon. Surprised I had slept so late, I quickly got up and rushed into the kitchen. But no one was there. Only a note, written in my mother's handwriting, Gone to Seam. Be back soon. From all that had happened last night, I had almost forgotten about what normal went on at my house.
Then I remembered Gale.
He doesn't know I love him. I didn't even know until last night. But, just when I finally realized what he meant to me, he might as well not care.
I tried to relax, but my whole body was buzzing with worry and anxiety. I started pacing left and right, left and right, left and right again. I was so frustrated with myself. Why had I let him slip away?
The day went by slowly and painfully. Finally, it was time that Gale would get off work at the mines. I rushed over to there, and waited for him to emerge from the darkness. I had planned it perfectly. When he came out and saw me, I would run over and kiss him, straight on the lips. Hopefully it would be enough.
But after about half an hour, he hadn't come out. He was never amongst the throngs of workers leaving. This was extremely odd. Nevertheless, I tried to preoccupy myself by looking away from the entrance.
Suddenly, two sharp noises pierced the air. I whipped around, and saw Gale running out of the mines. Then it exploded, and everything I cared about went up in flames.
