Disclaimer: I still don't own anything

"No Bazookoids." The Doctor had finally convinced the crew to help him find the Polymorph. But as it turns out, their idea of helping was...heat seekers. "We don't need to kill it. Just...stop it."

"Same thing," Rimmer said casually. Suddenly, his head jerked around. "There, in the shadows! It's in the shadows! There, there there!" he shouted.

Cat, still holding his bazookoid, quickly fired into the shadows. As the balls of energy shot off down the corridor, Rimmer apologized. "Sorry, sorry, nevermind."

The Doctor grabbed the guns. "See? No Bazookoids. They're dangerous." As if to prove his point, the heat-seeking missiles headed back up the hallway straight towards them, looking for something to hit. "Run!"

The four men bolted down the hallway, diving behind a cold steel door just in time. "I don't understand it," Rimmer wheezed, "Holograms don't produce heat. Neither do androids." His eyes darted immediately to the stranger aboard their ship.

"Don't look at me," the Doctor protested. "My internal temperature is only 16 degrees. Most heat-seekers are programmed for at least 25, 30." He, Kryten, and Rimmer all turned to the Cat, who looked confused for a moment before catching on.

"So long, guys."

"No, wait--" the Doctor tried, but Cat was already gone. "O-o-oh!" He groaned. "Just what we need, someone running of alone. You two, stay here. Just, stay, and...be careful." He ran off down the hall after Cat.

Coming to a fork, he looked to the left to see the energy missiles coming towards him. He pulled his sonic screwdriver out of his pocket and used it to heat up a nearby crate, then ran for cover. The missiles hit the crate in a burst of flame and smoke. "Well, that's one problem down. But where's that Cat?"

--

Cat was creeping along a corridor nearby, turning around as he walked so nothing could sneak up on him.

"What are you doing?" A gorgeous brunette asked.

"Looking for a dangerous mutant. It can turn into anything!"

"Oh, sounds scary."

"It is baby, believe me." He didn't seem to find anything strange about finding a woman on board.

"It must take a really brave sort of guy to do this kind of work. And smart too, I bet you have to be really smart."

"Oh yeah, you gotta be on guard all the time."

"You're quite a guy, you know? Brave, smart, handsome...I think you're probably the best-looking guy I've ever seen."

Cat smiled, "Well, I wasn't going to be the first to say it."

"I'd really like to make love to a guy like you."

Cat turned to face her, grinning like an idiot. "Hi, I'm the Cat."

She smiled sweetly, "Hi, I'm the genetic mutant." The woman's face twisted into a grimace as she became the huge, slimy polymorph again. Its huge tendril-like mouth attached to Cat's forehead as Cat screamed and fainted.

"I'm here, I'm coming!" the Doctor shouted, following the noises. "Cat!" he approached the unconscious form on the floor. "Oh, Cat. I'm so sorry." With a bit of difficulty, he carried him back to the others.

"What's happened?" Kryten asked.

"The polymorph got him. I think he's lost an emotion." Using the sonic screwdriver once more, the Doctor scanned Cat's brain, "Vanity. Where's Rimmer?"

"He went off looking for you two, sir."

The Doctor rolled his eyes. "Okay, stay here with Cat. Don't go anywhere, and if he comes to, don't let him go anywhere either. I'll go find Rimmer." He jogged down the hallway once more.