"You Drive Me Crazy"

By Moonie and Snark

Disclaimer: The authors do NOT own Darkwing Duck or its characters. Moonie does like big butts, and she cannot lie. If you like, leave a comment. If you hate, leave a comment. If it's a lunatic you may be looking for, leave a comment.

And a big ol' "thank you" to our beta: Celey!

Chapter Three:

"You May Be Right- I May Be Crazy"

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"Love is just a word until someone comes along and gives it meaning."

~ Unknown

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It was a beautiful evening in the city of Saint Canard. The air was just beginning to cool after a major scorcher. Most of the citizens had frowned as they went about their day, wiping the sweat off their brow.

Except neither depression nor the heat seemed to affect the town's residential devious toymaker.

June seventh. The day had finally arrived. And what a day it had been! Quackerjack was bouncier and even more hyper than usual. And, quite frankly, he had every right to be. For today was the anniversary of his birth.

"Geesh, narrator, cantcha say 'birthday' without getting all poetic?" The demented toymaker stared up at the ceiling and spoke as if he was talking to some invisible force that was taking the time to narrate his life story. Such was the insanity of Quackerjack...

All day long, the mad mallard had been causing mischief from putting gum in cootie-ridden little girls' hair at the playground to having had tied up Dorkwing and his butt-buddy in an abandoned toy factory. In fact, not too long before, QuackerJack had just gotten back to his home. He had needed to pick up his princess cake, after all. The day had been full of fun, fun, fun!

Yet... he couldn't help but wish he had someone to share his merriment with. He gave a sad smile.

"Not that you weren't fun, Mr. Bananabrain. You were quite the joke teller today."

QuackerJack shook the doll in his hand and made it talk, "What can I say, May? Comedy was always aPEELing."

"Now you're just overdoing it. Heh."

Before the banana could retort, there was a knock on the lair door. The jester looked at it curiously.

"You order any pizza, Bananabrain?"

The duck bounced over to the door and cooed.

"Whoooooo iiiiiis iiiiiiiiit?"

There came an aggravated sigh from the other side of the door.

"It's me! Can I come in already? I'm feeling a little dizzy from this heat. Or maybe I'm still buzzing from that kiddie pool I tripped over and fell into on the way over..." the mystery voice replied. The last bit about the kiddie pool was mumbled and hardly audible through the thick door. It was likely not meant to have been said out loud.

A Cheshire cat grin spread itself across the clown's face. Well... this was an unexpected surprise to say the very least. He yelled through the door.

"Ah ah ah, Megsy. That's not how ya start a knock-knock joke. Haha!"

Silence stretched out for what seemed like forever. Quackerjack began to wonder if his static-charged visitor had left. The jester's question was answered when his friend replied at last.

"Knock-knock joke? Oh, um... okay. How about this one? A Rabbi, a squirrel, and an old widow walk into a bar, and the Rabbi says to the bartender, 'Hey. Aren't ya glad I didn't say orange?'" This was followed by a short bark of mad laughter, then silence again. "Wait... hold on, that's not right. Let me start over..."

Megavolt heard a giggling storm from behind the door. The bells on the toymaker's hat jingled crazily as he tried to keep himself standing. It was too much for his body to handle; Quackerjack crashed to the ground from mirth.

"Buhahahahehehe! Oh, Megster, you're flooring me here! Hehehe! No more, heh, no more! I'll letcha in!"

The rodent shrugged and switched the small package he was holding to the other arm. He heard the door being unlocked. The box itself wasn't very big, but it had a rather large, purple ribbon tied around it, just like he'd promised.

The mad mallard opened the door, and he took in the dripping wet yellow jumpsuit cladded scientist with his eyes. Quackerjack looked him up and down, not noticing the gift.

"I know I've called ya a wet blanket once or twice... heh, but this is ridiculous!"

Before the current wielding villain could frown at the joke or whine, the duck pulled him inside.

"Why are ya standing in the doorway? Come in, knucklehead. Mi casa es su casa. Heh."

Quackerjack hadn't pulled very hard, but it was enough to send the unprepared rodent tripping and stumbling over his own over-sized boots, just catching himself on a nearby wall. The impact caused one of the many balloons that had been taped onto the wall to fall off and hover next to Megavolt, before being sucked into the rodent's static pull and clinging to the side of his face. He batted it away in annoyance and turned to face Quackerjack, standing there in all his insanely colorful glory with a big grin on his face. The little party hat that had been placed atop the duck's jester hat made Megavolt smirk.

"I was hoping I'd catch you home, Quacky. I didn't know if you'd be out..." Megavolt paused to bat away the same balloon that had clung to his right arm this time. "Out doing other things... y'know for your bir-WILL YOU QUIT IT?" he shouted at the pesky balloon, which had once again been pulled in by his static cling and was now sticking to his thigh. He grabbed for it and threw it away with all his might, which caused it to travel all of a foot before slowly descending towards the floor. Megavolt's plug hat began to spark in anger, and he sent a jolt of electricity at the balloon, ridding himself of the personal space invader. Quackerjack was laughing at him. Again. But for some reason, he didn't mind today.

Megs remembered the present with a start. "Oh!" he said, holding out the gift to his friend, "This is for you. Uh, Happy Birthday, pal."

Quackerjack went silent, ceasing his mirth, as his crazed eyes darted back and forth between Megavolt and the purple present. For once, he was shocked into silence. The villain was most noted for forgetting everything right after being told. (It was one of the many reasons others liked sharing secrets with the rodent. He wasn't going to tell anyone, because he wouldn't even recall it!) But this... It touched Quackerjack. He wasn't used to being completely surprised. Being a certain kind of insane made it so that not much phased him. And he doubly wasn't used to feeling his heart swell THIS much from happiness. It took him a moment for the jester to find the words, and he cleared his throat.

"You... remembered?"

Megavolt was having trouble reading the expression on the duck's face. He didn't understand why said expression made him feel strange. 'It's a nice kind of strange, though,' said that annoying voice in the back of his mind. Megs flushed and was forced to break eye contact. He looked around the lair, which was decorated haphazardly with brightly colored streamers and balloons.

"Well... yeah. I don't forget EVERYTHING, you know..." He hoped he sounded more offended than flustered, "...Well, the important things, anyway." He shifted uncomfortably as he became aware that he had forgotten to wear underwear that day.

Quackerjack was shocked yet again. His eyes widened on hearing this. His heart beat faster in his chest. He was amused to hear his little drummer boy become so excited.

"My birthday was important to you?" he paused. "I mean, heh, I know it was important to ME. It's the day I get to do whatever I want and play as many games as I want. But I REALLY didn't expectcha to remember it after I went on and on and on and on about it."

Megs opened his mouth to reply but stopped. Was it strange that he'd remember something like this? No... he didn't think so. Quackerjack was the only real friend the static-charged genius had. Sure, he had a lighthouse full of light bulbs and appliances, but conversations with them always ran in circles, and they were terrible at board games.

'But that doesn't explain why you remembered about the ribbon or him mentioning he liked purple.' The little voice again. Oooh! How he wished he would shut up already!

"Well, sure... I mean, we're friends, right?" he said at last. The rodent then inwardly kicked himself for saying that. What if Quackerjack didn't see them as friends? What if, to him, they were merely occasional partners in crime? …That occasionally had sleepovers and questionable pillow fights.

The toymaker's true grin returned full force. It looked as if his bill was going to split in two. Sure, Quackerjack always thought so. But it was something completely different to hear it. The duck tended to like to play with everyone, but...

"But, of course! Hehe! Why, you're my FAVORITE playmate!" He leaned in to his buddy to whisper, "Just don't tell a certain banana. He might get jeeeeealous. Heh."

The mad mallard held out his hands.

"Ooooo, now show me watcha got me. Gimme gimme!"

Megavolt looked at the jester's outstretched hands and blinked. Then, it dawned on him he was still holding Quackerjack's present. "Oh! Right." He handed it over, the duck's excitement suddenly making him wish he'd gotten more for the guy than socks.

After being shorted out on the way over that day, he was out of energy. He slumped down in a nearby chair and yawned, watching Quackerjack as he carefully removed the ribbon, then savagely tore off the wrapping paper.

Quacky had stuffed the ribbon in his pocket, intending to keep it, before he unwrapped the present with glee. Finally, he tore open the box...

He was surprised yet again. In the package was a pair of pink socks. Seeing them made the jester giggle.

"Heh. I see you're concerned about keeping my toesies nice and toasty, Megster. Except even I think that's an odd gift for the summer. Haha!"

He looked at them even closer, and noticed something was quite different about them. He jerked his head towards the rodent, watching his twitchy fingers. The socks, they looked...

"Megsy, did you make these?"

His guest nodded lazily. "Uh-huh. Sorry. I was going to get them from the store, but they didn't have any I thought you'd like. I mean, they were all... white. And boring." Megs nodded again, seemingly to himself, "Yeah. So, I picked up supplies and made them myself. And it only took me three days, too!" His gaze fell to the duck's jester shoes. "Cause I noticed you don't wear any... you really should, y'know."

Quackerjack's eyes lingered on the present in the box. He gently took them out as if they were a fragile doll. The duck let his thumbs massage the soft material. He smiled softly as he continued to look at the pink fuzzy footwear and to think about the friend behind the socks.

The mallard's first instinct was to laugh at how the villain could actually knit. Gaaaaaaaaay.

But... he pushed the thought aside. Megavolt had not only remembered his special day, but he had also put lots of consideration into the gift. He had thought of what the jester needed, even down to the itty bitty details. Pink socks. Not boring. Quacky's thoughts strayed back to the ribbon in his pocket.

Heh. Quackerjack had never mentioned how purple was his favorite color.

But his Megsy just KNEW.

'My Megsy,' the toymaker mused over his own phrasing, 'Heh. I like the sound of that!'

Before Megavolt knew what hit him, he found himself being tackled in a tight hug.

"Awwwww! Thank you, thank you, thank you! I just LOVE 'em!"

Megs swore his heart skipped a beat or two before thumping rapidly in his chest. This, of course, he chalked up to being frightened by the sudden intrusion of his personal space. That crazy duck sure could move fast! But still... it was amazing how the guy managed to smell like bubblegum and gunpowder, even when the rest of the city's inhabitants smelled like sweat and coffee. It was a nice scent, which delighted the electrical rodent and calmed his normally frazzled mind. His eyes closed without him being aware of it, and he inhaled the scent deeply, and- wait, what? Quackerjack pulled away and gave him a questioning smirk. He opened his beak to say something (to ask if Megavolt had actually sniffed him, Megs figured), but Megs cut him off with another loud sniff.

"I think I'm coming down with something... or I'm allergic to balloons," he lied, pretending to wipe his nose on his own sleeve. "Sorry."

The jester laughed, "Heh. Poor Megsy-Wegsy." Quackerjack looked at his pal seductively as he whispered into Megavolt's ear, "How about you let your Uncle Quacky make you feel aaaaaaall better? Heh."

Even the joker couldn't tell if he was joking or not.

Megavolt's eyes went wide, and his body stiffened against the back of the chair. What was left of his electric current spiked and popped two balloons nearby.

That damn jester! Why did he insist on joking around like that? And, more importantly, why did Megavolt suddenly wish he wouldn't? Quackerjack's fake flirting hadn't ever bothered him before. It was just a part of who the duck was. But lately, his flirting had struck a few new nerves with the rodent. Megavolt wished he'd stop.

Because he wished he wasn't joking.

Megs blinked and let out the breath he hadn't known he'd been holding.

"What?" he asked aloud.

Quackerjack grinned deviously. He didn't know why his comment caused that kind of reaction, but it was funny! The very hint of a blush on his electrical friend was also kind of cute. The mallard licked his own lips as he took Megavolt's plug hat off and threw it to the side. With a sultry chuckle, Quacky wrapped one arm around his friend, and his other hand twirled the rodent's hair.

"I knew I'd eventually make you pop. Hehe. But what I said was, 'How about you let me make you feel all better?'"

Quackerjack jolted up, a thought occurring to him.

"Ooooooo! I know just the thing, too. Nothing makes ME feel better than a good ol' sugar rush!" He skipped back over to the table. "How about a slice of cake?"

Megavolt sat, still recovering from his friend's assault upon his person. He watched the jester skip over to the table in the middle of the room. Thank Edison, THAT was over! So, why did he feel so disappointed?

Shaking his head to clear the thoughts away, he stood up and started to saunter over to where Quackerjack was, only to get half way there and double back to retrieve his hat first. He felt naked without it.

Coming up behind the jester, Megs peeked around to look at the cake and grinned.

"Heeey, you got the princess cake you wanted! The purple one. It, uh, doesn't really taste like sponges, does it?" questioned the static-charged villain.

"Pfft! Heh, naaah. Here, try some."

Quackerjack took the doll part of the cake off and started to cut off a slice. All the while, he hummed "Happy Birthday" to himself. He put the slice of cake on a plate and used one of his plastic forks to cut off a small piece. The mallard held it to the rodent's face.

"Vroooooom! Here comes the air plane! Hehehe! Open wide, Megsy!"

Megavolt scowled and glared at the fork in front of his face, causing his eyes to cross.

"That is NOT an air plane. It doesn't even have an engine. And I am perfectly capable of feeding myself, thank-you-very-much!" he retorted, snatching the fork and plate away from Quackerjack.

Quacky pouted.

"Pooh. Well YOU'RE no fun."

But his grin quickly returned, as the toymaker went to cut his own slice. Quackerjack watched his friend from the corner of his eye, wanting to see what the rodent's reaction would be.

Megs sniffed the chunk of cake on the end of the fork. It certainly SMELLED good. He scrunched up his nose and it disappeared into his mouth. He really had been expecting it to be made of sponges. That seemed like something Quackerjack would do. But, to his delight, it wasn't; it was probably the best baked confection he'd ever tasted... that he could remember, anyway.

He licked the remaining icing off the fork, "This is pretty tasty, Quacky!"

Quackerjack smiled when he saw that Megavolt seemed to enjoy the dessert. While it wasn't his favorite cake, it had always been a tradition getting one on his birthday growing up. As an adult, the tradition stuck with him.

The mallard's heart began to pitter-patter yet again, as he saw his friend lick the fork. The jester's own mouth began to water as he watched Megavolt's tongue flicker and caress it, taking in the last bit of frosting. QuackerJack shook his head, his hat's jingling snapping him back into reality as he knew it.

"Heh. Good to hear! Isn't it just like an angel threw up in your mouth? It's delicious!"

It was getting late, and the day's scorching sun was starting to dissipate. The villainous pair finished their cake. Quackerjack saw his friend out. Megavolt turned to Quacky before leaving.

"So, uh... all in all, has it been a good birthday?"

The duck looked at his Megsy in the eyes. Yeah... HIS Megsy. Their gazes locked; Quackerjack smiled the most genuine and normal looking grin the rodent had ever seen. The jester hugged his friend one last time, this time more gently.

Megavolt beamed when his heard his friend whisper the sweetest words.

"It is now."

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END OF CHAPTER THREE

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AN:

Snark: That was so...So...

Moonie: Gaaaaaay. But in a good way!

Snark: I was going to say "over dramatic and sappy". But I like your answer better. then again, I like every word that comes from your pretty lil' mouth.

Moonie: You're biased dear. But poor Quacky and Megs can't be blamed for all this sap! We had a lot of emotional crap to pour out through them. They sure do make great sock puppets.

Snark: My favorite part of this therapy session was when we had the puppets humping each other.

Moonie: Aw, you just totally gave away the plot for the next chapter!

Snark: You mean it wasn't obvious already? They both practically had boners in this!

Moonie: ... You have a point thar. Speaking of which, meet you in the bedroom. 3

Snark: My lady parts tingle with excitement. And with that, everybody else shoo! Hellooooooooo Mister Strap on!