Part Three

"Bella I'm here and I'm real." I said and closed the distance between us. She reached up and rested her hand on my cheek, and I closed my eyes, revealing in the warmth. I put my hand on hers and just looked into her eyes, trying to remember how I was ever here. How I ever convinced myself to leave her in the first place.

"Why are you here? You said it would be like you never existed."

"I came back for you." I said simply and watched as so much confusion crossed her face. "Can we talk, I know you are furious with me and I can accept that. But please just let me explain."

"This is going to hurt," she said so low, I don't think she meant for me to hear.

"What is going to hurt?" I asked and she shook her head.

"When you leave again, this memory, seeing you is going to make it all that much worse." She said and I wanted to cry -- if I could. She thought I would leave her again? I broke us, any trust she had in me, any love and understanding was shattered when I told that lie in the woods.

"Please can we go somewhere and talk," I said and hoped she said yet.

"I should go back to Craig's house, he will be worried about me." She said, but never moved from my side.

"Ok, we can go there. Anywhere, I just want to talk to you, to explain." I tried, seeing how fragile she was. I heard Alice's thoughts before she ever came up to us. She had a plan.

Let me try, maybe I can get her to trust me. She thought, but I never moved. I couldn't pull myself away from her, even as the first burned in my throat at the smell of her blood. I forgot how potent it was, how hard those first days were, and now it was like starting over.

"Bella," she said softly and walked over slowly. I know we must have come off as strange to everyone around us but I didn't care. This is what she needed, and I would give her anything. "I know this is shocking and maybe we shouldn't be here. But I had to know you were ok, your future was so jumbled and I was worried."

"Alice?" She said and turned to my sister as she dropped her hand from my face and ran to her. Throwing her arms around her and hugging her. "I've missed you." She said and I closed my eyes, trying to hold back the pain. She missed my sister, but didn't miss me. I knew it was the anger, the shock of seeing me but it still hurt. I wanted her to embrace me, forgive me. But I didn't know if she was ready to, if she would ever be ready to.

"Bella, we really should go somewhere else." I heard my sister say, and hoped she'd agree. Bella didn't say anything, just took Alice's hand and followed her to our car. We went back to the hotel and I never felt more useless. Bella didn't need me, she didn't even want me, she had Alice.

Edward she's afraid and she thinks you are going to take her home and leave again. She's protecting herself, trying not to make it hurt. She doesn't want the pain to get worse, and getting close to you, letting herself admit you are here -- came here for her will make it all the more painful if you leave again. I listened to her thoughts and stared at the wall. I wanted to reassure you, but I didn't know how.

"Bella are you ok?" Alice asked and I watched them, Bella was sitting on the bed staring.

"Ya, I just don't understand." She said, and kept staring at her hands, as if looking for an answer there. "I don't understand why you are here?"

Alice went to answer but I stopped her. This was my mistake, my mess and I would fix it. I would help Bella and then find a way to make this work, to make US work. I went over to her and got on my knees in front of her, lifted her chin so she would look at me.

"Bella I came for you, I couldn't stand being away any longer and when Alice said you left Forks I was terrified. I didn't like the feeling of not knowing where you were." I said and then regretted it as I started to see the anger shoot across her face.

"You didn't like not knowing where I am. That's funny because I never knew where you were. Months and months I waited and there was no word. It's wasn't bad enough you went away but you took my family with you." She said and now I was the one shocked and confused. What did she mean family?

"You were living with Charlie, and I'm sure Renee was keeping in touch…"

"Not my parents, yes I had my parents. Two people who fight over me, who don't understand me. Yes I got to keep those. But you took everyone else, my best friend, the people who understood me, protected me and didn't judge me. I didn't even get to say goodbye." She said and started to cry. I hated when she cried, it was like this pain ripping through me, I wanted to make it better, I wanted to heal what was broken but I didn't know how.

That's why everything was so jumbled, she didn't know where she belonged. She always fit in with us, from that first day she fit in with us. Always the one apologizing even if it wasn't her fault, she was afraid we'd leave her. She wanted us as her family, she thought of us as her family. That's why she was so hurt, we abandoned her.

"Alice stop." I said and looked down at the ground. "You didn't do anything, none of you did. This was mine and mine alone. I was the one that made us leave, and I was the one that insisted no one say goodbye." I said in a low growl, but the way Bella looked at me I knew it wasn't low enough, she heard me.

"You did that? You took them away? Why? What gave you the right to make all these decisions for me." She said and went to hit my chest but I knew it would just hurt her, so I grabbed her hands and held them tight to my chest. "How dare you take everything away, use me and then throw me away. You promised you'd always be there for me, you'd always protect me and then you were gone. You never even loved me." She cried and I let her go, she needed this, she needed to get it all out. "I loved you, I loved you with everything in me and you lied. Every time you said you loved me it was a lie, I was nothing to you." As she let the rage take her she cried herself out and I lifted her and put her in bed as she started to go slack against me.

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While Bella slept I paced and Alice tried not to let me hear her thoughts. She was distracted as if trying to hide something important. She called and pretended to be Bella, claiming to have met up with someone she use to know and was going to have lunch. That seemed to buy us time, but I wasn't keen on her going back ever. I never wanted her out of my sight -- let alone in a place I didn't know and people I didn't trust yet. She was too precious for that, she was my angel -- my Bella.

"Edward calm down, she is just trying to understand that's all."

"She is furious with me, she hates me."

"No she's confused and upset. Both of which she is allotted after what you did. She's right, you did make choices for her, you decided to have her alone rather then with us." She said and smiled. "She thinks of us as family, I knew I was right when I said she would be one of us."

"This isn't the time for that, I need to help her. Charlie was right, she isn't our Bella right now." I said and continued to pace while I waited for her to wake up. To let me see those beautiful brown eyes. I heard her whimper in her sleep, and then she screamed. This must be the nightmares that Charlie kept talking about. I was at her side in an instant, pulling her into my arms and whispering softly that it was going to be ok. She still seemed so upset, so I did what I always did -- hummed her lullaby.

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(Bella POV)

I could feel the nightmare pulling at me and pulling me back into that world of darkness. I tried to fight it off, tried to stop it before it overtook me but couldn't. I screamed and instinctively wrapped my arm around my stomach, trying to hold myself together. Not allowing myself to fall to pieces again I didn't need to scare Charlie. Then I heard someone, hushed voices and someone humming. Only one person hummed that song --- Edward he was the only one that knew that melody. It was my lullaby, the one thing he gave me, wrote just for me.

That's when it all started to come back to me, going to Pittsburgh. Leaving my family to go off on my own. Standing on the outlook and watching the happy city around me. Seeing the happy couples, the people holding hands and wishing I could be that. Then I felt a shiver run up my spine and knew he was there, he was always there with me. But when I would turn around it was usually gone, he was gone and it was just another fantasy stopped too soon.

Then I seen him staring at me, so many emotions displaying on his face, shock -- fear -- guilt and love. That was what confused me, he said he didn't love me. He didn't want me and I needed to move on to someone I should be with her. It was HIS family, not mine. I could remember it all so clearly. So I stared and tried to answer his questions but it all seemed so wrong, so confusing. Then I seen Alice and I felt my everything get so bright. She wanted to help, that was clear so I went over to her. She didn't do this to me, she didn't reduce me to this -- Edward did. So I embraced her and followed her to the car. I knew talking was inevitable and it should be done in private. But I wasn't sure if I wanted to talk. It was going to hurt so much, being with him. Letting him be my rock, be the person to put me back together and then walk away to leave me fall apart all over again. I wasn't sure I could do it.

As I slowly opened my eyes, remembering me yelling at him while he stood there. He just let me go, as if sensing I needed to let it go. I thanked him for that, I needed to let go and finally got that. I could be honest and not fear the looks or the judgments from others. I could just feel and say what I felt. It was like a weight had been lifted off my chest. I didn't register that I was sitting in his lap as he held me, just that he was humming my lullaby and that I felt safe. I didn't know what would come next, but I just let myself feel and for the first time since he left -- I felt whole.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled and felt him smile against my hair.

"You have nothing to apologize for. I'm the one that should be begging for forgiveness. I lied to you, I made choices for you and no matter what my logic, it wasn't fair." He said and I leaned into him, not realizing Alice seemed to have slipped out the minute I woke up. She must have thought we needed some time alone but that started to scare me. What if he left me alone again? And I didn't have my best friend to help me? "Bella there's something you need to know." He said, and shifted me in his lap so I could look at him. "I lied to you when I said I didn't love you and there was never a distraction. Nothing could rid you from my mind or my heart. I love you as much today as I always did. I just thought you deserved a real life, a human life and I didn't want to take that from you. I never imagined you would believe me so quickly --- and when you did I just assumed you'd be able to move on…" I just stared at him in disbelief. It was all so ridiculous how could I accept this when it didn't make any more sense now then it did then.

"I didn't believe you, I tried to but it never added up in my mind." I said and slipped off his lap to stand. I couldn't think when I was that close to him. It made everything jumble in my mind and I needed to focus. There was something in your eyes that contradicted everything you said, but I didn't get a chance to confront you. That's why I tried to find you, afraid to leave the woods. Afraid to leave Forks, or close my window. I kept thinking you'd come back."

"If you didn't believe me…." he started and stopped.

"I tried to, I figured if I could accept you didn't love me then I would be able to let you go. But nothing worked and it was killing Charlie. That's the only reason I agreed to a vacation as he put it. I couldn't hurt him anymore, it wasn't fair." I said and then I looked at him, just realizing something. "Wait if my future was confused for Alice. How did you find me?"

"Well, she just seen you weren't in Forks. So we went to see Charlie. He told Alice all about what happened after I left." He said and I knew he listened, and seen what Charlie seen when I was brought home. What I have been for the months he was gone. "Then we came here, she had a vision of you at that place, but we didn't know where it was. So with the help of a post card and some cashier we found it. Then we waited all day at the coffee shop waiting for you to come here." He said and pulled the post card out of his pocket.

"If Alice knew where I was, then why the post card?" I asked and he looked at the ground.

"I don't know, it made me feel closer to you somehow. Its ridiculous I know…"

"It's sweet." I said, loving that he felt just as torn to be with me as I was to be with him. But I needed to ask the one question that was burning in my throat "Are you staying this time?" I asked in the lowest voice.

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(Edward POV)

I explained and listened, trying to find my balance. But when she got up and put distance between us I was worried. She was moving away from me, but why? I loved her and she loved me there was no reason for us to be apart. But when she asked if I was staying I truly started to see just how much I hurt her. She didn't trust me anymore and that was worse then anything. I needed to rebuild that trust.

I stood up and closed the distance between us and felt her flinch at my touch. Tears stinging in her eyes and wanted to fix it, make it better so how. The only thing she ever truly wanted for me was my love and my honesty.

"Bella," I started and put her hands in mine, pulling her against me. Sliding my hand up to cup her face and stare into those gorgeous brown eyes that I loved so much, even when they were haunting me. "I have spent months trying to justify being away, trying to make it seem noble when I was in all honesty falling apart. Now, I want nothing more then to make up for that." I said in barely a whisper, hoping she seen the honesty in my eyes. "You know I love you, that I have always loved you. I lied when I said I didn't, and I swear there was never anyone but you. All these years of my existence, there was never anyone that meant more to me then you, that I loved at all, especially not the way I loved you. I have felt like half a man since I left you that day. But now, being here, and even though I know you are furious with me, and you hate me for what I did. I still feel more alive then ever before, I feel whole again. The pain that seared through my chest is gone. The whole filled, all I needed was to see you again, look into those beautiful brown eyes and know I was home."

I watched her face as I spoke, listening to her uneven breathing. As if searching for an answer somewhere in the room, her eyes trying to find any place that wasn't on me. I waited, letting her hear me, really hear what I said and waited for her response.

"I felt exactly the same way." She said and I waited to understand. "There was this whole in my chest, and I needed to wrap my arm around myself to keep me from falling apart. I love you Edward, but I don't trust you. You left because you were afraid for me, when you should have stayed because of that. You should have been the one to protect me, the one to make sure no one hurt me. You leaving didn't help anything Edward and I never could have had a human life -- a normal life. The moment you walked in that cafeteria I knew my life was forever changed." She said and reached to put her hand on my chest, right where my heart should have been beating, as always never flinching at the cold contact on her warm skin. "I loved you then and I loved you now, but I don't trust you."

"I know and you're right. I shouldn't have abandoned you and I shouldn't have taken away our family." I said and watched as the recognition crossed her face as my slip. I meant to say something else…

"Wait, our family?" She said, and I seen the first signs of a smile on her face.

"They are just as lost as I am, even Rosalie isn't happy these days. Not that she ever truly was. Then there's Alice, who of course feels lost without her shopping partner, and Emmet who wants his little sister back -- that's always how he thought of you. Esme and Carlisle weren't happy with things either, they wanted us to be together, they wanted to see us happy and to see you again." I couldn't stand it anymore, I needed to hold her again. So I pulled her tightly against me, as close as I could get and kissed her forehead. "I know we can't fix this overnight, but I promise to try and make it right. Anything you ask I will do, your wish is my command. Just tell me we have a chance, that you still want me as part of your future and not just a ghost from your past. I'm not leaving your side, not while you're in Pittsburgh, not on the plane ride back to Forks. And not when we get there." I whispered, as I leaned my forehead on hers and then went to kiss her again, a chaste kiss.

"Come on Edward, I seem to remember you doing better then that." She said, and smiled fully, and pulling me into an intense kiss. As if that was going to make it all better, and as amazing as it seemed -- it did. I never felt more alive then in that moment, her lips on mine and that intense feeling running through my body. I pulled away as we both gasped for her, hers out of need, mine out of habit.

But our moment was interrupted before I could claim her lips again and take away all the pain we were both in from those months apart. Alice came running through the door loaded down with shopping bags.

"Oh good, you two have finally made up, that went quicker then I thought." She said and I pulled Bella tighter to me, not wanting her to ruin the moment completely. Not wanting to share her yet, surrender her to anyone but myself. I considered throwing Alice out and making her go shopping again but I knew it wouldn't work. So I tried something else -- the truth!

"We were in the middle of that," I said through gritted teeth.

"Whatever, you cost me three months and I have a lot of time to make up." She said and I groaned as I heard her thoughts. She clearly wanted to play Bella Barbie as she called it, not that I didn't love the outcome, but I wanted her to myself still. "Fine, I'll go get dinner." I said when I heard Bella's stomach grown and reluctantly let go of her.

"Wait what?" She said and then groaned as she started to look in the bags. "So it begins." She said and plopped down on the bed. "No pizza, and something small." She said and I kissed her quickly.

"You haven't been eating well, that is evident and I plan to rectify that. I plan to make these three months just a blur as I give you the future you always deserved." I said and disappeared through the door, already with a million plans to make it all better.

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(Alice POV)

I watched my brother walk out and knew things were on their way to being what they were. Bella looked better then I seen her on that look out. She had some color in her cheeks, and there seemed to be some life in her eyes. As if she found her place again and I knew it all had to do with my brother. Those two always had this undeniable connection, I knew it from the moment they met. I told him that their lives were intertwined, fate had something in store for them that neither could outrun.

"I see you and my brother are getting along a little better." I said and Bella smiled.

"I love him, but I can't trust him right now. He says he isn't going to leave, but how do I know he means it this time. He told me that before, when I was in the hospital in Phoenix and then he left. He says he left to protect me, but how did he expect me to be safe without him?"

"What happened with Jasper…" I started but she cut me off.

"Was an accident, I was clumsy and cut my finger. I know how hard it is for you guys to be around me, its going against your nature, your common make up to be near me and not hurt me. I know the danger I put myself in every time I walked into your house, or go in your car. Jasper would never intentionally set out to hurt me, I know that and I know Edward does too."

"He worries about you, just like Jasper for me. And Emmet for Rosalie, even Carlisle worries about Esme. That is how love works, you always worry about the other person. But its worse for him, you're more delicate then we are, there are so many more things that can hurt you -- that can't hurt us."

"I know that, I know I make things hard for him -- but if he loves me then he should want to protect me himself."

"He does, but he thought you wanted more, wanted a normal human life. Something you will never have with him."

"I don't want normalcy, I want Edward! I have been dead for months without him, and I think he felt the same way."

"He didn't want to be with our family, spent most of his time wandering around the woods by our house. He didn't hunt, or play the piano anymore, didn't even unpack his stuff. He just seemed so lost."

"Because he needs me just as I need him, but what happens when I get hurt, or someone tries to come after me again like James. What then? Is he really going to stay, or is he going to leave me even more heartbroken then last time?"

"I don't think the family will ever let him do that again. No one has been happy." I said and then changed the subject she was getting upset and I didn't want that, not to mention Edward was due back and he would rip me apart if he thought I hurt her in any way. "Ok, lets get you out of those horrid clothes. Sweats don't look good on anyone."

"Coming from the person who would wear a burlap sack and make it look good." She snapped and I laughed.

"Good you are getting your spunk back, I've missed it. Shopping isn't fun without you, everyone in the family just takes the clothes I give them, and wears them without question. But you would always argue with me, make me want to strangle you. It was more fun."

"I guess, so what do you have in store for me today." She said and I started to pull things from the bags, jeans and shirts, all a size smaller then I usually bought her to handle the weight she lost. "These fit a little better." She said as she looked herself over in the mirror.

"That's because they are a different size, you really need to eat more. Your body needs to eat, and you are not helping anyone by starving yourself."

"I know," she said and looked at the floor. "It was never about loosing the weight, I just liked the control I had." She said and I looked at her confused. "When Edward left and took you all with him, I felt like my life was spinning out of control. I didn't get to make choices for myself, and well eating was a choice I got to make and no one could make it for me. It was a sense of balance almost."

"You hurt yourself to get control of your life?" I asked, it was the most ridiculous thing I ever heard.

"It was something wasn't it, it was the only way I could go on without him. It was always so damn painful! This feeling of my heart being ripped out piece by piece and nothing would make it go away or dull. Nothing could make me whole again, make me feel like I once was. I was alone and cold." She said and I smirked.

"Kept the window open in December didn't you?" I said and she laughed. I had to change the subject a little, I couldn't stand to look at her while she told me what we did to her. Edward may have made the decision to move, but we all went along without a second thought. Bella deserved better then that, and then hearing what he said to her that day to make her leave. It was all so hard to take, even for a cold, dead vampire!

"I hoped he'd come back, he always snuck in at night and I thought that maybe he would come check on me. I stayed up a lot waiting for him, not wanting to miss if he did come." She said and they shared small talk while they tried on the clothes and waited for Edward to return.

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(Edward POV)

While I ran to the store, I had a million things running through my mind. My Bella was with me, or with Alice at the moment. She knew I loved her and I committed myself to her again. I just hoped it was enough to get my foot back in the door -- or well her heart. I knew she loved me, I could see it when I looked at her, but I hurt her deeply and that will never leave me. That's the thing about being immortal, you can't outrun your past and can't forget it either. It was like hindsight 20/20, looking back at all you did, all you now know and seeing it for what it was, a learning experience -- right? I use to think that, now it's all a joke, hindsight is a book containing every answer to all the questions we never thought to ask. And I was seeing this first hand, there's nothing I wouldn't give to go back to that day in the woods and rethink all this time -- what would happen to Bella without me? Will I regret this? These were the questions I should have asked myself because I know that it would have changed everything.

I headed across the parking lot and could hear Alice, she was counting in Latin, which meant she was hiding something from me. Clearly her and Bella were talking -- about me. But that didn't matter I would fix this, no matter what happened.

"Honey I'm home." I joked as I came through the door and looked at Bella. "Ah, I see my sister turned you into her own personal Barbie again." I said and watched Bella blush. She was in designer clothes, that fit her much better and wearing some make up. She looked healthy, and alive again. The same way I remembered her before that damn day in the woods. "You look amazing." I said and kissed her cheek and maneuvered her to the table to sit down and eat.

"You don't expect me to eat all of this." She said and I laughed.

"Not right now, but think of it as a lot of snacks. You need to eat small meals regularly if you are going to retrain your body." I said and she just looked at the table, realizing I knew what she was doing.

"Damn med school." I heard her mumble as she took a bite of her sandwhich. Alice just laughed, and sat on the bed talking to Jasper.

"So when are you planning on us going home?"

"You were serious?"

"Yes, I called Carlisle and he and Esme are headed back to Forks as well. He is going to take his old job back and insist it was because 'his son was heartbroken outside of the city.' That way it would look odd when I return to school and to Forks."

"That's perfect!" She said and threw her arms around me, something I have waited so long to feel again. Her warm body pressed to mine of stone. It was a feeling one would never forget. I just held her for a moment before I kissed her forehead. "But I wasn't suppose to go home for a week, I'm supposed to be recovering."

"Ok, we can stay if you want. I'm sure I can sneak into your cousins house just as easily as your own."

"Ummm, not really. See they were doing this all on short notice so I sleep on the couch." She said and I shook my head.

"Unacceptable, you need rest and relaxation. You are staying here or going home." I said and she laughed.

"Still deciding things for me." I started to get worried by her statement, knowing she was right but then she started to laugh and I knew she didn't mind this time. "I wont argue, only because that couch is horrible and will kill my back if I continue to sleep on it."

I convinced her to let us all go home, claiming she was recovered and we bumped into each other at the airport. I was on a layover and it was an accident. But when I seen her I said I couldn't leave her, and convinced my family to return to Forks. Of course this didn't come out until we landed in Forks again. Charlie was angry at first, not accepting my presence in Bella's life, but slowly he started to accept it and accept me again.

How can I throw him out when this is the best I seen her in months? She's eating again, actual meals and she looks so happy. There's even music coming from her room again, and she leaves her room. She even began to close that window, maybe he is good for her? Besides Carlisle said Edward didn't take things well and begged him to bring them back to Forks. Clearly he loves her --- hell I knew that the first time I seen them together… I had been listening to Charlie's thoughts more often as if trying to find a balance or way to reinstill my place in Bella's life in his eyes. I knew it wouldn't be easy but there had to be something, and then I realized it --- I just needed to be with her. That was what he wanted all along, what we both wanted -- Bella to be happy and she was that with me, everyone say so. So I refused to ever doubt that again, to protect her I needed to be with her and I planned to forever and always!

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Ok I said in the beginning it would be a three shot, but I kind of have an idea of where to go from here but am not sure if I should? Review and let me know if you guys want me to continue or not….