Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, Naruto Shippuden, or any other anime/manga for that matter. This is just a parody and all rights belong to their specific owners.
Review Responses:
KassieJean: Thank you! And don't worry, while Naruto does have incredible powers that surpass the first hokage and barely above Madara, he does not have control over them. This is because of his insanity and his inability to focus at all during a fight (or in general) thanks to his PTSD. He will never be godlike with his powers, only as strong as Madara before the ten tails power up. If I had to put him somewhere I would put him at about Edo Tensei Madara at the beginning but with more jutsu.
PureInsanity39: Thank you and I will try. It will be harder with me going back to school after healing from surgery as well as work and just random things I like doing but I am going to finish this story.
Nwandu225 (First Review): Thanks, and you will be seeing more of Hiruzen in the future, trust me. This is more of a story of him and others trying to fix the world while Naruto gives him information.
Nwandu225 (Second Review): Yea, he really is. And you haven't even seen the other two. Also, if you didn't know Kanashimi represents sadness and despair, Zetsubo represents hopelessness, and Kyojin represents insanity. He will not be the one to prevent the future from happening however, that responsibility rests on the Hokage's shoulders.
LavenderMYSTery: Yes, I thought so too. And the thing about Naruto is that sometimes he thinks it's real, sometimes he thinks it is a genjutsu, and other times he thinks that he's in the afterlife. He's pretty fucked up.
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Hiruzen Sarutobi had never felt this thankful for his trusty pipe before this moment. It had been four days since Kyojin's, as Inoichi had asked him to call him, arrival in Konoha and the things Inoichi had learned were not pretty. Ever since their first meeting, Inoichi and Zetsubo had been talking to each other repeatedly ever since their first meeting and Zetsubo had been happy, well as happy as Zetsubo ever is, to reveal the true hopelessness in their situation.
Madara Uchiha… the legend himself would be fighting them with the power of a tailed beast no-one had even known about yet but was more powerful than even the Kyuubi. What. The. Hell? Seriously, how the hell were they going to be able to fight against that? It took Naruto and Sasuke both dying and the Sage of Six Path's intervention last time to beat Madara, but they couldn't afford to let time go by exactly as it did last time obviously. So, their only other options were to prevent Madara from ever rising again. And the easiest way to do that was to either kill the only two capable of doing such a thing or destroying the Rinnegan. Yes, those were their options… they were screwed.
Killing Kabuto would be extremely easy, if it was just him they needed to kill. Orochimaru would no doubt reach the same level Kabuto did with the Edo Tensei soon and he was much more difficult to find. He was also smarter, if Kabuto died suddenly, even if it was on a mission, he would call foul play and slither away somewhere. The only way to get to him would be to kill him at the Chunin Exams, not an easy feat, and somehow kill Kabuto before he could get away. Even if he put Kakashi against Kabuto while he and Jiraiya fought Orochimaru, it wouldn't be a favorable option since there would be giant snakes everywhere and an actual army at their doorstep.
The second option was to kill a man by the name of Pain who had killed Jiraiya after he only killed three of his bodies. Sure, he had been surprised and ambushed, but that barely lessened a feat such as that. For ninja of his caliber, they did not get surprised, only slightly less prepared. Their best bet for that was to train Naruto in sage training again and allow him to release the nine tails to an extent and try and kill Pain. This was even more unfavorable than the last plan since he would have to allow most of his villagers to die again and there was no guarantee they would be brought back this time.
The last, and hardest, option was to wait until the war to defeat Obito, his heart still ached whenever he thought of that sweet boy as their enemy, before he could complete his plans. They would then unite and defeat Madara, but there was no telling how many casualties that would produce. All of this was not even counting the fact that Black Zetsu could survive and redo these events in the future. Hiruzen sighed as he put his face in his hands. Their situation really was hopeless wasn't it? However, he would not just give up, he needed to do everything that he could to protect his country and village.
He pulled out a scroll and began to write. He had always liked to write down possible plans on a scroll before finally selecting one and sticking with it. It would keep all of the ones he thought up in one place so that when he finally decided to select one he had many different variables to add to it sitting right in front of him. He had usually done this during war time and it was one of the reasons that Konoha had never lost a war. He wasn't called the Professor for no reason after all.
One idea had briefly entered his head about having someone else lead as hokage over the next few years. Tsunade was a great choice… for peacetime. She had not been an active shinobi in a long time and he feared her commanding skills had decreased exponentially. Itachi would have been a great hokage, strong, a pacifist but not afraid to do his duty, and respected. However, that respect had all but been erased over the years and they couldn't just pull him back and give him the hat. Besides, they needed someone to keep an eye on Akatsuki now more than ever. Finally, there was Kakashi, now that was a choice. He was commanding and a genius in many ways, he was already kage level, but unfortunately he was a low kage level. No… he would have to wait a few more years to give him the hat, he was going to increase the man's training though, whether he liked it or not.
Hell, he would train the man himself if he needed to, he knew about 3,000 jutsu give or take a few and Kakashi would need every single one. Not only that but he would be trained in every shinobi art relentlessly for the upcoming possible war. Not only him, but the academy would have to have their academics improved. Less superficial knowledge and more chakra control or taijutsu training would do well as well as harsher training periods. Plus, all ninja would have certain days off to train in a specific area with a master overseeing all of them on that day. There would be a day for each shinobi art and it was going to begin that very day. Yes, Hiruzen had a ton of work to do and much more to do. However, he couldn't help but think it wouldn't be enough…
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Naruto Uzumaki ducked into another alleyway as he fled at full speed from approaching Anbu. Damn it, he thought that he had hidden everything enough with the other personifications. Of course he knew about them, but they helped him cope so what was the problem with it. Sure, Ikari always seemed a bit annoyed while Zetsubo seemed depressed all of the time and Kanashimi cried a lot and Kyojin never stopped laughing at something but they were his friends. They were all he had for the longest time and he wasn't going to abandon them by telling anyone.
"Turn right, then left, then jump into that empty room up there," Ikari told him with calm efficiency, but his tone betrayed his annoyance with the whole situation. Naruto never knew how he was always better at directions than any of the other people in his mind and when he had asked he had always moved around the question with a simple 'I had help'. However, this did not stop Naruto from following his personification of anger's instructions immediately.
"Good job, now drop a class 3 prank and send five clones in different directions before hiding under that loose floorboard," Zetsubo said in a bored voice. He did not see the point in all of this work for a situation where they would all be caught anyway, but the one in charge needed help and he felt obligated to help his creator.
"Hehehe for a hopeless guy you sure put in a lot of work," Kyojin chuckled lightly beside Zetsubo. They all looked exactly like Naruto only with the kanji that represented their emotions on their backs. Ikari found it very annoying that they all looked so similar.
"He is our creator, we are obligated to help him in his goals and needs. He is stronger with us than he is without us so we need to help him in any way he can."
"*sob* *sob* why do they have to chase us?" Kanashimi cried in the corner of the sewer that was Naruto's mind. "We didn't do anything wrong, we just want to stay together, is that so bad?" Zetsubo sighed as Kanashimi said all of this while Ikari told him to shut up and Kyojin laughed. One day he was going to get away from all of these guys, they never understood the hopelessness in the situation at hand anyway.
"Or you can just give up?" Zetsubo asked.
"No, I can't do that, if I do that they will take you guys away," Naruto said in his mind as an Anbu triggered the smoke trap coated with his chakra. That had been made by Kyojin who had come up with the unpredictable technique, he really owed him one for that.
"They are Anbu, you are barely a genin."
"Shut up," and Zetsubo immediately stopped talking. Whenever their master told them to shut up, they had no choice but to do so. As annoying as this was, he was actually scared that one day he would tell them all to shut up forever, and he would not need them anymore. He knew it would happen one day however, there was no hope for them now.
"Run, now, as fast as you can," Ikari said after a little while, completely serious. The Anbu had chased the clones they had seen but that was not what Ikari, or the Kyuubi, sensed. They sensed someone that was kage level and was looking for him actively.
Naruto did not question him, he just ran. He ran as fast as he could through every nook and cranny he came across. However, it was not fast enough to outpace a sannin. He got no warning before colliding with a tall man with a lion's mane of white hair, a red forehead protector with horns, and a stern face. Jiraiya had been brought back to Konoha the previous day on a matter of utmost importance. At first, he had been angry that his sensei wasted his time with looking after the blond brat, but a quick punch to the jaw took away that anger and left him with bewilderment.
This lasted until his sensei finished explaining the situation and he had to be physically contained before he went out and killed everyone who had dared to lay a hand on his godson. He knew he shirked his duties, he knew that more than anyone, but how dare they do that to his student's son?! He had thought that Naruto would have been safer in Konoha than traveling with him and what does he learn? He learns that his precious godson had been raped, beaten many times, and overall shat on without his knowledge.
Now, he was being tasked with bringing his broken godson to Inoichi for therapy and hopeful recovery. He had wished he would never be forced to do something like this. He had wished for his godson to live a nice life in Konoha. How naïve and stupid he had been… "Come on Naruto, I'm taking you to Inoichi."
"No! No, you can't take me there! You can't take my friends away from me!" he yelled at the top of his lungs and Jiraiya had to quickly grab his arm to keep him from running again. His eyes widened in surprise when Naruto, like a cornered fox, leapt at him with wide eyes and crouched behind him when he dodged.
"I won't let you take them from me!" he yelled in a more animal than human voice as red chakra started to seep from his skin. He quickly knocked the boy unconscious before anyone could tell any chakra escaped and he sighed when he noticed a few tears trek down the boy's face before he fell unconscious. "Please… don't take… my friends away…" he muttered as he closed his eyes.
Jiraiya couldn't help but look at the boy with grief filled eyes. He should have gone with his gut and raised the boy. Now, he was too late and his student's son had to pay for it. Forget about the council, forget about the hokage, no matter what anyone said he was taking this boy with him as soon as he recovered enough. Anyone who disagreed with him would have to take it up with him. Personally.
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Inoichi looked around the sewer of Naruto's mind as he stood in the center of five pathways. He knew the 3rd went to Zetsubo's domain but he had been very tightlipped about the other pathways with the simple command to never go down the 5th path and go down the 4th with caution. He also said that the 1st and 2nd were not advisable but that he could go down them if he wished. However, he had to figure out what was wrong with Naruto and the best way to do that was to go down the most traumatic paths first.
With his face set in a grim and stubborn face, he began his way down the 5th pathway. As soon as he stepped into the hallway, if it could be called that, he felt a feeling of foreboding that almost made him turn around and go back to Zetsubo. However, he felt as if he would find out nothing else that way. Zetsubo had not told him much more than the events of the world before and the weaknesses of everyone they had fought, and he had seen all of the hopeless doors already. There actually weren't that many surprisingly. Apparently, Naruto had quite the strong will and rarely, if ever felt hopeless which meant less doors.
This path, however, was filled to the brim with openings. There weren't any doors, but if he looked down into the knee deep water he could see many memories. There was one of a villager yelling at Naruto, there was one where a pink headed girl he recognized as Sakura hit him, there was one where he was facing off against who he guessed was Sasuke at the Valley of the End. Oh, so that was where he was, Ikari's realm. Oh well, at least there was no-one guarding it, or at least he hoped there wasn't.
As he continued walking for what felt like hours he finally came across a… cage? And it was open. So it seemed that Ikari's realm was also where the Kyuubi had used to reside. Charming. He was about to call it a day with this discovery that there was a whole new pathway to look into when he fell to his knees after being hit by a massive killing intent. "Who are you?" a cold voice that sent chills down Inoichi's spine asked from inside the cage.
A figure stepped out and Inoichi had to gasp at what he saw. The figure had the head of a fox, a chest of a red monkey, a neck made of blue fire it seemed, a right arm made out of some sort of slimy material, a left arm made of scaly material with stubby fingers and a shell over the elbow, a left leg that looked like it came from a horse, a right leg that was made out of sand with markings all over it, 8 tentacles that came out of his tailbone, and two wings that look like they came from insects. "I must look like a freak huh? You would think so, you are from Konoha of course!" he yelled this last part and the killing intent multiplied.
"That's all you Konoha people are! Liars and hypocrites who call us demons and never try to see us for us! Even my creator lied to me! He said he would accept me and never leave us, he said he would always be our friend and look at us now! He relinquished his control to everyone but me, because I am the only one he couldn't accept! Even though I saved his ungrateful ass so many times, he wouldn't accept me, he only lied to me and made me think he would!" he said this last part with much more anger than usual and then turned his anger filled eyes towards Inoichi. "Of course you already know that don't you? Who do you think you are? Trying to get information out of us like we are your little puppets, you should just die."
After he said that, sand Inoichi did not even know was there launched from the ground and tried to grab him to crush him. He closed his eyes and accepted his fate, knowing he couldn't escape this monster when he was picked up and thrown out of the way. He felt a bit of wind and all of a sudden he was back at where he began with Zetsubo making hand seals for some jutsu. He slammed a glowing hand to the ground and Inoichi's eyes widened when he saw kanji go from it towards the entrance to the pathway he had just escaped and form a gate in front of it. This was just in time as the monster, Ikari, slammed into the gate's bars, frothing at the mouth and using every jutsu he knew against the bars.
Zetsubo paid him no heed as he turned towards Inoichi and sighed. "So, I guess I owe you some answers now huh?" Inoichi nodded fervently and Zetsubo sighed again. This was going to be annoying... He pointed his thumb towards Ikari and calmly said. "That, is what Kanashimi accidentally created when he released all of the tailed beasts," Inoichi was listing intently now, finally more answers.
"When he released all of our tailed friends, he forgot that they would have to leave a small amount of chakra, a jounin's full amount for us, behind so we could survive with the sudden lack of chakra. With nowhere else to store it, he stored it where the old seal was… Ikari's domain. I have already told you about Ikari, the representation of Naruto's anger, but what I did not tell you was that he was never fully accepted. For him to fully accept him, Naruto would have to do whatever Ikari wanted him to do for a little while. However, the last thing he asked Naruto to do was destroy Konoha, which he just couldn't do."
"This left the small consciousness that Ikari had left floating around in his old domain, helpless to help or stop the events unfolding in front of his very eyes. He was a shadow of his old self with almost no chakra but much more anger and hatred. When the bijuu left their chakra behind it had to take some sort of form so that it could stay in Naruto's body… what you saw there was the result. He is stronger that all of us, albeit barely, but Naruto could defeat him in a heartbeat. However, he is not with us right now so that option was out, I had not wanted to seal my brother so I had told you not to go down there."
At this point Zetsubo glared at Inoichi and before he could open his mouth Zetsubo held up one of his hands. "Leave, mind-walker," and Inoichi felt a whooshing sound all around him before waking up in his own body outside of Kyojin's body. This… would be problematic.
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AN: And that's a wrap. I honestly could not find a way to start this for a long time. I had actually ended up making Itachi hokage in one instance, making half of Akatsuki die in another, making Danzo and Friends (TV show still in development) die, as well as many other poor ideas. I finally decided on this one and I hope it is good enough for all of your liking. Please don't forget to rate and review and I hope you all have a nice day.
