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How Far Can Idiocy Go? Part II
by: Sorrowful Princess
Genre: Humour/Romance
Pairing: NatsumeXMikan
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Disclaimer: I do not own Gakuen Alice and I do not have as much geniosity as Higuchi Tachibana has. But I'll do my best to satisfy the readers.
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The brunette spent the rest of the day and the next day trying to find out what sex means, her scheduled appointment with Natsume to make love all but forgotten. She looked over everything she could think of; dictionaries, encyclopedias, and science books such as biology and general science, not to mention she tried looking for its meaning on the glossary of a Math book. Also, she went over to the library and checked out every section that she thought has got something to do with it. She never went to her friends to ask them. After all, everyone seemed busy and her beloved and trusty best friend is still nowhere to be found. And so she decided to figure everything out all by herself. In the end, all she could find out about sex were these following words:
Gender.
Sex organs.
Gametes.
Egg cells.
Sperm cells.
Reproduction.
Fertilization.
And zygote.
Those words only made it more difficult for her. I mean, what the hell are these gametes? What is a zygote? Is that a food usually found in picnics or what?
So what she did was look for the meaning of the words above.
Gender - pertains to being a male or female; masculine, feminine, neuter.
Sex organs - organs responsible for reproduction.
Gametes - sex organs.
Egg cells - female sex cells.
Sperm cells - male sex cells.
Reproduction - the production of offspring.
Fertilization - fertilizer?
Zygote - fertilized egg.
Mikan scratched her head. What the hell are these words? Sure, she understands gender. But if sex is gender, what is Natsume's reason to be so annoyed whenever Mikan asks someone to make love or better yet, have sex with her? Confused, Mikan tried to rephrase the way she asked Natsume in her head.
"Ne, Natsume, can we make love?"
If sex is gender, the question would be:
"Ne, Natsume, can we gender?" or "Can we have gender?"
But they already have a gender!
Mikan frowned. It seemed unlikely that sex is gender. So now what?
She couldn't understand sex organs, gametes, egg cells, sperm cells, reproduction, and zygote very much. But fertilization? Why, she often hears it! Especially when her grandpa's in the yard, taking care of the plants.
Fertilization. Of course it's got something to do with fertilizer!
But why would sex be a fertilizer?
"Tsubasa-senpai! Make fertilizer with me!"
Hmm, that wasn't so bad. But why fertilizer? It seems very unlikely too.
Mikan sighed. Now what? She couldn't understand a thing! What is sex? Is making love really sex? But making love is something wonderful! It's far from these gender and fertilizer thing! Was Natsume just making fun of her? Was he just trying to make her confused?
And what about all these egg cells and spermy and zygote? So there's an egg involved. But what kind of egg? Boiled? Sunny-side up? Scrambled? Salted? Those were the only things she could think of whenever egg's being mentioned! What is that spermy? Is it related to permy? Maybe it's some kind of seaweed...
Ugh. Mikan's having quite a difficult time. And there's also the matter of offspring... she often hears it from her grandpa, saying that birds always have cute off springs... what are they, anyway?
Sex, sex, sex...
Sex, sex, sex...
The word was haunting her like a soul that couldn't find peace on earth. It was haunting her like she killed someone. Moreover, the word bounces in her head like an annoying rubber ball that couldn't get settled for once. She scratched her head again as question marks popped above her head.
Really, what is sex?
-x-
Natsume spent most of the time sulking over his little idiocy of telling the brunette the keyword. He knows her very well, and he knows that as he dwelled upon his little mistake, the brunette must be all over the place, trying to find out what the damn word means. She's maybe even asking people, "Ne, do you know what sex is?"
"I'm such an idiot," he muttered under his breath as he flexed his muscles in annoyance. It was his fault why the brunnette learned that word.
"Yeah, but she provoked me to say it. Stupid nuisance..." Natsume kept muttering to himself. Yes, he was talking to himself. When he realized this though, he grew more annoyed and muttered something like 'It's her fault I'm going insane...'
He kept walking. He does not have any idea to where his feet were taking him, but he doesn't care anyway. Early that morning, Mochu told him that Mikan Sakura was always in the library, seemingly trying to find out something by herself. By the looks of it, Mochu went on, she's not having much luck. Anyway, he thought of personally confronting the brunette about it rather than she'd learn it from someone else, but what would he say to her? That sex is meant to make babies? And what would Mikan Sakura say? Oh, he knows very well what she would say or rather... ask. Of course, she would inquire:
'How do you make babies, Natsume?'
And she would surely ask that with a very innocent look plastered on her face.
Ugh. He can't take that. How was he supposed to explain it, anyway? Step by step? Huh. That was ridiculous. The last time he tried to explain it by saying couples do it naked, Mikan Sakura just told him that they'll do it with clothes instead. Can you believe that?
Doing sex with clothes on? Also, he was pretty sure that if he indeed tried to explain how babies were made in a very much detailed way, Mikan Sakura might think of him as the supreme pervert of the century. And that's not a very good thing, is it?
"Tch," the flame caster grunted.
Koko knew his thoughts very well. And he knew Natsume was having a mental battle whether to tell her everything about 'it' or not.
So what he did was suggest the most ridiculous solution to all his problems.
"Why don't you just let her watch some pornographic videos? I'm sure she'll get it once she sees what real sex means," Koko said with his annoying smile forever carved on his face. The next thing he knew though, his hair's on fire and Natsume was already leaving with a very annoyed expression.
That was the reason why he's wandering alone now. Because he doesn't want to deal with Koko's nosy alice.
And where's his best friend in times like this?
Just as his blonde best friend flashed his mind, he realized that he was now in the heart of the Northen forest. His feet had carried him all the way here. But that wasn't the reason why he stopped dead on his tracks. No. It was the fact that just ahead of him, a cave took place. And guess what he saw in there?
Yes, he saw his best friend. Together with the bear. But why here? And why in a cave?
Natsume walked up to him. When Ruka saw him, his face lit up, but then faltered. Natsume knew why he looked so down.
"Nothing happened between us," the flame caster said even before Ruka could open his mouth, and Ruka understood. Natsume and
Mikan didn't make love. He was relieved.
Natsume sat beside him and looked at his best friend. He looked hideous. He got these dark circles under his eyes and his lips were all dry. A few small leaves rested on his head and on his shoulders. He looked wild-as if he belonged to the jungle.
He has to ask.
"What happened to you, Ruka?"
"Well," Ruka croaked. "After you left the cafeteria together with Sakura-san, all of the fan girls went bersek and tried to harass me. No, rape me even," he shivered as he thought of the creepy experience he had, "I thought I'd never get to see the daylights again. But then my friend bear rescued me and we hid here. Every now and then though, fan girls patrol here to check if I'm here or not. They're looking for me. Thank God they haven't found me yet."
So that's why the fan girls were absent. They were hunting for him.
"You could just ask your animals to teach them a lesson," Natsume pointed out.
Ruka nodded. "Yeah, I know. But no matter how annoying and desperate they are, they're still girls. I can't hurt girls." he replied.
Natsume sighed. "You're too gentle, Ruka."
"I know."
There was a moment of silence in which the wind blew a little too hard.
"So..." Ruka started awkwardly, but Natsume knew where he's coming from so he spared his friend the difficulty of actually asking the question.
"That idiot didn't really know what the stupid making love means. She just asked me that, thinking that we would just eat gigantic howalons in the middle of a clearing."
Ruka couldn't help it, so he chuckled. The thought of making love and eating howalons just don't match. That's Mikan Sakura for you. The flame caster rolled his eyes, "Really stupid. And then she went to that shadow freak to ask him the same question. I'm telling you, that idiot's idiocy can be really annoying; to the point that I told her that making love is sex."
That's when Ruka paled. "You told her?" he squeaked, horrified at the thought.
"Tch. She provoked me."
"Does she know?"
Natsume snorted. "Of course not. But she's trying to know."
"Now that's a problem. We know she can be very persistent if she wants to."
"..."
Yes, Mikan Sakura can be very persistent.
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"Mou!" Mikan whined, exasperated. She still couldn't understand a thing.
Here she was, in the library, with a tall pile of books regarding sex on top of her desks. The librarian kept throwing weird glances in her way, scrunching her nose in suspicion. I mean, what was a twelve year old girl doing in the library with all those books about sex? Was she a maniac or what?
The librarian felt deeply horrified. The creeps were getting into her! Youth these days are so liberated, she noted.
Mikan messed up her hair by her hand, frustrated. These books weren't saying anything useful to her. The same words surfaced-fertilization, zygote, sperm cells, egg cells... Ugh! She was sick of it, oh yes she was. And where the heck is her best friend? If only she was here, she could just ask her. But no, she must do this the hard way.
The brunette skimmed through the same paragraph at the same page of a very thick and old-looking book.
'Human beings must reproduce to make their existence constant. To ensure it, sex must take place. The sperm cell of the male should penetrate one egg from the female in order to form a zygote-or the fertilized egg. Once the egg was fertilized, the development of a new being begins and the cycle goes on.'
Mikan slammed the book shut. What cycle was the damn thing talking about?
She frowned. She was getting nowhere. But she must find out what it means, no matter what.
Just then, a brilliant idea popped in her head. Why didn't she think of it earlier? Of course, her trusty and favorite teacher could help her! Much better than these books!
Mikan hastily shoved all the books back to their shelves and ran from the library. She knew she'll finally have the answer. She must waste no time. And so she ran... and ran... to where...
...the faculty room was located.
Once she reached it, she opened the door with a nice smile. Everyone seemed busy. All the teachers were present, doing their own thing. She quickly spotted her favorite teacher, reading something from a paper. She didn't hesitate. Bowing her good morning to each teacher she passed by, she walked up to him and tugged at his shirt like a kid.
When Narumi saw her, he smiled warmly. "Yes, Mikan?" he asked sweetly.
Mikan's eyes glinted. She's going to know what that word means. She knows she's doing the right thing.
"Narumi-sensei!"
"Hm?"
"What is sex?"
Gasps.
Gasps.
Gasps.
All heads suddenly snapped towards her. Jinno, who was working on a very hard thesis about mutating frogs practically spat out all the coffee he had in his mouth and stained his paper works.
Narumi paled.
Everybody in the faculty room had the same question bouncing on their heads:
Why.
The.
Hell.
Is.
She.
Asking.
About.
Sex?
Their guesses were enough to make them faint.
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to be continued...
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A/N: 'sup people? Here's the third chapter. I know I said it would be the last, but it turned out that it has to have a fourth chapter after all. Well, does that make you happy or not? Yeah, so this chapter was shorter compared to the previous ones. Anyways, I wrote this with a very bad headache, so I'm not sure if it's good enough. Tell me if it wasn't funny. Or if it was indeed funny. Tell me everything. Yeah you know how. Just review! I love reviews! The more the reviews, the faster I'll update, I promise!
I'm getting addicted to Luna. Hey, not Luna of GA alright? You know how much I hate her (but in her past she's nice so I don't hate her that MUCH anymore). It's an online game, I know you know it. It's just soo cute. I love playing it, though I only get to play it once a week. .
I'm still drowned by college works. Ugh, can't breathe.
Thanks for reading! Review alright?
Lots of love,
-Eurice-
