A/N: So, I've had a couple reviews saying that if I want to improve Outsiders fiction I should actually put some up. I'd like to thank those people, because they gave me an idea for one that I'm really excited about writing. It'll be research-intensive, plus pretty long, so it'll take me a long time to post it, assuming I finish it to a degree I find satisfactory. I just felt the need to share that, because I'm really happy about it.
Obligatory Yet Sporadic Disclaimer: I don't own the Outsiders or the oxygen theives that I make fun of.
Marks of Sues in Writing Style
The Unforgivables
You just should not put these things in your writing (any kind of writing, not just Outsiders fic). Ever. Seriously, it will make your story suck.
Chatspeak: You may use chatspeak while you're on IM talking to your best friend forever about all the dirty things you want to do to Ralph Macchio (circa 1983, I hope), but if you decide to go write it out through Johnny Cade, be prepared to speak English. It has been scientifically proven that if you spend too much of your time decoding rotten English, then your ability to work with regular English deteriorates. Do something for the nation's intellect. Write normally.
Author's Notes in the Text: If your name is not Douglas Adams, author's notes right in the middle of the goddamn chapter are banned in all fifty states. When someone is reading, even if they are completely engrossed, adding a parenthetical statement mid-sentence about how adorable you think this part is will wrench them right out of their concentration. I promise you, people will forgive you if you do not elighten them about whatever bullshit is going through your head every second of the day.
Rambling on About How Great Your Sue is: Before reading this portion I'd like you to do a little social experiment. Call up a few of your friends. Make them all meet up with you somewhere, explaining that you have something very important to share with them. Now, when they show up, excited to hear what you have to say, just prattle on about how amazing you are. Continue doing this until they walk away or one of them belts you across the face. That is what it's like to read a six paragraph introduction about how sexy, brave, kind, funny, smart, and charismatic your character is.
Anachronisms: There is pretty much only one thing a character with a cell phone, lip gloss, cropped tops, and lime green Chuck Taylors who likes to hum Fall Out Boy Songs could possibly be doing in the Outsiders world: acting as a stand in for her author (and being a terrible scourge on the world of literature). Even if they're not a big part of the story or glaringly obvious, like a classmate using an erasable pen, they just seem lazy and careless.
Telling Instead of Showing: One of the first things they say to you in creative writing courses is show don't tell. They continue to say this to you through the entire duration of the course. They will pound it into your thick skull until you're saying it in your sleep. The reason they do this is because it really improves you writing. Imagery makes a story more interesting to read. If you give readers a situation that shows how your character is witty or athletic you won't even have to explicitly say they are. People will like it better when you assume they'll figure it out, because it doesn't insult their intelligence.
Purple Prose: When a person goes too far with descriptive language, purple prose gets involved. Writing that is flowery, overdone, and adjective-ridden to the extent of purple prose gives me a tension headache. Hair can be blonde; hair can even be golden blonde or the color of wheat. Hair can never "flow down her back with the beauty of the ocean on a summer's day, but with the hue of the sun shining in a serene meadow."
Wooden Dialogue: In most Mary-Sue stories people talk as though they are being forced to speak at gun point. Dallas Winston wouldn't say "Are you joking, I would never go out with a girl who is like her." He would say something a bit more like "You gotta be kiddin' me. I broad like that ain't good enough for me." The characters in the Outsiders have their own voices. Use them when you write their dialogue.
Cheap Plot Devices: There are literally only a handful of things that ever happen in Sue fics, which will be gone over in the next chapter. What makes these things cheap plot devices is the fact that they serve no other purpose besides getting the Sue with her greaser of choice. Bad things never have any ramifications past two chapters after it occurs. They just make your story look like it was written by one of those online essay factories.
Shout Outs to Your Friends: There is a difference between a shout out and thanking your beta or any people who helped you with research and writing. Shout outs are something a bit more like "I WANNA THANK MAI GIRLZ SHELBEE AND MADDIE AND MEGAN!! YAAA!! And BTW Shelb I put u in this chappie, and you get to be wit SODAPOP!!elventy". Not only will a shout out like that warn everyone of collateral a Sue named Shelbee, but it will make everyone think of you as an annoying bitch that can't shut her pie-hole.
Tantrums: People will occasionally give you something other then glowing praise, especially if your story is shit. Sometimes this will be respectful concrit and sometimes it'll be rude. It is your job to sit there and take it. Freaking out and telling the reviewer off in the next chapter is the least professional thing you could possibly do. Seriously, if poor feedback really bothers you, go take a brisk walk around the block or even have a good cry, but then just deal with it and try to improve your writing.
Characters that Only Exist to Make the Main Character Look Good: Every single Sue fic has some guy who never learned to keep his hands to himself and a soccy, shallow antagonist. If not there to entertain readers or further the plot and they only allow the protagonist to put them in their place and, in theory, make her look awesome, then they don't belong in the story at all.
Actually Telling People it's a Mary-Sue: It's like going into a public place and announcing that you like to expose yourself to kindergarteners. It's nothing to be proud of.
The Occasionally Acceptable
The key word here is discretion. If you put one of these things in you story, don't just throw it out there without thinking about it long and hard.
Putting Song Lyrics at the Beginning: A lot of published authors include a few quotes before sections begin (for some reason the first one to come to mind is Stephen King…). This does not mean you can go slapping Good Charlotte and Simple Plan songs at the beginning of every chapter. However, if you have some kind of quote that you think really sets off the story, or a song that plays a part in the story (like it's playing on a jukebox where the characters are socializing), it's not a deadly sin to include a brief part of it.
Special Characters: No one wants to read about sparkly, perfect, ass-kicking Sues, but no one wants to read about some random smelly bastard who lives down the street either. You need to give us a reason to care about and be entertained by your character, without making them seem like god's gift to the earth.
Pop-Culture References: In most fanfiction, the mention of a certain band or movie is usually just an excuse to show off how awesome her tastes are, and to squeeze another little part of herself into the narrative. In Outsiders fiction pop-culture references (time period appropriate, of course) can show that the author actually put some time and research into what they're writing, rather than just stomping repeatedly on their keyboard, as most fanfiction writers seem to do. Just don't overdo it.
First Person Point of View: Most Sue fics are written in first person point of view. This is because most Mary-Sues are really just an idealized version of the author, otherwise known as self-insertion (insert suggestive hip thrusts here). The thing that matters most when picking a style of narration is your motives behind it. Only you know if you're writing it because it's most effective, or if you just really want to be in the position you're writing from.
Characters With Rough Pasts: Much like special characteristics, rough pasts can either make a character into a cliché or really help deepen them. If you're going to include some drama in your OC's life, then you need to have it affect her and the story. You can't just put write something about her being abused or running away from home for shits and giggles. It's honestly offensive to people who have had problems like that, not to mention the fact that it'll make people want to punch through their monitor.
Alas, I've lost my original source, but as a consolation prize check it out: worldhaveyoursay./2008/08/15/is-the-internet-making-us-stupid/
