This is a series of One Shots. None of the stories are connected and can be read apart from the other. But they all are about the same thing - other people's perception of the relationship between Jason and Sam. The fun part will be guessing who the speaker of each story is before it's revealed :-)
Title - On the Outside Looking In: The Funny Thing About Fate
Rating - G
Summary - Story 3 in a series of one shots about the evolution of JaSam, seen from the outside.
Spoilers - This takes place during the 11/24/2004 episode after Sam had lost her baby and she's on her way home from the hospital.
Disclaimer - Characters not mine. Just borrowing them. Please don't sue.
Written: May 12, 2005
On the Outside Looking In
Part III
by Nicky
"The Funny Thing About Fate"
I'm not sure whether to call nursing my calling or my vocation. Growing up, I always thought I'd be an artist. I loved to paint. I loved going into my studio and locking myself away from the rest of the world for hours. Sometimes even days. In the crazy, mixed up world I lived in, I found peace and order in my studio. I could create sun on a cloudy day. I could cover the dark, ugliness around me with pure, driven snow. I could even draw myself an entirely new world, when my real one became too much for me to take.
For a long time, Lucky was a part of that world. But after Helena brainwashed him, things were never quite the same. He became part of the world I was running from. And someone else joined the inner sanctum of my studio haven. It was someone I never expected and we developed a bond I've never felt with another.
Jason and I were . . . I never really knew. We never really had the chance to find out. I guess that was fate's way of telling me we weren't meant to be. Sometimes I get sad, remembering how close we used to be during that time he hid out in my studio. But then I get even sadder when I remember all the times I lied to Lucky about my feelings for him. It just wasn't the best situation. Fortunately, Jason and I have been able to remain friends throughout it all. Even that Courtney fiasco.
That was a mess. I'll admit that I was jealous of Courtney. She was the embodiment of all the fears and insecurities I had as a teenager. She was the tall, blond, beautiful woman that men fell for, the ones who made them forget about little old me. She was my sister all over again. Before Courtney, I thought it was only a matter of time before Jason and I worked things out. But once again, fate reared its ugly head and blew that theory out of the water. Once again, Jason and I were broken apart before we had a chance to get together.
It's a funny thing, that fate. My destiny. My reason for being. I thought my path in life would lead me to painting and Jason. All that changed when I met the man I plan on loving the rest of my life. The day my son was born, fate once again dealt me a hand that would change my life forever. Jason is a wonderful man, but his life is too dangerous. I can't subject my son to that kind of peril. And painting is still a love of mine, but it won't support Cameron and me. So fate brought me home and home brought me to nursing.
Nursing is great. Better than I thought it would be. School is tough, especially being a single mom. But the rewards far outweigh the downsides. I get to help people. I get to be the person I always knew I could be. Plus, I'm too busy to worry about trying to start something up with Jason again. I know now that would be a disaster. Fate only had to intervene so many times before I got that message.
But ironically enough, fate still seems to have its hand in my life, showing me in no uncertain terms that my life is how it should be. I guess once Courtney and Jason broke up, a small part of me hoped for us to try yet again. Fate is making sure I don't make that mistake again.
"Elizabeth," the head nurse on my floor calls to me. "The patient in room 308 is ready to be released. Could you make sure she gets into the wheelchair and downstairs. Maybe call her a cab. I don't think the poor thing has a ride home. And she refuses to call that handsome man of hers."
"I'll get right on it, Nurse Rogers," I say with a smile, showing more enthusiasm that I feel. I know who's in room 308. It's Sam McCall's room. I've been there more than once while she's been in here, but never while she was awake. I just could never come up with anything to say to her.
It's not like Sam and I were best friends or anything. But she's nice. I like her. And I think she's good for Jason. She seems to give him something that I've never seen anyone ever give him. She even almost gave him a child. I know that it wasn't his child, but he didn't seem to care. He loved that baby as much as she did. Of that, I'm sure of. It broke my heart to watch him cradle Sam's baby in his arms, holding that tiny, lifeless little body for the one and only time.
I brush away a stray tear before pasting on another smile and walking into Sam's room to get her. It takes everything in me not to start crying again. She looks devastated, crushed, and so alone. I don't know why she doesn't want Jason here, but it's not really my place to do anything about it.
She's silent as I help her into the wheelchair, pushing her towards the exit. I can't take the silence anymore and try to make small talk to make the awkwardness a little more bearable.
"You must be glad to be going home," I say, trying to sound pleasant.
"I'm not glad about much of anything these days."
Of course she isn't. I'm such an idiot. I can't believe I said that to a woman who came into the hospital with a perfectly healthy baby growing inside of her and is leaving with nothing but empty arms and an even emptier womb. I try to apologize and lighten the moment, but even that is a big failure.
"I'm really sorry. I didn't mean that. The whole foot-in-mouth thing I do a lot."
"No, it's ok. Listen, I. . ."
"Sam, I don't know if this going to help, but a while ago I suffered a miscarriage," I say, interrupting her, hoping my own personal story will . . . I don't know. But I have to try to say something. Maybe something I say will give her some hope. "The pain is unspeakable, but it does lessen over time. And believe it or not, one day you'll just wake up and notice the sun is still shining."
Okay, so that was corny. True, but corny. And probably not what she wants to hear right now. But that doesn't matter anymore once the elevator doors open and the last person she wants to see steps out.
"You're ready to go?" Jason asks her, confused to see her out the room and on the way out the door.
"She was just released," I explain to him before she can come up with some excuse to push him away. She may not realize this, but she needs him. And what she realizes even less is that he needs her too. I don't want either of them to endure more pain than necessary. Not when they can help each other.
My plan, seems to work. Because just about the sweetest thing happens, right in front of my eyes. First, Jason asks, "why didn't you call me?" He seemed so hurt that she's cut him out like this. It's my immediate reaction to grab him and hug him to shield him from that hurt. I guess it's the mothering instinct coming out of me. But I know they have to handle this themselves. I know I should leave them alone to deal with this, but I don't. Hey, sue me. I'm nosy. I, myself, am curious of the answer to Jason's question. So instead of stepping away to give them some privacy, I turn my attention to Sam to see what she says.
"Because you're not responsible for me anymore, Jason."
Oh, poor girl. There's nothing worse than feeling like a guy is with you out of pity. But something tells me that's not the case. Jason has real feelings for Sam. She just doesn't realize it yet. But after what he says next, she should have no doubts.
"Sam, I never was, but I still want to be the one to take you home."
I have to bite my lip to hold in the gasp that's about to escape. How sweet was that? Jason has never been one for lots of words. But he certainly knows how and when to say the right thing. And that . . . definitely the right thing.
I smile as I look at her face and realize his words have reached her heart. What he said about taking her home seems to be just what she needed to hear. She looks up at him with awe. He looks down at her with a look of . . . is that love? This time I have to put my hand over my mouth to keep him my shocked outcry. I knew he cared for her as a friend and roommate. I knew he planned to be the father of her baby. But this love thing is something new.
It can't be new to him, though. Jason just doesn't just give his love to anyone that quickly. I should know. It took us forever to face our feelings for each other. And something tells me that Sam doesn't either. But looking at her, I can see it in her eyes as well. No, this isn't new. The love has been there for a while. What's new is their realization of it. I'm not sure even Jason knew that he loved Sam as much as he obviously does. Sam certainly didn't have a clue. If she wasn't so heart broken over her child, I think she'd actually be happy. But at the moment, I think she's just content not to have to be alone anymore. And suddenly, my advice to her doesn't seem so corny anymore. Something tells me she's going to notice the sun shining, maybe sooner than she expected.
I step away from the two of them now. They don't need me anymore. They can handle things from here. I walk away, my spirit lighter than it has been in a long time. I'm finally free from the 'what ifs' associated with my relationship with Jason. What we had wasn't love. And I know now that it never will be because he's found his love. And fate allowed me to see it all, probably before they see it themselves.
It's a funny thing, that fate. It always interferes at the strangest of times. But it always seems to get the best results. Jason and I are finally in the place we should be. He's happy and in love. And even though it's not with me, I couldn't be happier for him.
The end.
