I WISH I HAD KNOWN

Chapter 3

"You stubborn, pig-headed, moronic, mad-man!" John's face was so red Sherlock thought he had no blood left in the rest of his body. Sherlock knew the insults came from a good place but that didn't stop the volume or the words themselves from stinging. If anyone else was around John would have kept his mouth shut. Since it was only him and Sherlock he knew he could say anything. Sherlock stood, testing his balance. Once he was sure he had it, he grabbed the robe that hung just beside the bed and slipped it on. Without really looking at John, he walked down the short hallway and through the kitchen to the living room. He grabbed his violin and stood at the window testing how loud he could play without any pain.

Calmly John walked up behind Sherlock and took the violin from his hands. Sherlock stares at his empty hands and slowly turns to face John. Without looking, John safely places the instrument on the mantle place while pointing to Sherlock's personal chair, indicating that he wanted Sherlock to sit. Not wanting to jump at the order he looks around the apartment avoiding John eyes. Seeing no other option he silently sits on the edge of the seat.

John clears his throat and slowly turns to Sherlock, making extra careful to make eye contact for the first time today. He speaks softly, "I am going to ask you what happened six days ago, and I want you to answer me truthfully and leaving no detail unturned. Do you understand me Sherlock Holmes?" He nods and sighs "Of course John. I will answer anything you ask. You may not like the answer but it will be the truth"

"Good. Now start from the beginning, what happened exactly six days ago when you left this apartment with a bag?"

Thinking for a moment Sherlock decides to tell John everything. "I left in search of a fix. I knew my brother would not help me and as you were out of the country I had to use old means to get what I wanted. I took the bus downtown to a small drug den where I purchased several vials of heroin and a few baggies of cocaine and took away to an abandoned house that I own and used it all within hours. After I woke from the drug induced sleep I found that I had no more of what I needed. Once my head was clear I took out several hundred from my bank account and promptly purchased enough to keep me sustained for a number of days. By the time I heard that you were back and I was able to use my motor skills I promptly texted you my location and the rest as they say is history."

John stared dumbfound. He had not expected such a clear answer. There was something else he needed to know before this conversation went any farther. "Thank you for telling what you did. But the most important thing is why. Why would you do this to yourself?"

"Why? That is what you want to know? Why I did it? I just told you that I took out several hundred dollars to buy them and you want to know why. Not how much money. But simply why?"

"Yes, Sherlock. Do not look at me like I am crazy for wondering why on earth you would do something so stupid. It is a very reasonable question."

"Alright John. Why?" Sherlock ponders for a moment, trying to find the right words. "I suppose because I had nothing else to do. There was no case. You were gone. And I had no music to play."

John stood motionless. That could not be the right answer! There had to be more. But of course there was not. Sherlock was simply bored. "No, you don't get to blame my absence on this."

"I'm not blaming anyone for anything. I am a grown man I make my own choices with no one's help. Those are the causes to the decision I made. That is all. I am not blaming you for what I did. I am not a child John."

Suddenly the room got quite. Without wasting a second, John held out his empty hand signaling for any and all drugs Sherlock had. His eyes slide from John to the violin resting on the mantle. John turns it over in his hands, he spots a false back. Throwing a look at Sherlock, he removes the back and empties a few vials into the palm of his hand. This isn't enough, thought John. "Where is the rest Sherlock?" rolling his eyes Sherlock mumbles "the shoes I wore yesterday" John fetches the rest of the drugs and walks downstairs to hand them off the Mrs. Hudson.

John returns to Sherlock after Mrs. Hudson had given what was left of the drugs to Mycroft. "Now that that is taken care of, get dressed. You won't be sitting around with no pants on when my wife gets here"

TWO HOURS PASS:

Sherlock clears the table so that they can all sit together easily. Mary sets three full plates on the table. "Sit. Both of you now" They sit silently for most of the meal. John nudges Mary under the table, eyeing her until she says something. "Sherlock, how are you feeling?"

He looks up. "I'm perfectly fine, Mary. Now John if you could keep from toeing your wife for a second that would be lovely. If you can't see she isn't feeling well. It seems pregnancy isn't agreeing with you, Mrs. Watson. Only four months along and you've gained 15 pounds, and you are very pale for someone who was just abroad for months."

Mary looks down at her plate chewing her lip nervously. Normally she would say something to him but she just didn't have the energy these days. Lucky for her, John was on hand, "Enough Sherlock. You are just lashing out and I will not stand for it. You apologize to Mary this second."

"I'm sorry Mary."

"It's alright Sherlock I understand. I have to go. I have a doctor's appointment in the morning. Will you be there?" she turns to John, waiting patiently for him to answer.

"I'll try. I have work tomorrow. If I can't make it, we will go for lunch ok?"

Mary smiles. She didn't want him to come to this one. There is no point, it was a simple checkup. "Of course darling" she kisses John good-bye but does not acknowledge Sherlock before she closes the door behind her.

John walks to the window to watch his loving wife climb into their car and drive off. Without looking, John knew Sherlock was sitting in his chair again. John had become custom to hearing the soft movements of Sherlock Holmes. He drifted down into his own chair, which had been moved back from the room to its proper place across for Sherlock. He studied his friend for a moment before saying, "You really do enjoy showing off, don't you?" there was a small smile playing on the corners his mouth. No matter how hard he tried he could never stay mad at his friend.

Sherlock locked eyes with John for a second before answering flatly, "Only for you Dr. Watson" he smirked watching John get up and had to the bathroom for a quick shower before bed. Once he was sure John could no longer hear him, Sherlock exhaled a large breath and murmured to himself one more time. "Only for you, John."

The second the shower turned on Sherlock relaxed in his chair. There was going to be painful days ahead. He could see it now.