"Do you guys remember that party we went to a couple months ago?" I asked. "The one where there were like, half a zillion people there?"

My friends slowly nodded.

I leaned against the hallway wall, trying to gather all of the thoughts in my head. "I think I had a lot to drink," I whispered.

"I think we all did," Carmen replied. "It's not really anything to be ashamed of."

"My head was hurting and it was so loud…" My voice trailed off and I lost track of what I wanted to say.

Lena was still squeezing my hand. "It's okay, Bee," she murmured. "You can talk to us."

"I just wanted to lay down for a while, so I went upstairs and was looking for an empty room…" I felt the tears flowing down my cheeks again as my breath caught in my throat.

"Ssh…"

I looked at my friends face, at the concern etched into their eyes, and I tried to hang on to them over the voice in my head.

"Ssh, Bee, it's just me."

I felt my stomach turn and I shot to my feet.

"Bee?" Lena said, grabbing my shoulder. "Stay here, talk to us, please."

"Don't say a word."

I shook my head, backing away from my friends even as they tried to reach for me. "No," I whispered.

"It's okay, Bee, you can talk to us. We're here for you, it's just us," Tibby said.

"It's just me…"

I pushed past Lena and ran down the hallway to the bathroom, slamming and locking the door behind me. I sank down on the mat in front of the toilet, my stomach heaving even though nothing was inside of me. The pounding on the door barely registered as I stuggled to hang on to reality, to just breathe.

I curled up in a ball and pressed my burning cheek against the tile floor. As the cold seeped in the sobs shook every inch of my body, and I let the memories overtake me.

"Ssh, Bee, it's just me." He turned me to him and raised a finger to my lips as a scream built in my throat. "Don't say a word."

The room swayed as my body adjusted to the alcohol I'd consumed. When he pressed on my shoulder to push me to the bed, I tried to push him off, but I was too dizzy and found myself on my back. "No," I whispered. "Don't."

He straddled my body, holding me down with one hand, while taking a drink with the other. After setting the drink on the dresser, he leaned in close. Almost all of his weight rested on top of me, and I tried to force him off as he caressed my hair. I couldn't move. "Get off of me," I whispered, but I wasn't even sure that the words actually came out of my mouth. "No, stop."

His tongue found it's way into my mouth, forcing it open to him even as I tried to clench it shut. I started to cry, and he slapped me so fast that I didn't have time to move my head. "Shut up," he hissed. "Don't say a word, don't scream, nothing. Do you understand?" He pulled a knife out of his pants pocket and held it to my throat. I was afraid to answer.

It was getting harder and harder to breathe as his hand found it's way down my pants, undoing the snap. "Don't move," he said, sitting up to remove his belt and slide off his own pants.

I found myself floating above as I watched the rest, almost in slow motion.

The pounding on the bathroom door ceased, and I heard the whispers and scramblings of my friends in the hallway. "Bee?" Lena called. "Open the door, Bee, please, you're scaring me."

I couldn't answer. I couldn't move. All I could do was lay on the floor, my knees clutched to my chest.

"You guys," I heard Lena say, "go find something to take the door off. We have to get her out of there."

"Maybe we shouldn't," Carmen replied.

"No," Lena snapped, "she's our friend, we need to get her out."

I heard cabinets in the next room opening and shutting, and without thinking, I found myself reaching up and unlocking the door. I sank back to the floor, my eyes glazing over, as Lena tried the door and pushed it open. She wrapped her arms around me. "Oh, Bee, sweetie."

Too tired to even cry, I leaned my head on her shoulder.

"I love you, Bee," she whispered. "Whatever it is, I'm there for you. We all are. We can make it okay again."

"You can't make it okay again, it's never going to be okay." I didn't recognize my own voice when it reached my ears.

Tibby and Carmen were back and leaning against the frame of the door.

"Bee, we're your friends," Tibby said. "We're your best friends. Let us help you."

I squeezed Lena's hand and focused on a stain in the floor tile. "I was raped," I said, barely audible. "I was raped…"