DISLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN DEGRASSI OR ANY OF THE CHARACTERS. IT ALL BELONGS TO EPTIOME.
Begin Again
Chapter 3
Clare's POV:
There he was. After everything my heart still ached for him, for his touch. And I realized that it was exactly what my body needed when he reached down to take my hand and help me up. I was going to pull away but I couldn't, I just pulled myself to him and hugged him. He tensed at first but then he relaxed and returned what I so desperately wanted. After being without him for so long my body was in overdrive taking in his scent and the warmth of his touch. It was almost too much to bear. And then I felt it, the pull. It was the same electric pull that we always felt when we were this close. I pulled away and the look on Eli's face told me he felt it too.
Me-"I.."
I was at a loss for words. I didn't know what to say. Seeing him definitely brought up a lot of feelings, some that I didn't know how to process. I was angry for how much he had hurt me, but at the same time I was overwhelmed by how much my body longed for him. The love I felt towards him was too much to deal with and the jealousy of him being with another girl set fire in my bones.
Me-"I..I have to go." I went to walk away but his hand on my wrist stopped me.
I begged him not to speak. I knew that his velvety voice would sweep me off my feet and I would lose this internal battle to not want him.
Eli-"Clare please, I came all the way here for you. Please hear me out."
His eye brows crumpled together with worry.
Me-"Ok."
I had lost. Eli had hurt me in the most terrible way but he had also loved me in a way that I never knew existed. Maybe Ali had been right. The week after I had gotten here she wouldn't stop calling me. She was trying to convince me every day that Eli didn't kiss Imogen. And that he would never do something like that to me. I didn't believe it then and I kind of didn't believe it now. I knew what I saw but I wanted to know what happened when I wasn't there. I mean a guy who cheats on you doesn't just fly across the world for you. But Eli did and he was standing right in front of me begging me to hear what he had to say. I missed Eli, I wanted him again. The need for him was growing and I knew I would give in to temptation again. He was like a drug and me a recovering addict.
Eli-"Will you have breakfast with me?"
Me-"I would like that but I already ate."
He looked sad. And then a light went off in his head.
Eli-"Ok, how about dinner? Could we please have dinner? There is something I need to show you."
Now that sounded interesting. I wondered what he needed to show me.
Me-"Sure. I'm staying at the InterContinental Paris - Le Grand hotel."
He suddenly laughed. And I realized just how much I had missed him. I missed seeing him laugh, I missed seeing the joy that came to his face.
Me-"What?"
Eli-"It's just that I'm staying there too."
Very dirty thoughts entered my head. Him and I in compromising positions and doing things that no one should ever see. I felt the blush reach my cheeks and I looked down trying to hide it. He lifted my faced with his finger under my chin and then rubbed my cheek.
Eli-"I've missed you so much."
I was taken aback by my reaction. Shouldn't I be pulling away? But all I wanted to do was lean in. I wanted him to touch me, to hold me and never let me go. It was in that moment that I realized how deep I was in. What if it was true that he cheated? What if he was only here to apologize and see if we could go back to the way we were? I couldn't be with a cheater. I had morals. I didn't want to be that girl who lost all her morals because she was in love. But it didn't matter, because in that moment I realized that I didn't care. It was quite selfish really. I was disrespecting myself. I should want more for myself. But I didn't, cause all I wanted was him.
Ali's POV:
Drew and I had just gotten off the damn plane, and my legs were killing me.
Drew-"8 hours on a plane is just way too much."
Me-"You can say that again."
We got a cab and finally after getting lost 3 times made it to our hotel. It was the same one that Eli and Clare were staying at. I couldn't wait to see her. I knew it was going to be a big surprise to her considering that I never really flew. I'm terrified of heights. I knew she would love it though. I hoped nothing had happened to her this morning when she hung up. I know last week I was being overly pushy with the whole "Eli wouldn't cheat" thing but I was just trying to make her happy. I knew Eli didn't cheat. Drew saw the whole thing and knew that he didn't cheat. It was all Imogen's fault but Clare didn't know that yet. I promised Eli I wouldn't tell her. I knew he loved her and wanted to tell her in her own way and I respected that.
When we finally got to the hotel it was about 5:30pm. I knew that I would be turning in soon but I texted Eli and let him know we were here.
Eli's POV:
I couldn't believe how lucky I was. I had found Clare without even trying. And I was so happy that she said she would have dinner with me. I missed her. I didn't realize it until I saw her. She was still as beautiful as ever, and she seemed to have that same charm she always had, but she seemed different in a way that I didn't get at first. The more I looked the more I realized what it was. She was broken. No longer did she have the gleam of hope in her eyes like she once did. No longer did she seem like the innocent pure girl I had once loved. Her eyes were puffy and I knew that it was from crying. I knew it was my entire fault and I couldn't bear the thought of it. I couldn't handle the thought of her crying herself to sleep every night. I couldn't believe that I had done this to her. I knew how much it had hurt me. But I couldn't imagine what she went through. I knew I had to make this better. I couldn't wait for our dinner date. After my invitation we both parted. I think she said she was going back to her room. I knew she needed time to think so I didn't pressure her to spend the day with me. After I walked around for a while I just went back to my room. I didn't feel like walking around. It was just a waste of time. My mind was so far gone and I didn't pay attention to anything. I didn't want anything at the markets or shopping places, I wanted Clare. But I knew it would take time. I knew that she didn't trust me yet. But I hoped that she soon would. I returned to my hotel room and ordered some lunch. I didn't know what one did in Paris rather than look around. I turned on the T.V but all it had on it were what looked like soaps in French. I flipped through the channels and saw what looked like some weather stations, but nothing caught my interest so I turned it off. I laid down and flipped through my phone. I ended up looking through my pictures. They were old ones of this summer. Clare had gotten me to take a boat load of pictures with her. They ranged from us playing games to dancing on the dance floor to her rocking out of stage. That's what I missed the most, seeing the light in Clare's eyes, seeing the young woman that she was, seeing the joy that she had for everyone. She is a miraculous woman. I just hoped that she would forgive me. I don't know what I would do if she didn't. I don't know how I could survive without her. She was my everything. My life. And the last thing I remember was crying myself to sleep.
Clare's POV:
I was in my room crying. I loved Eli so much and I wanted so badly for things to go back the way that they were. But I knew that they couldn't. Not until everything was fixed and I didn't know how long that would take. I would be disappointed in myself if I gave in too soon. I don't know what I was thinking earlier. Just being in his presence drove me crazy with lust. I loved Eli more than anything but I also loved myself and I knew that we had to work everything out if we were to ever be together again. I picked myself off the floor and made my way into the bathroom. I looked at the stranger in the mirror. I don't know how I let this happen. No longer did I see the person I once was. The happiness was gone from my life and I didn't know if I would ever get that back. I was scared to talk to Eli and take the step to work things out. As much as I wanted to I was so scared. I was terrified that if I did that nothing would be the same. That our love wouldn't be what it once was. What if I got back with him and I didn't feel that love for him anymore? Wait what? Of course I would. I felt it this morning when I saw him. But what if he doesn't feel it? What if he moved on? I didn't think I could take it if he didn't love me like he once did. We had everything. The world was our play ground and I wanted to do everything that was in store for us. Who knew where we could have gone, marriage, kids? The love that we once had could be lost and I was more than terrified that we wouldn't be able to get that back.
The thought of never loving Eli or being loved by him like before broke my heart and I cried some more. I quickly dismissed the thought. Everything will be ok. You don't deserve this and god knows that. He will take care of everything. I washed my face and realized that for the first time in a year I had looked to god. It felt good and I knew that he was still here for me. I just needed him to give me strength. I went to the bedroom and got down on my knees. And I did something I hadn't done in over 2 years. I prayed.
