Author's Note: Thanks for all those who took time and left a review. They were great. I had a stupid smile pasted on my face for who knows how long. I should really start leaving reviews for my favorite authors as well, who knew they could make them so happy. :D
I also just noticed the lousy layout of the preceding chapters so I fixed them up. They should now be aesthetically pleasing, haha. I also changed the typos I made. I apparently kept typing "Kinimoto" instead of "Kinomoto" for Fujitaka and Sakura's family name. I apologize for the mistakes. I was amazed you could bear reading the chapters with them looking that way. I'll make sure they're all good from now on, promise! XD
And to Esa MaRie, the first part was based on Area no Kishi. I started thinking of a plot when I started reading it. I thought that it was a good premise for a tragedy. It's hard to think of a truly original plot so I adapted the idea. I just embellished the way I wrote it, hoho. :D
All right, here's the next one. Enjoy!
Title: Memories of a Heart
Rating: T
Full Summary: Sakura lost her first love in a tragic accident three years ago. Syaoran's life was saved by a heart transplant operation three years ago. A chance meeting by a grave marks the beginning of a love that will heal her, and a love that will transform him. They say that there are two types of memories, memories of the mind and memories of the body. Will memories of a man's love remain in his heart even when it beats in another person's chest?
Disclaimer: I do not own Card Captor Sakura or any of its characters. They all belong to Satsuki Igarashi-sensei and all the wonderful members of CLAMP. The only thing I gain from the writing of this fanfic is a way to escape reality.
-oOo-
Chapter 3: Acceptance
Tomoeda, Japan
Kinomoto Residence
Sakura's Room
April 3, 2009
9:15 AM
"Are you sure you'll be okay alone?"
Sakura could see the lines of worry appear on Tomoyo's forehead.
"I'm sure," Sakura gave Tomoyo a reassuring smile. It did not ease any of her friend's worry away despite how much she wanted it to.
"But what if you need help or support? The…the flowers you'll be bringing will be heavy. It might rain and you might need me to hold an umbrella, what if you trip or fall on the way?" Tomoyo was babbling.
She must really be worried about me. Still…
"You've always been there for me since that day, Tomoyo. You've already helped me enough. It's time I helped myself."
"Sakura…" Tomoyo went to her and hugged her tight.
"I want, no, I need to take a step forward. It's something I have to do alone. Please."
Tomoyo hugged her even tighter but she somehow knew Tomoyo was smiling.
"That's the Sakura I know. Welcome back." She released Sakura and gave her a winning smile.
Sakura could help but smile back. "I'm not all back yet. I'm trying though."
"I know you are."
"Thank you, Tomoyo."
Tomoyo placed her hands on Sakura's shoulders. Violet piercing emerald. "Call me if you need me."
Sakura was always grateful for Tomoyo's presence. She was a mess after she had learned the news. Her father and Touya were always beside her. Touya and her father took leave off work just to be able to watch over her. Her wounds were superficial, nothing compared to the ones Shuichi got. The wounds on her body healed after a few weeks. She didn't know how long the wound inside of her would take to heal. She thought it never would. She was thankful for her brother and father. They put her before everything else. They told her that she should see a psychiatrist when she felt she was ready to talk. She never did. The days passed by and nothing changed. She felt like she died inside. She was aware of her family's distress at her state. She knew it, but she could do nothing about it.
Tomoyo was the only one who got through to her. She forced Sakura to sit on a chair, her hands holding her down.
"Talk to me."
That was all it took. No one around her asked her to talk about what she felt. Tomoyo was the only one. Like a dam breaking, she bared her soul. She told her of the overwhelming grief that threatened to drown her. She told her how her hand still felt the weight of her engagement ring. She told her of how she hated how unfair the world was. She told her how she feared going to sleep because she dreamed of him. It only served to remind her of what she lost. She couldn't remember all of the things she told Tomoyo. She only remembered that she spoke a long time. Tomoyo only looked at her and listened.
That was a year after he died.
No one spoke of the incident and no one spoke of him. It was as if he never existed at all. Tomoyo wasn't like them. She brought him up whenever she had the opportunity. Everyone else gave her angry glances whenever she did. Hearing her mention his name hurt Sakura deeply. Everyone saw this. They tried to reprimand her once.
"At least she can feel again," was all Tomoyo said. No one told her off her again after that. They finally understood what she was doing.
Tomoyo grew up with Sakura. They treated each other like sisters. Tomoyo knew her from the inside out. She was probably the only one who understood what Sakura needed. Sakura trapped herself within herself. Sakura needed to accept the fact that he was gone, and that she was still alive. She managed to bring a little bit of herself back. Yes, she was laughing and smiling more often, but Tomoyo knew that she still wasn't the same. Now that Tomoyo saw Sakura taking the initiative herself, she knew that Sakura was on the brink of moving on.
It took her three years but Tomoyo was finally glad it was close.
"Count on it."
-oxoxoxoxoxoxoxox-
Tomoeda, Japan
Third Shopping District
Yamanaka Flower Shop
April 3, 2009
10:52 AM
"Sakura, it's so good to see you." Michiru kissed both of Sakura's cheeks and embraced her. "So, it's today is it?" Michiru gave her a gentle smile.
"Yes, it is. I'll have the usual," Sakura answers.
"I've readied it hours ago. I knew you would be coming here today."
Michiru had known Sakura when she started Junior High. Her parents just opened their flower shop in one of Tomoeda's shopping districts and Sakura had been her first customer. She and her family were buying flowers to bring to her mother's grave. She adored the flowers Michiru had arranged for her and since then, Sakura always bought flowers from their shop. Michiru was one of the people who saw the change in Sakura when her fiancé, Shuichi Kimura, had passed away. She had changed from the sweet, energetic, happy girl she knew to the dark, gaunt and brooding girl of the past three years. There were only two times Sakura went to her shop for the past two years. Both times were to buy flowers she would be bringing to Shuichi Kimura's grave. She didn't recognize her the first time she came to her. Her brother Touya was beside her, supporting her, buoying her up. Michiru knew that Sakura had cried herself to sleep the night before. Sakura's face told it all. Her heart reached out to Sakura but she didn't know what to do. All she could do was to give her the best flowers she could. And that she did. She knew she had done a good job when she saw Sakura's face as she gazed at her work. She saw her jaw drop slightly in awe, however, there was nothing in the depths of her eyes. She understood the best way she could help was through flowers.
She spent an entire year studying flower arrangement. Sakura returned exactly a year after. Her father and brother were no longer with her. Her friends were with her that time. She didn't need anyone to support her anymore, but she was still the same as she was one year ago. The eyes she remembered as always sparkling had a dull, lifeless look. Nothing had changed. She may have looked happier, she may have smiled and laughed, but it wasn't any different. Sakura specifically requested that Michiru give her the exact same bouquet she gave her last year. No. Nothing had changed.
It's been another year and here Sakura was again. She asked for the same thing but Michiru knew something was different. It was in the way she pulled her hair back, the way she returned Michiru's smile and the way she tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. But most noticeable of all was the faint glimmer seen in Sakura's eyes. Yes. Something had changed. And Michiru sincerely hoped that change would continue. She finally saw a bit of the girl she once knew.
"I spent a little extra effort making this one. Do you like it?" Michiru asks.
"Yes, they're lovely, thank you." Sakura answered as she went to smell one of the roses.
"But of course, it's for you after all."
Sakura gave Michiru her most sincere smile, bowed and went on her way.
Yes. Something had definitely changed.
-oxoxoxoxoxoxoxox-
Tomoeda, Japan
Tomoeda Cemetery
Gate
April 3, 2009
11:00 AM
I can do this, no problem.
It was her father who suggested she go visit him today on her own. She had finally confided in her brother and father only a few weeks before. About everything. Her brother and father were as patient as always. They thanked her for opening up to them and they told her they would do everything to help her heal.
She looked at the sweltering sun that was almost overhead.
It was so different three years ago.
It had been raining hard when they brought Shuichi's ashes to the cemetery. All of Shuichi's relatives and their friends were there. All of them were grieving and in pain. It was nothing compared to what Sakura and Shuichi's parents were feeling. Sakura could not even stand up straight. Touya was holding her and supporting her. If he was not by her side, she would be a crying mess on the wet flagstones. She was burying her face against Touya's chest, completely soaking his coat with her tears, unable to watch as they were completing the ceremony. It was the only time she cried. During Shuichi's wake, no tears left her eyes. She didn't want Shuichi to see her cry. She remembered Shuichi telling her long ago that the thing he hated the most was seeing her cry. Not showing him her tears was the only thing she could do. But then, the truth of everything finally hit her. Shuichi was gone. He wouldn't be able to see her cry anymore, and so she let everything out. Touya did not complain as she continued to bawl all over him. He only held her tighter. She felt her father patting her head through it all.
She couldn't bear the anguish she felt. He was gone. She would never hear his voice again. She would never hear him laugh again. She would never feel his arms wrap around her again. She will never feel his lips against hers ever again. He was gone. Forever. The heaven's were crying with her.
She couldn't remember anything after that. Her brother told her that she had passed out from exhaustion. It was good that he was holding her then. She could only imagine how worried her family was.
They are still worried now.
Sakura let her feet lead her to where she was meant to go. She always managed to get there without seeming to think about it. After a few minutes of walking, she found the familiar grave. She wondered who always cleaned the grave. Every time she visited, it was always spotless.
She lit her incense sticks and placed the flowers against the tombstone.
I came here so I can move on.
Sakura had never mentioned Shuichi's name since he passed away. She was afraid that the pain would return full force if his name went pass her lips.
When I can say your name again without crying, I know I can move on.
"Shuchi. Shuichi. Shuichi. Shuichi. Shuichi. Shuichi. Shuichi."
Sakura fell to her knees repeating his name like a mantra. The spots of wetness on the flagstones told her she was crying. She continued to chant his name. She held her face in her hands. It was a while until she felt her sobs rack her body.
Just calling his name turns me into this.
The pain she felt at his loss was nowhere near healed. She still felt the void left in her heart when Shuichi left her. But it wasn't as consuming as when she had first lost him. This was the pivotal moment. She was left with two choices: drown in the misery of his loss or swim to the surface and face the light of tomorrow.
Trying her best to gain control over her emotions, she stood up and looked at the grave through tearful eyes.
She had made her decision.
"Shuichi, you hate seeing me like this don't you? I promise, this will be the last time. Let me cry just this one time."
The tears continued to fall as she stood staring at the name carved on the tombstone. When she couldn't bear being near him anymore, she ran towards the exit, not seeing the shadow right in front of her.
-oOo-
Author's Note: Yay, another chapter done. Gah, I can't wait to get to the fluffy scenes, too much drama isn't good for you, haha. Chapter 4 will be coming right up so you guys don't have to wait. :D
