"Harvey?"
"I'm sorry to turn up like this, but I had another one." Harvey said, obviously distraught and terribly confused.
"Come in, sit down." Paula said, opening her front door a little wider, and letting Harvey walk through. She hadn't seen him in a week or so.
"I really am sorry. J just don't know how to stop them, I hadn't had one for five days, and then all of a sudden, I couldn't breathe, or think."
"Was this one as bad as the first one?" Paula asked, recalling when Harvey came to see her five days ago.
"Yes, the last one wasn't as bad, I just vomited; but this time I couldn't even think or function."
Harvey felt exposed, empty, neglected and for the first time, felt helpless.
"Run me through again what caused the first one?" Dr. Agard stated, hoping that Harvey would argue.
"Don't you take notes for a reason" a cocky Harvey shot back.
"This is for your benefit; trust me."
Harvey sighed, afraid of reliving those moments. "I left Donna's and then it happened."
"Well, what happened at Donna's."
"I asked her why she left the firm, and she told me that she left because she was afraid of loving me."
"And why would she be afraid of that?" Dr Agard enquired, even though she already knew.
"I don't know, you tell me."
"Okay, you want my opinion? I think that that poor woman has made her whole life revolve around you. To a certain stage that her actions became dependant on yours. At first, she just believed it was dedication to her job, but it became her life. You. You slept together once or twice, and that, has caused her to fall in love with you, combined with spending 80% of her waking moments with you. Harvey, you justify your actions because of what happened to you or what your mother did to you, and what happened to your father. You are too insecure to throw yourself into a serious relationship because you're too afraid that you will have your heartbroken."
"That's not true." Harvey defended, just like the good lawyer he was.
"Yes, it is. You just have to accept it." Dr Agard explained, seeing the hurt in Harvey's eyes after talking about his mother.
"I don't see Donna in that way."
"But you've slept together, have you not? And it meant a lot to you, so much that you were scared because you had never felt like that, so you buried those feelings, and now you're too afraid to address them."
"We never slept together." Harvey lied, causing a dumbfounded look on Paula's face.
"Don't lie to me Harvey, yes; you did."
"You don't know what your talking about. Donna is just my secretary; we slept together once, twelve years ago and that was it. Nothing else. She never wanted anything else."
"No, Donna would have given her entire life for you. She did give her entire life for you. Harvey, you are 43, aren't you at all interested in settling down, having a family; or are you just going to live out the rest of your life, having meaningless one night stands with women have your age who you have to force out of your apartment the next morning. Do you want kids? Do you want to own a house, and not a bachelor pad. Do you want to have someone to share a bed with, to wake up next to every morning?"
"Paula, at least buy me dinner first." Harvey joked, hoping to lighten the mood.
"Really, I had you pegged for the gentlemen type who would jump for the cheque." Paula joked back,
"Maybe you don't know me as well as you though you did."
"Oh trust me, I do."
"Anyways, I should go", Harvey said leaning forward to take out his wallet.
"And come back when you have another one?"
"Probably." Harvey replied, standing up and grabbing his coat.
"No, sit back down. You need to deal with whats eating you up inside. Tell me how you feel about Donna, truthfully."
"I don't know." Harvey lied, blurring the question so that he didn't have to address what he couldn't stomach.
"Oh bullshit, yes you do Harvey; you just need to acknowledge it. You love her, and you know it."
"I love her like a sister, like I can always count on her."
"Do you think your panic attacks are a result of her leaving?"
"More than likely"
He knew it was, he just didn't know why it was affecting him so much. He could easily just hire another secretary, and move on; without Donna. But it wasn't that easy. It never was.
"Then how do you suppose you are going to stop having them."
"Get her to come back to my desk."
"And how are you going to do that?"
How? Harvey had no idea. Not a clue.
The room was filled with silence as Harvey was unable to answer the question.
"Harvey? Harvey, do you honestly believe that Donna would want to come back to work for you, for someone who she has declared she has feelings for, that are only one sided. Why would she surround herself with the man who she was in love with, who couldn't acknowledge his feelings. If I was her, I would have left as well."
That remark was left with silence as well. Harvey unable to answer, simply because he had no answer.
"Can you honestly sit here and tell me that you don't have feelings for Donna. If you could take away all the aspects that scare you, such as infidelity, lying, all those qualities about relationships that you are afraid of, could you be in a relationship with Donna. Do you find her physical attractive? Because honestly, the way you talked about her the first time you came and saw me, you were heartbroken, but clearly in love."
"Well if you think I'm in love, why are you asking all these stupid ass questions."
Harvey didn't mean to become defensive, but when he was unable to answer the questions he felt useless, and worthless. He knew she was right, but he wasn't willing to accept it.
"Because you need to acknowledge it."
"I have."
"Then why are you still having these panic attacks?"
"You're the one with the degree."
"Yes, but they are your feelings, I can only help you realise them."
After talking to Agard, Harvey had so many things running through his head. He didn't know how to manage all the feelings that she had brought to the surface that he had never addressed before. He went back to his apartment, and was so emotional exhausted that he feel straight to sleep. Of course, dreaming about Donna.
He looked into the mirror, to find his favorite red head laying on her side of the bed. It was 6am, and he was on child duty so Donna was able to sleep in. She was like an angel, so damn peaceful. He was luck that both Harriet and Gordon went back to sleep, as he made his way back into the bed to cuddle up with his beautiful wife. Harvey felt her shuffle under his arms.
"Morning beautiful" Harvey smiled, placing a delicate kiss on her cheek, to be quickly greeted by her lips.
"A good morning it is." Harvey whispered, as Donna had connected her lips to his, embracing her husbands morning glory.
Donna moaned into his mouth, as she ran her hands through his messy, un-gelled hair.
"Mum!"
Both Donna and Harvey abruptly stopped after hearing their son call for their attention.
"It's your morning" Donna said, curling back into her blanket, trying to force her husband to tend to their children.
"Donna, I can't."
It clicked in Donna's head that Harvey wasn't exactly 'decent', as she crawled out of their bed.
"Don't you move anywhere, i'll be back." She teased, walking out of their bedroom.
Harvey waited patiently for her return, excited for what was to come.
...As Harvey was rapidly awoken by the sound of his phone ring tone, he rolled over in bed to see who was calling. As he pressed the side button on his phone, his bedroom was illuminated by the bright light, and Jessica's name flashing on his screen.
"I need you in here now." Jessica's prominent voice boomed through Harvey's phone speaker as he answered her call.
"Jessica, it's 2:30 in the morning."
"We have a problem with the Wincsin merger, it's important." Jessica hung up, and Harvey barely managed to drag himself out of bed, pulled on some pants and a v-neck sweater and straight into the office; regardless of the ridiculous time of day. That's why he was the best.
