It's been way too long that I have updated this story, Sorry for that I got carried away with the other one I was writing. At this point in life it has been hard for me to keep writing with everything going on in life but I will do my best to finish all my stories.


I thought I had this under control

But apparently I don't

I don't know what to do

I don't know what I should do

I sat there hugging this girl for my dear life while I cried my eyes out. I hadn't even looked at her face but her hands rubbing at my back seemed to help me calm down a little. She kept on repeating 'that it is okay, that everything is alright' but nothing was alright. I felt an emptiness in my chest that would never go away, Monique was missing and no one would fill that gap in my chest. I knew I had dreamt with Monique but I couldn't remember what it was about, I remember her coming in here and kissing me but after that the dream just gets blurry until I am running down these halls. After I was calm enough I pulled away and looked at who had comfort me in these moments.

"Alice?" she smiled at me but her smile didn't seem as bright as this morning.

"Were you expecting someone else?"

"No. I just… I don't know. What are you doing here?" she stood up and handed me a tray of food that was on the table beside the bed.

"Well Ms. Sue was not feeling well these evening so they sent her home. I covered for her and I saw you didn't show up for dinner, thought that, maybe I could bring you your pills, some food and check how you were" I took the tray and look down at it then at her.

"Thank you." Her smile was bright again like this morning before she left.

"You are welcome" my chest still felt tight and empty. My eye felt heavy and I had a slight headache. I could just imagine my eyes would be red from all the crying I had done. I stared for a while at the food wanting to eat it but my stomach protested at the thought of eating. So I took the pills and placed the tray back where she had taken it from.

"You are not hungry?" I shook my head.

"Not right now maybe in a little while"

"Okay" her voice was low. I scooted back against the wall and pulled my knees up to my chest hugging them. Alice did the same except her hold was a lot more relaxed than mine.

"Is that your sister?" I looked at her to see her pointing at the picture.

"Who? Oh Monique… no she was my girlfriend I guess…"

"You guess?" her head did this side tilt in confusion it was so cute.

"We were friends but we liked each other more than that. At the end we had planned out a whole future. So yeah I guess that makes us like girlfriends"

"Oh" Alice sat there and I could see she was turning the wheels in her head. It's so weird but she was opposite to me in that sense. She wears her feelings while I hide mines… well most of the time. Thankfully she didn't ask about Monique or I wouldn't know if I could answer her.

"So um have you been in here for long?"

"About two years"

"How did you get in here? If you don't mind me asking" I looked at the wall then at the floor

"I umm… I don't want to seem rude but I rather not talk about that"

"That's alright don't worry." Again we fell quiet but it wasn't uncomfortable. Alice seemed like a nice person.

That's what they all seem like. Until you let them in and they mess you up.

Shut up go away and leave me alone.

Why would I? I am the only one who will be there for you all the time.

All you have done is cause me trouble.

I am not your trouble, I am your strength. I am your rage.

"Hey you there?"

"Hmm… oh, sorry I was thinking. What did you say?"

"I asked if you have any siblings?" once more I looked at the picture of Monique

"No. I'm the only child" a low hum came from her followed by a nod.

"What about you?" I spoke before I could event think.

"I have two brothers. We don't see each other often, most of the time I am studying which means I don't get to be home a lot."

"What are you studying?" something in her eyes lit up when I asked her that.

"Well I am coursing in clinical psychology. Do you know what that is?"

"I am guessing it has to do with crazy people like me" her smile was grew a bit showing some white teeth.

"You are not crazy Bella. Clinical Psychology has to do with the assessment and treatment of mental illnesses, abnormal behavior or any psychiatric disorders. The topic is very broad and it may take a lot of explaining. I have always love to volunteer in places like community centers."

"I guess there is where I developed this like for psychology. It is makes me happy to help people, for them to have someone they can talk to and help them move forward u know. It's not about them being crazy, sometime what someone really needed is a friend you know. Someone to listen to them, help them, guide them in their good and bad. This is why I decided to study psychology." It was to listen as she spoke. Her voice seemed to soothe me.

"That is nice, you seem to genuinely want to help others. There isn't much people left like that."

"Thanks. Most people think I am in this because of my parents, with them being doctors and all."

You like her don't you baby girl?

No I don't now leave

Oh I can tell you do darling. No one had engage you like this after Monique.

Don't you dare compare her with Monique!

"Bella are you alright?" she was looking at me with her head tilted to the side.

"Umm yes, I am." I stood up from the bed

"Are you sure. I was asking you something and it was like you were no hearing me."

We should play with her Isabela...

No! We will not now shut up.

'I'm sorry, but I think you should leave." Alice stood up from the bed looking confused.

"Oh… okay. Did I do something wrong?"

"No, you didn't. I am… just tiered sorry." Her head gave me a nod as she stepped in front of me. Alice stretched her hand out and touched my arm.

"See you tomorrow" I nodded at her with a small smile. She stepped out of my room to leave then gave me one last look. I had just laid down on the bed facing the wall when I felt the bed sink a little. I was tiered and wanted to sleep, all the crying had drained me.

The buzzer of all the doors closing sounded. My eyes were heavy and I knew I would fall asleep soon.

"It is okay my Bella. It will all be okay" Monique's soft voice sounded at my ears as I felt her hands wrap around me.


"Mom can I ask you some questions?" her back was to me ask she was looking in to some files

"Sure honey, tell me" her caramel hair cascaded down her pack looking so beautiful and I wondered how she could have her hair that long.

"I was wondering about one of the girls hear in the second floor."

"What about her darling."

"Well I have been talking to her since yesterday, I found her last night in her room, and she was tossing around in her bed. I tried to wake her up for a good while and when she did she was crying and I held her for a long time till she was calm. Anyways, so I stayed with her for a long while but at some points she seemed to space out like her mind was in another place and he body was just an empty shell. I wanted to ask you if I could see her chart." Esme turned around and looked at me.

"Would you happen to be talking about Isabella?" her blue eyes regarded me as I nodded at her.

"You said you held her as she cried?" I looked at Esme and nodded at her.

"Huh, that is interesting. Two years here and she has never let anyone have that physical contact with her like that. I fact she dislikes being touched in anyway. Alice I'm sorry I can't give you her chart however I am able to tell you about her"

"That is okay I already knew that would be the answer I just wanted to know her diagnose." Esme nodded at me before she spoke.

"Well we have not fully diagnose her as she is still in the prodromal period she is showing different changes that are making it a bit complex to dictate in which direction she will go, but for now we have her assigned under split personality. As you have notice she does have black out for short periods. I have seen this in her sessions with Dr. Roberts. One in which we saw her, sort off, arguing either with herself or with someone she thinks is there. Bella herself has admitted to hearing voices in her head. Dr. Roberts thinks that Bella is developing a split personality but I think she is in the prodromal period of schizophrenia."

"I see. What about this girl, Monique does she visit Bella often?" Esme shook her head.

"No darling. Monique passed away before we brought Bella here." I nodded

"I thought something like that from the way Bella addressed her in the past tense. So could that be why Bella is here?"

"Yes and No but I am in no position to speak about that with you. What I can do since I see you have taken an interest in Bella, is speak with Dr. Roberts and ask her to have you assist her. Maybe with you there in therapy it would be of help to Bella opening up more and help her get better" I smiled at her

"I would love that Mother. Now if you would excuse me I will go and give my morning walk around the institute." As I walked out I couldn't help but think of Bella. That innocent face and those beautiful yet troubled eyes that held so much pain in them.

I walked by the patio watching all these people in here playing games some just sitting around others talking to other friends.

"Well if it isn't my favorite ballerina." That bittersweet voice came from my left.

"CeeCee..."