PART III

I am faced with one of those rare moments where I have free time. Six-point-oh-three minutes to be exact, then I have to go to Auckland, New Zealand where a mother of five will sadly lose her battle with bowel cancer. I set my mental timer and instantly transport myself to my desired destination; Phoenix. I know I am only torturing myself by being here, but like a moth to a flame, I can't help myself.

I place myself in the lounge room of Renee Higginbotham's small home, also known as my mothers home. She lies on the frayed brown sofa, passed out from God only knows what. I tsk at her and walk the familiar path down the hall, and to my old bedroom. My memories of this time in my life are quite hazy, so I don't know what I could be doing in here, but it is likely that I will be stressed out about something Renee has done… or worse, hasn't done.

I walk through the closed wooden door and find my fifteen-year-old self mulling over a pile of papers, chewing on a pen lid and a deep crease in my brow. For a fifteen year old, I sure look old. I sit beside myself and look down at what my younger-self's reading; an electricity bill, well over due. I know it will be paid, I made sure they were all paid… but she doesn't know that yet. I caress her drained face, hoping to offer her some comfort, but I know the gesture will go unnoticed. This Bella's stresses only abate where her mother is concerned when Phil comes into Renee's life and starts paying the bills himself.

I walk back to the lounge room and stare at Renee, wondering what goes through that woman's mind. Whatever it may be, it certainly isn't concern for her daughters welfare.

"Bella."

I jerk around to find Jane has joined me in my mothers lounge room. "Hello Jane."

"What on Earth are you doing here?"

I re-settle my gaze back on Renee, "The same thing you do when you linger around Volterra in your spare time."

"Hmm. Agnus found me in Seattle and wanted me to tell you that she would like a visit from you soon. That girl is super creepy by the way, you really should get her to move on."

"I can't make her do anything, Jane. Besides, she has no one in heaven waiting for her, she was an orphan… give her a break."

She sighs heavily, "yeah, that must be hard."

"How's Alec?"

She shrugs a shoulder, "I don't get to see him much, but I'm sure he's fine. Not much can happen to him anyway."

"Not physically, at least," I retort.

"Well, I'm going, there is an old man waiting for me."

"Be gentle with him, Jane." But she leaves before I finished my sentence.

My younger self emerges from the sanctuary of her bedroom and walks to the kitchen, so I follow. She busies herself with the preparation that comes with making dinner, and likely trying to take her mind off the mounting bills. I look to the calendar, the month reads April. That means Renee will meet Phil next month, which will subsequently lead to the events that brought me to my endless servitude.

I don't remember much about being this age, but I know my adolescence wasn't as cheerful as Renee could have made it.

The woman in question has managed to rouse herself from her slumber on the lounge and joins Bella in the kitchen. She approaches from behind and appraises what she is making for her over her shoulder. Her response is a scrunched up face,"Bella, you know I hate vegetables."

"Doesn't mean you shouldn't eat them, and I'm not going to stop making them."

"Well, put the extra in the fridge for yourself for tomorrow night, I'm getting take-out."

"Yeah… about that, we're going to have to cut our food allowances. We are living well beyond our means and we need to cut back all luxuries; take-out and vegetables included."

"You worry too much Bella, it will be fine, you'll see."

"I'm being serious! our electricity is on the verge of being cut off, and the water."

"Don't worry Bella, let me worry about the bills, you stress about them too much."

My younger self sighs heavily and shakes her head, but remains silent. This is one thing about mother I remember, talking to her was like talking to a brick wall unless it was about something trivial like boys or Phil.

I'm nearing my the end of my free time, so I approach my hovering mother and kiss her on the cheek, "bye Renee." I then walk to my younger self and kiss her on the cheek too, "you will be happy soon… at least for a time."

With a final glance, I leave my past behind.