Disclaimer: yadda, yadda, yadda…
AN: Hello, fan people! Are your brains still functioning properly? Not in an insane asylum yet, dood? ...I must be doing something wrong, then, dood. Oh well, lol. :)
Anyway, I suppose I'll answer a couple of you guys' questions, dood.
Eyeshield: You got a good chunk of the references, dood... Though I suppose most of them were rather obvious, lol. The 'Underdogging' bit was in fact an Underdog reference, yes... dood. My dad has that whole cartoon series on DVD, and I rather like it. Blame him, dood. 'Through fire, justice is served' is a fairly famous quote from the cult classic N64 game Mischief Makers (and was used in the first Neptunia too, actually). You missed a few, though - an Excel Saga reference (the walrus. Ironic, considering it was written in plain view. I guess all the other references messed with your head, eh?), a Love Hina reference (the Narusegawa family. Also a little ironic, since Uni lampshaded it), and a Pokemon reference (Team Rocket. That is all). In any case, thanks for playing, dood. :)
Neptunia and Disgaea fan: So far, yeah, Nisa is mostly for gag previews. I can't help it, dood, her personality is great for that kind of thing. She'll do other stuff later though, don't you worry, dood.
...Also, to Some Random Tosser and Disgaea Gamer: Here's a light saber, an annoying orange, a nail bat, and a handgun that shoots chainsaws. Go nuts, dood (sits back with a bucket of popcorn).
Hydrocity3 and Lord Val, thank you for your support, dood. I shall reward you with more entertainment... and a couple of sardines for Lord Val.
Anyways, enjoy, doods!
-XO[]/\-
Level 3 – Critics, but not the Nostalgic Kind - begin
-XO[]/\-
We all know Blanc is a writer. We also know she sucks at writing worse than (insert hated author here – personally, I'm going with Stephanie Meyer for the obligatory Twilight Take That. FAIRIES SPARKLE. NOT VAMPIRES.). And like any good crappy pieces of fiction, her stuff deserves a good riffing.
"Heeey, Rammy, Rommy!"
And courtesy of Nep, it looks like we'll get just that.
"So, didja guys get the goods?" the lovable ditz said, looking decidedly shifty.
"Geez, you act like we're doing something illegal…" said a slightly annoyed Ram, "And I hope you know what we had to go through to get this!"
"Dangerous…" whispered Rom.
Of course, the twins' worries were justified. If Blanc had found out they were copying her writings onto a thumb drive for the purpose of letting others riff on it, she'd flay them alive. And then crush Neptune like a grape.
"Yeah yeah, now the goods, pretty please?" said an impatient Nep.
"Our reward comes first!" said a just-as-impatient Ram.
"Okay, here: all my tastiest and bestest sweets. You gals drive a hard bargain, ya know?" The two sides exchanged prisoners… wait, wrong story – I meant goods.
"Well, yeah, 'cause this job was MAJOR dangerous. Sis is scary when she's mad. Heck, even the Hulk wouldn't like her when she's angry!"
"Oh yeah, totally," agreed Nep, "It's like she digivolves into Blanczillamon or something." Then Nep got a mischievous look in her eye. "Oh, and I've got a lil' something extra too, 'cause I'm just that awesomesauce."
Ram looked excited at the prospect of another reward. Rom looked interested as well.
"Oh, oh, what is it? What is it?"
"What… is it?"
And then, without the slightest bit of shame, "Weeell, I've got some NSFW pics of Nep Jr. here for ya if ya want 'em…"
Ram blanched. Rom blushed a red so deep mere words fail to describe how deep it was, for it was seriously just that deep.
"What?-! Ew, no! I mean, sure, I do swing that way, who doesn't around here, but Nepgear? No!" exclaimed an indignant Ram.
"May I… see them?" said a blushing and highly embarrassed Rom.
Ram stared at Rom, somewhat horrified and inching away slightly.
"…I don't even know you anymore. My quiet, sweet sister Rom is secretly a pervert? What is Gamindustri coming to! The 2012 apocalypse is starting early! SOMEONE FORCE ME TO DRINK BRAIN BLEACH!"
While Ram was busy freaking out about how her angelic, pure sister could possibly be a pervert, Nep just said, "Well, they do say it's always the quiet ones… anyways, here ya go, Rommy."
"Thanks…" said a still highly embarrassed Rom who had somehow found a way to blush even harder.
"NOSTRADAMUS WAS RIGHT! I mean, I don't even know who that is or what he was right about, but since sis is actually secretly a perv, I'm pretty sure he was right!" And Ram's brain is still doing a blue screen over Rom, I see….
"Uh… are you guys gonna be alright, Rommy?"
"We'll… be fine…. I think…."
"Oookay, I'll leave you guys to it, then. I've got a sporking to do."
And as Rom tried to calm Ram down, Nep left, thumb drive in hand, to initiate the main event of this chapter. And she doesn't plan on doing it alone, either. No one should be forced to read anything written by Blanc alone.
"I wonder if Noirey and Vert would wanna join me?"
-XO[]/\-
Gathered around Nep's computer in her Basilibuilding were… yeah, does it really need to be said? But in any case, they were awaiting, with baited breath, their group sporking of Blanc's hilariously bad writing. They steeled themselves for stomaching the material that would probably be so inedible, that it would cause indigestion even before stomaching it.
"Sooo… ready Noirey?" Nep asked.
"Naturally."
"Vert?"
"I believe so."
"Alrighty then, let's do this!" And with that, Nep brought a work of Blanc's onscreen, this particular one titled The Grand Adventures of Lady Queen Shirayukihimesamakami the Heartful and Magnificent and her Elegant and Beautiful Axe of Total Ragnapocalypse and Armegiddo.
…
…
… Goddess, I already need a freaking drink….
-XO[]/\-
Lady Queen Shirayukihimesamakami the Heartful and Magnificent was a great and very benevolent queen.
Nep: I smell a Mary Sue!
She had short but flowing and vibrant brown hair that shone like the sunset
Noire: How can you have 'flowing' short hair?
Nep: 'Cause of the powers of Mary Suedom, of course!
and a chest that was perfectly sized, certainly not too small and definitely nowhere near the size of the terrible monster that had terrorizing her kingdom,
Vert: Seems like an author avatar or self-insert as well.
the monster known only as Trev.
Vert:…and apparently the villain is supposed to represent me.
Nep: Well, since it's just your name spelled backwards…
Her eyes were a beautiful baby blue that would cause both women and men to swoon, her skin was a creamy porcelain that gave her the appearance of an angel, and her legs were sexy.
Noire:…What? She couldn't come up with something more indulgently descriptive for her legs?
All who cast eyes on Lady Queen Shirayukihimesamakami the Heartful and Magnificent
Nep: Wow, is she really gonna write that whole thing out everytime?
Were instantly smitten by her great beauty and decided to become her allies or subjects,
Nep: Oh Goddess, the Lady Queen's trying to do an Assimilation Plot! Save yourself, Noirey!
Noire (blushing): Good grief, Neptune…
With the exception of the terrible, ugly, vile, hateful, boob monster Trev, of course.
Vert: Oh dear, Blanc must really be envious of my chest…
Nep: Meh, she should be glad that her boobs still aren't as small as Nisa's…
-XO[]/\-
Elsewhere, Nisa suddenly had a strong desire to do something decidedly unjust and villain-like to Neptune. Huh, weird….
-XO[]/\-
And after the terrible monster Trev kidnapped the neighboring kingdom's Princess, Princess Apmoc
Nep: Say wha?
Noire:…I guess Blanc has a crush on Compa?
Nep:…Wow. I was only joking about that being into Compa thing in the first game…
Lady Queen Shirayukihimesamakami the Heartful and Magnificent
Nep: Geez, can't we just call her Mid-Boss or something?
Took hold of her Elegant and Beautiful Axe of Total Ragnapocalypse and Armegiddo
Noire: That name is equal parts terrifying and stupid…
Vert: Can we just call it the Infinity Plus One Axe?
And set off to defeat the vile monster Trev and save Princess Apmoc from her foul and massive-breasted clutches…
Vert: Blanc really shouldn't have to be so jealous. I mean, aren't there people who like girls of Blanc's size?
Nep: Yeah, there are plenty of people with a Pettanko fetish. That's why I never worry about the whole chest thing.
Noire: …Says the girl with the extremely well-endowed HDD form…
Nep: Ah come on, Noirey! It's not like I can stays in that form forever! You're such a meanie girlfriend…
Noire: H-Hey!
And so she trekked, night and day, through dark caves, mysterious forests, and searing deserts, all filled with legions of monsters that met their end by the blade of the Elegant and Beautiful Axe of Total Ragnapocalypse and Armegiddo.
Nep: Boooring. Show, don't tell!
After many days and nights, she reached the vile monster's foul lair, filled with pollution and junk the stupid beast must have thought to be treasure.
Vert: A jab at my game collection, it seems.
Moments later, Lady Queen Shirayuki-
Nep: Yeah, let's just skip that, okies?
Noire: No complaints there.
-and Magnificent found the creature and its captive.
"Help me!" pleaded Princess Apmoc, "Help me, Lady Queen-"
Nep: Skipping.
"-and Magnificent! Save me from this foul beast!"
"GRAWR." Roared the monster Trev, "U IZ NO MATCH FOR MAH BIG BEWBIES, nOoB. Y DUN U GO HUM?"
Vert: …I'm starting to get rather offended…
Nep: I'll get Iffy ta cheer ya upsies later.
Vert: Thank you, Neptune.
"Never, shithead!" shouted Lady-
Noire: No.
Vert: I see her mouth is still present even in her fiction…
-nificent. Then, bringing forth her Elegant and Beautiful Axe-
Nep, Noire, Vert: Skip it.
-and Armegiddo, Lady-
Nep, Noire, Vert: Skip it.
-cent proceeded to do battle with the monster.
"GRAWR." It roared. "SEW B IT. NOW U DIE."
CRASH! CLANG! BOOM! BLAM! It was a long and difficult battle, but in the end, Lady Queen-
Nep: Ah, crackers…
-ent defeated the foul Trev, and with little injury to her beautiful, goddess-like form.
Nep: Mary Sue! Also, show, don't tell! Seriously, where's the sweet stuff?... Mmmm, sweets…
Noire: Geez Neptune, you and your sweets… I guess I could get you some later, though. N-Not that I want to or anything.
Vert: I question why you still do that even though you two are in a relationship.
Noire: Shut up.
And with the monster defeated, Lady-
Noire: (sigh) That's getting rather annoying.
-t freed the captive Princess Apmoc.
"Oh, thank you Lady-"
Vert: Must she really insist on writing the entire thing every time?
-ent!" exclaimed the grateful Apmoc, "However can I repay you?"
Nep: 'You can do me!' said Lady blah.
Noire: N-Neptune!
"I can think of a few ways," said Lady-
Vert: I'm starting to want to rage quit…
-ent. And with that, Lady-
Nep, Noire, Vert: NO!
-ent began undressing Princess Apmoc, who, realizing what her savior wanted, happily complied.
Nep: …No way, I was only joking. Really?
And after Lady Queen Shirayukihimesamakami the Heartful and Magnificent
Noire: Yeah, we give up.
Undressed herself as well, the two women's sweet lips met as they began to engage in beautiful intercourse.
Nep: Yup. Looks like they really are doin' the deed.
Their tongues did a beautiful dance as their hands ran along each others' bodies-
Noire (blushing): …Maybe we should stop here…
Nep: But it's just getting to the good part, Noirey!
Vert: Yes, why not keep going?
Noire: We're stopping.
Vert: (sigh) Very well.
Nep (pouting): Ah, man. Meanie girlfriend… But then again, Zdood probably doesn't want an M-rating just yet, anyway….
-XO[]/\-
Done reading Blanc's work of fiction, the general consensus was clear.
"Well, that was terrible." Said Neptune, as bluntly as possible, "And judging by the other stuff on the drive, it's one of her later things… which means it's probably better than a lot of her other stuff!"
"I do have to give her credit for her grammar and spelling," said Vert, "but still… that was rather hard to stomach. Blanc's insistence on using that entire name every time didn't help, either…"
"Oh, you mean Lady Queen Shira-"
SMACK! "No, Neptune." Said an annoyed Noire.
"Owies! Meanie girlfriend…" said a Nep who was rubbing her aching head.
"S-Stop calling me that…" Noire blushed, then said, "Anyways, I don't think we should try this again, not for a while at least. I mean, that was… yeah."
"Well, till next time, then!" exclaimed Nep. Exchanging goodbyes (and vowing to keep their sporking a secret from Blanc), Vert decided to go home. Noire decided to stay for a bit longer. N-Not that it was for quality time with Nep or anything.
"So…" began Nep, looking mischievous, "Wanna mess around, Noirey? I'm kinda in the mood after reading that last part of the story…"
"N-Neptune!" exclaimed an embarrassed Noire.
"Ah, come on, no one else is here right now… Nep Jr. is off doing… something, Iffy and Compa are doin' something else, and Histy is doin' somethin' too!"
"W-Well…" stammered Noire, blushing and turning away, "I… I'll think about it!" She began walking off, Nep right behind her.
"Pretty pleeease?" said Nep, donning the Puppy Dog Eyes of Doom ™.
"I said I'll think about it!"
"Tease…"
-XO[]/\-
Level 3 end
-XO[]/\-
~Concept Art Corner~
Ram: Uh, you do know that that 2012 joke is going to be really outdated sooner or later, right?
Zdood: Don't care, dood.
Ram: Also, how dare you make my sister a pervert!
Zdood: Don't care, dood.
Ram: …Huh? That doesn't really seem like a fitting answer-
Zdood: Don't care, dood.
Ram: …Am I talking to a cardboard cutout with a tape recorder on the back?
Zdood: Don't care, dood.
Ram: … (transforms)
Not Zdood: Don't care, do- (SMASH)
-XO[]/\-
Episode Preview:
Nisa: FISTS OF JUSTICE, GO! We must locate that vile villain!
Iffy: What's she on about now?
Nisa: We must locate that horrid cretin who slandered my busom's good name this chapter!
Nep (looking shifty): Oh, haha, is… is that so? (whistles innocently)
Nisa: YES! Though I had the bizarre feeling that it was Lady Purple Heart that did this, it must surely be my imagination, or a trick by an evil mastermind to turn me against her! And I'm pretty sure it's the evil mastermind!
Nep (relieved): O-Oh, uh, yeah, totally. Let's go find this jerk and kick his booty!
Iffy: …No comment.
Nisa: Next time, on Super Hyperdimensional Justice Nisa, "Pettankos Unite! Don't Angst About the A-Cup, for it is the True Most Common Superpower!
Etna: LET'S KILL THAT BASTARD!
Nep: …Yeah!... (nervous giggling)
Iffy: Oh, lookie, what a surprise. It's Etna from Disgaea. I told you Disgaea characters would inevitably start showing up.
Nisa: Pettankos of the world, stay tuned!
-XO[]/\-
AN: ...I have to ask, because I'm dying to know: How many of you actually double-checked the first chapter last chapter when I mentioned leaving Compa out of the harems? Be honest, dood...
Fun fact: 'Shirayukihimesamakami' roughly translates to 'White Snow Princess Lord God,' if I'm not mistaken anyway, dood.
...And, because it's probably worth noting, I occasionally pop by the NISA forums. I don't have an account (yet), I just read stuff. Yeah. Just throwin' it out thar, dood.
More importantly, I might start the first story arc next chap - the Iffy's Harem arc. Look forward to it, dood, 'cuz I know Iffy probably won't!
