Author's Note: As I was writing this...I really wanted cake. .
Disclaimer: I don't own BTR.
Chapter Three
Kendall stared at me with wide eyes. "What?"
"James and I…we broke up. Well, he broke up with me but that's beside the point." I watched as he blinked, still stunned from the news that two of his best friends had been seeing each other without his knowledge.
"You're gay," he asked, his voice higher from the surprise.
"Oh, you didn't know," I whispered, remembering why I hadn't begun hitting on him before. "Yeah, I'm gay."
He stayed silent, unable to process it all. "And James is too?"
I chuckled at that. "Kendall, James is bi. He'll take anything breathing on two legs that's consenting. But he falls in love with guys more often than girls."
"Why," Kendall began then licked his lips, still trying to get used to this. "Why did you two break up?"
I looked down, fiddling nervously with the water bottle. "You can't tell Carlos…but James has been in love with him for a long time. The only reason he got with me was because it was convenient for us both when one of us needed a release. He ended it because he saw an opening with Carlos."
That gave Kendall back his confidence. "He what," he growled.
"It's fine Kendall really. I knew that was what our relationship was. I just got…confused. I thought he felt something more for me."
He stayed silent, watching my every movement, trying to figure out if I was just trying to be strong or if I was telling the truth. He sighed and grabbed my wrist pulling me into a hug. I instantly relaxed into his hold, melting into him in a way that screamed of my love for him. But luckily, it also screamed hurt and pain, which Kendall took to mean that James had broken my heart.
"Logie," he whispered, one arm wrapped around my waist and the other hand moving to pet my hair. My face was buried in his neck and I closed my eyes moving my hands to his back to hold him closer to me. "You deserve someone who is really going to love you, not someone who's just using you to get off."
I shivered and clung to him, feeling my heart beat increase frantically at his words. I knew this wasn't some sappy romance. I knew he wouldn't end his sentence with 'someone like me' no matter how badly I wanted it to be. I knew he was just trying to cheer up his friend. But none of that stopped my mind from throwing images of Kendall kissing me, taking me on dates, just being with me. And knowing that none of that would ever happen finally caused the tears I had been fighting to fall.
He felt the moisture on his neck and hushed me softly, even though I wasn't making any noise, as he pet my hair and held me closer.
I didn't want this to end. I held my eyes shut tight, trying to memorize the way my body fit perfectly against his, or the way his hand combed through my hair. There was nothing like this in the world. No one could ever hold me the way Kendall was right now. And I honestly didn't want anyone to try. I would take this pain of knowing that I was nowhere near what he wanted. That I would never have the soft curves and hair that Kendall loved to touch. I would take all of that, as long as I could keep this moment in my mind forever.
He stayed silent, just held me closer when my hands tightened on his back. His hand continued to run through my hair as he bent down slightly, careful not to move me from my position, to rest his chin on my shoulder.
xoxo
If I had to guess, I'd say we stayed like that for ten minutes. I was able to memorize the position, the smell and the feeling it gave me…but not the way it felt to have him hold me. I could remember how he held me, and how I felt but not the direct feeling of his hands on me.
He had finally let go of me when we heard Carlos in the hall rummaging for food. He had smiled a soft, sort of shocked smile, and left. Leaving me breathless.
That was two hours ago.
I now sat in my room watching the clock as I tried to throw myself into sleep. More accurately a sleep in which Kendall was holding me close. I was failing. I couldn't imagine the way he'd lay on a bed without seeing Jo under him.
A soft knock at my door shook me from my thoughts. "Yeah," I called back softly.
The door opened to reveal Carlos, smiling shyly, which just made me nervous.
"Can I talk to you?" He closed the door behind him and moved to my bed, sitting on the edge.
"Yeah of course, you know I'm here for you."
Carlos nodded and fidgeted, holding the end of his shirt in his hands like he was examining it. "James and I…after dinner…we went to his room to play some games you know?" He looked up at me briefly before moving them back to his shirt. "Well, while we were there, James started doing his…James thing you know? Where he flirts with you without realizing it?"
I smiled, knowing it was always on purpose. "Yeah."
"Right, I don't know what happened…but I kissed him," Carlos mumbled. I barely understood but knew he'd never repeat it.
"And," I whispered questioningly. "Did you like it?"
Carlos's head sprung to face me, his eyes wide and filled with relief. "You're ok with it?"
I chuckled and nodded. "Of course I am, as long as you and James are happy."
He grinned and nodded. "I am," he whispered. "I didn't realize that I liked him…until I was kissing him."
I smiled and whispered, "so why are you talking to me and not making out with him?"
Carlos chuckled. "You have an excellent point." He stood up and turned to leave but paused in the doorway. "Thanks Logan."
I smiled and nodded, "no big deal you know, bleep blop bloop."
He laughed and shook his head, closing the door behind him as he left. I smiled and lay back down. The past few hours had almost, made up for this night as a whole.
Suddenly, as if a lion woke up, my stomach roared angrier than before. I moaned in pain and sighed, dragging myself to the kitchen.
Opening the fridge I saw a white box that hadn't been there before. I titled my head and grabbed it, opening it slowly to look inside.
"Hey," Kendall cut through my thoughts. "Put it back, Jo got me those last night."
And just like that the images came crashing down on me again. I nodded, smiling and shoved it back in there as I quietly continued to search out food.
"Sorry about your food by the way," Kendall began, moving to sit on one of the stools. "Jo was really hungry and when we saw you were sleeping we figured you wouldn't mind."
My hand froze as I touched the cake. I shook my head and grabbed it, moving to the counter with it to cut myself another slice big enough for four.
"Logan you really do need to eat something besides cake once and a while," he teased. I could hear the smirk on his lips. "You're gonna start to taste like it."
"James used to say I was sweeter than what he'd tasted before," I mumbled, putting my piece on a plate and shoving the rest back into its place.
Kendall stared at me wide eyed and I hid my smirk. I enjoyed catching him off guard, making him think of what I would taste like. He shook his head and rubbed his forehead. "Didn't need that image in my head, thanks man," he groaned.
I smiled and took a bite of the cake. It tasted bitter this time, I took it as my mood and ignored it. "You're welcome."
"But really, tomorrow try and eat a real meal before stuffing your face with cake?"
I nodded and continued eating.
"Gustavo will throw a fit if you get fat," he smirked.
"Blow me Kendall." I ate another bite and smirked at him.
Kendall stared and then laughed shaking his head. "Good night, Logie."
I smiled and nodded taking another bite.
