Summary: Treasure every moments with your loved ones because we wouldn't be able to predict what would happen next in our lives. They learned their lesson the hard way.
believe
Tidus gazed at his hands, watched as it illuminated briefly before going back to what it originally was. His time was running out. He feared how Yuna would react. Remembering that he already spilled the beans, he would be gone after this battle.
She caught his gaze, pain evident in her eyes as she whispered, "No." While moving her head side to side.
"Yuna," He said, smiling bitterly, moving to hide his hands from her view. "I have to go." She shook her head still, clenching her hands. "I'm sorry I can't show you to Zanarkand."
Tidus turned to the others and said, "Goodbye." He started to walk away.
Yuna stared in disbelief. No, no, no! It was all she could think of as she watched him go. She opened her mouth to say something, anything to stop him but closed it soon.
"We're gonna see you again right? Right?" Rikku asked.
Will he really disappear? Her chest constricted at the thought. Before she knew it, she was running to him. Reaching her hands because she doesn't want him to go.
"Yuna!" Kimahri exclaimed.
Tidus turned as he heard her footsteps. He opened his arms to welcome her embrace but... Instead of reaching him, she passed through him.
She didn't even heard the sound of their friends gasps as she slumped on the ground. All she could think of was him. He was starting to fade, she realized with a jolt. And there was nothing she could do to stop it.
Light was everywhere as the pyreflies floated in the wind, reaching up to the skies. Yuna watched solemnly as a lone pyrefly flew up in front of her face. She felt the coldness of the ground on her cheek.
I won't cry. I don't want to cry.
Using her arms, she lifted herself up, successfully managed to suppress a hiccup when she rose. But hearing his choked up sobs made her eyes feel burn even more, she raised her head up to prevent the tears that might fall.
Her mind struggled to choose among the words dancing in her mind, words that she longed to convey and still wasn't able to. All she found herself muttering was, "Thank you." And maybe that was enough to say it all.
Tidus turned, his gaze stayed at her for a long time. Committing her image to his memory. He whispered her name on his lips. And slowly, he walked to her.
Yuna heard each thud of his footsteps but what he did was far from what she expected—he hugged her. Her lips parted in surprise when she saw his partially fading arms wrap itself around her. Warmth, comfort flooded in. He was embracing her and for a moment, she felt that nothing was wrong.
The feeling intensified when she closed her eyes, to savor the moment and to hold the tears in. Not feeling anything, except for his warmth. Not hearing anything, except for her loud heartbeat. Just focusing on this very important last moment. Yuna still can't grasp its reality. She didn't dare try to raise her hand, fearing that the magic would fade if she moved.
Something flickered in her eyes when he moved. He inhaled deeply, went forward and passed through her. That made Yuna gasp in shock.
Any doubts that remained deep in her heart about how he felt for her disappeared as she understood it all. In that short amount of time, glimpses of his memories, what was on his mind and heart was showed to her. From the overflowing confusion as to why he was brought in Spira, the frustration in the lack of knowledge about this world, the sadness and regret he felt when he learned the truth about her pilgrimage, the care and love for his comrades that grew in their journey, to the moment he accepted his fate.
Maybe Tidus chose what he wanted her to see, maybe he didn't. Either way, Yuna felt warm, he reciprocated how she felt. Without saying it in words, he conveyed it to her. She wished that he also felt hers. She wouldn't be able to confess to him without letting the words she desperately wanted to say at that moment out.
Don't go!
Tidus walked on, footsteps heavy, almost hesitating but his back was filled with resolve. Frozen still, Yuna watched with unblinking eyes, her hands were white from the lack of blood as he sprinted to the edge of the airship, and without looking back, he jumped off.
She wanted to open her mouth and say more things to him. How she cared and love him but if he heard that, it will make him feel guilty for leaving her, hurt him for not being able to stay with her. Regret, guilt and sadness might just pile up, burdening him in his departure. So maybe, she thought to herself, it's for the better.
Her eyes never left his figure until the clouds blocked him from the view. He was gone. The silence was deafening as she stared blankly at the exact location where he jumped, disappeared into.
I won't cry... I don't want them to worry.
She still can't help herself but wonder, will this really be our last journey? Together? With everyone?
"Yunie?" Rikku asked quietly. Her swirled green eyes were sparkling, watery from the tears that escaped. It made Yuna wonder if hers was the same. But she forced herself to smile, showing that she was okay to the others.
"...Yuna, would you like to go to your room?" Lulu suggested, placing a hand on Yuna's shoulder, attempting to give comfort.
Yuna opened her mouth to answer but words didn't came out. Before the others question her on her silence, she nodded.
Just a little more, a voice in her head said. I can endure it and hold it in.
=•=•=•=•=•=
She was sitting now in her room, once again, alone. But this time she is glad for the lack of company. She knew that she wouldn't be able to stop herself from bursting out. And when she did, it would just worry them. She doesn't want that to happen.
She smiled once again and took a deep breath to prepare herself to laugh. Yes, laugh. She planned to laugh her heart out.
It was running smoothly until she was interrupted by a sob. For a moment, she entertained the thought of having company but it was ridiculous, she knew it. A drop of water in her hand further proved it to her. It was her own cry earlier and now her hands was wet with her tears. She stared at it in disbelief, it seems no matter how she tried to stop it, she couldn't. And now, she wouldn't be able to stop the still unshed tears from flowing out of her eyes.
Why did he have to leave? What should I do? What will I do from now on?
Many questions appeared in her head as she broke down. Questions that would most likely be left unanswered.
Yuna placed a hand on her face, wiping the wetness off her cheeks. Even as she closed her eyes, the tears still flowed without the hints of stopping. She sprawled on the bed, grabbing a pillow to muffle the sounds that escaped her. She didn't notice how long she was like that, everything just went dark for her.
=•=•=•=•=•=
Falling in love is a really blissful feeling, she didn't know that she would be given a chance to experience that. It was all thanks to him. Love made Yuna believe that everyone could fly high up in the sky. Each step she took had felt so right when they were together. The feeling alone invited her to picture different possible futures that they might have. But hers was set... It had always been since the very beginning of their journey. The knowledge broke her heart, but she still continued. They sadly wouldn't be able to have a happy future together because her life was tied to her fate. And she would be gone... Soon.
I didn't know that our positions would be switched.
So she let herself enjoy spending time with him, treasuring those times in her heart. She wanted to hold his hands more before she... She stopped herself from saying those words. The thought would only make her depressed. And it was bad, she knows that she should just focus on the moments they have. Enjoy the things she have.
What I had.
The stories about his home and city made her want to go with him, if given a chance. To escape the cruel fate in her world. Be safe in his arms to forget the sleepless nights in terror of being attacked and killed by the Sin. Just to simply be with him for a little longer.
That was my dream.
Chance was given to her but she found herself refusing, she can't. Her story isn't kind... like the world they live in. Then all of a sudden, they learned that the way to earn the final aeon was to sacrifice someone other than her. Yes, she was ready to give up her life but dragging someone with her was wrong. So they fought, searched for another possible solution that finally led them to the end.
His end.
She asked herself a numerous times if it was her fault. If she had accepted the previous way of defeating Sin woud the end be different? It surely would be different. For the better or not? She doesn't know. And she wouldn't be able to know. But thinking about the possibilities wouldn't change what had happened. She knew that would be something he would say to her if he heard what she was thinking. It was sad that either way, one of them would have to go. Was their future together really unattainable?
I wish we could've been together.
She wanted to be with him. It would be alright even if it was not in his home. She truly want to just be with him, hold him and never let him go. Feel his face, his kiss, his warmth, his arms and his love once again. He would stay in her heart and memory.
He's not a dream for me.
=•=•=•=•=•=
The others didn't ask about her red eyes the next day. She was glad for that, she didn't want to explain what happened yesterday. And she felt that they were trying hard not to mention his name, at least when she was not around. It might be good for them all, they must focus on the restoration of Spira. While she focused on finding words that she would say in the speech. Mostly to forget the pain.
But it was not easy to forget, she might not even be able to because before she knew it, she was in Luca, standing at the dock in front of the ocean. The sound of the seagulls cries reached her ears as she stood still, waiting for him to appear miraculously. She realized that it wouldn't happen if she won't start to whistling.
And so Yuna did, as loud as she can until her chest felt numb from doing it countless of times. He didn't showed himself. She wanted to be angry at him.
He lied when he said he'll come running!
But... She knew that she can't blame him. It was not his fault. He made it perfectly clear that he also didn't want to go.
Footsteps was muffled by the sound of Yuna's whistle but she felt the vibrations on the wood. Someone was coming near but she didn't stop what she was doing, until a voice was heard.
"Yuna, it's time," Lulu said in her usual soft tone.
She gazed at the sea for a moment, watching as the waves moved. A part of her still hoped that he would show. But before the sound of Lulu's footsteps faded, she followed.
Yuna knew right then and there that even if he didn't show up she wouldn't stop trying.
Maybe next time, she allowed herself to believe, you will.
notes: Suteki da ne was used as an inspiration somewhere in here.
03/26
