The First Cut is the Deepest Ch. 3
Disclaimer: Kripke and the CW owns the Winchesters. I am only playing with them for a little while until I have to return them. I only wish I were making a profit from this story!
Author's Note: I have been getting strong reactions to John's behavior---I promise there is a reason he is being such an a** and it will be revealed in later chapters.
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Previously: "Noooo, I didn't mean to. Oh God, I killed my brother, I killed Dean" Sammy screamed in terror as he shot up in bed, tears falling in torrents from his eyes. He immediately began to shiver violently realizing that he was responsible for taking his brother's life.
Nurse Shannon pulled the screaming and terrified teen into her arms and gently rocked him in a calming motion back and forth. "Shh, it's okay baby, your brother's going to be fine. I promise you that you didn't kill him. Please calm down sweetie." Shannon hated seeing the boy so upset and could only imagine how horrible the nightmare must have been that caused him to have such a violent reaction upon waking. She kept whispering gentle words of assurance to him hoping that he wouldn't have to be sedated again.
"Ye-yes I did" Sam sobbed through hitched breaths. "I didn't mean to stab Dean I swear and now he'd dead and it's all my fault" Sam cried as he tried to withdraw from the nurse's comforting arms. He didn't deserve to be comforted right now, not after what he had done.
"How about if I prove it to you Sam, will you calm down if I show you that your brother is still alive, that he is going to be alright?" The nurse asked hoping to reach the struggling teen in her arms.
Sammy gave off some shuddering breaths as he glanced at the nurse with hopeful eyes. Could she be right and everything he had just witnessed was a nightmare of epic proportions? Was his brother actually alive? Unable to voice his thoughts through the huge lump in his throat, Sam shook his head in an affirmative manner.
"Okay sweetie, you stay right here while I go get your chariot and I'll take you up to your brother's room" Shannon informed him with a smile on her face. She knew she could get into trouble for taking the teen up to the ICU without the doctor's permission, but this kid's state of mind was more important right now. She wasn't willing to watch him totally disintegrate before her eyes if she could do something about it. Returning to Sam's room a moment later, she helped the shaky child off of his hospital bed and into the chair. Giving him a small pat on his lap, she walked around to the back of the chair and grasped the handles and started pushing him toward the elevator.
The elevator ride up to the fifth floor was relatively quiet with the only sound being that of Sammy's hitched breaths every so often. He wanted so bad to believe what the nurse had said was true, but was afraid of getting his hopes up and shattering into a million tiny peaces if she was wrong. He watched as the elevator doors slid open and then held his breath as the nurse pushed them down the hallway. His nose twitched as they neared the Intensive Care Unit due to the string smell of antiseptic cleaner the janitor was using as he mopped the floor. As they approached, the janitor stopped swishing his broom and smiled as they passed by.
The closer they got to the room, Sam started hearing voices drifting out into the hallway. He recognized one of them as his dad's but he wasn't talking in a harsh tone like he had done with him earlier, his tone was now more one of concern, and could that be caring in his voice? His heart soon soared as he heard the sound of another voice, a voice that he would recognize anywhere since that very same voiced had comforted him and soothed him throughout his whole life.
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As John sat and watched his oldest child sleeping, he thought about the words he had said to his youngest and what they had done to Sammy. He knew the kid had been devastated beyond reason, but he couldn't find it in himself to care. For some reason, he felt the fires of rage burning where his baby boy was concerned and the fires couldn't be quenched. He knew he shouldn't feel that way, that he should have been trying to comfort his youngest, but Sammy deserved what he was getting for being so frigging careless didn't he? He was soon drawn from his musings as he heard the sound of movement coming from Dean's bed. He looked affectionately towards his first born as he saw his eyelids flutter and then open.
"Hey Ace, how are you feeling?" John questioned as he ran his fingers through Dean's short blonde hair.
"M'okay I guess. What 'appened?" Dean asked with a groan as he tried to shift himself on the bed.
"You and your brother were training and Sammy stabbed you with the knife" John answered. "Don't you remember?"
"Ye-yeah, wasn't Sammy's fault, he stum-stumbled over something" Dean answered tiredly. "Is he alright, where's my brother? Need to see-see him, tell him it wasn't his fault."
"He's resting right now, the doctor's were worried about him suffering from shock, you can see him later" John informed his oldest keeping his angry feeling about Sammy hidden. Of course Dean wouldn't blame the kid, Sammy could do no wrong in his eyes. He wished Dean would start thinking about his own self for once and not focus on his baby brother.
"Gotta see Sammy, help me, pl-please" Dean said as he grabbed the side rail of the bed trying to pull himself up. "I know he's blaming himself, he'll only get worse. Can't let that happen."
"Damn it Dean, you've got to be still. You're going to aggravate that knife wound and open the sutures" John scolded as he gently pushed his son back down.
Looking up with tears in his eyes, Dean pleaded "Please Dad, I need my brother. Either bring him to me, or I'm getting out of this bed and going to him myself."
"Okay, just calm down kiddo. You get some rest and I'll talk to the doctors about having Sammy brought up here for a visit" John replied to calm his son's frayed nerves. He brushed a thumb up and down Dean's cheek as he saw his eyelids begin to flutter once more until Dean relaxed into a medicated slumber once again.
Dean had only been asleep for a moment when he heard the door to the room open and looked over to see a nurse enter the room and pushing Sammy in a wheelchair. He put his finger to his lips to indicate that Dean was sleeping as he walked over to meet them. He smiled at the nurse before focusing his attention on Sammy. "What are you doing out of bed Sam? You know the doctor said you needed to be resting."
"Yes Sir, M'sorry" Sam mumbled as he hung his head. I'll get back to my room."
"Please don't blame your son sir. It was my idea to bring him up here" Nurse Shannon stated in defense of her young patient. "He was just so upset earlier when he woke up from a nightmare thinking that he had killed his brother. I was worried about his state of mind so I brought him here to show him that his brother was still alive."
"Thank you for being so concerned" John said with a smile. "I'll take Sammy back to his room to rest since his brother is sleeping right now. Maybe he can come back later." John took the handles to Sammy's wheelchair and guided him out of the room. He slowly pushed him back down the hallway and waited until the elevator stopped on their floor. He spun the chair around and then pulled it backwards inside the elevator, happy that they were alone. "Just what the hell did you think you were doing?" John questioned with an icy voice.
"I just needed to.."
"I don't care what you needed Sam. You just keep your ass away from Dean until I say different, you hear me boy?"
"Yes Sir, I won't bother you or Dean again" Sam answered as the door pinged open and John pushed him back to his room. Sam got out of the wheelchair and climbed back into his bed as he watched his father walk back to the door.
"I'm going to go back up to Dean's room. I don't want him to get upset if he wakes to find nobody there." Sam watched as his father left the room without even a backwards glance.
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As Sam sat dejectedly in his bed, he thought about the words that his dad had said about Dean not surviving to see the age of twenty one with him as a brother. The more he thought about things, the more he began to believe his dad. Dean was always putting himself between him and danger, Sam couldn't count how many times Dean had been hurt because of protecting him. If he didn't put a stop to it now, he would surely lose his brother.
Knowing what he had to do, Sam pushed himself up off the bed and walked over to the closet where his clothing was hanging. He quickly pulled on his dirty jeans along with the button up shirt and hoodie before pulling on his sneakers and tying them. He peeked out into the hall to see it empty and walked outside of his room. He lowered his head so as not to be recognized and began his walk towards the exit. He had no idea where he would go, he just knew that he couldn't stay with his family anymore.
As he exited the sliding glass doors, Sam wrapped his arms around himself as he began to shiver. He couldn't believe how much colder it had gotten over the past eighteen hours. He scanned around trying to figure out which way he should go. He was so focused on Dean during the drive in that he never paid attention to the surrounding area. Sighing in defeat, he started walking straight ahead figuring that once he got to the road, he would flip a coin to decide which way to go. He had only walked approximately ten feet when he stopped to glance back towards the hospital. Looking up the floor that he thought his big brother must have been staying on, he whispered "I'm so sorry for hurting you Dean. I know I'm not the brother you need. You need someone who has their head in the game and it obviously isn't me. I can't risk you dying because I'm so damned worthless as a hunter." Sam allowed the tears to flow once more as he said "Oh God I'm going to miss you. Please take care of yourself big brother."
After reaching the road and flipping the lone quarter that was in his pocket, Sam started walking down the road headed in a westerly direction. He knew he would need to find some kind of shelter soon since it was getting dark and a motel was out the options since he only had a five dollar bill on him. Maybe once he got to the less than desirable side of town, he would be able to find an abandoned building and pick the lock. At least that would give him a roof over his head and a place to kick back and figure out what he would do next.
As Sam walked by the bus stop, he didn't take any notice of the little old lady sitting there with a small cat in her lap as he trudged past. But stations would be one of the first places his dad would start looking for him, that is if he even cared to notice that he had left the hospital. No, he would just have to make his own way around by foot, especially since he just wasn't comfortable with hitch hiking after all of the horror stories Dean had told him.
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This is working out so much better than I had planned the little old lady with gleaming gold speckled eyes cackled as she pet the black cat purring in her lap. The small family was already disintegrating because of her wonderfully creative mind. By the time I am finish with his family, John Winchester will never know what hit him.
TBC
