There's No Place like Home
Chapter 3
An hour later, saw them back on the road with a sack of food and canteens for each of them, courtesy of DG's foster parents. Despite expecting something else to go wrong at any moment, they didn't meet any more trouble for the rest of their journey. Just as DG said, they reached Central City as the twin suns were beginning to set.
Finding the palace was relatively easy. When they saw soldiers standing guard on either side of the massive doors, Lisbon held her hand out to her team to wait at the foot of the steps. When she reached the top, the guards did as expected, barring her way.
"Agent Teresa Lisbon, CBI. I'm here to see Ambrose," Lisbon pulled out her badge. When they didn't let her pass, she added, "The Queen sent me."
The two guards snapped to attention and uncrossed their halberds as the massive green doors swung open. Lisbon turned back to her team and motioned for them to follow.
"They're with me," Lisbon told the guards, but they remained unresponsive sentinels at their posts.
No one tried to stop the four CBI agents as they entered the palace. They might have been walking into their office back at headquarters, except they didn't work here.
In the middle of the room, a grand staircase rose gracefully into the air about fifteen feet from the ground floor. It stopped at a landing before dividing into two equal portions one-half going left while the other half arched right. A giant stained-glass window spilled its rainbow of colors over everything.
As for the first floor, it was packed with cubicles, desks, and other office paraphernalia that was both as familiar as it was alien to Lisbon.
"Somebody find me the results of the soil samples for the Papay fields that I ordered. Moreover, I want to know how repairs to the Sunseeder are going, ASAP. We need it up and running before the start of the growing season within the next year," a familiar voice echoed through the enormous space. "Chop, chop, people! Just because the wicked witch is dead, that's no excuse to slack off. Queen Lavender Eyes expects everything to be in tiptop shape before her rewedding."
Lisbon spotted the wacky inventor from the 'other side' that had answered to both Ambrose and Glitch and made her way over to him. He stood close to the middle of the room, slightly off to the left. He was glancing over some papers, which he then signed.
"Advisor Ambrose?" Lisbon asked as he handed the papers back to the assistant who went back to doing whatever he was doing before.
"Yes, what can I do for you, Doll?"
"Don't call me, Doll, for one," Lisbon flashed him her badge, "Agent Teresa Lisbon of the CBI. These are my people, Kimball Cho – the tin man, Wayne Rigsby – the scarecrow, and the cowardly lion clinging to him is Grace Van Pelt. DG told me you could help us find the Wizard of Oz."
Despite her irritation, Lisbon fought hard to keep a straight face as she spoke. She wasn't sure what she wanted more at that moment, to give into another fit of hysteric giggles or burst into tears. Disliking either option, she kept her stoic facade firmly rooted in place.
"You must mean the Mystic Man. Sure, I know where he is. I'm too busy to leave the palace right now. As you can see, things are still a bit hectic after we finally managed to defeat the wicked witch."
"I'm sure we can find him ourselves if you just tell us where to find him," Lisbon wasn't too keen on waiting any longer than they had to.
"I can do you one better," Ambrose picked up an Art Deco-style phone on a nearby desk and spoke into the receiver, "Would you please tell Cain that Glitch wants him?"
Lisbon waited until he'd hung up the phone before commenting, "Sheriff…, I mean Mr. Cain is back in Finaqua with DG."
Ambrose merely smiled at her.
"Ambrose, your zipper's come undone again," stated a voice she vaguely recognized. As the young man appeared at Ambrose's elbow, she recognized him as Jeb, Wyatt Cain's son.
"I was wondering why it was drafty in here," Ambrose frowned and once more pulled closed the zipper on his head. "I'd better be more careful. Now that I got all my marbles back, I can't afford to lose them again."
"They said you wanted to see me," Curious, Jeb looked up at Ambrose.
The younger man wore a similar outfit as his father, with one distinction. Jeb's coat proudly bore a tin star.
"Agent Lisbon here is looking for the Mystic Man. Until the repairs on the administrative wing are complete, it's a positive mad house in here. I'm understaffed and backed up as it is…" Although he'd gotten off to a good start, Ambrose veered suddenly off-topic and continued rambling.
"Need a laxative there, Glitch?" Jeb asked straight-faced though his eyes twinkled mischievously.
Ambrose continued talking for a while and didn't seem to notice until his brain finally caught up.
"You Cain men think you're so funny!" Ambrose/Glitch shot back. "What was I talking about? I lost my train of thought."
"I think you jumped tracks a long time ago," Jeb grinned.
At the sad look that crossed Ambrose's face, Lisbon wondered if he understood the good-natured intent of his friend's teasing.
"The Wizard/Mystic Man," Lisbon offered a reminder.
"That's right! Can you escort Agent Lisbon and her team to the Mystic Man's palace?"
"Sure, Ambrose," the younger man also seem to notice his friend's distress. He clapped a hand on the older man's shoulder, "Sorry, I should have been more understanding. I know with Raw off visiting family and Dad and DG away, you have your hands full. Things ought to cool down after the Queen and the Prince Consort are remarried and DG's crowned thereafter. Tutor should be back from inspecting the mines soon. I'm sure he'll be a big help when he returns. With you still having memory problems after getting your brain back, the Queen told you to take a break as often as you needed. She doesn't expect you to be the same old Ambrose you were before the witch stole your marbles."
"Thanks, Jeb," Ambrose gave a sad sort of smile. "All right, people," Ambrose clapped his hands once more to get everyone's attention. "Finish what you are currently doing and then we'll call it a day." Ambrose headed back to his office, leaving Jeb and the others in his wake.
"Come on," Jeb turned back to Lisbon after watching his friend walk away. "I'll take you to the Mystic Man."
"The evil witch really removed his brain?" Lisbon frowned in disbelief.
Jeb nodded, "Her Medicoats did. They were able to replace it, but he still isn't quite all there 100% of the time. I think he's hardest on himself."
"So, is his name Ambrose or Glitch?"
"When he was still the Queen's most trusted adviser, his name was Ambrose. After the witch's Medicoats removed half of his brain, he went by the name Glitch. Now, he answers to both. I think he gets more flustered when DG isn't around to keep him straight. Things probably won't settle back down until after DG takes the throne later this month," Jeb explained as he escorted them to the door.
"DG is going to be crowned even though the Queen's still alive?"
"Normally, no, but there are extenuating circumstances. Since the Queen's eldest daughter was possessed by an evil witch, Azkadellia won't be able to inherit, as the other nobles won't allow it. Thanks to the Queen's imprisonment for so many years, she's too weak to fulfill all that being Queen requires. Since the Queen gave DG all of her magic, it was decided that DG will become the new Queen. When Queen Lavender Eyes takes Ahamo as her husband again, she plans to place the crown on DG's head before the wedding ceremony. Once DG officially becomes Queen, she can choose her own husband."
"I think she already has. She claims that she and your dad are going to be married," Lisbon revealed to gauge his reaction. "That doesn't surprise you?"
Jeb merely shrugged his shoulders. "Dad had ten years to mourn my mother's death. We were both led to believe that the other was dead. Besides, DG makes him happy. How can I deny him that after she rescued him from the hell in which he'd been forced to live?"
"She can't be that much older than you. That doesn't bother you?"
"The fact that she's only three years older than me, yeah, it bothered me a little. Around here, it's not unusual to marry young. Believe it or not, Dad's only fourteen years older than she is."
"Cain must have married really young," Lisbon exclaimed.
"He's thirty-five, so he would've been about seventeen or eighteen. About the same age I am, though I'm not in a hurry to get married. My parents married the same year he became a tin man."
"Don't you have to go to school to become a law enforcement officer?"
"They don't have on-the-job training on the other side?"
"To be a cop, you have to at least go to Police Academy, but these days they like you to already have a higher education," Lisbon explained.
"Most of us are lucky if we simply learned how to read and write. Education wasn't a high priority with the wicked witch," Jeb explained, then frowned. "What's a Police Academy?"
"It's a school where you learn about police procedures and the law. Without it, things would be a bit like the Old West."
Jeb merely looked at her in confusion.
"From what I've heard since I arrived in the O.Z., our Old West was kind of like the way things used to be before you got rid of the evil witch."
The light of dawning spread across Jeb's features and he reminded Lisbon of his father.
"I'll have to ask DG about this Police Academy, sounds like it might be useful. As for me, I've been a part of the resistance since I was eight years old, so I guess I'm qualified."
"That young!?"
"Mama didn't want me having any part of it, at first, didn't even want dad a part of it. I was eight when Zero and his goons attacked. After that, mom taught me how to shoot and we joined the resistance. She said she didn't want anyone else to suffer the way we'd suffered. That's what we did for the next eight years until Zero found us again. He killed my mother and locked me in one of those iron suits. I remained locked in that thing until someone from the resistance came looking when they hadn't heard from us in a while. It doesn't compare to the ten years my father spent in one, but for six months I repeatedly had to watch Zero murder my mother," Jeb explained. Since they were following him, they stopped when he halted.
Lisbon put a hand on his arm, "I'm sorry. I guess if that had happened to me, I too would stop at nothing to get the man responsible."
"I tried once before, but Dad stopped me from killing him. Instead, Dad locked Zero in one of those iron suits until we freed Azkadellia from the evil witch. We were transporting him from where we left him back to Central City when he escaped. Apparently, there were still those who were loyal to the witch, because, somehow, Zero escaped through a travel storm. We only just tracked him to the other side, when that Kowalski guy came to town. He was forced to tell us the truth when we mistook him for Zero, then, you guys showed up," Jeb revealed.
"So, Oz…?"
"A ghost town, only a few stragglers were living there when we arrived."
"Then, everything was a lie?"
"A charade, perhaps, but not a complete lie. The place looked so much like Milltown that we brought some of them over to round out the cast until we located Zero and could conclude our business over there. Judging by the pictures that were left behind, there were people who really looked like us so it wasn't difficult to fill their roles. There was even a lawman by the name of Wyatt Cain at one time. The way the Mystic Man explained things; the O.Z. is on another plane of existence. Ahamo, that's DG's father, came from the 1800's, the Mystic Man said he came from the 1930s, and when DG came over, it was 2007."
"And we're from 2013," Lisbon was flabbergasted, "Time really is relative."
"At least in the O.Z.," Jeb stated. "It's all beyond my ken. We're almost to the place where the Mystic Man holds court. Do you think you can go on from here or do you need to rest a while?"
"We can rest later. I need to find Jane," Lisbon was adamant.
"You know the Mystic Man?"
"No, but the Queen said he may be able to help me find my other colleague," Lisbon replied.
Jed continued leading them through the city to a seedier part of town. Lisbon wondered how much farther when blaring neon lights caught her eye. 'Mystic Man's Palace' sparkled in large letters like something from the Vegas strip.
"You've got to be kidding!" Lisbon groaned in disgust.
"Come on, his act should be just about over," Jeb led the way towards the building and got them inside.
Through the press of people, it was hard to see the stage. Lisbon didn't have to see the Mystic Man to know 'who' it was. She should have known. All the signs were there, but she couldn't help roll her eyes at the revelation.
'Oh, why did it have to be him?'
"You said you were taking us to see the Mystic Man," dumbly, Lisbon heard herself saying.
"Yeah, Patrick Jane is the Mystic Man. I thought you knew that," Jeb stated.
Lisbon shook her head, "I was expecting Richard Dreyfuss."
"Who?" Jeb frowned in confusion.
"The mayor of Oz, from the other side," Lisbon clarified.
"Oh, we mistook him for our former Mystic Man because they look so much alike. No, he was just one of the vagrants who were already there when we arrived. Our former Mystic Man was one of the witch's victims. He died one and a half annuals ago," Jeb told her.
"There's someone in the audience who's looking for someone, someone very important to them," what Jane was saying broke through the lull in their conversation. All eyes in their little group turned towards Lisbon. "You're looking for someone you've lost," thanks to the microphone, Jane's voice boomed in the sudden silence.
"Over here," Rigsby pointed to Lisbon.
"I'm sensing that you were recently in a Tornado and became separated from your loved one. He wants you to know that you're very important to him as well," Jane continued his psychic shtick. She felt heat rise to her cheeks even as she rolled her eyes.
"He wants Tereza to know that he loves her very much."
Lisbon's cheeks flushed a darker crimson as a spotlight suddenly shown on her.
"Dammit, Jane!" Lisbon exploded out of frustration, though she wouldn't admit there was a little a bit of relief mixed in.
"Sorry, Folks, that's my cue. The Mystic Man will not be back tonight," Jane finally ended his act. A chorus of disappointment went up as he replaced the microphone back in its stand and jumped down off the stage. He signaled to someone and the spotlight was turned off.
"Hi, guys!" Jane greeted when he stopped before them.
Lisbon punched him in the shoulder.
"Okay, I deserved that," Jane winced and rubbed the spot that she hit. "What else was I supposed to do when I found myself here and people started calling me the Mystic Man? I've been here for almost a month and I had to do something."
"I've been out standing in that field for the last two weeks," Rigsby added his two cents. "Or is it outstanding?"
"I've been here three," Cho stated.
"A week and a half," Van Pelt made known.
"I woke up two days ago," Lisbon shook her head in surprise.
Things were not turning out the way she had hoped they would. Not knowing what else to do, she hauled back and punched Jane in the other shoulder for good measure.
"Tereza, Tereza, Tereza, such violence. What have I done to engender such ire from you?" Jane was curious to know.
"The Queen told me that the Mystic Man could tell me how to get home. How are we supposed to do that, if 'you're' the Mystic Man?"
"Don't worry, I've got it covered."
"You got it covered?"
"Yeah, I got it covered," Jane assured her, though it was little comfort.
"How?"
"Woman, have a little faith, please. When I have let you down?" Jane asked seriously.
Lisbon merely looked at him.
"Okay, when have I disappointed you lately?" Jane reworded the question.
"So, you have a plan?" Lisbon couldn't argue there.
"I always have a plan," Jane stated.
"Okay, then tell me, how do we get home," Lisbon wanted to know.
"It's easy," Jane shrugged his shoulders.
"Easy? Please enlighten me, then," Lisbon was growing tired of playing his game.
"Not in here, let's go somewhere a little more private," Jane expertly evaded the question.
"Well, since you found who you were looking for, I'm gonna head back to the palace. I promised Dad that I'd keep an eye on Ambrose for him," Jeb bid them farewell.
"Bye, and thank you," Lisbon said gratefully.
"Glad to be of help," Jeb shook each of their hands.
"Maybe we'll see you around some time," Jane said.
"Sure, next time you find yourself caught in a travel storm, look us up. I'm sure DG would be happy to have you," Jeb offered before heading back to the palace.
