"That was bloody amazing!" says Armin. "You're a genius!" I bush and look at the floor, I'm not used to getting complements so I don't know how to react, in fact I don't think anyone has ever complimented me in my life, my mum always took great pleasure in telling me the first words I ever heard were "god its so ugly". I don't know what to say so I quietly mumble,
"Thanks," as a small smile creeps across my face, (Smile count: 4) but he cant see because I'm still blushing and looking at the floor. (I know the idea of counting how many times you smile might seem stupid to you but for a girl who's never smiled properly in her life, well this is a big deal for me). We walk in silence for a bit which gives my lizard/tortoise brain time to recover, but I'm still glancing at him sneakily ever now and then to check if he's looking at me. I caught him looking once and we both went bright red and looked at the floor. I don't know how I feel about Armin, my rational brain says he's a really nice guy but my lizard brain says he's evil, still my lizard brain says everyone is evil. We get into a clearing with some tree stumps to sit on so I suggest we sit down for a bit. I have become a lot
more comfortable with Armin today, so I can talk to him a little bit before my lizard brain panics, that's how it works, it trusts friends, but give me a stranger and I panic. "So, I-I need to talk to you about something." I don't know why I'm stuttering, it's not my lizard brain,
"Ok, sure." He says. He's sitting across from me on the tree stump opposite,
"I-I, I ha-," I was going to tell him, it would just make this all a lot easier, training him I mean, but I couldn't do it. My lizard brain sprang into action and stopped me. Kara what the hell are you doing you only properly met this guy this morning, you cant seriously tell him even if he's a good guy (well at least me and my lizard brain agree on something) remember what happened when they found out last time, those years of pain, all because you were better than them. You aren't ready to share those memories yet, plus he might be put off or intimidated or– it was that last comment that tipped me over the edge though, I don't know why, or maybe I do, I'm just not ready to admit it. Before can stop it a tear slides down my cheek. And before I know it he's there, with his arms around me, siting next to me on the tree stump. It's the most amazing feeling but I'm still crying, sobbing into his shoulder.
"It's ok, you don't have to tell me yet, we all have those things we'd prefer to stay hidden."
"Yes," I sob into his shoulder "Yes."
I don't know how long we were there for but we hear the dinner bell ring and decide to head in. I lift my head off his chest and unceremoniously sniff.
"I-I'm s-sorry." I sniff,
"What for?" he askes with his arms still around me,
"Your t-shirts all soggy now." I say looking up into his eyes (eye contact count:2). He then burst out laughing until tears were streaming down his face too. I think he's happy, I mean he's laughing, but I've never seen someone laugh so hard they cry. And even though I don't fully know why he's laughing, I start to giggle to, and then I'm laughing, for the first time in my life, well that's what it feels like.
~AN/ sorry short chapter~
