Sakura finally got tired of all the glares from the Akatsuki, except Tobi, Sakura didn't even think that Tobi was even able to glare because of his weird mask. Well whatever, she finally decided to tell them.

She took a deep breath and then her face turned serious. "My name is Sakura Haruno. I am the former apprentice of the Fifth Hokage. I have my reasons for leaving and they aren't any of your business."

All of the Akatsuki were silent.

With another deep breath she turned psychotically happy again. She clapped her hands together and said, "Ok! Now time for scary stories! But what's scary for Akatsuki members… Oh wait! I know! Nursery rhymes!"

Now they wanted to kill her.

Sakura inhaled to begin singing but Deidara quickly clamped a hand over her mouth to stop her. "Why don't we just go to sleep? I think I speak for everyone when I say I don't want to hear nursery rhymes yeah."

Sakura slapped Deidara's hand away and coldly said, "Don't touch me."

So by now it had become a little bit of a tradition for the Akatsuki to stare at Sakura silently whenever she got serious. So it took about a half-second for Sakura to feel awkward, kinda like when a comedian is standing in front of a crowd but can't think of any jokes.

So Sakura let out a yawn so loud and annoying that if it had been a note higher it would have shattered the eardrums of everyone within a mile of it. "Well I am tired! So I'm just going to head off to bed! Goodnight everyone!" She said walking to her room but then looked back at Al in the corner and smiled, deciding to play one more prank before she went to sleep.

She snuck up behind Al too fast for anyone to see or hear her and before he even realized that she was there she kissed him on the cheek and said, "Goodnight Al."

By the time Al registered what had happened Sakura was already standing right outside of her room. She looked up at Al's flustered face and gave him a smirk before disappearing into her room.

"HA HA!! He's blushing!!!" Hidan cackled pointing at Al and for that he got a kunai in the head courtesy of the leader of Akatsuki. Al felt like his pride had been flushed down a toilet, and drowned in sewage water.

----------

(Much Later)

"Ok, we the Akatsuki need to discuss the matter of our newest member." Al said to all the members of Akatsuki as they were having a secret meeting in the dead of night.

"What about her hmm?" Deidara asked.

Al's eyes narrowed. "Everything."

"Well for one thing she's hot." Hidan stated bluntly. Everyone stared at him with a "WTF?" expression except for Al who had a glare on his face that said, "You. Will. Die." Hidan rolled his eyes, "Oh come on like you weren't all thinking that!" No one said anything. Hidan smirked his suspicions proven.

"I do think there's something weird about her though, the way she is so hyper and childish but then if we piss her off she gets serious." Tobi added.

"And why do you think she left her village if she was apprentice to the Hokage?" Kisame asked.

"Maybe she was doing too good at her job of being the village idiot so they kicked her out." Zetsu suggested.

"Oh cone on Zetsu. Just because that happened to you doesn't mean it happened to her." Sasori shot at him. A war of lightning glares were exchanged between the two.

"But what can she do?" Itachi asked. "So far all we know is that she is stealthy, fast, and strong. We don't even know if she has any special abilities, we don't know anything about her."

"True." Al said. "Then in one week we will have another meeting but for now, dismissed; and Zetsu, will you wake Tobi up I think he is beginning to drool on your shirt."

Unbeknownst to the Akatsuki Sakura was on the ceiling, and she heard the whole meeting.

----------

(The Next Day)

Sakura was up bright and early so she decided to be nice and give the Akatsuki the courtesy of waking them up, and by 'being nice' she meant being loud enough for them to have no choice but to give up any hope of sleeping further.

So with her metal pot and spoon in hand (note: these are very dangerous weapons that should never be given to Sakura) She began pounding on the pot like a drum and yelled, "WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The sound waves ricocheted throughout the cave and awoke everyone as if they had had an electric light bulb stuck into their ear.

The Akatsuki emerged from their rooms like cave men taking in their first drink of the new light of the 21st century. They all saw Sakura in her Akatsuki uniform, bright and shining. Oh how they couldn't stand to bask in the light of a morning person. They were hoping that their glares would cause her to spontaneously combust, but no such luck.

"Rise and shine sleeping beauties!" Sakura shouted at them happily.

'More like sleeping uglies.' Sakura thought to herself.

She then noticed their ugly stares and innocently said, "What? I thought you guys wanted to get an early start on the day!"

Al was the first to regain his stature. "Since we are all up, I will announce your assassination missions. I have already given you all the background information on your target, here are your groups: Itachi and Kisame, Zetsu and Tobi, Deidara and Sasori, and last and least Hidan and Kazuzu."

"Ah, fuck you Al!" Hidan shouted at him resenting his comment about being least important. So for challenging Al's authority and using the nickname 'Al' Hidan got another kunai to the head.

Sakura started cooking up fake tears. "Al! You're forgetting me! I feel so unloved! WAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" She was making Hidan laugh (which was kinda creepy considering the fact that he had a kunai stuck in his forehead and blood was dripping down between his eyebrows) but everyone else especially Al were just getting annoyed.

"Fine! Just stop with the fake crying!" Al screamed.

"Ok!" Sakura said shutting off the tears in a millisecond.

Al sighed. "Sakura you are assigned with Kazuzu and Hidan."

"But Al!" Sakura whined suddenly sad again as she glomped onto him. " I'LL MISS YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"LET GO OF ME!!" Al yelled at her trying very hard but failing to rip Sakura off of him.

"Talk about a Kodak moment huh?" Zetsu whispered to Deidara trying to make a joke.

Deidara gave him a disinterest glance, "Zetsu, you're not funny, get over it." He said flatly.

"NOT FUNNY?" Zetsu cried in anger and disbelief. "YOU WOULDN'T KNOW FUNNY IF IT BIT OFF ALL YOUR GIRL HAIR!"

"WHAT WAS THAT YOU OVERGROWN LAWN?!!?!?!" Deidara retorted.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY MR.I-CAN-MAKE-OUT-WITH-MYSELF!"

"EXCUSE ME YOU STUPID GREEN-ASS PANSY!"

"MR.I-CAN'T-DECIDE-MY-OWN-GENDER!"

"MR.I-ATE-TOO-MANY-GRASS-SEEDS!"

"MR.I-CAN'T-LIVE-WITHOUT-MY-EYELINDER-EVEN-THOUGH-I'M-A-GUY!"

"MR.I-PREFER-DEAD-ANIMALS-TO-COOKIES!"

Zetsu stopped right there. "Well it's true. That wasn't a very good insult on your part."

Deidara stopped too and thought it over. "I guess it wasn't." and they nodded their heads in agreement.

"JACKASS PYRO!"

"MR.I-USE-PESTICIDES-TO-GET-MYSELF-HIGH!"

"SISSY!"

"WEED!"

"CLAY-FOR-BRAINS!"

"This is great material Zetsu-sama!" Tobi said writing down all of Zetsu's comebacks. "I'm cheering you on!"

"CRABGRASS!"

"MR.I'M-TOO-BROKE-FOR-A-SEX-CHANGE!"

"POT-HEAD!"

"THREE-MOUTHS!"

(Tobi's thinking) 'Ok, that one wasn't too good Zetsu-sama, must scratch that one out.'

"MR.I-HAVE-NO-PUPILS!"

"MR.I-HAVE-NO-SKILLS-AS-AN-ARTIST!"

"MR.I-DYE-MY-HAIR-WITH-WHEATGRASS!"

"MR.MANICURE!"

"MR.I'M-SCARED-OF-LAWNMOWERS!"

"MR.ALL-OF-THE-ART-I-MAKE-IS-SO-BAD-SO-I-HAVE-TO-MAKE-IT-EXPLODE-BECAUSE-I-CAN'T-STAND-TO-LOOK-AT-IT!"

Deidara snapped completely and punched Zetsu as hard as he could in his grass face.

"No one insults the art yea!" Deidara's face eerily darkened as he cracked his knuckles, they were in for a big fight.

Until Sakura came over next to them and said, "Word of advice-"

But Zetsu cut her off and said, "Let me guess, you're gonna tell me to run."

Sakura answered, "No! I was going to tell you not to fight until I have time to sell tickets and then we can use the money to buy Deidara a boy haircut!" She finished smiling freakishly happy.

Deidara glared at Zetsu and said, "Or we could buy Zetsu a weed-whacking!" He snarled as he attacked again. But Sakura intervened again to stop the fight.

Kisame asked her, "If you could break up the fight why didn't you do so sooner!?"

Sakura just answered with a sigh while she was blocking both Deidara's and Zetsu's attacks toward each other as if she was about to state the most obvious thing in the world. "Duh! Because me and Hidan just now ran out of popcorn!"

The Akatsuki Leader couldn't take any more stupidity. "ENOUGH!" he bellowed. "You all have your missions! Now go! Enough of this childish fight!"

They all obeyed without a single complaint except for Sakura who shouted, "Don't act all prissy. The only reason you didn't stop the fight sooner was because you were enjoying watching it too!"

Al's eyes narrowed, he couldn't stand that insult to his authority he plunged a knife right at Sakura. And right before the kunai hit, Sakura gave a smile of victory before she disappeared in a puff of smoke due to the kunai impact.

"A shadow clone." Al cursed in a hushed whisper.

"BYE AL!" Sakura shouted far away from the entrance to the Akatsuki cave walking away with Kakuzu and Hidan.

The Akatsuki Leader was burning up with anger! Even the clichéd cartoon smoke was actually steaming out his ears.

----------

Sakura looked at her partners, smiled hugely and said, "Ok, Patchy and S.A.M. lets go accomplish our mission!"

Kakuzu's and Hidan's ears twitched simultaneously.

"Who's Patchy? And who's S.A.M.?" Kakuzu asked, speaking for both himself and Hidan.

The smile stayed glued on Sakura's face. "It's you guys! You are Patchy!" she said pointing to Kakuzu. "Because you remind me of a patchwork doll!"

The words 'Patchwork doll' floated around in Kakuzu's mind stabbing at his self-esteem with each thought. His pride smashed, he became depressed but then, he heard it: a chance to make fun of Hidan!

"And you Hidan are S.A.M.! It's an abbreviation guess what it means! I'll give you a hint: the 'A.' stands for and!" Sakura chimed happily.

For some reason Hidan and Kakuzu actually took Sakura's joking seriously. They were trying to figure out the abbreviation.

"Sardines and Anchovies?" Kakuzu suggested.

"Stupid and Maniac?" Kakuzu tried again.

But Sakura just shook her head while smiling innocently.

Hidan scowled but them he smiled, "Smart and Masterful? Supersmart and Menacing?"

At that suggestion Sakura just shook her head with a look that said "are-you-crazy?"

"Squeaky and Monkey?" Kakuzu smirked.

Hidan glared at him and said, "Dude I will so fucking kill you!"

Sakura giggled and said, "No! Its Sadist and Masochist because Hidan is a total freak that loves pain, hurting himself and other people, it's like an obsession to him!" Then she noticed Hidan glaring at her. "I meant that in a good way." Sakura said smiling innocently. "I think it fits him!" She said before looking back at Hidan and saying, "Right S.A.M.-chan?"

Kakuzu, who started chuckling, was unsuccessfully hiding his laughter behind his hand.

Hidan glared at her and said, "Remove the 'chan' now."

Sakura's face broke out into a pout. "But where's the fun in that?" She whined.

"Yea, S.A.M.-chan." Kakuzu added to twist the knife in.

"Yea sure, Patchy!" Hidan snapped back at him.

"Touché." Kakuzu answered with narrowed eyes.

"Ok you guys new subject." Sakura said redirecting their anger. "If we're supposed to be on an undercover assassination mission then why are we wearing these conspicuous cloaks and hats?" she said while tugging at the uniform she had been assigned.

They hadn't said anything yet so she kept pressing the subject. "I mean seriously, wearing these things is like screaming 'HEY LOOK AT US WE'RE EVIL VILLIANS HERE TO KILL YOU!"

Hidan and Kakuzu took a moment to think before answering because they realized that she had a point.

"Well, we're Akatsuki and we want people to know that, because there's no one who can beat us. Besides our hideout is completely secret no one will ever be able to compromise our location, if anyone was challenging us by trying to follow us we'd kill them." Hidan said proudly.

Sakura rolled her eyes in her head. 'Yeah right.' She thought to herself. 'If that was true then why was it so easy to put a tracer on you and follow you all the way to the 'secret' hideout?'

"Hmm…" Sakura said, still unconvinced "So you are so confident that you can afford to display your weaknesses?"

Hidan shrugged and said, "I guess."

"Hey this is our guy, duck down into the bushes." Kakuzu ordered.

"Hey we were actually headed somewhere? I thought we were just walking around in circles." Sakura said.

"Just duck." Kakuzu said again rolling his eyes.

And so Hidan and Sakura hid in the bushes with Kakuzu. Their target looked completely unsuspecting, perfect for a sneak attack.

"Ok!" Sakura whispered. "So on there! 1…2…3!"

They all jumped out of the bushes simultaneously and Sakura shouted, "Happy Birthday!"

Kakuzu and Hidan looked like her as if she had left all of her brain cells behind in the bush.

"What?" She asked innocently. "I thought that Akatsuki could afford to be over confident."

They just rolled their eyes and before the target had the shock wear off Hidan threw his huge three-pronged spear at him. The target tried to dodge it but Hidan managed to draw a few drops of blood from his face.

Hidan licked up the blood greedily as he drew a ceremonial looking circle in the ground with his feet.

Then Hidan's skin transformed, it looked as if he had gone through one too many x-rays and now you could permanently see his skeleton.

Sakura was shocked she had never seen Hidan's attack before.

"Oh right," Kakuzu said. "You've never seen Hidan's attack. Pay attention and you'll see just how appropriate the name S.A.M.-chan is."

"Hey! I heard that Patchy! Fuck you!" Hidan yelled at him.

Then Hidan turned his attention back to the target and stabbed himself and the man he was attacking began to bleed in the exact same place that Hidan stabbed himself.

Sakura was surprised at first but it didn't take long for her to figure out his whole attack.

'He uses that spear not to cause a big injury but just to draw blood, then he drinks the blood to create a connection between him and the target. Then he gets inside that circle so that whatever injuries he causes to himself happens to the victim. But what about the killing blow?'

"Patchy." Sakura said to get his attention. "Sam-chan is immortal isn't he?"

Kakuzu smirked obviously this girl was very smart. "Yes." He said. "We have that in common."

Sakura wondered what he meant by that and was about to question him when, Hidan who was about to deliver the killing blow to his victim was unexpectingly attacked from behind and had his head cut off.

Kakuzu came to his aid, his hands and wrists came off from his body attached by leather straps, and grabbed both the target and his partner by the neck.

"Wow, you really are a patchwork doll!" Sakura shouted happily with a smile on her face.

"I resent that." Kakuzu said still glaring at her.

'Why do you think I nicknamed you?' Sakura thought in her head.

Sakura walked over to the disembodied head of Hidan which was cussing up a storm. She grabbed the head and brought him up to eye level.

"Sheez, for a disembodied head you really have a dirty mouth!" Sakura said smiling.

Hidan's eyes narrowed, "What? Is a disembodied head supposed to have a pure not-cussing mouth? Well fuck that!" Hidan shouted literally right in her face.

Sakura just rolled her eyes but then she smiled, "You know Hidan I like you better this way! It's so much more convenient to carry you like this!"

Hidan growled, "Well fuck you! I want my body back! Put me back on my body or I will annoy you to death!"

Sakura let the smile remain on her face. "Actually I find you much less annoying this way."

Hidan smirked an evil thought entered his disembodied head. "You want me to prove how annoying I can be?"

Sakura said, "Sure prove it."

And so he did, but not the way Sakura expected him to. Hidan kissed Sakura right on the lips before she had even realized it.

Hidan withdrew from the kiss and said, "That proof enough for you? Now put me back on my body!"

Sakura's veins were popping and she snapped. When she looked back up at Hidan she had eyes like a demon.

So basically she was pissed off.

She tightened her grip on his hair, and threw him as hard as she could. Sakura and Kakuzu watched as Hidan's head flew miles and miles away screaming, "FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Sakura took in deep breaths to try to calm herself but she still had a demon's aura.

"Patchy." Sakura said. "You finish up here I'm going to head back."

"Uh sure." Kakuzu answered dumbfounded. He was scared of her but he wouldn't admit it.

Sakura stormed off lost in her own thoughts.

A/N: So I finally got the inspiration and ideas to write this chapter! Actually I was writing it in my social studies class when I was supposed to be watching a video but I wasn't caught which was a good thing considering some of the words I used. I don't know if this chapter is exactly a good chapter some parts bug me, but overall its okay. Hey, the people I showed it to laughed (especially at 'MR.I'M-TOO-BROKE-FOR-A-SEX-CHANGE!') so I hope you guys like it -

Sorry I haven't updated in forever but summer is coming soon so I will be updating my stories more!

THANK YOU TO ALL MY REVIEWERS YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME!

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