Every Time I (can't) Look in the Mirror
(post-series, well into the future)
.
.
"It's not right," he insisted.
"Sweetie," Buffy said. "Wear a hat. Or – we can always get you –"
"If you say toupee, I will bite you. In fact, remind me again why I don't."
"Your fangs are dull."
"Oh. Right." Spike examined the photo again. "Bloody hell, it's not right. This shouldn't be happening to me. Eternal creature of the night, here."
Buffy stifled her impatience. "Better than the alternative. Better a little male-pattern baldness than bat-face-fruit-punch mouthiness, or cloven-hoof hands."
"It's all your fault," he said, glaring at her.
"Probably," she agreed.
"Know I said you make me feel like a man, but this is ridiculous." He lifted his shirt and exposed his less-than flat abs. "I have a blood belly for crying out loud. I'm a middle-aged man! I'm a Xander!"
"You know, you're awfully vain for someone who can't even see himself in the mirror. I think it's cute."
"You would, woman. You would."
"Well? Why should I be the only one to get wrinkly and saggy?" She pushed his chair back, sat upon his knee. "It's kinda romantic, don't you think? Us actually growing old together?"
"Be more romantic if I wasn't feeling the urge to call my doctor and ask if Levitra might be right for me," he said, frowning at the photo once more.
She lifted the spectacles off of his nose and set them aside. "So vamp out more if it really bothers you. That witch doctor said if you actually spent some time evil-creaturing about, it would probably slow the progression."
"But bat-face…"
"Bat-face bad. Let me rephrase that: bat-face way bad."
His fingers explored his scalp. "You won't leave me for some younger vamp?"
"You won't leave me for some younger Slayer?"
"Daft woman."
"Idiot vampire. You've always been my equal. My perfect match. Why should this be any different?"
The worried crinkles about his sapphire eyes disappeared. "Well, when you put it that way…"
"What are you doing?" Buffy squeaked.
"Showing you just how perfectly we match."
"Mmmmm… But… do you need to take your Viagra first?"
.
