Freshmeat
Chapter 3 – Prick
.:.
Edward POV
Tuesday rolled around far too quickly for my liking. I was still brooding over my tragic fail of a meeting with Legs. This pain was only doubled with the looming threat of three two hour lectures that were my Tuesday timetable, the first requiring me to be in class by eight o'clock. This was then worsened by the fact that Emmett and Jasper had decided to make my life a living hell. Their first action on this goal: wake me up at five o'clock in the morning after only getting to bed at two.
After throwing various objects at the two goofballs it took me a full hour to get back to sleep. An hour later, my alarm went off, and I felt like death warmed up. I dragged myself through a shower and dress regime before shuffling into the kitchen like a fucking zombie. Jasper and Emmett were sitting on the sofas in front of the television, smiling like two year olds and acting like they were innocent little cherubs.
Fuck that.
"Oh, poor Eddy Boy. What's wrong? Did you have a bad night?" Emmett mocked.
"You're a fucking asshole," I spat as I walked towards the kitchen counter, shoved my books in to my backpack and slung a strap over my shoulder.
"Hey now," Jasper cautioned, "no need for name calling."
"You call it name calling. I call it stating a fact," I answered.
Emmett winced theatrically and continued to smirk as he rubbed my misfortune in my face. "Ouch, Eddy-kins, that hurt. You know, a real man wouldn't treat people like that."
Fucking asshole.
"Shut up," I hissed. The memory of my strike out with Legs was already fresh in my mind. I didn't need him pouring salt in my wounds.
"Why? Is that what a real man would do?" he teased again.
That almost sent me over the edge. The mixture of a bad mood and a crap night's sleep was going to set me off. When I opened my mouth to put him in his place, Emmett smirked and raised an eyebrow in expectant triumph. Evil ass. He knew exactly what he was doing, and soon so did I. He knew very well that his mocking, taunting and overall making-my-life-hell aim would push me over the edge and make me act on the bet in the most extreme way possible. He wanted me to strike out even worse. He wanted me to fail. And he was going to do anything to make that happen. Emmett may have been my best friend, but he liked to play with people. Mind games were his specialty. Messing with people was his pass time. His obsession with betting only aided this. Hell, we did it together half of the time. He found it hilarious, in an evil joker kind of way. He was good at it, too. The bad thing was that after knowing the guy for years he knew exactly how to press my buttons as well. I wasn't going to fall for it though. I wouldn't let him mess me up.
I grinned at him, telling him that I knew exactly what he was doing. "You know what, that was such a low blow that I'm not going to dignify it with a response."
Emmett smirked. He was scheming again. "Well, you've got to hit something low, because due to the looks of things, you are not getting anywhere near that girl's 'low' parts."
Ouch. Harsh. But not true. I was determined. I was resolute. That day, I was going to put on the charm.
Jasper decided to add his two cents in then. The guy never did get his hands dirty to the extent Emmett or I did.
"Come on guys, cool it. Em, you've got to lay off Ed a bit. He's got a hard enough time as it is."
"Do you want to cough up seven grand to him?" Emmett questioned. Jasper opened his mouth to speak. Emmett didn't wait for a response. "No, you don't. Sorry Ed, but a bet's a bet. I want you to lose. You want to win. Concerning this freshman, we're pinning against each other. I don't plan on making it easy for you."
I couldn't help but smile then. I couldn't agree more. Where would the fun be if he made it easy for me?
"I wouldn't have it any other way," I assured him as I walked out of the house.
.:.
I didn't plan to see Legs on my way to class, but I guess the Gods were just in my favour that day. When I spotted those two long, lean pegs walking thirty feet in front of me I couldn't help the temptation, and broke into a jog to catch up to her. I threw my usual attitude to the wind for a few minutes and tried on Jasper's strategy; one of charm. Sure, I couldn't do the complete nice guy thing that he had down to an art, but I could at least improve a bit. Legs was clearly the type of girl who liked gentlemanly behaviour. Maybe that was the way to get into her pants.
When I reached her side I turned on the charm. "Hey there darling, can I help you with your books?"
Apparently, I turned on too much charm though, because as soon as I spoke Legs dropped the various books and papers she was holding. She didn't even give me a glance as she hurried down to scoop them up. She did, however, tell me off. Again.
"For the last time, my name is not darling or babe or sweet-cheeks or anything else!" she growled as she picked up her books and slammed them into a pile. "It's B-e-l-l-a. If I hear another one of you arrogant, cocky jerks call me anything else one more time I swear to God I wi-" Legs' – well, actually Bella's – ranting and raving was skidded to a halt when she had gathered her books and pushed her hair out of her face enough to look up at me. I smiled to her. Clearly, it looked more like a smirk though, because her eyes narrowed and she shot daggers at me. "Oh. It's you."
Wow. Cold. Hard. She hated me so much.
I kept smiling at her. I had to bite back my tongue and stop dickhead Edward from reappearing. "Hi there, Bella," I grinned. She winced. I had won the name war. "Here," I offered her my hand, "let me help you up."
Bella peeled her angry eyes away from me and to my hand. Ignoring it and scoffing, she got up on her own and proceeded to walk away from me without another word. Clearly my new attitude did not impress her. I had try harder.
I jogged to catch up to her again. Bella was fuming. I had to bite my cheeks to stop from smirking.
"Bella, please," I offered my hands again, trying to speak in the most sincere voice I could. It all felt so foreign, and I sucked at it, "let me carry your books to class. It's the least I can do after making you drop them."
That time I seemed to prick something in her because in the next second Bella skidded to a stop and confronted me.
"What the hell are you doing?" she demanded.
Uh... Trying to win some money. Trying to get in your pants. Trying to fool you into thinking I'm a nice guy.
"Trying to be a gentleman," I explained. "I'm not a complete ass, despite what you saw yesterday."
Bella clearly believed that claim as much as I did. "You're not fooling me," she informed me before she started to walk off again. I followed.
"Come on, Bella. Just let me walk you to class. That's all. I can be a gentleman like you wanted, you know."
Bella didn't stop as she answered me. "I don't want your chivalry, Edward. That isn't the point."
Huh? I didn't get it. Her thoughts were confusing the hell out of me.
"Then what do you want?"
Bella sighed and turned to face me, finally stopping. Her complete disinterest in me was unnerving, yet compelling. "I want you to treat people with respect."
"I'm treating you with 'respect' right now," I reminded her with a smirk. "You're having none of it though."
Bella rolled her eyes at my expression and shook her head. "I don't mean just me. I get that the way you were treating me was just because of that whole 'Fuck with a Freshman Day' thing. It's a stupid reason, but I get it."
I stared at her blankly. I was pulling out all the stops to impress her, yet she was not having a bar of it. She was telling me she didn't care about how I treated her, yet she got pissed off when I acted like the jerk I was. It didn't make sense.
"What do you care about then?"
"Tanya."
Wow. Wait. What?
"Tanya?" I repeated, dumbfounded. She simply nodded. I was taken aback. "Why do you care about her? She hates you, and you guys didn't exactly get off to a great start."
"My relationship with Tanya doesn't even factor into this equation," Bella sighed. "I couldn't care less whether she likes me or not. She's a human being, and the way you treated her yesterday was nothing but cruel. She deserves better than that."
Wait. What?
I couldn't even fathom that concept. Tanya was a clingy bitch who didn't take a hint. Yet, Bella insisted on my treating her with respect. Not only did I not fathom it, but the fact she cared about someone like that amazed me. Tanya hated Bella's guts and treated her like shit, yet Bella stood up for her. I had never met someone like that before. It astounded me. Why would anyone care about their enemy like that?
"You don't get it though," I told her, attempting to explain myself. "Tanya is just a clingy girl I slept with a couple of times. I had to get her off my back."
Bella didn't speak. She just looked up at me. A second later she walked away. Again.
Fucking hell.
"Wow, wait Bella," I called, running up to her again. My plan was not turning out well. "Where are you going? Come on. Don't be like that."
Bella skidded to a stop again. She then proceeded to spin around on her heels, not backing down. Her glare was impressive. Strong. I loved it.
"You just don't get it, do you? I don't want anything to do with you," she spat. "You're completely incapable of treating anyone with genuine respect. You're rude. I don't want you around me. You're just... you're an asshole."
Ouch. Harsh. But true. I liked it.
"Well what would make you want me around?"
"I would never want you around," she answered, not missing a beat.
"Humour me. Give me something. Anything."
"An apology," she answered quickly.
"Alright then," I agreed. "I'm sorry. Is that better?"
Bella rolled her eyes. "Not to me. To Tanya. She's the one you treated like shit for no reason."
That shook me. She wanted me to apologise to Tanya – someone who hated her unconditionally. I couldn't understand why she would care like that. It shook me to the core, but I wouldn't let her know that.
"Not going to happen," I told her. "You have no idea what she's like."
Bella gave me that look that said I would never understand her. It wasn't judgemental. It wasn't cruel. It just said 'you don't get it, and you never will.' It almost caused me to take a step back and think twice.
"She cares about you," Bella answered. "Whatever happened between you two, she deserves a better explanation for you breaking it off than what you gave her. She deserves respect. Everyone deserves respect, and that's something you don't give. You must have cared about her at least once. Think about that. Think about it like if someone did the same thing to your little sister, cousin or niece. How would you feel then?"
Following that, Bella walked away again. For once, I didn't follow her, but she struck me more with that last statement than she would ever know. I didn't want to admit it then, and so I pushed it away as soon as I could, but Bella was getting to me.
.:.
It was halfway through my last lecture of the day – Interventional Cardiology – when movement in the seat next to me announced the arrival of a visitor. I would have ignored it, if it wasn't for the recognisable greeting that followed.
"Hi there, Cullen," Carmen chirped in her usual happy demeanour. "Fancy meeting you here."
"Isn't it, Maestro, seeing as though we are doing the same degree?" I retorted, not looking away from the lecturer.
In the corner of my eye I saw Carmen lean over the bench and peer at me curiously. She was wearing that suspicious half smile that always scared me. I became nervous, and so I turned towards her. Carmen smiled victoriously. I sighed.
"What do you want?" I asked, exasperated.
"What, aren't I allowed to catch up with an old friend without wanting something?"
I raised an eyebrow at her. Carmen just smiled. She knew that I knew that she wanted something. We hardly ever talked apart from in those instances. Sure, we had been best friends as youngsters, but that changed long ago, and in the almost-decade that followed she had not been very impressed with me.
"So," she continued, "Tanya was talking to me in my lecture yesterday."
"How were you in the same lecture as Tanya?" I asked. It didn't make sense. Carmen was a senior. Tanya was a junior. They were also doing completely opposite degrees.
Carmen smiled, as if remembering something very funny. "I was just... keeping a friend company. One of the girls in my house was nervous for her first lecture, so I went for emotional support." I raised an eyebrow at her explanation and bit back hysterics. Carmen brushed me off. "Shut up, shut up," she growled. "I know."
"So... why should I care about Tanya talking to you?"
Carmen grinned then. "Well, she certainly had a lot to say about a certain episode with a freshman yesterday. It included a milkshake. I'm sure you remember it. The whole campus is buzzing about how the campus King was shot down by a lowly freshman girl."
Fuck.
I felt like repeatedly smacking my head against a brick wall.
"So what," I spat, "you're here to dig for more juicy gossip about it, huh? That's low, Car, that's really low. Even for you."
Carmen winced at her nickname from years ago. "No, I'm not digging, Eddy. I'm just here to chat."
"I'm not telling you anything about it," I told her coldly.
Carmen laughed then; a trilling, beautiful laugh. "Ah, the campus King is always so protective of his honour. You are such a cliché, Cullen. You know that?"
"Play nice, Car. Let's not get nasty here," I joked.
Carmen smiled. It was strange how easily we fell back into the role of friends, even though we hadn't been for years.
"Well then, you're not going to like what I'm about to say, because it is about to get a little nasty," she warned. "I'm about to give you a... friendly warning."
The way she said friendly didn't sound so friendly.
"Shoot."
"I know who the freshman is, Edward," she told me.
Fuuuuuuuuck.
"Bella," I nodded.
Carmen nodded along. "Yes, Bella. She's in my sorority house. And as you know, that makes me her House Mother."
Aw, shit. Things just got a whole lot more complicated.
"Come on, Car," I pleaded. I had always found it strange how blunt we were together; how easily we gelled as friends even after everything. She still felt like the sister I never had. "Don't do this."
"I have to, Edward. Unlike most girls here, I know what you're really like."
"If you remember rightly, when we were friends, I was actually a nice guy," I reminded her.
Carmen nodded in apologetic agreement. "And sadly, we haven't been friends like that since seventh grade."
True.
"I know what you're going to say," I told her.
"Good," Carmen agreed. "Then it won't shock you so much. I'm telling you this early so you can back off before hurting her. Stay away from Bella. Don't go near her, and don't screw her over."
"Who says I'm going to screw her over?" I argued pointlessly.
Carmen raised an eyebrow. "It's you, Edward. You've screwed over every girl you've showed any interest in since seventh grade. But you are not going to do it to Bella."
"Why do you even care? It's not like you've showed any interest before."
"Before you never showed an interest in anyone I cared about," Carmen explained. "And trust me, in high school I tried. But remember I wasn't exactly the most popular person around. Hell, I'm still not. Generally girls throw themselves at you, so I don't get in the way, because it's their choice. Now it's different with Bella."
"How is it different?" I rebutted.
"She wants nothing to do with you," Carmen answered bluntly. "And I know that you don't settle well when you want something you can't have. And I know that you will also employ any ways necessary to scoop her up."
"Damn, you do know me well," I chuckled, needing to lighten the air.
"This isn't funny, Edward," Carmen warned, suddenly very dark. "I've seen you hurt plenty of girls in the years I've known you, but the bar stops here. I don't want you messing with anyone in my house. I don't want you hurting my girls. Bella is a nice person. She's genuine and intelligent and independent. I won't let you destroy that."
Ouch. That pricked at a sensitive spot. It hurt to hear, only because of how true it was, and how much I hated myself for it. Carmen was bluntly honest and although it hurt to hear, I admired it in her. She was the perfect House Mother; maternal, kind, sympathetic and protective. It was just a shame we were officially on opposing teams. I wouldn't tell her about the bet of course, but I knew then that she was yet another enemy to my cause. It was a shame, really. Carmen was strong. She was unique and her own person. We were completely different – I was the yin to her yang – but we gelled somehow. It would have been nice to be on her side again. But I knew also that we would never be on the same side, because I was batting for one evil team. I pushed that thought away quickly, though.
"I know you won't," I answered simply. Fuck, did I know. But it didn't matter to me. I still had to prove Emmett wrong. I still had to win. I still had to succeed in having those legs wrapped around me. They were officially off limits, and pushing limits was my specialty. I was never denied anything, and I had never met a girl who did not want me. Normally girls threw themselves on me. Why would Bella be any different? Why her?
Carmen was watching me carefully. She saw no change in my resolution. It was always scary how well she could read me.
"You're still going to go after her, aren't you?" she replied, more like a statement than a question.
I looked to Carmen then. She was pleading with me to say that I wasn't. Sadly, I couldn't lie to her.
"You wouldn't understand," I told her.
Carmen sighed. The way she looked at me showed nothing but disappointment. "You'd be surprised by what I understand," she told me. "Part of the reason why I've never hated you is because I understand why you act the way you do. You're not as big a mystery as you think you are, Edward. At least not to me."
"You don't know anything about me," I spat coldly. I didn't want her to think she did, either. No one did. No one knew the full story. No one understood.
"I knew you well enough until seventh grade. I watched you in the years after that. You'd be surprised," she answered simply. "I'm not a stranger to your family, Edward. I know what goes on."
At that sentence I had had enough. There would be no more discussions with Carmen. There would be no more soul searching. I was shutting off that chapter of the year and opening a new, fresh, worry-free, bet-focused chapter. In search of that chapter I stormed out of the lecture hall and headed to find a secluded place to get my fucking head together.
You may ask where the place where I went to get my head together was. I'd say the campus cafe. You may ask what I did to get my head together. I'd say have sex. It didn't so much get my head together as it numbed me from everything. After quarter of an hour in the cafe I was approached by a fiery red headed junior. After listening to her drone on for a good twenty minutes I felt her leg rubbing up against mine. Maybe Carmen was right about them throwing themselves on me, because five minutes later she was leading me into the men's bathroom and shoving the door stop under the door without so much as a word of compliance from me. What Carmen didn't get, however, was that most of the time it wasn't me who searched them out. Girls came to me, and I just did nothing to stop them. Was it my fault when they cried over me not calling them back? I didn't think so.
I didn't know the redhead's name, and as bent down in front of me to get to work, I realised I couldn't do it. Something held me back. I couldn't even fathom the idea of having some random girl touch me. Not that day. My head was too screwed up to be able to go through with it. Carmen had fucked with me – the old friend who could hit too close to home. Bella was sticking on my mind like glue – the freshman who proved a challenge, but who also proved to be one of the most kind, strong and independent people I knew. I just couldn't deal with anything else.
When I broke the news to the girl she slipped her number into my hand – which I dropped straight into the trash – and walked away. She was strangely accepting; hopeful for a second shot, I think. I just couldn't handle it though. I couldn't handle any of it. As I looked at myself in the mirror, for what felt like the millionth time, I felt that familiar prick; that prick that said that what I was doing was wrong. It was that prick that reminded me every single day what a useless waste of space I had become. It was the prick that reminded me how screwed up I really was. It was the prick that reminded me what a horrible person I was. It was the prick that ignited the rage I felt against my very existence. It was the prick that told me I would never escape the hell of who I was; the hell that Carmen reminded me of far too easily.
It was the prick that I then pushed away by downing the vodka I had stashed in a flask in my bag before heading back to the house to face Emmett's taunts. I had to get back on track. I had to return to normalcy; numbness. I wouldn't veer off course.
.:.
Author's Note: So, that was a bit of a darker chapter nearer the end, but I needed to get it out there to start working on some more character development and plot-moulding. You know, that schtuff. Anyway, thank you to everyone for the great responses so far! You're all amazing! Please review and tell me your thoughts. I may not be able to reply to reviews for a few days because I'm heading off on a road trip with my brother for a week tomorrow, but I will reply eventually. Thanks for reading.
