Amber: Shadow didn't come home last night.
Jess: She's afraid of us, I tell you!
Kaiba: (rolls eyes) Yeah, afraid for her mental sanity.
Joey: What is this "sanity" you people are always referring to?
Yami Bakura: Sanity really doesn't exist; it's just a figment of people's imagination designed to keep people from eating each other.
Kaiba: That doesn't really make sense.
Tristan: Hey, Shadow left a note! (picks up the note and reads it out loud)
Shadow writes: Wow...so many reviewers (eyes spin)... If I could, I'd give you all hugs! But I can't...
(Insert response to reviews that Shadow is no longer allowed to do)
End Shadow's Note.
Jess: Hey Joey, where's that wine bottle you took from Pegasus?
Joey: He took it. (points to Yami Marik, who is sprawled on his back on the floor and is obviously more than a bit tipsy)
Amber: That's...beautiful...
Yami Marik: (slurring words) I swear to drunk I'm not God...
Jess: Oh really?
Amber: (grimaces) That's...more beautiful...
Yami Marik: Ya tell it like it is, girlfriend!
Everyone: (stares at him)
Yami Marik: (hic!)
Amber: Um yeaaaah, let's get on with the much-awaited third chapter of Yu-Gi-Oh! and the Holy Grail!
Amber digs out the cast list and reads it through, calls for the people need. "So, Yami, Yugi, Yami-B, and Marik: your presence is required." Everyone but Yami-B gathers around, and Amber continues, "Oh yes, and we need that cart of dead people. Who brought the tarp?"
Joey vigorously waves a large blue tarp in the air. "I did!" The tarp, being much bigger than the blond, flops all over and eventually winds up tangling the boy in its grip, due to the waving. "Ack!"
"Very good, cover up the dead people so we don't have to unload them," Amber commands as Joey flails helplessly under the bright blue plastic. Eventually, he does get out and goes off to find the cart, acting as nothing had happened. "Okey-dokey! Where is dat cart?"
"Good luck finding that thing, Jess hid it real good so Shadow doesn't find it," Amber warned. Jess grinned smugly, obviously having no intention of giving away her hiding spot.
Just then, from somewhere deep backstage, Amber-tachi can hear Pegasus screaming in terror. "YAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! WHY AM I ON DEAD PEOPLE?"
Kaiba laughs softly. "I see he's woken up."
Amber also finds it funny, but feels like she needs to maintain authority and attempts to put on an angry look. "Joey! You never took him off the cart?" Joey grins sheepishly and shrugs, heading off in the general direction of Pegsy's voice, as it will lead him to the cart.
Tristan gives a lopsided grin. "Well at least now he sounds slightly sober..."
At that moment, Pegasus comes tearing out of backstage, screaming for all he's worth. "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" He stops and breathes deeply to calm down. "Whew... I'll have nightmares about that one for some time now..."
"Wuss," Tristan says smugly. Though it is faint and in the background, Joey can be heard singing his "I Found the Cart" song.
"I found the cart...cart...caaaart...The de-ahd people really really really smeeellllll..."
Pegasus, meanwhile, is freaking out. "I AM NOT A WUSS! You'd be screaming too if you woke up on top of old smelly bodies!"
"Suuuure I would," Tristan mocks. He turns around and walks away.
Pegasus huffs and crosses him arms. "Well, we'll just see about that!" He runs up and knocks Tristan out, then dumps his body in the cart, under the tarp Joey just finished set ting up. Pegsy folds his hands and reminds the Authoress of Mr. Burns. "Muwahahahahahahahah..."
Just then, Joey popped up from the side of the cart, having just finished tying the last knot to secure the tarp. "Hey, what are you doing?"
Pegasus freezes then glances around nervously, putting on his best innocent expression. "Nothing? Why, does it look like I'm doing something?" He fluttered his fingers innocently.
Joey leaned back, examining the scene. He put his hand to his chin. "It looks like you dumped some poor soul's body in a cart of dead people because they called you a wuss."
Pegasus tugs nervously at collar. "Umm..."
Joey, not noticing, shrugs. "But, mebbe dat's just me." He pulls cart to its location for Scene Three.
Pegasus breathes a huge sigh of relief. "Whew, that was close. Now, where was I? Ah yes... Muwahahahaha..."
Amber looks up as Joey returns. She is impatient. "Awright, hurry up; too much dawdling going on here. Let's move! Chop chop, people! Hey! Where's Yami Bakura? Jess? Could you please go find him?"
Jess scowls darkly. "Fine." She wanders off.
Joey turns to Tea. "I hope Yami Marik didn't share my wine with him."
Pegasus frowns and crosses his arms. "Actually, wasn't that MY wine?"
Joey smiled loopily and shrugged. "Well, if you want ta get technical..."
"Well, as long as we're technical, aren't you technically underage?" Pegasus asks jubilantly. Joey begins to whistle and moseys off.
--Backstage--
Jess, meanwhile, is wandering around, half-heartedly calling for Yami Bakura. "Yami-B? Where is that albino? Ohhh, Yaaaaaami Bakuuura!"
From behind the castle set used in Scene One comes his harsh voice. "WHAT!"
Jess rounds the corner of the castle. "We are starting now and—WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!"
Yami-B is reclined lazily in a lawn chair, wearing nothing but Hawaiian swim trunks and sunglasses; one might also add he has set up a tanning mirror and has a strong stagelight shining on him. He says nonchalantly, "I'm getting a tan."
"You are a moron," Jess states simply, crossing her arms and staring.
"Hey, would you be a doll and rub some suntan lotion on my back?" He holds out the bottle. Jess expressionlessly takes the bottle and squeezes some lotion into her hand. Yami-B hides a grin of satisfaction. "Why thank you."
Still expressionless, Jess reaches over and smears the sunblock in his hair.
"GAHH!" Yami Bakura yells and tries to bat her away but only ends up falling off his chair. "OW! What the hell's your problem?"
The stoic expression was quite quickly replaced with an angry one. She holds out three fingers and counts off to him. "Okay, 1) Amber insists you get your sorry ass to your place. 2) You can't get a tan with spotlights and 3) You're lucky I didn't disembowel you for calling me a doll." Jess grabs him by the collar and jerks him up to eyelevel. "Any questions?"
Yami-B waves hand in the air as if in school (tch, like that'd ever happen...). "Yeah one: Does this mean any sort of longstanding relationship is out of the question?"
Jess sweatdrops and grabs bottle of suntan lotion. She squirts it directly into his hair before pushing him back to the ground.
"ACK!" Yami-B gets back up and bares his teeth. "Crazy woman!"
--Back to Amber-tachi--
Amber taps her foot impatiently. "Where the hell are they?" She glances at special wristwatch given to her by the Authoress. "Three and a half pages on Microsoft Word have gone by and we haven't even started yet!"
Kaiba points offstage. "Hey look!" Everyone turns to see a rather irked Jess striding towards them, followed by Yami Bakura who is complaining loudly and is still in his swim trunks. "That is weird..."
Amber puts on her best 'dagger glare.' "Where have you two been?"
Jess, unaffected, glares back. "I've been dealing with this numbskull!" She jabs her thumb towards Yami-B.
Yami-B pout as he claws at his hair. "Well, thanks to you, my hair has globs of sunblock in it! So uncomfortable!"
Jess shrugs. "You deserved it."
"Well, I'm guessing it's probably best to not ask questions, so let's begin to get started. Yami-B? Put some pants on. We run a theatrical entertainment firm not a cruise line," Amber says, pointing him off in the direction of the costume storage room...place...thing.
Yami Bakura gives Amber a look as he goes off. "They could be on in the same, ya know."
Amber watches him closely as he leaves. When he is out of sight, she turns to Bakura. "You two have the same body; that means you look that good too, right? Wh don't you go running around without a shirt?"
Bakura fidgets and blushes, becoming immersed in tying his shoes. Amber chuckles quietly.
Joey suddenly pipes up. "Hey, where'd dat drunken freak Yami Marik go?"
From far away and right on cue, we hear Yami Bakura. "YAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! GET AWAY FROM ME YOU DRUNKEN FREAK!"
"I think Yami-B found him..." Jess says, amused. Everyone runs to the costume department to see what's up
--Costume Depot--
They all stop to stare in horror at the scene in front of them. Jaws drop and eyes bug in bewilderment. One cannot blame them.
Y'see, Yami Marik is wearing naught but a black feather boa and hot pink spandex pants, and is chasing Yami Bakura with a feather duster. "Come here, you gorgeous man, you!"
Yami-B, of course, is freaking out. "NO! GO AWAY! BACK, BACK, YOU STUPID DRAG QUEEN!"
Yami Marik bats his eyelashes and backs the other yami into a corner. "Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful..."
"I'm scared," Kaiba turns to Amber. "Are you scared?" Amber nods vigerously.
Mai, who is randomly here, suddenly bursts out. "HEY! Aren't those my pants?"
"GET AWAY! GET AWAY!" Yami Bakura, eyes wide as saucers, is cowering in the corner. He grabs the Millennium Rod and uses it to attempt to fend off Yami Marik. One might wish to add that he is still in his swimsuit, which just makes it all better. Heh, not really.
Yami Marik unconsciously dodges the Rod. "I feel pretty!"
"You LOOK like you escaped from the Rocky Horror Picture Show!" Kaiba exclaims.
Marik points a finger of blame. "He took my Rod!"
Mai has come to a conclusion. She shares it with the rest of the cast. "Those are MY pants! GET OUT OF MY PANTS!"
Everyone else double-takes and stares.
Yami Marik sashays, yes sashays,over to Mai. "Ooh, how often do you say that?" He twirls some of the boa's feathers in his fingers.
Mai's eyes go red with anger. "WHAAAT?" She attacks with long, manicured nails.
Yami Marik puts his hands up in defense. "Ahh! Ahh! Okay, okay, you can have your pants back!" He strips the pants off before anyone can stop him and practically throws them at Mai. Mai catches the pants then gapes in shock.
Everyone else screams and recoils whilst clawing at their eyes. Turns out, Yami Marik had decided to see what it would be like to try on the black leather thong that came in the Every Costume Possible to put on Every Possible Play Starter Kit (copyrighted).
Amber covers her eyes. "Oh man, I just saw WAY too much Marik!"
Kaiba shudders. "I can wash but I'll never be clean!"
Mai copies Amber's movement. "My poor virgin eyes!"
Yami Bakura out a sharp laugh. "Ha! Like your eyes are virgin!" Then he shrieks as Mai lunges at him and commences pummelage.
Yugi and Bakura spray disinfectant in their eye, then clutch at them wildly. "GAHH IT BUUUURNS!"
Yami tilts his head. "The disinfectant or...Yami Marik?"
"All..." Yugi moans.
"Want me to get you two some water?" Yami offers.
"That would be nice..." Bakura says gratefully, eyes tearing like mad.
Yami Marik regards the cast and crew rolling on the ground clutching their eyes. He seems almost onfused, then gins triumphantly. "This sounds like a job forrrrr..." He whips out a cape and strikes up a noble pose; everyone else screams again. "BISH-O-MAN!"
Amber's jaw hits the floor. "Oh lordy..."
Y-Marik, oblivious, puffs out chest and speaks in a deep, "heroic" voice. "Yes, it's BISH-O-MAN; appearing to all who need loving, able to make 20 fangirls faint with just a grin and a wink!"
Jess disappears into the prop room. "I know there's a shotgun back here somewhere..."
Kaiba has recovered himself. He folds his arms. "Shadow's not gonna like this..."
Y-Marik drops deep superhero voice. "She already knows!" He says happily.
Everyone does a collective double-take. "WHAT?"
Yami Marik shrugs. "Well, she knew about the pants, but even the Authoress does not know my true identity as BISH-O-MAN!"
Amber looks around. "Is she here?"
"My eyes still burn..." Yugi mutters faintly.
Yami returns with a bucket of water. "Here you go, guys." Yugi and Bakura take turns plunging their heads in it.
Bakura goes to dip in again, but stops and squints through pained eyes at Yugi. "Your hair gel made it all scummy!"
Meanwhile, Y-Marik is addressing the slowly recovering cast. "Yeah, turns out she's been here since Scene One. She's over there," he points off to the right.
Tea is still covering her eyes. "Yami Marik? Can you please put some pants on now?"
Y-Marik's deep voice comes back. "NEVER! I SHAL WEAR PANTS WHEN YOU BRING ME PANTS FIT FOR THE GODS!"
Amber smacks forehead and whimpers in exasperation. "Let's just go see Shadow now!" Amber, Jess, Bakura, and Kaiba follow Yami Marik to the authoress.
--Behind a large curtain, we find me, ShadowSpirit, sitting on a large, cement-like cube, chipping at it with a chisel--
ShadowSpirit is muttering to herself, "Damn you, damn you..."
Joey sidles alongside her and peers down. "Hey Shadow, watcha got there?"
Without looking up, ShadowSpirit replies, "Writer's Block. Stupid thing..."
Yami Marik, having done his part, has wandered off and is singing obliviously. "I'm...too sexy for my pants...too sexy for my shirt...sooo sexy, it hurts!"
Jess peers at the Block. "Is that why we can't seem to get anything done around here?"
ShadowSpirit looks up. "Proba..." She stops in mid-word, jaw dropping open as she catches sight of Y-Marik. "Ho...lee...crap..."
Yami Marik is suddenly alert; he is all high and mighty again. "What's this? Another damsel in distress? BISH-O-MAN can solve this!" He sashays over to Shadow and smiles seductively. "Hello dearie, need a lap dance?"
ShadowSpirit just stares at him and squeaks, "O. O Um...no...thanks..."
Amber looks at special watch again. "Wow over six pages..."
Shadow throws down chisel in disgust. "Damn Writer's Block. I give up...for now. Next chapter, I'll hunt around for some bigger guns to destroy it so we can continue. And if I don't find any...I'll continue anyways."
ShadowSpirit: It's very weird writing myself in 3rd person. Ah well. Swim season started today, and man am I tired! I don't do that whole stamina thing. I feel kinda good though...
Disclaimer! I do not own YGO or Bish-O-Man. Takahashi-sama owns YGO and White Angel Chan (wonderful Authoress) came up with the Bish-O-Man idea. And yes, I got her permission to use it. Thankies, White Angel!
And seriously, thanks for all the reviews. I love you all!
