Actually... I'm at a loss what to say... All those reviews...
You've made me so, SO happy! Was like birthday and Christmas combined ヽ(' ▽' )ノ
❤ ❤ ❤ Thank you soooooooo much! ❤ ❤ ❤
His feet carried him over the schoolgrounds and towards the football field were Roman was at the moment. Training. Roman would probably be surprised to see that he actually really dropped by because although having given in to Roman's persistent being friends attempts, Dean had avoided to come and see him train. Maybe because a handful of Roman's teammates had used to beat him up in the past and he wasn't keen on meeting them. Not that he expected them to beat him up right there on the field, but... well... he just could think of better things than watching those bastards, even if it included watching Roman as well.
Roman...
Or maybe, just maybe and if he was really honest with himself... he hadn't come here because there were still doubts left about how Roman would react if his teammates, well, expressed their... displeasure... about them being friends...
Friends... huh, he still wasn't used to that concept. Having a friend. Two friends actually because he'd gotten himself a value pack here. Roman and Seth. Seth was the live and let live type of guy, being a bit weird and nerdy himself, what was probably the reason he simply accepted Dean being... Dean. He didn't push him, didn't bug him with shit. Easy talking. It hadn't gone unnoticed by Dean though that Seth watched him. Or maybe observing was fitting better. He wasn't sure why the little two-toned nerd was doing it. Curiousness probably. Or even jealousy that he had to share Roman. Whatever...
And speaking of the devil, he found Seth sitting in the bleachers, eyes trained on the busyness on the field and Dean slowed down, pondering if he should go over to him or simply stay here. Or if he should turn around and leave. Sighing, he ran a hand through his hair and dipped his head forward, his gaze dropping to the ground. He could do it. Leave. He had every right not to be here.
His hand dropped to his side and he dipped his head back, closing his eyes as he snorted. About himself. About the whole situation.
There was loud laughter but it was that one low and full voice that stood out of it to his ears that made him look back over to the field and his eyes found Roman instantly. He had his helmet tucked under his arm, just wiping a hand over his face while talking to a smaller guy. He was smiling. A bright smile. A smile that was very different from the ones he gave Dean and now that he thought about it, even the smiles Seth got were different from the ones he received from the big man. Seth got those smiles that were full of the fondness you felt for your best buddy, your brother. The ones Dean got... the quality was different. Thicker with something else that laced into the fondness. Richer. If that made sense.
And then suddenly his feet moved on their own accord, bringing him closer to Seth. He sat down beside the other man, leaning forward to brace his elbows on his knees while his eyes found back to Roman who hadn't noticed him yet. For a moment there was quietness between Seth and him, but he could feel the gaze of those ridiculously big brown eyes on him.
"Have you lost your way?" he heard Seth ask, mild surprise lacing into his voice.
"Trying to be funny, Rollins?" he drawled, not looking over to him.
A snort beside him.
"No, actually I'm just surprised to see you here, you know?"
Shrugging, Dean only said: "Why should I not be here?"
He noticed a movement beside him, saw Seth mirror the way he sat there but he still felt inquiring eyes rest on him.
"Dunno, maybe because for the last two weeks you blocked every single of Roman's attempts to make you come here or to spend some time after school with him?"
It wasn't reproach lying in the words but what Dean heard lying underneath was that him not spending time outside school with Roman had been a topic between Roman and Seth. There was a strange feeling in his chest and he wasn't sure if he wanted to examine further what exactly it was.
"None of your business, Rollins," he replied curtly and received another snort, but this time it was lacking amusement.
"Actually it's pretty much my business because Rome is my friend." Rome. Funny, hearing Seth calling Roman this added to that strange feeling and fuck, no, now he was sure that he didn't want to examine it any further. At least not yet. He couldn't cope with this shit now. "And on top of it all I am the one who has to cheer him up every time you leave him behind as a sad puppy because you run off after school."
"Well, I'm here now, ain't I?" Dean grumbled, shoving a certain guilt aside because he knew Seth had a point there.
"I'm not blaming you or stuff, Ambrose. I'm just stating facts."
"I know," Dean mumbled. "Didn't mean to be an ass, you know? It's just..."
"Don't worry, man, I understand," Seth said gently and Dean wondered if Seth really understood. "You done with school for today?"
"Yup. Ditched sport," he replied, knowing that Seth wanted to chat a little. The kid always wanted to talk, strictly ignoring that Dean was godawful at doing conversation. "Is he doing good down there?" he asked, pointing towards the field.
"Yeah. He's a walking steam hammer," Seth chuckled.
For a moment Dean's eyes followed Roman and as if the guy wasn't already impressive enough, no, the football gear made him look like a walking wall. No interest here in finding out how it would feel to be speared by Superman. The mere idea was ouch enough.
"You're staying until he's done with his training, aren't you?" Dean's only reply was a nod. "Okay, I get it. You're not up for some talking."
And when the hell had he begun to feel bad for dodging unwanted conversation attempts? No fucking reason to feel bad at all. They had talked enough today. A movement beside him caught his attention and he automatically gazed over.
Seth was just leaning down to pick a basketball up that had been lying between his feet, just looking at it for a second or two, before he held it out towards Dean. With a frown, Dean glanced from Seth to the basketball, then back at the other man, trying to figure out what the two-toned nerd expected him to do, say, whatever. The frown became an in question raised eyebrow. And now Seth frowned and Dean began to wonder if his self-chosen hermit-like existens had left him so socially stunted that he wasn't able anymore to understand what people tried to make him understand.
"What?" he muttered, sitting up straight.
"Take the basketball?"
"Why?"
With a sigh Seth took one of Dean's hand and put the ball in it and Dean fought down the urge to yank his hand out of the hold, because he knew that it was just that, a touch. Nothing bad behind it. Another sigh as the other man gazed over to Roman, his eyes lingering there, before looking back at Dean with an even deeper frown on his face and it told Dean that the kid wanted to get something off his chest.
Again, he could simply go now. He had every right not to be here and cope with shit he hadn't signed for.
Although... it wasn't totally the truth, was it? In a way he had signed for this shit by letting Superman put his foot in the door.
"Listen, when Rome told me that he has risked a beating for you and that he wants to be your friend... I admit I had my concerns," Seth began and sadly enough Dean couldn't really blame him for it. He knew about his own bad reputation. A part of it was his own fault because at some point he had begun to bite people away. "Rome is... special. He's like my big brother and I know this sounds corny, but he's caring, honest, loyal and he's the all those good things that makes him the perfect package he is and he goes and chooses the school freak as..." Seth fall silent briefly as Dean puffs a bitter laughter at this oh so lovely petname. "Sorry... look, until recently all I knew about you was your name and what people talk about you."
"And what everyone says must be the truth, huh?" Dean replied carefully neutral.
Once again, he couldn't blame Seth for all this, still it stung to hear it.
"No, but, you know, you're this guy who never talks and looks like he goes for streetfights and..."
"Yeah, funny, thing is just that I've never started one of those fucking brawls, you know? I haven't asked for this shit, Rollins."
"It's not like you're carrying a sign around your neck that tells that you're not..." Again Seth fell silent and Dean watched as the other man took a deep breath, shaking his head. "Sorry, man. Sorry. Really. Fact is, I had my worries that Rome gets out of this hurt in every way this word includes, because all I knew back then was that you're dangerous grounds. And it's not that I know you after two weeks, but what I do know is that you're not the bastard everyone thinks. You're okay. Those people are wrong with what they say about you... as far as I can tell. I like you. I even dare to say that you're my friend although you might be thinking otherwise. I don't know. And Rome... he believes in you, you know? "
Listening to what Seth was telling him had caused a funny and unfamiliar feeling in his guts, to hear how Seth cared for Roman and that Seth actually considered Dean as a friend. It felt... good... to hear it. Both. And it was a precious thing to have someone caring for you like Seth did for Roman...
... or Roman does for you... a small voice in the back of his mind whispered.
But it all, it paled in comparison to what that damn last sentence kicked off in him. He wanted to stop it the very first moment he felt it, but it fucking didn't work and here he sat, feeling as if a heavy weight was pressing on his chest and with an odd tingling in his stomach and he wished Seth would've kept this to himself, because he wasn't ready to cope with shit like that. His heart thumped uncomfortably in his chest as his mind replayed that last sentence. An all too familiar, very light trembling ran through him, accompanied with a fuzzy feeling. Fight or flight. But this wasn't something he should fight, couldn't even if he would have wanted to. And that rational part in him told him to fucking stay where he was because if sure as hell also wasn't something he should be running away from. All his life he had wished for someone to fucking believe in him and now Roman came stomping into his life and did exactly that and... it fucking scared the shit out of Dean. His heart began to thump harder.
Bracing his elbows on his knees, he dipped his head a little forward and turned his face away from the other man. The last thing he needed now was that Seth would see how much this all messed with him. The little shit had to go and unleash that bomb at him while looking at him with those ridiculously big brown bambi eyes.
Fuck. He tried to keep his breathing calm, willed the trembling to go away. Fucking shit.
"Rome and I wanted to play some basketball after he's done with his training," he heard the kid say quietly.
"Good for you," Dean replied even quieter because he didn't trust his voice not to give away how he felt.
"Yeah... but I think that he would be happy if he got to spent some time with you alone," Seth added. "Tell him my mom called because she needs help with whatever. Okay?"
A rustling told him that Seth was grabbing his stuff.
"I didn't agree, did I?" he muttered, still not looking back at Seth.
"No, but over the past two weeks I got the feeling that you like him and if you do, then you'll stay here, wait for him and give him at least a little something back for what he puts up to be a good friend for you. I know that you're not an asshole, so don't act like one, Dean."
Little shit. Looking so innocently but then he opened his mouth and pushed buttons he shouldn't even know about. I haven't asked him to be the good friend. He tasted the words on his tongue and it was what he would have said not long ago, but now those words tasted wrong.
"Yeah," he mumbled. "Yeah, okay."
More rustling and the fact that the sun was blocked from him told him that Seth had gotten up, but he wasn't moving. A few seconds of quietness and the intense gaze still not leaving him made him look up to Seth eventually.
"Promise. Because Roman has really been sad that you're refusing to spend time with him," Seth demanded softly. "And I don't want to come to school tomorrow and see him sad again, bro."
"Promise."
"Good."
But instead of leaving, Seth just stood there for another few seconds, hesitating or rather pondering? Again Dean couldn't read it on the other man's face. Ugh, had been easier not to have people around.
"There's something else..." Seth began, gnawing at his bottom lip. "I don't know what made you be like you are and obviously you have trust issues. But believe me when I say that Roman is safe ground for you. Everyone around here knows already that if they mess with you, that they'll have to deal with Roman. And he would rather cut his right hand off than doing or saying something that could hurt, disappoint or harm you."
And here Seth had dropped the next bomb and fuck, he fucking wanted to ask Seth why. Why was Roman doing all that? Why was he so attached to someone he didn't really know and was shunned by everyone, because it didn't made a damn sense. Only that he didn't get his tongue to form the words, but Seth saved him by being better at reading expressions than he himself.
Shrugging his shoulders Seth said: "I have no idea, Dean. It is like this and sometimes it's better to be happy about a good thing instead of thinking it to death. Well... see you tomorrow then."
That said Seth turned around and climbed down the bleachers, leaving him sitting here with more facts than he could deal with. The absence of Seth's voice allowed a buzzing in his ears to inch into focus, caused by his heart that was pounding hard enough now to make his body quiver ever so slightly with every single of its beats.
When had the idea of receiving any kind of affection and kindness become more frightening than the thought of getting a beating?
Fucking pathethic coward...
Weak. Roman... made him weak, had opened a fucking chest full of golden things right in front of his nose, things he had to live without for so long already that he'd forgotten how they tasted and felt.
It was still hard though to simply trust this man and let him in. Maybe because Roman had put his fingers on the door to that hidden corner deep within him where he had locked himself away to get through the time until he was old enough to escape hell. And that door was only a crack open and it had already become so much harder to deal with his life. The one outside the time with Roman.
He didn't want Roman in his life. Yet at the same time... he had never wanted anything more.
Fuck, why had all this to be so goddamn hard?
Seth was right. Roman was safe grounds. He knew that.
For the last two weeks his mind had been latching onto this man. Again and again and again until his head hurt and he'd been feeling sick from not knowing what to do.
At least it had dimmed the bodily pain he had to take during that time. Not much but enough to make it a little more bearable. And while he had been lying curled up on the ground too often again, the first thing that had come to his mind had been how Roman would look at him the next day the moment he would notice the fresh bruises.
Worried. Sad. Angry.
But not once had he pushed Dean to tell him about it. Him. Probably because he already had idea who he was. Instead he would... touch. Along the line Dean had gotten used to the big man's tactile nature towards him, maybe because those touches didn't mean pain but comfort. Those touches were soothing.
Actually he had started to... fuck, he had started to want those touches, just as he wanted those usually sharp grey eyes to look at him with that warmth and the softness Roman allowed to show up when he looked at Dean.
Huh... it was dangerous that he had gotten used to all this, had started to want all of it. Like a starving man, clawing for every little crumb that might keep him alive... craving for someone being there...
Big menacing Superman... and yet he was all the soft teddy bear...
And the other students really left him alone ever since the word had spread that Roman and Dean were... friends... now. Roman did everything possible to urge him out of his shell, without being pushy though. And then this man had to go and do things. Like, helping him out with homeworks when he hadn't managed to do them... because he had to work at the fucking junkyard again to earn the money he should bring home for their happy little family. It was a bit scary that Roman seemed to know when he would show up to class without homework and he still couldn't believe that Mr. Goody Two Shoes wasted his time on doing other people's homework. Just like that. And then the fact that Roman constantly shared his food with him. It was always the first thing he did in the breaks. Holding his food out to Dean before he himself took some of it. Ever since he knew this man, he ate on a more regular basis than he had all the years before.
The thing about all this was... that it left Dean in the middle of his upside down turned life with the fear that he wouldn't be able to measure up to how high Roman had raised the bar...
And his walls, they crumbled.
Roman...
His eyes found back to the men on the field who were listening to the coach. So the training seemed to be over. Blunt nails scratched slowly over the uneven surface of the basketball, while Dean rocked lightly back and forth on the bench he was sitting. There was a slight and nervous twitching in his shoulder. A sharp sting from a cut in his upper lip made him hiss, made him realise that he'd been gnawing at it.
His eyes found Roman in the group. He was listening to the coach like a good boy while reaching back to the black mane which was bound back to tug it open. With a light shake of his head, the big man made the dark strands flow down over his shoulders. And then suddenly the group parted and Roman began to walk towards the bleachers, his eyes roaming, most likely to see where Seth was sitting and as his gaze caugh Dean, his steps faltered briefly while he tilted his head a bit to the side. The next thing Dean saw was the brightest smile he had ever seen on someone's face and he couldn't help but smile, too. This was another thing he had noticed about himself over the past days. His own smiles, those he gave Roman... had become brighter.
Tucking the basketball under his arm, he walked down to meet Roman half-way, taking a deep breath against the nervousness that refused to go away, wouldn't probably for days now until he had stomached what Seth had told him today. Roman quickened his steps, jogged the last few meters and Dean had just put his feet back on the lawn, as Roman came to stand right in front of him.
Now that he was being so close, Roman's smile was almost blinding.
"Good to see you," the big man said happily.
Seemed to be hard for him to hold back not to hug Dean right here and now, because although touching was okay now, hugging was not. For some reason the idea of being wrapped up tightly in a pair of massive arms made Dean feel uncomfortable, even if it was Roman. And Roman seemed to know it.
"You've seen me the whole morning already," Dean snorted, raising an amused eyebrow.
Mr. Goody Two Shoes. Big teddy bear.
"Well then, good to see you being here," Roman said then, much quieter and so very softly that it tugged at Dean's already flustered heart.
"I, uhm... yeah, thought I should take a look if you're, you know, doing your job here good," Dean muttered, his eyes jumping from the other man's face to the helmet he held, to the broad chest and eventually back to Roman's eyes.
Damn this man for having those eyes. And a smile like that. Could be used as weapons. Legit. Made him feel too self-conscious. Yeah, fucking weapons...
It was just the moment as Roman opened his mouth to say something, as Dean heard it. And Roman heard it, too. It wasn't spoken all too loud, but still loud enough so as not to go unnoticed by them. Bits and pieces. Fragments of not so nice things that found their way over to them, coming from a small group that stood only a few meters away. Fucking insults, coming from three guys who barely reached the IQ of a caveman. Nothing of it was new to Dean's ears, but he could see on Roman's face that those things fucking hurt him. And how could they hurt Roman... when they were supposed to be hurting Dean?
A shadow cast over this by now familiar face. The square jaw set and nostrils flared slightly while brows furrowed, all of it combining to a picture of sparking rage.
"I shouldn't have come here," Dean muttered as he turned away to leave, chiding himself for being so stupid when he knew better.
A gentle hand on his arm stopped him. The shadow was still there on Roman's face, but the gaze he directed at Dean was soft.
"Don't say that. You wait here. Gonna be back in a minute," Roman growled, making his way over to his teammates.
For a moment the conversation was so quiet that Dean couldn't hear anything, but the way Roman stared at them, darkly, angry, was telling about what was going on there. But then the voices became a bit louder, just loud enough that Dean could hear them.
"What the fuck, Reigns, you can't be serious, right? Ambrose?"
"Careful. You and me, we've gotten along good all he time but Dean is my friend."
"Friend? Wrong choice, bro."
"I don't care what you think, bro." And here he was again. Superman. Not as intimidating as he'd been that day he'd come to help Dean, but surely intimidating enough to make two of them take a step back. "I suggest you and the guys leave him alone from now on."
With that Roman came back over to him, not giving them a chance to say one more word. That smile was back on his face the moment he reached Dean, not as bright maybe, but still bright enough to make Dean wonder what he saw in him that could earn such a smile.
Too good for this world fool. Fucking blind, too, obviously. Needed some glasses to see the reality.
"Okay then, just let me grab a quick shower and..." The smile was replaced by a confused expression. Letting his eyes roame the bleachers, Roman asked: "Where is Seth by the way?"
So Dean's presence here must really have been a big surprise for him, given that he had just now noticed that Seth wasn't here anymore. It didn't help the guilt Dean felt a bit.
"Oh, uh... Seth's mom called that she needs help with whatever. And, uhm, I thought we, you know, could do some basketball?" Dean explained, balancing the ball on the tip of his index finger.
The smile flashed up again, brought a sparkling to the grey eyes and just like that it wiped Dean's concetration on balancing the ball away. The ball dropped to the ground with a dull thud and Dean bent down quickly to pick it up.
"Weapons," he muttered barely audibly as he straigthened up again, ignoring the in question raised eyebrow that greeted him...
Not even fifteen minutes later the sound of the basketball hitting the ground rather rythmically bounced off of the walls of a rather secluded corner of the school yard and muttered curses about losing the ball and crowing about won points accompanied it. Dean's mind had been occupied with various things already ever since he'd decided not to go home and watch Roman's training instead, not least because of what Seth had told him, but ever since they had come here to shoot some hoops, his mind was spinning.
And that... huh, it was all Superman's fault. He had come out to play a little with Dean, leaving Mr. Goody Two Shoes in his sportsbag meanwhile. For someone as big and massive as Roman, he moved, although not very graceful, surprisingly quick, just like this very moment. Sidestepping Dean, he made the Air Jordan. Impertinent. Fair would have been if someone of his weight stayed planted to the ground. Fucking physics, damnit. Heavy things weren't supposed to fly.
But then again he was Superman, wasn't he?
The ball bounced off of the rim of the basket, dancing on it for a brief moment, before the ball decided to take the outside way, successfully avoiding the net. Ha. Do not pass Go, do not collect 200 bucks.
Quickly snatching the ball away, Dean brought some distance between them, not only because he would end up without the ball if not, no, but also because... of the sight. The sight was one of the things that kept his mind busy. Superman... was shirtless. All the man was wearing was a pair of sneakers and trainings-shorts. The black hair was falling untamed over the broad shoulders... still wet from the shower he'd taken after the training. Caramel-toned skin was glistening in the sun from a thin sheen of fresh sweat and bulky muscles were flexing and jumping underneath. The black art on the right shoulder seemed to come alive with every movement. Concentration was lying in the handsome features and those lips, those kissable lips were slightly parted to let needed air pass.
And then... Superman's eyes. Sharp, crystal clear and bright. Predatory.
This man was nothing more and nothing less than some unknown Greek God. Had to be. There was no other explanation for his looks.
Delicious...
And out of reach. And even if Roman wouldn't have been out of reach, you don't hit on a friend anyway, right?
Friend. He tasted the word on his tongue. Friend. Friend.
Its taste was sweet...
And Roman charged, attempting to steal the ball but Dean rounded him, took a few steps and jumped, dunking the ball in the basket. Landing on his feet, he bit back a groan, because his body still ached from the last... incident... three days ago. He knew that if he gave even the tiniest sound of discomfort now, that Roman would immediately stop this. And actually... he didn't want that. Being here with the big man, spending some carefree time... he should have given it a try sooner.
Before Dean could leave the spot under the basket, Roman caught the ball and used the moment to come back to him with a few quick strides. He jumped and in an attempt to slap the ball out of the big hand, Dean jumped, too.
The next thing Dean knew was that he was lying flat on his back on the ground, his head aching and with a heavy weight pinning him down. A low groan passed his lips. What the fuck...? And then his name was being said hushed, worried. Once, twice. A touch at the base of his skull, his head was being lifted a little... and then he felt a soft touch on his cheek. Again his name was said. Urging. Roman's voice. And why the fuck was it so dark...? Oh, right, probably because his eyes were closed. Opening them a crack, he was met by wide grey eyes. Worried ones.
"Dean?" Roman said again. "C'mon, talk to me."
"Hnnh?" he breathed, realising that it was Roman's hand that was cushioning his pounding head against the ground and that it was Roman's thumb brushing over his cheek. And that Roman was more or less lying on him. "What...?"
"We had a tiny collision mid-air. Lost my balance and, uhm, I... fell on you...?" the other man explained, giving him a guilty smile. "You hit your head on the ground." A movement against his face. A big palm cupped his cheek. "You had me scared here, dude. You've been out for a few seconds."
Dean blinked, his still slightly foggy mind catching up with the situation and the first thing it did was underlining that Roman was close. Damn close. So fucking close that usually... Dean should have freaked now... Surprisingly enough he didn't, although his whole comfort zone was jam-packed with Mr. Goody Two Shoes. It was okay. It was... good.
And then there was heat, radiating off of the massive body. Grey orbs, still looking at him worried, yet glowing with softness and... affection? Soft touches. The scent of Roman's shower gel or maybe his shampoo... spiced with fresh sweat.
Fuck this, what the fuck was he thinking?
His heart began to pound, maybe even hard enough for the other man to feel it and he fucking couldn't stop it.
Shit.
"Dean?" Too damn gentle... Roman's voice and it caused his heart only to pound harder. "Dean? Can you please say something?"
Say something. He could do that.
"Ugh... my fucking head is killing me," he muttered then, wanting to bring a hand up to his aching head but the way was blocked by the big frame above him.
"No wonder. We found something that is harder than your pighead, Captain Solo," Roman snorted softly.
"... 's is your fault..."
Another soft snort and a relieved grin.
"Yeah. I'm sorry, you know?"
"Better be," Dean grumbled. "Clumsy oaf..."
Quietness. The soft touch on his face never ceased though. His still half-way lifted and jobless hand settled on the other man's side on its own accord. Smooth skin. Slightly sweat slicked, hot against his palm.
"We, uhm, we should get up. People might get the wrong idea, ya know?" he joked, but his voice sounded a tad too breathless to his own ears.
"I don't give a fuck what people think," Roman replied, his eyes wandering over Dean's face scrutinizing. "You okay? Feeling dizzy?"
Automatically he wanted to shake his head no, but thankfully the big hand on the back of his head stopped him from doing something stupid like that.
"Nah, but my head pounds and you're squashing me. Otherwise I'm okay..."
... I think...
Something had just happened. Something had just been tilted and smashed and slowly it dawned on Dean that it had been the last big wall he had been holding up against Roman. Shattered. Just like that. Only two weeks. Two goddamn, fucking weeks had been enough for this bastard of an oversized teddy bear to do that.
Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck... Fuck.
This shouldn't have happened. Not now, not yet. Maybe even not at all. This shit was going too fast. Breaking his gaze way from Roman's, he brought his other hand up to the broad frame to push him off, while squirming slightly in unease.
"Get off," he muttered, pushing a bit harder and obviously the message was understood.
Get off. Seriously.
The weight on him vanished and he rolled over, the movement aggravating the pounding in his head but he didn't pay it attention. Instead he climbed to his feet without looking at his friend... his friend, there it was again... and walked over to a bench. There was no need to gaze back or say a word, he knew that Roman would follow him anyway and his ass had barely made contact with the bench as Roman sat down beside him, holding a bottle out to him.
"Drink. Can't have you dying from a heat stroke," he heard him say while there was a faint tug at the sleeve of his lumberjack shirt. "How can you even wear this stuff when it's fucking hot like this. You could at least have taken it off for..."
"No," Dean snapped, cutting him off.
There was a reason he was wearing long-sleeved shirts. Roman had seen some of the damage he was leaving all too often, but he'd never seen the whole extent and to be honest, Dean wasn't ready to show it to him.
"Drink," Roman repeated, a sigh lying in the single word.
Dean obeyed then, because he knew that Roman would bug him to death if he didn't. Two hearty gulps later it was handed back to its owner.
Setting it to the ground, Roman braced his forearms on his knees and folded his hands, his eyes resting on them.
"I'm sorry."
Fucking guilt, couldn't stay away and it was clinging both to Roman's voice and Dean's guts.
"Nah, 's okay..."
... I guess...
"No, it's not. I made you feel uncomfortable, I..."
"No, Roman. I just... you know, I... uhm..."
And here he was stammering like a complete idiot. Wonderful.
"You really okay?"
Gazing over to the other man, Dean wondered what it was that made Roman tick. It was this always present question. The why. And what in Dean's case was stubbornness and sometimes his ego which both seemed too big at times to actually fit into the man himself, was in Roman's case the distinct sense of justice and a massive protection instinct. But was it just that? Was there more behind it? Why would someone like Roman waste his time on someone like him? Really. What was the fucking reason?
Tick. Tick. Tick.
"Thanks for staying," Roman said suddenly, not looking over to him but there was a smile tugging at the lush lips.
"Thought it could do no harm," Dean murmured, his eyes fixed on those lips. "Thanks for proving me wrong by bestowing me a bump of the size of the Everest, man," he added as he reached up to the bump that was forming on the back of his head, smiling a bit himself as he noticed a slight wince in Roman's features.
"Stop being such a crybaby, dude." The smile faded from Roman's lips. Then, hushed and hesitant: "Dean? You, uhm… you never tell me anything about you. Why? I mean, I know practically nothing and…"
"Next topic," Dean said quickly.
Not this. Not now. No way.
"What are you afraid of?"
"I said next topic," he gritted out, noticing a tension taking hold of him as the mood slipped into a very wrong direction.
Crossing his arms over his chest, he began to chew on his lips as the nervousness came back, but this time out of a completely different reason. There were some things which Roman shouldn't know about. Not yet. Maybe in half a year when Dean could walk away from this dump that was his life.
And here Roman had to go and ask stupid questions, now that for once Dean felt carefree at least for a little while. Idiot, ruining everything.
"Dean, c'mon, I just want to get to know you better and I'm… I'm worried, okay?"
And then Roman was looking him straight in the eyes, the air between them becoming uncomfortably thick as the mood shifted completely and dropped in a dark hole.
"Is it your dad?"
A chill ran along Dean's spine, taking residence in the back of his neck. He didn't even notice the stinging as he dug his nails into the skin of his upper arms.
"Don't."
A mere breath. And all he could bring over his lips.
"Dean…"
And the freaking that had stayed away despite the closeness earlier came with delay now, washing through him like a wave that made him move without realising it until he was already a few meters away from Roman. He was running, he knew that, running away from Roman and questions he couldn't answer and probably he was running away from this now because he couldn't run away from the truth he tried to hide from him. He didn't really want to go away from Roman. But he also couldn't stay.
A hand on his biceps. With a growl he yanked his arm free, quickening his pace until he was literally running and although Roman sure wouldn't have had a problem to catch up with him, he didn't. Instead… he called Dean's name. Begging.
… I'm sorry…
- tbc -
So, we've been guests in Dean's head again and I'll keep on switching between the boys' perspectives ;3
Reviews are love, guys :)))
