This one is a little bit of plot and a little bit of fluff. Enjoy!
DPOV
I wake up in the middle of the night to strange banging noises coming from the kitchen. Automatically, I grab the gun from the nightstand and slowly creep towards the sound. A quick check reveals that Sam is still in his bed. I round the corner into the kitchen to find Castiel doing something that resembles fighting with the cookware. "Goddammit Cas," I mutter, lowering the weapon.
He turns, surprised. "Oh. Hello Dean."
"Don't 'hello Dean' me. What are you doing?"
He looks to the stove, then back at me, puzzled. "I'm…making breakfast."
"It's three in the morning, Cas," I point out. "Nobody eats breakfast at three in the morning. Why are you even awake?"
He shrugs, looking away. "I wasn't tired anymore, so I thought I'd do something productive."
"You weren't tired anymore?" I repeat. He nods slowly. "You do realize that you've barely been able to stand up on your own, but suddenly you felt so good that you decided to make breakfast?" He gives a half-shrug, but stays silent. I sigh, collecting myself and putting the gun down. "Alright Cas, why don't you take a seat?" Slowly, he obeys, sinking into the couch and watching as I sit down across from him. "Alright. Now, you want to tell me what's really going on here?"
He hesitates. "No, not particularly. But I'm guessing that's not really relevant right now."
"You got that right. I don't believe that you're just getting in touch with your inner Martha Stewart here, so what's this really about?"
The angel sighs, sinking further into the couch. "Well…it's nothing really. It's just…I had one of those dreams again. And I didn't want to go back to sleep and have another one, so I thought trying something new would keep my mind off of it."
I sigh. "Why didn't you yell for me like I told you to?" I ask.
"You were sleeping. I've already inconvenienced you enough, and I didn't want to disturb you again," he explains.
"Cas I already told you, you're not an inconvenience. I don't mind being woken up if you need something. What about these dreams is freaking you out? You said they don't make any sense."
He nods. "They don't. But I can still tell that something bad happened. The fact that I can't remember it is…distressing."
He yawns. "Alright, well we can discuss it in the morning. But you can't just not sleep. Especially not now with all the healing you have to do. Let's get you back to bed." Cas frowns, but doesn't resist as I help him off the couch and back into his room. "Do you want me to stay with you?" I offer.
He shakes his head. "No, that's alright. I'll be fine. I promise."
"Alright. If you change your mind or you have another dream or you need something, I want you to wake me up. Got it?"
He nods. "Got it. Goodnight, Dean."
I wait up until I hear soft snores coming from his room, but in the morning I wake up to find him curled at the end of my bed anyway. "Close enough," I mutter to myself.
There's a soft knock on the door before Sam enters. "Morning. So I…" he starts, then trails off, looking at the angel on the bed. "It's like having a new puppy," he chuckles.
"Yeah, something like that. Except a new puppy doesn't try to cook breakfast at three in the morning. Did you want something?"
"Oh. Yeah. I have some news on the research front. So I've been looking for possible connections between angels and humans, and so far I've only found one even a little similar to this. The thing is, it has to do with Guardians."
I frown. "But Cas isn't a Guardian angel."
He nods. "My thoughts exactly. It looks like this is something no one's seen before. Or written about, at least. I mean, Cas is hardly a typical angel. It looks like this is a sort of new territory for everyone."
I sigh. "Awesome. You know how much I love being the universe's guinea pig."
"Yeah, I know." He watches Cas for a moment. "So, three in the morning, huh?"
I nod. "Yeah. He had another nightmare and got freaked out. We've gotta do something before he goes crazy."
"What do you think we should do?" he asks.
"I don't know. We don't really have someone on the angel patrol we can call for help. Maybe we should tell him your evil angel theory. Maybe it'll jog his memory or something."
He shrugs. "It could. But don't you think it'd hurt him if one of his brothers is behind this?"
Cas makes a small noise, his feathers rustling. "Yeah, I think it would. But right now he's just so lost. He wants to know what happened to him. And we can't just let him suffer. We have to figure this out, and it looks like he's the best lead we've got. We'll just have to pick up the pieces. We've done it before."
Sam nods. "Alright. We can try. I'll meet you in the living room."
I watch him leave before taking a seat next to a sleeping Cas. Slowly, I reach out, shaking him lightly. "Cas? Wake up buddy." He comes around slowly, groaning. "Good morning, sleeping beauty."
He ignores me, stretching. "Dean?" he murmurs finally. "Is now a more appropriate time for breakfast?"
I can't help but laugh. "Yes, now is a better time. Sam's already got it started, so why don't you wash up and join us?"
He nods sleepily, sitting up. "Alright." I watch him, amused, as he walks toward the other door in the room.
"Um, Cas?" He turns to look at me. "That's the closet," I point out. "Bathroom's this way."
He pauses, looking at the door for a moment before nodding. "Right."
I leave him in the bathroom and go find Sam. "Ready?" I ask him.
"Nope. But it doesn't look like we have any other choice. I'll follow your lead." Cas returns, taking a seat at the table. "Morning," Sam greets him. "How are you feeling?"
Cas shrugs. "Does it matter?"
"Well we don't want you to be in a lot of pain."
He thinks about this. "Oh. I'm okay, I guess. It still hurts, but it's not bad. Thank you."
Sam glances at me, subtly nodding towards him. "So Cas," I start, "I was talking to Sammy earlier, and we were thinking that it might help you to talk to us about what you remember."
The angel frowns. "How would that help?"
I hesitate, and Sam cuts in. "Well, Dean was telling me that you said your memories of what happen didn't quite make sense, and that you were having dreams about them that were…stressing you out. So we thought maybe if you tried to talk about them, we could help you figure out the parts that don't make sense, and maybe then you wouldn't have those dreams all the time. We'd just like to help."
Cas considers it. "Did you find out anything?" he asks.
"Well, no," Sam says, "But I was doing some thinking, and I might have a theory. You're sure the things that hurt you were demons, right?" he asks. Cas nods. "Okay. And you said they knew some crazy powerful ancient spell that they used against you. Is there anyone you know of that might have had knowledge of a spell like that?"
He thinks. "Some of the higher-level angels, maybe."
Sam nods. "Okay. And you said they used an Angel Blade on you. Was it your blade?"
Cas shakes his head. "No, they had it before they took me."
Sam glances at me, and I shrug. "Cas, we think maybe there's a rogue angel out there working with the demons. We don't know why, but the pieces fit." All at once, Cas goes completely still, not even breathing as he stares straight ahead with wide eyes. "Cas?" I call softly. "Cas, can you hear me? Castiel!"
I nudge him, but he doesn't even blink, and he's starting to turn blue. As a last-ditch effort, I reach out and slap him hard. He gasps, his breath coming out in a hoarse whisper. "Karael." He jumps up, his chair clattering to the floor, and begins mumbling to himself in Enochian.
"Alright Cas, calm down. Who is Karael?" I ask. He continues to ignore me, his breathing getting strained. "Crap. Cas, focus. Cas!"
CPOV
Dean is still talking, but I can barely hear him over the buzz in my head as all the broken pieces of memory start to fit together. The Dangerous Man, the one with the smile that gave me that sick feeling when I remembered it. He's Karael. Everything is all wrong, and I'm getting this odd pain in my chest, but I can't focus on anything besides the images flashing through my head. Vaguely, in the back of my mind I register the conversation between Sam and Dean.
"Way to go, Dean," Sam mutters. "You broke him."
"Yeah, well I'm all out of ideas, so it's your turn," Dean replies.
There's a hint of worry in his voice, a note he usually reserves only for Sam. The sound of it makes me uncomfortable. How is Karael here? Why would he turn on his own kind, join forces with the ones he was supposed to protect against?
Suddenly, I find myself pressed up against something hard, and the small part of my brain analyzing the obstacle finds it so bizarre that for a moment it drowns out my panic. I look up, finding myself face-to…chest with Sam, who has his arms locked around me. "Sam?"
"Cas? Can you hear me?" he asks, worried.
"You're hugging me."
A brief smile flashes across his face. "Um…yeah, I know."
I frown. "Why are you hugging me?" I ask, briefly distracted by the same stabbing pain in my chest.
"You went totally catatonic and then freaked out on us. You weren't responding. I thought maybe I could shock you out of it." His tone is softer than I expect it to be, considering how inconvenient I'd imagine it is to have to talk an angel down. "Cas," he murmurs, "I know you're scared, but you need to calm down. Whatever's going on, you're safe here. We're not going to let anyone hurt you, but we really need to know what's happening, and you really need to breathe before you get sick."
"I'm not cleaning that up. Just FYI," Dean cuts in.
Sam glares at him. "Dean," he snaps. He turns back to me, and I realize that he's legitimately concerned. There's another twinge in my chest that has nothing to do with low oxygenation. "Cas, I promise, whatever it is, we'll figure it out. It's going to be okay, but you have to calm down and take a deep breath."
"I…don't think I can," I manage.
"Why not?"
"I'm not sure I remember how."
He looks oddly relieved, though I'm not sure why. It definitely doesn't sound like a good thing to me. "Something we can fix for once," he mutters to himself. "Alright Cas, I promise you haven't forgotten how to breathe properly."
"You sound very sure," I point out.
He chuckles. "Yeah. I am sure. It's in there somewhere. You just have to focus. Pick one thing and focus on it until everything else is quiet." I nod, deciding that Sam is the easiest thing to focus on at the moment, given his proximity. Cautiously, I press closer to him, trying to block out everything else. Surprisingly, instead of pulling away, he pulls me closer, one hand resting low on my back, avoiding my injuries, and the other pressed to the back of my neck. His grip is firm, but not alarmingly so, and I find it oddly comforting, despite being strange. I wonder idly if this is a purely human reaction or not. After a minute or two of focusing on his solid, steadying presence, I once again attempt a deeper breath, and this time it's a little easier, a little less tight. Sam must feel it, because a relieved sigh escapes him. "See? You did it." I nod, staying that way for a minute until I think I can keep it together on my own, before slowly looking up at him. Though slightly less worried than before, his expression is still soft with concern. "Feel better?" he asks.
I nod, stepping back from him. His hold releases immediately, and I find myself oddly disappointed. "Yes, thank you. I apologize for the breach of personal space. I'm not sure what came over me."
"Don't worry about it, Cas," he replies. "I'm just glad you're back with us. Do you think we can talk about whatever you remembered without freaking you out again?"
I nod again, taking a seat. "I think your theory is right. I know who's behind it now. It's Karael."
"Who is Karael?" Dean asks, puzzled.
"Karael was an angel whose job it was to watch demon activity and prevent it from getting…out of hand. He had a certain influence over them."
"He must be employee of the month," Dean mutters.
Sam frowns. "Did you say 'was' an angel?"
I nod. "Karael disappeared centuries ago. He was presumed destroyed by the demons. That's why I didn't recognize him initially. He should be dead."
They both consider this for a moment. "So…what?" Dean asks. "He went into hiding for a few centuries, and then started popping up to torture his own kind?"
I shrug. "It's possible, though I don't know how he'd manage to hide for so long. But…he did say something…It's a little fuzzy."
"See if you can remember," Dean prods.
I nod, but my stomach does a little flip anyway. I don't really want to remember anything else if it goes as well as the last time. I look over at Sam for a moment, wishing he would come closer again. I'm both surprised and embarrassed by the desire, and I look away quickly, but he must have seen something, because he takes a seat next to me. "He…he said he was experimenting," I remember, cringing a little at the memory.
"Experimenting? For what?"
I shake my head quickly. "I don't know, but I don't really want to remember anything else right now."
Sam nods, lightly patting my shoulder. "That's probably a good idea. You don't want to push it too much. I learned that the hard way."
I feel a little guilty, remembering exactly how he learned that. "Alright," Dean says, "Well he can't get to you here, so you'll be safe while you heal. In the meantime, we'll try to figure out how we're going to take him down. We'll have to find him first anyway."
"I don't think you're going to find him, Dean," I say. "I think we're going to have to let him find us. Or me."
Dean shakes his head. "Absolutely not. We're not using you as bait. He's hurt you enough."
I sigh. "We may not have another choice. I'm not thrilled about it either, but I can't stay in hiding forever. He'll come after me, one way or another. He isn't after any angel, he's after me. We might as well use it to our advantage."
He frowns. "Well we have time to figure it out. But for now, I think we could all use a day to relax." He moves to sit next to me on the couch, but Sam gets up, going into his room. There's a strange feeling in my chest as he does, and I try to rub it away, only to accidentally press against one of the slashes in my chest and quickly abandon the idea. Dean turns the TV on, but I'm not paying attention. Instead, I try to decipher these complex human emotions I've begun feeling. Angels are simple. They follow a pattern, and they're rational. Humans are the exact opposite. They have all these feelings and emotions, not to mention desires that I'm finding hard to understand. And that's without taking their strange customs into account, like this odd feeling they get when someone shows fondness for them. More and more since my grace was damaged, I'm finding it so tempting to give in to those desires, especially the desire for closeness, which is completely foreign. Angels are solitary creatures. They don't experience affection the way humans do, and just thinking about it too hard makes me a little dizzy. I realize Dean's talking to me. "Cas!"
"What?" I ask.
He frowns. "Are you sure you're okay? You look…confused."
I mean to tell him that yes, I'm fine, but what comes out is "How do you think Sam feels about me?"
My hand clamps down over my mouth immediately, but it's too late. Dean stares at me for a minute. "…Come again?" he says finally.
I feel my face getting hot, and I know it's red. Humiliation is yet another unfortunate side effect of being human that I've become well acquainted with. "I don't mean…I just…I always thought that he only accepted my presence in your lives because you asked him too. But now everything is so confusing, and I don't know anymore."
Behind me, the couch dips, and I jump a little. I turn to find Sam, who's frowning. "Why would you think that, Cas?" he asks softly.
I hesitate. "Well…I've sort of…screwed up your whole life over and over and over again. You should hate me."
A brief, amused smile flashes across his face, though I don't know what's funny. "Yeah," he says, "But I have this problem where I never do what I should. Besides, you haven't screwed up my life half as much as Dean has." Dean makes a small sound of protest as I stare at Sam, bewildered. He sighs. "Look Cas, I don't hate you. I've never hated you. You've made some mistakes, but we all have. You're family."
"Then…why did you seem so reluctant to accept my presence before?"
He shrugs. "I guess I just figured you and Dean had your own stuff going on. I didn't want to be in the way."
"And…now?"
"Now you're my friend, and I care about you, and you came to us for help. I don't want you to suffer, especially not if I can help. It's simple."
I shake my head. "No it's not. Since I've been here everything has been so complex and confusing, especially all these feelings. Are all humans this complicated, or is it just you two?"
Sam chuckles, his hand coming down lightly on my shoulder, and that same feeling from before spreads through me again. "I wouldn't worry about it too much. You'll figure it out."
"That's what I'm afraid of," I mumble.
Yay! Please remember to drop me a line if you enjoyed it. Or if you hated it. or if you're indifferent and just want to say hi. I love those little "Review" emails :D
Love,
TheSongSmith
