The Great Hall was full, its enchanted ceiling harbouring drifting clouds that were pale as snow. I looked over at the Slytherin table filled with dread and walked past the Ravenclaws with a fake smile plastered on my face, a wave to everyone and a carefully practiced skip in my step.
I said good morning to Narcissa, Hector and everybody else, pointedly ignoring Reg who had slipped in behind me with a particularly sour look on his face, before grabbing a flask of hot cinnamon apple juice and a small pumpkin pastry knot and leaving the Hall. Lily Evans hurried out after me, meeting me in the corridor, her green eyes bright.
"Inky! Goodness I'm so glad to see you. The boys were a nightmare last night but Sirius disappeared so there was no one to distract James and he just talked to me all evening until I, what?" Lily stopped in response to my raised eyebrow.
"So he's James now is he?" I smirked, taking a sip of pumpkin juice as we headed towards Potions. She frowned, her forehead creasing.
"I guess, I don't know, I just, shut up," Lily scowled, flustered and blushing. I laughed brightly, memories of Reg and Hector all but forgotten. "How was your summer?"
"The usual, being carted around to balls, having to weasel my way out of engagements to Death Eaters, getting kicked out of the house because your mother finally told the man that has treated you like a daughter for the last sixteen years that he wasn't really your father," my voice cracked and despite Lily's taking of my hand in her own I didn't look at her, for fear that she'd see the tears in my eyes.
"Inky, I'm so sorry," Lily said sincerely, resting her head on my shoulder as we walked. "You can stay with me if you want? I could ask my parents. Petunia would hate it but she's never home anyway, always off with her fianc Vernon. He looks like a walrus that swam into a window, it's disgusting." We laughed quietly, though I knew that it was only because we were allowing ourselves to be distracted.
"I don't think Father would let me Snowy, but thank you," I replied gratefully. Lily was the only one that knew who my father was and, though she hated him, she understood that he was still my dad and I couldn't change that. She nodded as we reached Slughorn's classroom and set our things out on the back bench that had been ours since third year. "Do you want to know something else though?" I offered, setting my bag down and sitting on the creaky stool.
"Yes, yes, what is it?" Lily asked excitedly as she sat next to me. I crossed my fingers over my heart as she smiled at our childish symbol of secrecy, mirroring the gesture, "Cross my heart and I hope to die, to bite my tongue and bide my time, hide you truth for all my life." I grinned, leaning closer as a group of Ravenclaw boys entered the dungeon classroom, sitting near the front.
"I think I'm in love with Sirius," I confessed.
"Oh my God!" Lily shouted, standing up and knocking her stool over. The loud clatter made the boys at the front turn around but I waved at them, throwing flirtatious smiles and grabbing Lily to sit down again. "Are you serious?" I stared at her until she realised what she said and erupted into a fit of giggles. "Wow, this is big," Lily finally said when she had stopped laughing. "Like super big."
"Pretty much," I confirmed, "My Patronus did the thing."
"The thing?" Lily questioned, her eyes wide.
"The thing," I nodded.
"Woah," she breathed. Over the summer my Patronus had changed from a panther to a massive dog, a Grimm to be precise. Padfoot. "Do you think his is Inkpelt?" Lily asked quietly as the classroom slowly started filling up. I shrugged before smirking.
"Do you think James' is Snowpaw?" I shot back as the boys entered. Lily flicked me hard in the arm making me yelp loudly. James, Sirius and Remus turned from the desk in front of us, having set down their things and looking to see what had made that noise. I pointed at Lily as she pointed at me. "Liar," I stuck my tongue out at her, smiling before looking at Sirius and blushing, taking a sudden interest in heading up my parchment. I heard Lily stifle a laugh and kicked her under the desk.
"Shit, ow!" she hissed, glaring at me and rubbing her shin.
"Okay, so that one actually was me," I admitted sheepishly, making the boys laugh as I tossed my hair to the side, irritated that it was falling in the damp ink of my freshly penned title.
"Getting a bit Inky are we?" Lily asked, a smug smile gracing her lips.
"You know, that's never been as funny as you think it is," I told her, referring to her pun on my name. Lily and I weren't as clueless as the Marauders seemed to think. We knew Remus was a werewolf and we knew that Sirius, James and Peter were Animagi. They just didn't know that we were as well.
"Still fun though," she grinned. Lily's Animagus was Snowpaw, a soft caramel coloured doe with wide eyes and white spots running across her spine and hindquarters while mine was a huge panther, Inkheart. Inky, as Lily affectionately referred to her, had a thick glossy coat comprised of blacks, dark blues, indigos and rich teals, her piercing scarlet eyes glinting against her fur.
"Hello everybody," Professor Slughorn called cheerily as he entered the classroom with a stack of books in hand. As he ran through the syllabus Sirius leaned backwards, reaching his arm out to me and dropping a note into my palm. 'Are you okay?'
'I am satisfyingly average. How are you?' I non-verbally levitated the note from my desk onto his lap before copying down the course outline that Professor Slughorn had written on the blackboard.
'Tired and sad that I didn't talk to you at breakfast' the note said in Sirius' neat handwriting when it appeared on the desk again, a detailed picture of Sirius, James and Remus crying accompanying it. I grinned, drawing a heart around it and adding 'I only dropped in to grab a pastry. I had a run-in with Reg this morning and wasn't in the mood to entertain.'
Sirius turned to me once he'd read it, his eyes full of worry. He mouthed 'What happened?' just as Professor Slughorn called his name.
"Yes sir?" he replied, whipping his head to the front.
"While Miss Rookwood is very beautiful I would appreciate it if you could find it in yourself to keep your eyes on me," Professor Slughorn remarked sarcastically, causing a group of Slytherins to snicker a over themselves.
"Actually Professor, I've found myself feeling quite faint and Sirius happened to notice. He was offering to help me to the hospital wing and, if you don't mind, I would like to go. I do feel awful," I lied, exaggerating my need to lean on my desk. Professor Slughorn looked shocked before regaining his composure.
"Yes, of course Miss Rookwood. Twenty points to Gryffindor for gallantry Mister Black," Slughorn said before turning back to the board. I cast a non-verbal summoning charm, gathering my things into my bag. I did the same for Sirius and he smiled at me gratefully, slinging his satchel and my own over his right shoulder and slipping his left arm around my waist, leading me from the classroom as I leaned into him, feigning dizziness.
"Liss you got me points and a free, yes!" Sirius cheered quietly when we were out of earshot of the dungeons. I smiled at him as we automatically began walking towards our room behind the dancing girl and the cherry tree painting. Though I had straightened myself up a little once the charade of illness became unnecessary, Sirius kept his arm around my waist and I continued to lean into him, my slender frame resting against his body.
"People suck," I announced.
"I concur!" Sirius shouted in a fake accent, making me smile. "What happened with Reg? You never said, or wrote I guess." I sighed.
"I was leaving the common room," I began to explain, pausing to let Sirius stop hissing like a snake, "when Reg came up behind me and grabbed my arm, so naturally I electrocuted him and I guess he didn't see it coming, since it was non-verbal, and he said "What the hell?" which pissed me off so I told him that I hope that before the other Death Eaters kill him he's driven insane by guilt and that his last years suck. So all in all I think it turned out wonderfully," I deadpanned. Sirius' hand slipped from my waist to my hip and he started stroking my hip home in a comforting yet extremely sensual manner.
"I'm sorry my brother's such an ass," Sirius apologised and I hummed in agreement, not quite able to form coherent sentences. We reached the portrait in comfortable silence and Sirius sang for us to enter, leading me in and never moving his hand. He set our bags down and we untangled ourselves to take off our robes, leaving us in our school uniforms, though Sirius was quick to find my hip again.
We flopped down on the sofa in front of the fire, Sirius sitting in the corner and my legs curled up beside me as I leaned against him.
"Did you just purr?" Sirius suddenly asked, an eyebrow raised and a smile on his lips.
"Maybe," I replied noncommittally, my eyes closing as I relaxed into Sirius' touch. He ran his hand down my thigh gently before bringing it back up, his fingers just glancing beneath the hem of my skirt before finding their way to my stomach. Sirius turned, his body flush against mine, his arm tight around my waist.
"Are you feeling better yet?" he asked, his voice low and husky as my heart rate increased.
"A little," I replied, staring into his eyes. His lips were so close to mine, our faces just an inch or two apart.
"Is there anyway I can help?"
"I can think of one," I replied suggestively before Sirius pressed his lips against mine. There were no fireworks, no images of our future, but there was a wonderful warmth in knowing that this was Sirius and that he was the one kissing me, opening himself up to me. Without removing his lips from mine Sirius lifted me, lying me down flat and straddling me, his knees either side of my hips as his hands found their way to my neck and back. I parted my lips and Sirius' tongue slipped into my mouth as he ran his hand down my side, a shiver chasing his touch and making arch my back, bucking my hips into his. We were so close, touching everywhere, nothing between us.
Until I realised that there was: all of my secrets. I slowed my pace, pulling away and looking into Sirius' grey eyes. I lifted my palm to his cheek as he rested his forehead against mine.
"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that," he breathed, his words tangible on my lips.
"Enlighten me then," I replied, smiling dumbly.
"Third year," he confessed. My eyes widened.
"Really?" He kissed my softly as confirmation and I was almost dragged back in by his warmth, the familiarity of his touch but pulled away none the less. "We can't, things have changed Sirius. I'm homeless, our brothers are both going to be Death Eaters and you don't know the slightest things about my parents." Sirius hauled himself off of me angrily, pacing in front of the fireplace and I sat up, straightening my skirt.
"Come and live with James and I, we'll sort out Reg and Gus and Hector and you can tell me about your parents. I've told you already I won't hate you. I promised you that," Sirius pleaded, leaning against the wall and running his hand through his hair. I stood, walking to him.
"My dad won't let me," I whispered, placing a hand on his chest and resting my head on his shoulder.
"Who is he? I'll talk to him," Sirius begged and I swallowed, taking a step back. I walked to the other side of the room, "Where are you going?"
"I don't want you to hurt me when you get mad," I explained. Sirius looked furious, his eyes glinting angrily.
"I would never hurt you," he snapped defiantly.
"I know that, and I trust you, but I don't want to take chances. This is big," I said before taking a shaking breath. "My name is Ravenna Vasilisa Merope Rookwood-Delacour-Riddle." Sirius looked confused.
"So you're slightly French," he trailed off, implying that I should continue.
"From the Delacour bit - my mother - I'm quarter Kelpie and quarter Veela," I told him and when he raised an eyebrow I continued, "Kelpie are those water demons that can change form and like to appear as abandoned horses near rivers and then drown and eat people." Sirius nodded cautiously, as if expecting me to drown him that second. "I'm a quarter Sirius, mostly human. The Riddle is the worst part actually." I laughed nervously. "My dad's name is Tom Marvolo Riddle which became a dumb anagram that everyone's terrified of."
"I don't understand," Sirius said, a look of denial on his face. He knew but he didn't want to admit it. I'd have to say it. I waved my hand and fiery letters appeared spelling out my father's name. Slowly they moved, forming the words 'I am Lord Voldemort.' Sirius' eyes were wide and he slid down the wall, crouching on the floor in horror. "No," he whispered.
"Sirius, please, I'm nothing like him, you know that," I begged, rushing towards him.
"No!" he shouted. "No! I ran away from them, I ran away from him and now you're here ruining everything. He's evil! I loved you!" Sirius screamed with tears streaming down his face. "I loved you and you betrayed me. You lured me in with your fucking Veela-Kelpie magic and you're just like my family, but you're worse!" Sirius stood, yelling in my face and I backed away, tears pooling in my eyes. "You ruined it! Go away. You're the reason why my little brother's going to die, why I don't have a home to go to! I hate you!" I was pressed against the portrait, crying as Sirius stalked towards me.
"I'm so sorry Sirius," I whispered before grabbing my bag and slipping out of the door, running away.
It was second period, my only free of the day, and I was grateful for it as I sprinted through the empty corridors and out onto the grounds. Headed towards the Black Lake, I dropped my bag as soon as I reached the shore and threw off my tie and shirt, jumping into the icy water. I dived deep, relishing the pain that came with the transformation. My legs fused together, the pale skin burning as I kicked through the murky lake. My fifteen foot long tail propelled me quickly downwards, my eyes widening and fins growing from my upper arms, back and hips, long trailing things that were translucent in the cold sunlight that pierced the surface. I reached the bottom after Merlin knows how long and finally released the sorrow that I'd held in.
I screamed as my ribs shook with each sob, swimming in a tight circle and kicking up black sand. I yelled and cried and swore about everything, my dark hair fanned out behind my head as I allowed my body to relax and float to the bed of the lake. I wept quietly, my anger gone and replaced with loss.
"I loved you!"
Past tense.
"I hate you!"
Present.
I shut my eyes and cried until I fell asleep for the second time this week.
