It took nearly an hour to get things back on track. Really, a five minute break was enough. Doflamingo finally understood what the show was about and it was going to start again. Then a guest had to mention something about tea and coffee. Cavendish tried to insist that they could all have a drink after the show ended but everyone felt too thirsty to wait.
After everyone came back from various cafes, smoothie bars and other bars, everyone was feeling refreshed and ready to watch the show.
"This is me being honest," Doflamingo replied, holding his glass of wine as he thought about Cavendish's question about him possibly being a father. "I've never been with anyone other than Crocodile since we met."
"That's what they all say," Crocodile said only to the air.
"I mean," Doflamingo tilted his head in thought. He flirted with the possibility of being the father. "I could be. I get these blanks between conscious days. For instance, I fell asleep on the couch one day and when I woke up - I was next to the fridge. Trebol told me I was sleepwalking. Perhaps during one of those unconscious moments…I fathered a child?"
Crocodile frowned, slowly taking the wine away from Doflamingo's hand. "You're saying sleepwalking could cause you to be a father?"
"Maybe?" Doflamingo laughed at his empty hands, deciding now was a good time to play with Crocodile's hair. He leaned against the other's shoulder. In retaliation, Crocodile whacked him with his hook.
Cavendish's face went pale as he listened in before he finally exploded. "BUT I SLEEPWALK! THAT MEANS I COULD BE THE REAL DAD!" he grabbed onto the camera as he steadied his breathing. "Is this some kind of cruel plot twist on The Cavendish Show? Am I the father of the lost boy?"
At this point, the bird was attempting to sit on Crocodile, having made a complete mess of the latter's hair. Fed up with it, Crocodile turned into sand, reforming on a different couch. He smirked as he fixed his hair and watched with amusement Doflamingo's smile. He laughed but the blonde was not happy.
"Don't be ridiculous," Crocodile replied to the presenter as he smoked his cigar.
Cavendish didn't seem to hear, "WE BOTH HAVE BLONDE HAIR!"
"Hold on a second pretty boy – you're the same age," Crocodile said while rolling his eyes.
"CAN I GET A DNA TEST AFTER THIS SHOW?!" Cavendish shouted at the camera man.
"Go for it, bro," the camera answered in a patient tone of voice.
"Not by using my money," Crocodile told them.
Not knowing how to pay for his boss' desire or how to let him down, the camera remained silent.
Doflamingo looked longingly at Crocodile, his drunken brain trying to sober up. "If he couldn't be conceived when I was sleep walking, then I'm telling you, my perfect Crocci, I have not fathered any children because…because I, Donquixote Doflamingo, have only eyes for you and- and…let's stop all this nonsense and leave together and get married!"
The audience began to awww.
Crocodile on the other hand was having none of it. "Screw you, I want my fucking DNA test results."
"Fufufu, then I'll get it for you," Doflamingo smiled, flexing his fingers.
Cavendish jumped when the envelope he was holding escaped out of his grip. In no time at all, Doflamingo had the card in his hands. Ignoring the doodle of a man riding a horse (in one hand the prince held a bird's cut off head and in the other hand an oversized sword) he began opening the envelope.
Crocodile was impressed. Why hadn't he thought of that? Nervous, he leaned out of his chair.
Seeing his 'soul mate's' expression made Doflamingo all the more keen. "I spoil you too much."
"Just open the damn envelope."
"And the results are," Doflamingo stopped. He stared blankly at the paper before the veins on his forehead could be seen a mile away as it pulsed red. "What the hell?"
Crocodile's heart dropped. It wasn't good news. You didn't have to be a genius to understand Doflamingo's reaction.
"Give that back!" Cavendish snatched the card and envelope. "You've ruined illusion of the envelope now!"
"How was I to know it'd be blank," Doflamingo pouted before looking around the stage as if he lost something. "Whose bright idea was that?"
"The producer's," Cavendish replied. "The boss knew something like this would happen so instead I'm told the results through my earpiece. The envelope is only used for dramatic purposes."
Next the paper was stolen by sand. Crocodile brooded over the blank piece of paper that had sat inside Cavendish's envelope. The presenter once again retrieved his card with a huff.
Doflamingo laughed with his found bottle of wine as he refilled his glass. Crocodile responded by filling the drink with sand before calling him a moron.
Taking the hint, Cavendish decided to introduce his last guest on tonight's show. "He's the one we're all thinking about, is Doflamingo really his dad? Please welcome the Straw Hat Pirate's Cook, Sanji!"
Walking with plates of delicious food, Sanji straight away served Nami, Robin and Luffy (well Luffy just helped himself really). "So who is the sucker that's walked in?" Sanji smirked at his crew. He looked disappointed no one but his 'waiters', who were serving his food, came out. "He must have run a mile. I can't blame the guy," Sanji shrugged before placing his hands in his pockets.
"Why does nobody listen to my introductions?" Cavendish frowned, placing his hand under chin. "Sanji get over here!"
There was a struggle when Sanji realised what was happening – he was the surprise guest - only truly hitting him when Robin apologised for tricking him. Zoro and Luffy were glad to be of assistance, dragging a kicking and screaming Sanji onstage.
"I'm going to kill you, old geezer," Sanji growled at Crocodile, as he lights a much needed cigarette.
"Funny, I was thinking the exact same thing," Doflamingo tilted his head, a thin line of irritation in his voice.
Crocodile scoffed at the two, wondering if they were the crazy ones or him. Crocodile only had chats with Sanji over a snail phone. There was something in the sound of Sanji's voice and his alias 'Mr Prince' that set him off thinking about Doflamingo. Then he saw Sanji's appearance. It only led to more connections. In a way, he wasn't surprised when neither of the two thought they were related to each other when Cavendish asked.
They are the idiots, Crocodile decided.
"Well since you brought us all here, why don't you tell us why you're convinced otherwise, Sir Crocodile," Cavendish asked as he bit into some celery. Everyone in the audience and everyone on the stage were now eating their lunch. "My compliments to the chef by the way."
"I can't imagine someone from my biological family being a cook," Doflamingo said, before biting into his steak.
Crocodile was rifling through all his pockets with his single hand, while also struggling to balance the plate that had rice jumping off of it. He should've been more insistent that he wasn't hungry and didn't need lunch. "It's because you'd rather be served food than make it. Using those high class taste buds of yours, you could probably be a world class chef if you wanted to. Your love of good music, food and women was partly why you were drawn to Dressrosa.."
"The food was partly why I took over Dressrosa. I mostly took it over because it was my birthright."
"Your lineage is also part of my theory too," Crocodile huffed, clearly getting frustrated in his search. "Sanji has that chivalrous side to him and a moral code – unlike you – but he could just be a slightly more humble Prince than you. And then there's the whole bounty fiasco. If the marines thought he was your kid, then it might make more sense."
"Not to me," Sanji bluntly stated.
Finally Crocodile brought out the lists, offering his companions to read. "Read these and tell me you're not related."
Doflamingo eagerly took it. The younger blonde got up to read over the other's shoulder but, annoyingly, he realised he couldn't get a good view. Doflamingo was too tall. Noticing Sanji's struggle with delight, the bird announced he didn't inherit his height before passing the papers to him. Doflamingo could still read it easily without Sanji needing to go on his knees.
"There's a lot more about me, is my feelings about pet crocodiles really relevant?"
"This is Robin-san's handwriting 3 It's so pretty!"
"You put my blood type as 'possibly rare dash Celestial Dragon'? My doctor must be really serious about patient confidentiality. Or be more scared of me than you, fufufu!"
"Many people lived in the North Blue, doesn't mean they're my father."
"He does have Rocinante's curly eyebrows…"
"You're both quite fashion conscious," Crocodile added as he scooped up some rice. "Even if you don't have good tastes…"
"WHAT DID YOU SAY OLD FART?!" Sanji swaggered over to him.
"Whoa, whoa," Doflamingo smiled, "Why'd you have to make a dig just now?"
The presenter moved to intervene before anything unpleasant happened. Reading quickly off the list, Cavendish asked them to stand next to each other and compare legs.
"They both like to use their legs in fights," Cavendish tried to explain to the audience. The two rolled up their breaks as far as their knees.
"You certainly have the Donquixote legs…" Doflamingo noted, a strange feeling in his stomach.
"I do?" Sanji replied quickly.
"I've witnessed the power in your kicks first hand," he responded as his voice deepened. "Perhaps you're really…"
"Your son?" Sanji finished.
The two froze for a second, staring at each other. Finally, Sanji couldn't hold his tears in any longer, and got pulled into an embrace. Doflamingo smiled silently. The audience bursts into a round of applause. Usopp and a few others bragged that they knew it all along. Fujiitora easily parted with his money, giving it to Akainu. It wasn't often he didn't mind losing a bet.
Cavendish stared at the audience's ecstasy with a sense of panic. This isn't right, he thought. Like a child deprived of attention, he broke Sanji and Doflamingo's hug, stepping in between them and holding his microphone closely. "HOLD ON EVERYONE!" the presenter spat. "I understand that this is the first episode so you guys may misunderstand some things. That wasn't the DNA test," he indicated his guests' legs furiously before raising the envelope coolly, "this is."
The audience gasps.
"And I got a new envelope from the producer when nobody was looking which honestly contains the results." Cavendish had to stop himself from winking at the camera. He turned to Doflamingo. "To not ruin the magic, don't steal it this time you vulture!"
"Are you actually going to open it now?" Crocodile hissed.
"Chicken-legs," Sanji said, watching Cavendish open the envelope. "We were getting too ahead of ourselves…"
Sanji couldn't read his face if he wanted to with the permanent smile and sunglasses that hid any nerves.
"No matter what it may say Sanji, I want you to know: you'll always find a home at wherever my crew decides to settle in after getting kicked out of Dressrosa."
"I, Cavendish, on The Cavendish Show can now reveal that Donquixote Doflamingo…" the presenter paused, desperate to smell the building tension of the room but only getting Sanji's cigarette smoke.
"GET ON WITH IT CABBAGE!"
"Is not the baby's father!"
Fujiitora smirked as he won his money back. Luffy refused to believe it. Ivankov commented this was great TV. Zoro was asleep.
"But I was so sure," Crocodile muttered. He felt like a fool.
"Whoa, whoa Sanji," Doflamingo reached for the cook's sleeve before being brushed off. Sanji was wanting to storm off.
It was Cavendish who stopped him. "Curly brows, I wouldn't leave just yet…"
"Let him leave. The DNA results were the last thing on the show," Crocodile said, getting up from his seat.
"The results are the last thing- I'm not finished reading them out yet." Cavendish craved the audience's gasps like his favourite song. "Doflamingo may not be Sanji's father, but he is in fact a member of the Donquixote family. Black foot Sanji is Doflamingo's nephew!"
"But that's impossible," Doflamingo frowned. "I only had one biological brother."
"I'm afraid it's the truth," a voice from the audience said. Everyone's eyes turned to look at Trafalgar Law for an explanation. He was calm and collected as he elaborated. "My gut feeling knew that Corazon is Sanji's father. I just felt it was better to let things unfold by themselves rather than meddle."
"I also knew the truth," Sengoku announced as he stood up. He looked Sanji straight in the eye. "I knew your father very well. He wanted you to have a normal life and to keep your parentage a secret from the world and Doflamingo. However, I think you're ready now."
"Even after his death, Rocinante kept a secret this big from me," Doflamingo thought out loud, unsure of how he felt.
Sanji on the other hand, had only one question. "Who the hell is Corazon?"
Once Sanji was filled in on his father's life, an after party that lasted the whole weekend ensued. Even though he couldn't meet his biological father, Sanji insisted he was fine with it. And he was. Shitty geezer Zeff is his real father and Doflamingo couldn't argue when he sat with his own crew. The Donquixote pirates are his real family.
After the show, Sanji and Doflamingo send the odd Christmas cards to each other. Every month or so, the Uncle even phones up his nephew to check on how he is. Neither has tried to kill each other yet. They have a good relationship.
As for Doflamingo's relationship with Crocodile, after weeks of paparazzi stalking them and people cooing over them, the pair announced their separation. However, there is the odd sighting of the two together. This brings their shippers hope.
The Cavendish Show was a hit and still airs to this day. It has helped many families and friends through tough times and has turned many into couch potatoes. Cavendish is now a household name and he couldn't be happier.
And the producer you ask? Well she only visits the show occasionally. The producer is still rather preoccupied sailing the world with the new King of the Pirates. After all, The Cavendish Show was only meant to be a one-off for 'Devil's Child' Nico Robin.
Thanks for reading (^w^)
For some reason I can't post the full links below where I read the Sanji and Corazon theory but just copy and paste the line after the 'Link 1/2 -' writing that is below into google and it should be the first results you click on. Sorry, I can't seem to make it any easier...maybe it's illegal but I'd feel bad for not posting the sources. If it is illegal, please tell me. Oh crud, why
Link 1 - Youtube Vid - /CKBq01Qflvw
Link 2 - Opforum - /threads/theory-rocinante-is-sanjis-dad.8510/
