Disclaimer: I do not own The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya or any of its characters. I also do not own any of the materials referenced in this story either. This was made for entertainment purposes only and not for profit. So there you go.

A/N: What do you do when a friend has a problem? Throw them a PARTY!!! Or an intervention. Either way works.

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The moment Emiri entered the clubroom she knew she was in trouble. The entire Brigade and its honorary members were all sitting on steel folding chairs arranged in a circle. The door locked behind her. She spun around to glare at Ryoko and Yuki.

"You told me were going to go to a "My Chemical Romance" concert!" she complained as they ushered her into a chair.

"We lied," said Yuki breathlessly.

"You mean I bought all those Glow-sticks for nothing?! What is this, you traitors?!" shrieked Emiri.

"It's an intervention, Emiri. We want back the old you," explained Ryoko. "This new you just isn't, well.... you."

"We miss the old Kimidori," said Kyon. "The one who always took the time to ask how everybody was and who liked baking cookies."

"Sorry to break it to you, Kyon, but I no longer enjoy baking cookies. Or any other pastries for that manner. Eating sweets makes people feel happy. And I loathe happiness," said Emiri.

"Don't be like that, Miss Kimidori!" shouted Mikuru. "I always thought you were great just the way you were!"

From her seat, Emiri scoffed and turned away. Kyon frowned and took a compact mirror out of his pocket.

"Please, Miss Kimidori! Look at yourself! See the girl in this mirror? She isn't who you're supposed to be! She's made of hair and bone and little teeth, and things I cannot speak. She comes on like a crippled plaything, spine is just a stri-"

Kyon's eyes went wide and he slapped his forehead in annoyance."Damn it, Kimidori! Now you've got me quoting Marilyn Manson!!!"

From their places, Itsuki, Ryoko, Taniguchi, and Tsuruya giggled.

"C'mon! The old Kimidori was always smiling and brightening up people's lives," said Haruhi. "This new one is terrifying small children! Not to mention the fact that you've somehow managed to become even more annoying than Mikuru!"

From her chair, Mikuru squeaked in anger.

"Really?" said Emiri, who suddenly felt a small pang of guilt. "I thought people would prefer the new me over the old one..."

"No," chimed in Yuki, "We've always preferred your old personality. You were actually quite pleasant to be around. We just didn't realize it until now. We took you for granted."

"You mean it? You're not just saying that to make me feel better are you?" asked the gothic girl.

"Miss Kmidori," said Itsuki, locking eyes with her, "Let's be honest now. Do you like writing scary poetry and wearing all that makeup?"

"I......... guess not. Coming up with a word that rhymes with 'raven's feather' is pretty annoying..."

"Do you like standing in line for raves at one in the morning?" asked Taniguchi.

"Not really. They keep offering me drugs."

"Does making Linkin Park AMVs and uploading them onto YouTube make you feel fulfilled?" asked Kunikida.

"No. Seven of them got taken down by WMG."

"Do you enjoy cutting yourself?" asked Mikuru.

"No. Cleaning up has gotten to be quite hassle in my schedule and I'm pretty sure there's a razor lodged somewhere inside me..."

"Is it easy coming up with random analogies everyone five minutes, nyoro?" asked Tsuruya?

"It is pretty difficult....."

"You see, Miss Kimidori!" exclaimed Kyon. "Being emo is not your style! You deserve to live life to the fullest and cherish every moment you have with your friends! What's the point of complaining about how much your life sucks if you're not going to do anything to improve it?"

"You're right, Kyon!" said Emiri standing up from her chair. "I am not going to be emo any more! This hair dye was expensive anyways! And the people at Hot Topic were really snooty to me! I don't even like this eyeliner! It's itchy!"

"That's the spirit!" shouted Haruhi, pumping a fist into the air. Everyone got up and gave their new friend a big group hug. It was incredibly corny and cheesy, but they did it anyway.

After a few minutes of hugging, Emiri spoke up. "Does this mean I get to be a main character?"

"Nope!" said Haruhi.

"DAMN!!!"

***

A Week Later...

***

Emiri sighed to herself as she poured a cup of tea. It had only been a week, and things had gone back to the exact same way as before. Haruhi and her little Brigade still treated her like dirt on their shoes (Except Kyon). It was like one of those kid shows where everyone had their little lesson at the end, only to forget it all the next episode. Now here she was at her cafe job, feeling lower than a snail's navel.

At least when I was emo, people noticed me... Emiri thought to herself as she placed a blueberry muffin on a plate. Taking the tray holding the muffin, three cups of tea, and a black coffee off the counter, Emiri shuffled over to a booth in the corner to complete her order.

Oh well... At least my interest in music has increased...

"Here's your order," she said emotionlessly. The four patrons looked up expectedly.

"Thank you!" cried a girl with a charming smile and brown hair.

Emiri smiled back at Sasaki, Kyouko Tachibana, Fujiwara, and Kuyou Suou. Though she'd been assigned to observe their activities, Emiri had actually grown quite close to the quartet of foil characters. She practically saw them here every week. Besides Kyon, they were the only people who actually treated her like a real human being (so to speak). The may be 'evil', but they were pretty decent folks once you got to know them better.

"Is everything all right?" asked a sympathetic Kyouko from her spot next to Sasaki. Out of all of them, the esper was a good listener.

"Yeah, why the long face?" inquired Fujiwara after taking a sip from his coffee. "Did something happen, Kimidori?"

Emiri sighed. "It's okay. Everything's fine. Don't worry."

"It sounds like everything isn't fine," said Sasaki. "Sit down and talk to us about it. We'd be happy to listen."

"I-I don't know..."

"Please," said Kyouko, "Don't think of us as enemies. Think of us as a group of personal friends who only want to offer you our support. Kuyou, make some room for Emiri, okay?"

Kuyou scooted over and made some room in the booth. Feeling a bit better, Emiri sat down and looked at the small girl with the enormous hairdo. She wore a blank look, but her eyes had a tint of compassion in them.

"______________ Talk,_______________" said Kuyou.

Sighing, Emiri began to tell the foursome about the events that had transpired last week. She told them about her need for attention, the music, the poetry, and the intervention. It took about three minutes. When she was finished, all four teens wore looks of shock and understanding.

"Oh my goodness!" said Kyouko. "That's so sad! I can't believe they said such mean things to you!"

"How__________ awful...." agreed Kuyou.

"What a bunch of punks!" snarled Fujiwara. "So obsessed with their own popularity, that they don't give a damn about anyone other than themselves. Disgusting."

"Well, pride is the most wicked of all the sins..." mused Sasaki, popping a blueberry from her muffin into her mouth. "At least Kyon wasn't blinded by vanity like everyone else."

"Thank you for listening, guys," said a very relived Emiri. It felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders.

"Hey! I've got an idea, everyone!" said Kyouko. "Why don't we let Emiri join our little group! It'll be fun!"

"That sounds like a plan!" sided Fujiwara. Right to him, Kuyou nodded her head.

"Why not?" said Sasaki. "We could always use another friend when we play Ultimate Frisbee. What do you say, Emiri? Want to join the Anti-SOS Brigade?"

Emiri couldn't believe it. Here were people who actually wanted to hang out with her. This sense of being wanted felt wonderful.

"Yes! I want to join your group!" shouted Emiri. Everyone at the table cheered.

There a moment of silence, before Kyouko leaned over the table to face Emiri.

"Well, now that that's out of the way," said Kyouko smiling sweetly, "What are the Agency and the Integrated Data Entity up to these days? Hmmm?"

***

The Next Day...

***

Kyon walked up to his classroom. Club activities were over and he was on his way home. Or at least he had been, until he spotted a note taped onto his shoe cubby. It was written in pink ink with little hearts dotting the 'i's. Cute.

I want to talk to you. Meet me in your classroom. A friend. it had said.

Hand now on the knob of the door, Kyon entered the sunlight-filled room.

"You got my note? Great!" squealed a voice filled with cheer.

"Good afternoon, Miss Kimidori," greeted Kyon.

The wavy-haired Humanoid Interface smiled happily at Kyon, before walking towards the center of the room. Her green eyes sparkled with glee.

"Why don't you come in?" she said, keeping her eyes on him the whole time. Kyon took a few more steps into the room, before freezing mid-step.

I feel like this has happened before... Déjà Vu?

Emiri noticed Kyon's hesitant step and asked, "Is there something wrong?"

"Oh... nothing. What did you want to talk to me about?" replied Kyon.

"I wanted to say thank you for all your help last week, Kyon. You were the one who organized that intervention for me. For that I am grateful," Emiri said with a bow.

Kyon smiled. "Well I'm glad you're happy once again. I'm still pretty upset that Haruhi and the others still won't hang out with you, though..."

To his surprise, Emiri chuckled. "That's okay, Kyon. I don't mind. I already made some new friends of my own. You may have already met them. You went to school with one of them when you were younger. They're all very kind. Especially Sasaki."

Kyon's eyes widened. "You mean you're now friends with-"

"Yup!" chirped Emiri, cutting off Kyon's sentence, "I'm now part of the Anti-SOS Brigade!"

Kyon was speechless. He'd hoped that Emiri would find some people to hang out with, but he hadn't counted on THIS.

"Would that friendship even hold out? I mean, what if the Intergraded Data Entity found out you were socializing with the enemy? Huh? What then?" questioned Kyon.

Emiri's response was a loud boisterous laugh. "Ha ha ha! That's the beauty of it, Kyon! I no longer serve the Integrated Data Entity. You're looking at the newest member of the Sky Canopy Dominion!"

Kyon's stomach lurched.

"W-W-W-What?!"

Emiri began to walk towards Kyon. She still wore that serene smile on her face. Kyon felt like running, but his legs wouldn't let him. It was like he was paralyzed. Now he remembered why this situation felt familiar. He'd had a similar conversation like this before... with Ryoko.

"I decide it was time to upgrade, Kyon. Kuyou was nice enough to provide me with a different data link. Sasaki's friends have some very interesting plans involving Haruhi Suzumiya. I was unsure at first, but then I gradually began to see that Sasaki would be a much better carrier of Haruhi's powers. Don't you agree, Kyon?" explained Emiri, while cupping the left side of Kyon's cheek in her hand.

"Why did you ask me to come here?" asked Kyon nervously.

Emiri seemed surprised for a second, but then started smiling again. "Because Kyon... You were the only person who cared about me. It that was that compassion of yours that convinced me to have Sasaki's group spare you and your family. You're a very nice person. Oh, and the Computer Club. They're really nice to me sometimes, too."

Emiri's statement sent shivers down Kyon's spine. "Ummm...... Miss Kimidori? Where are Sasaki and her friends right now?"

The alien placed a hand under her chin and furrowed her brow. After about ten seconds, her expression brightened.

"Oh! I remember now! At this moment, they're probably................. attacking the Agency, the Integrated Data Entity, and Mikuru's superiors right about now!"

Kyon's jaw dropped.

"WHAAAT?!"

Emiri shrugged and pointed out the window. "See for yourself."

Kyon looked out the window and almost crapped his pants. The city looked like a warzone. People were fleeing in terror, buildings were on fire, gunshots were ringing out, and the sky was alive with espers. He turned to Emiri.

"Oh, don't worry, " said an eerily calm Emiri, "Were only going after Haruhi's groups. The citizens of Japan will not be harmed."

KABAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!!

A loud explosion suddenly erupted from downtown.

"What the hell was that?" asked a terrified Kyon.

"Oh, that? It's probably Kuyou. I think she needs my assistance. Yuki and Ryoko were always fighters. I guess it's my time to shine!" grinned Emiri. Kyon watched she held out her right arm. Particles of light became visible and took shape.

Is she summoning a weapon like Asakura? thought Kyon. A knife maybe?

In five seconds Emiri's weapon became solid and Kyon almost fainted. It wasn't a knife like he thought.

It was a chainsaw.

On fire.

"Well, Kyon I have to run. My friends need me now. Thanks for helping me find out where I belong!" Emiri said happily. She brushed past Kyon and gave him a tiny peck on the cheek. Kyon broke out his stupor and stared at her.

Emiri smiled."See you later!"

And then bounced out of the classroom, chainsaw revving all the while.

Kyon slowly walked into the hallway and watched her go. The entire world was doomed and he was partially at fault. What was he supposed to do now?

"You're......... welcome?" he shouted after her.

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A/N: Well, I hope you enjoyed reading this. And if you already read this than I hope you enjoyed reading it again. Come to think of it, the only characters who I can think of that are even more minor than Emiri are that boy who had a crush on Yuki, the girl who's dog was infected by data-lifeforms, the President of the Student Government, and Imouto's friend Miyoko from the light novels. But then again, none of them have ever been animated, huh?

See ya!

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