Thanks for your comments so far.
x-x
Rodney entered the infirmary, grateful to find Jennifer there, seemingly alone. He really needed privacy for what he was about to do.
The doctor's head was bent over a computer tablet, and she had a bunch of medical supplies laid out on one of the beds. She held up a finger as she entered data into the computer. Once she finished, she looked up apologetically. "Sorry."
"Doctor Keller," Rodney started.
"Jennifer," she answered with a smile, stepping around the bed and closing the distance between them. "What can I do for you?" she asked, sliding the tablet onto the nearest counter and giving him her full attention, her eyes sparkling warmly. She really was a beautiful woman.
"See, now, there it is," he said, hands arcing out in frustration as he pointed vehemently at her. "If the man had a brain left in his head, he'd be hitting on you, not on me."
"Excuse me?" Jennifer asked, brows flying up to her hairline.
"John –" He cut himself off and dropped his voice. "I mean, can I speak to you privately?"
"There's no one else here," Jennifer said, her gaze turning worried as she – God, was she evaluating him? He should be the least of her concerns.
Rodney heaved a sigh. "No, it's not me. It's John. He's been acting…" He held up both hands, stopping himself. Knowing there was nothing else for it, he went on with a wince. "He's been hitting on me."
Jennifer raised an eyebrow, now clearly amused. "And that's a problem why, exactly?"
"And that's a problem because he's the military commander of this damned base," Rodney said, words coming out in a torrent. "So even if he was gay, which I don't think he is, the fact that he's hitting on me in public, in a crowded lab, and that all this started only after he blanked out from that device…" He waved a hand in a circular, et cetera type motion, then he started digging through his bag.
"Right," she said, leaning back on her heels. She seemed to be getting it. "And that's why you –"
"Sent him to see you earlier, yes. So can you fix him?" he asked, finally pulling out the device and setting it on the nearest exam table. "I brought the device in case it helps."
Jennifer looked over the device, then raised her gaze to meet his. "Is that thing safe?"
Rodney nodded sharply. "It only seems to affect John."
"Might have been easier if you'd told me all this from the start," she said, seeming a bit less than pleased.
He wrapped his arms around himself. "Yeah, well, I was afraid it'd end up in his record, and the Air Force would boot him out or worse. You know," he said, raising his hands as if framing a marquee, " 'Device turns military commander gay' is not exactly how I think John would prefer to end his career."
"You're not worried about that now?"
"Actually, I was hoping you wouldn't…" He made a typing motion with his hands. "And even if you have to, I figure telling you has to be better than having someone military out there see him pull me into some alcove and –"
Jennifer raised both palms to stop him. "I'll call him, get him to come down."
"Good. Great," Rodney said, backing toward the door. "Ask him about, you know, me, and see what he says because, you know…" The door opened behind him as he made a circular motion with a finger at his temple. "Not right."
He turned, and slammed straight into the man himself.
"Rodney," John drawled. He'd grabbed Rodney by the upper arms when they'd collided, and now he rubbed that area gently, a movement so slight that Rodney wasn't sure Jennifer could have seen it, if she'd even been looking, which he had no idea because he was trapped staring into John's eyes, and he wasn't sure he could turn away, even if he'd wanted to. But whether or not she'd seen it, he himself, oh, yes, he could feel it, heat going from that source and running through his entire body.
"Colonel," Jennifer said, and when John's eyes lifted to look at her, Rodney took that opportunity, such as it was, to step away. "I was just about to call you," she continued.
"Really," John said, his voice holding a hint of suggestion as he stepped toward her, letting his body brush past Rodney's as he moved, and no way was that a mistake.
Rodney turned warily to face Jennifer, whose expression was clearly a mix of amusement and surprise. So she had noticed. Good. Rodney caught her eye. "Fix him," he mouthed silently.
"Is there a problem, Doctor?" John asked, sliding up onto the bed she'd waved him onto.
"Just some additional tests I'd like to run," she said with a pleasant smile, firmly in professional mode now. She nodded to Rodney. "If you wouldn't mind," she said, indicating the door.
"Actually," John said, twisting to face Rodney. "Could you stay?"
Rodney looked to Jennifer, and she nodded. Actually, that might be a good idea, especially if it really was the case that the only time John acted weird was when they were together, and that device was around. Maybe he could get John to… Oh, shit. But he could do this. At great personal sacrifice, mind, but it must be done.
Feigning confidence, he stepped to John's bedside and, purposefully, lay his hand, palm down, on the surface mere inches from where John was sitting. As Jennifer buzzed around them poking, prodding, and generally playing doctor, sure enough, John's hand crept across those inches and settled on top of his.
Jennifer, to her credit, didn't even break stride. "So, are you and Rodney in a relationship?" she asked, using a light to look into John's eyes.
"Not quite yet, but I'm working on it," John said with a smile. He turned his head and caught Rodney's eye. "I do like you."
Jennifer stilled in her ministrations, watching their interaction.
"Yeah, I can kind of tell," Rodney replied uncomfortably.
John cocked his head to the side, and frowned. "Don't you like me?"
There was a whole world of promise in that question. "Yeah," Rodney said, suddenly unsure of where he stood. "I mean. Yeah, I like you. I like you a lot. But that doesn't mean…"
He lost the rest of that sentence when John reached out, grabbed him by the back of the neck, and drew him in for a kiss.
Rodney melted into it – how could he not? He felt John's tongue touch his lip, and he opened, falling further into the sensations. Until he heard someone clear a throat from quite nearby. He broke away and, feeling a mad blush creeping up his cheeks, met Jennifer's eye briefly before he looked down – down to where his hand was still clasped in John's.
"Colonel," Jennifer said, obviously a bit nonplussed.
"You can call me John," he replied with a self-satisfied smile.
"John," she amended. "Rodney tells me that this behaviour isn't like you."
"In what way?" John asked, seeming truly clueless.
Rodney cut across them. "Public displays of affection? Coming on to me? Does that whole "Don't ask, don't tell" thing mean nothing to you? I didn't even know you were gay."
"I'm not," John said, eyes clear and focused entirely on Rodney.
"Oh," Rodney said, surprised at how disappointed that made him feel. And he it wasn't as if he didn't know that. It was simply proof of his theory.
"I'm bi," John said frankly.
Rodney blinked, struck dumb, for once. "Okay," Rodney finally said, more than a bit thrown by that. "Still, it's not like you."
John squeezed his hand and gave him a warm half smile. "Maybe I woke up."
"I don't think so," Rodney said, sliding his hand out from under John's. "The only time you do anything erm…" He looked to Jennifer for help, but she gave him a shrug with an amused twinkle in her eye.
This was all too much. The situation was getting way out of hand. It was bad enough, that John was sick or something, but what the hell had he, Rodney McKay, done to the Fates to get them to make it so the object of his unrequited affection was, while obviously completely insane, actually trying to give him everything he'd ever wanted? How the hell was he supposed to act, when he knew he should pull away, should leave, but all he wanted to do was grab John, run to his quarters, throw him against the nearest wall and –
Rodney backed away from the table, not meeting anyone's eyes as he did so. "I need to get out of here," he murmured, more to himself than to anyone else. Then, louder, he waved toward the device and said, "I'll leave that in case it…" He waved toward John. "For the tests," he added, already halfway out the door.
He spent the rest of that day and part of the next thinking over the problem and purposefully avoiding the infirmary. It wasn't until he'd sent one of the lab flunkies over to retrieve the device that he learned that Jennifer had cleared John for duty some time before, and he was on New Athos with Teyla again. So he'd called the doctor, well and truly pissed, and she'd told him – and he knew she was doing him a favour by telling him this much – that she'd run every test in the book and John had checked out fine. That maybe John really had "woken up", as he'd said in the infirmary. That, if Rodney really reciprocated those feelings, maybe he should…
Rodney spun away from the device with a groan. Not likely. He may be a bit of an ass, sometimes, but he wasn't enough of an ass to take advantage of a friend who was, quite obviously, not himself.
He'd have to take this to a higher power.
x-x
"How do you know it's the device?" Sam asked. She was sitting on her bed with a book open beside her. She was dressed in casual clothing, her blond hair pulled haphazardly into a ponytail, all of which had surprised Rodney when he'd first arrived at her door. That is, until he realised it was ten o'clock at night.
"I just do," Rodney said, hands clenched in his lap as he sat, stiffly, in her desk chair. "I know, his med tests checked out," he said quickly, seeing that she was about to speak. "But, I mean, nothing else fits."
Sam frowned. "You'd said he's not acting like himself. What, specifically, have you noticed?"
"Sam," he said cautiously, considering this carefully. "You know? I'd really…" He waved a hand vaguely, dropped it to his lap, and sighed. There was nothing else for it. "We've worked together for a long time, and I know you don't… Well, you trust me, right?" he asked.
She nodded. "I do."
"So trust me when I say that I can't go into the details with you. That, in fact, you really don't want me to go into the details."
Sam gave him an evaluative look.
"Trust me on this," he said solemnly.
The thing was, he wanted to tell her. He had a hunch that, unlike Jennifer, she'd take him at his word about John's behaviour being off, no matter what the tests said. But the fact was, Sam was military and although he respected her, for something like this… Her knowing the truth could jeopardize John's career. To be entirely honest, he didn't know what she'd do, where she'd feel her loyalties would lie: with John, or with the Air Force. So despite the fact that he liked her, as a person, that he respected her, as a scientist and a leader, he couldn't trust her with this. Not yet.
"All right," Sam said, her voice low. "I'll get him back here."
"Thank you," he said, feeling like complete shit. She trusted him enough to believe him, even though he'd given her no evidence, and in fact had been purposefully evasive. Thing was, though, he absolutely could not tell her, and that gnawed at him, so despite the fact that he'd just got what he wanted, he felt like complete crap about it. The fact was, if John was gay, or bi, or whatever, it was for John to tell her, if and when he chose to, not for Rodney to make that decision for him. Not if he could help it. Not if he could find an alternative.
"Thank you," he said again, not quite meeting her eye as he fled the room.
x-x
Rodney paced the space outside the exam room, waiting for Jennifer to call him in. John had been in there with her for close to an hour, the first half, without the device present, and the second, with it there. Rodney knew that Jennifer's next step would be to call him in, and Rodney dreaded that moment. He knew that John would probably get all… whatever with him again, and Jennifer would be right there, watching, and that this time, if John continued to act weird, and they couldn't figure it out, he'd have to come clean with Sam.
He should have told Sam, right up front, what was really going on with John. That, or waited until John was due to come back from New Athos. But no, that would have been too risky. He had to get Sam to bring John back. But he should have told her. Maybe.
He wasn't sure what he'd expected, or how he'd thought he'd keep all this secret once they called John back from New Athos, but he supposed he'd been so intent on protecting his friend that he hadn't been thinking clearly. And maybe he and Jennifer could still figure this out without involving Sam or anyone else military. Maybe.
The door in front of him opened, and Jennifer popped her head out. "We're ready," she said, and he answered with a nod.
He entered the room to find John sitting on one of the beds with his back to the door. Other than the three of them, the room was empty. Thank God, because he was sure that, whatever was about to happen, it wasn't going to be pretty.
Jennifer stopped by the bed and said, "Still can't find anything wrong."
"That's because I'm fine," John said, leaning back on his hands. His posture was relaxed, but he actually looked kind of annoyed. Which Rodney could understand. The man had been poked, prodded and questioned for over an hour, and this was his third exam in so many days.
Still, "You're not fine," Rodney said insistently, standing directly in front of John.
John raised his eyes slowly. "What are you talking about? The tests are all normal."
"There's something wrong with you," Rodney said. "Maybe something to do with that device. Maybe, like, like back on that planet, with that crystal thing and the dreams, you remember that, right?"
"You mean when that entity used me to infest other people's dreams, and Kate ended up dead?" If anything, John looked annoyed edging on angry now. "Yeah, I remember."
Okay, that made Rodney feel like complete shit. Again. Awkwardly, he went on. "Well, something got in you – "
John raised a sultry brow. "I know someone I'd like in me."
"You see what I mean?" Rodney spluttered, and despite his surprise at John's sudden change in mood, he felt himself blush from the insinuation that was more than an insinuation. He turned to Jennifer, at a loss, then back to John again. "You're not quite yourself."
"How so?" John asked, as if he were humouring Rodney.
But Rodney was ready with the answer. "Since when have you ever said anything like, 'I know someone I'd like in me' to anyone, never mind in front of someone you barely know?" Rodney answered, indicating Jennifer with a wave.
John looked pensive, but then he seemed to shrug it off. "Maybe that's true," he said. "Maybe I'm not quite myself. But I do like you. So let's make a deal, all right?"
"A deal?" Rodney asked, not sure where John was going with this.
"Yeah, a deal," John said, voice low. "Let's say that that device has affected me. If it has, it hasn't done anything more than free up feelings I already had."
"What?" Rodney said, barely able to choke even that much out.
"It's not that I'm not myself, Rodney," John said, sliding forward on the bed. He reached for Rodney's hand, and held it. "If anything, I'm just kind of freer about some stuff. So let's make a deal." He rubbed a soft finger along Rodney's palm, and Rodney suddenly felt a not at all unpleasant chill. "You like me, I like you. Let's try this, and see where it goes."
Rodney knew that he should pull away. If John had been affected by this device, it was Rodney's job to be the responsible one, and pull away. But he couldn't find it in himself to do so. Not with John holding his hand, caressing his palm. Not with John looking up at him, hazel eyes full of warm heat.
"Fuck, John," Rodney murmured.
John raised a suggestive eyebrow at that one.
He heard Jennifer shuffle some papers nearby, probably on purpose. He frowned, and slid his hand from John's. "I can't," he said, the very words tearing at him. "It's not right."
"You're probably right," John said, looking a bit disappointed, but resigned. "So let's say the device did do something to me." He sat back on the bed again, his gaze taking in both Rodney and Jennifer now. "Which I'm still not sure I buy. Maybe if we return the thing to New Athos, this whatever will go away."
Rodney pursed his lips, thinking on that one.
"Not such a good idea," Jennifer piped in. She looked concerned. "Someone else might find it."
"But this only affects John," Rodney said.
"That we know of," Jennifer said. "Nothing shows up on tests. How do I know it's not affecting, oh, I don't know, you?" she asked, waving toward him.
"What?" Rodney asked, taking a step back in sudden panic. His mind started racing through his own behaviour over the past several days, looking for anomalies. Not that he'd recognise them. It's not like John had even realised…
"It's not affecting Rodney," John said.
"And how do you know that?" Rodney shot out. "It's not like you knew…"
"Yes, but you did," John said, eyes affectionate. "Believe me, if you'd changed, I'd know," he said with meaning.
"Oh," Rodney said, suddenly deflated. John was probably right. If John was interested in him half as much as he was interested in John, John probably would have noticed.
"But Jennifer is right," John said. "We probably shouldn't bring it back to New Athos. Too risky. So we'll stick it in some vault somewhere half across the city, here on Atlantis. You can observe me, make sure I go back to normal, and we're all good, right?"
"And if not?" Rodney asked. He knew he should be happy, but he was already feeling the loss.
"And if not," John said, "You'll figure it out."
"Yeah, all right," Rodney said, surprised at how confident those words sounded. "So, when?"
"No time like the present," Jennifer said, her words jovial on the surface, but Rodney could see the sadness in her eyes. She knew, damn it. She knew what John meant to him.
"Can you give us a moment?" John asked her.
She gave a soft half smile. "No problem."
As she left, John slid off the bed and stood inches away from Rodney. "Before we do this," John said, reaching out and clasping both of Rodney's hands in his own. "I have something I want you to have. Something that, once I'm myself again, I may not be able to give to you."
"All right," Rodney said, squeezing John's hands. "What is it?"
"This," John whispered. And with that, he tugged Rodney forward and into a kiss. Unlike their last kiss, which had been desperate and full of passion, this one was slow and gentle. Rodney closed his eyes, letting it happen, letting the feelings come over him, flow through him like water. And when John's hand drifted up to grasp his hair, he let it. And when John's teeth grazed his lower lip, and his mouth moved across his cheek to his neck, he let it. And when John raised their right hands, still clasped and then, smiling at him, kissed his wrist, he let that happen, too. It was when John suddenly bit, hard, in that tender area, that Rodney almost called out, almost pulled away, but then he didn't, because suddenly, that was all right. And as he felt the blood flow, and he felt it, whatever it was, flow into him, he was just fine with that, too.
x-x
Please let me know what you think of this so far. Thanks!
