Han Solo – Kyon Solo *facepalm*
Darth Vader – Darth Yuki…bitch
Princess Leia - Princess Haruhi - "I'M BORED!"
Obi-Wan Kenobi – Itsuki….. - "I love those apprentices in mini skirts… Ohhhhhh"
Tsuruya – Master Yoda "With you the force may be! nyoro~"
Mikuru – Jabba the Hutt – "Kyooooon-kuuuun!"(in heavy rumbling voice, while panting and grabbing it's chest and belly)
Luke Skywalker – Taniguchi – "Wa-wa-wa wasuremono-ackkkk!" *Holds chest and dies*
R.I.P Luke, victim of the vampire series called Twilight.
Light Sabers – Glowsticks… They sparkle! ...Bitch…
*Epic Star Wars entrance music using pirated CD's and cheap equipment*
Enter Y – *Wearing an apron and a cape with a bucket over his head and a glowstick in his hand.*
X – Why are you wearing an apron? And what's with the bucket? I think the dog peed in that bucket, but I'm not sure….
Y – Silence insolent padawan! I am the master of the force, a SEX…Umm I mean Sith Lord. Wait, did you say the dog peed in this bucket!
X – Yup, and what the hell is a padawan? Sounds like one of Itsuki's sex toys….
Y – A padawan is not Itsuki's sex toy dammit! And we don't even have a dog anyways, you idiot!
X – I said THE dog, bitch! The neighbour's dog, um sorry, BITCH peed in it yesterday! * Laughs Evilly at his own ingenuity!*
Y- I still have the crap bucket on my head but I think your joke caused me more pain and suffering…I HAVE DOG PEE ON MY HEAD! *Takes off bucket and throws it in the bushes. A thud is heard*
"BITCH!"
X and Y together – May the force be with us….. Aaaaaaaaah! Run away!
A long, long time ago, in a galaxy born in the Hollywood studio next door….
"I'M A BARBIE GIRL, IN A BARBIE WORLD….."
X and Y – CUT! WHO GOT THE GODDAMN WRONG CD?
Anyways, moving on from that insanity, let's go towards more insanity….
In a dark alley, Mikuru the Hutt and Obi-Wan Itsuki were gang-raping a bunch of Jedi apprentices in bunny suits while the song " Sex on Fire" played in the background…..
Suddenly, dark evil music interrupted as Darth Yuki arrived!
"Who do you think you are?"said Mikuru, scratching her ample belly.
*Inhales* "I am Darth Yuki…Bitch" *Exhales* said Yuki, pulling out her glowstick.
Meanwhile, Itsuki continued to rape the apprentices with a glowstick of another kind.
"Your glowstick is pink!" said Mikuru the Hutt, laughing while rubbing her stomach and burping loudly.
*inhales* "GRR…. I HATE PINK!" *exhales*
X – Ooh Ooh a flashback!
Y - ….yeah
*White light from a broken Toyota fills the screen*
Yuki Skywalker had just become a Jedi, and was about to receive her personal glowstick. She was ecstatic. Thus she had only 5 cups of coffee before her big crowning moment. All of the apprentices were led to the big hall by Obi-Wan Itsuki, who insisted that all of them wear short Scottish Kilts.
"This is pretty good isn't it?" said a young Jedi who was Yuki's training partner.
"…shut up bitch" said Yuki in a low hissing voice.
"Ahh, young teenage Jedis in short kilts fighting. I love my job…." Said Itsuki while rubbing his *ahem*
All of them assembled in front of a huge stage which was dark at the moment. Suddenly the whole stage was illuminated by a green light.
"With you the force may be, nyoro~" said Master Tsuruya repeating her dialogue as we authors are too lazy to innovate. I mean, it's not like we get paid or anything…..
"Megas awesome this is going to be. Decide your purrsenality, the colour of your glowstick will! Yes, hmmm." she continued.
Suddenly, Jacob Black appeared from nowhere and changed into a wolf.
"Not you again! Fetch, go!"said Master Tsuruya while picking up a random glowstick and throwing it out of the window.
"Oooh, Shiny!" barked Jacob as he jumped out of window.
"Now, continue we must. Come up on the stage and receive your glowstick, nyoro~"
There was a flutter of activity all around. Yuki's training partner went up first.
"With the power bestowed upon me through my hate of Twilight, I am now a Jedi!" she said while turning on her 5 Watt glowstick. A brilliant shade of yellow emerged.
"That was megas awesome, nyoro…..next!"
Yuki stepped up on the stage. This was the moment she would be recognized as a fearsome and capable Jedi. All those years of training were finally about to pay off.
"With the power bestowed upon me through all the bitches in this world, I am now a Jedi!" said Yuki while holding her glowstick up high.
Its colour was…..
"PINK! HAAHAHAHAH!" laughed Mikuru the Hutt while spitting slime all over Itsuki, who was finally done with the apprentices.
*Inhale deeply* "Don't….remind me" *Exhales slowly*
"Ahh yes, I remember that day…That's when my Scottish Kilt fetish started." Said Itsuki while staring off into space. Both Yuki and Mikuru eyed him suspiciously.
"Moving on now…I have come to kidnap you both for no apparent reason except advancing the non-existent plot." Said Yuki while taking out her glowstick.
"You'll never take us alive!" said Obi-Wan Itsuki while removing his own glowstick which had a dark blue colour.
"I think I'll just go and put on my maid costume and do nothing but watch as usual." Said Mikuru while dragging it's oversized body to the nearest cosplay shop.
"Then you must die, bitch!" said Yuki while bursting forward and wielding her pink glowstick. Both of them were nearing each other, ready to strike…
X – You do know how ridiculous this whole scene looks right?
Y - Are you kidding me, this is epic, EPIC!
X- Pink glowsticks and Jedis in Scottish Kilts? I think I'm going to go barf….
Y- Whatever…At least I get your share of the popcorn!
X - …I think I've just lost whatever little respect I had for you.
Note – The whole purpose of this dialogue was that we couldn't think of a suitable transition except for Edward dancing in a sparkly chicken suit….
Now we shift the scene to a midsized room. Kyon Solo was sitting on a couch polishing his Laughing Buddha idol while humming a random tune.
"Kyon! Princess Haruhi has been captured by Darth Yuki and has been taken to the Lucky Star!" said Kunikada while bashing into the room.
"What, again! I thought that was under protection wasn't she?" said Kyon Solo, looking at Kunikada with a raised eyebrow.
"Well she was, but she thought that it would be more exciting that if she was captured and had to be rescued again. So she went and gave herself up."
"Oh come on…." Whined Kyon. "I was just going to watch the 1356th filler episode of Naruto! Well, I guess I just have to go and save that crazy girl again." Said Kyon. He gathered all his armor and weapons, applied some Axe deodorant, changed his week long undergarments and took the intergalactic subway to the Lucky Star. There was a huge door blocking the way and metal wire surrounding it. The Lucky Star itself was nothing but an oversized building in the shape of a six sided star with pink paint. After mentally facepalming, Kyon spotted Konata and Kagami – his partners in crime.
"Good to see you two again. I trust you've heard that Haruhi's been kidnapped." Said Kyon
"Yes, and we were waiting for you before we launched an assault. We just haven't been able to figure out how to enter." Said Kagami with a worried look on her face.
"It makes me feel so frustrated that I think that I should just try opening the darn door!" said Konata while doing exactly that. Surprisingly the door just opened without any resistance. Kyon and Kagami just facepalmed.
"I can't believe Yuki forgot to lock the door again….." said Kyon. Just before they were about to enter Taniguchi Skywalker came into sight.
"Hey guys, what's up?" asked the pea-brained Jedi.
"You're a main character and you decided to show up NOW? Where the hell were you?" said Kyon.
"Umm you see, I was alone at home and I had free internet access soooo…"
"Please stop!" said Kagami while shielding her eyes. "Konata does enough of that for my liking anyways!"
"You do know that I have eyes only for manga, music anime and you, don't you Kagami?" said Konata while adopting a suggestive tone.
"Could we just continue?" begged Kyon.
"Yeah, but where do we go?" asked Kagami.
"How about we try this?" asked Taniguchi, pointing to a door which had a sign 'DO NOT OPEN' above it.
"Well, it worked last time." Said Kyon while opening the door. On the other side there were huge tubes that were used for holding prisoners. Inside the tubes there were numerous Jedi's and other people including Master Tusruya, Mikuru the Hutt, Obi-Wan Itsuki, Edward Cullen and Michael Jackson.
"So he didn't die after all. I knew it all along that he was in hiding!" said Konata while asking him for his autograph.
"Hey what about me, I'm famous too!" said Edward while waving his arms in the air.
"…I'm not going to comment on that." Said everyone in the room at the same time.
"Anyways moving on, how in the world did you manage to get yourself into this mess Itsuki?" asked Kyon.
"Well, it was something like this….."
*EPIC FLASHBACK SCENE*
Yuki and Itsuki were nearing each other, ready to strike. Just when they were about to start fighting though, Yuki threw a book in Itsuki's direction.
"PLAYBOY!" screamed Itsuki while dropping his glowstick and lunging towards the bunny girl magazine.
"That was too easy…bitch."
*EPIC END OF EPIC FLASHBACK SCENE*
"Playboy claims another victim. Herh herh herh." Laughed Master Tusruya.
"Kyooooooon-kuuuun" said Mikuru the Hutt while jumping onto Kyon Solo, who was crushed underneath.
"For the 10th time Mikuru, you CANNOT go around jumping at people. It's too dangerous, and not to mention slimy!"
"Well now that we're here, where do we go now?" asked Kagami.
"Wait, has anyone seen Princess Haruhi yet?" asked Konata. Right on cue, there was a piercing scream from the adjoining room along the lines of "NOOOOOOO!" As soon as Kyon heard that he slid underneath Mikuru's slimy frame and bounded towards the door at full speed, everyone including the sparkling vampire following him.
"HARUHI!" screamed Kyon while throwing the door open. There was a long narrow bridge with a steep fall on both sides. On the center of the Bridge Haruhi was lying on the ground, with Yuki over her. Kyon ran towards Haruhi at full speed.
"Haruhi, are you okay?"
"Do I look ok to you idiot?" shouted Haruhi.
"Umm well actually you look pretty much fine to me. What did Yuki do to you?" asked Kyon.
"Yuki was boring me to death by repeating the same crappy joke over and over again! I just can't take it anymore!" said Haruhi while running into Kyon's arms.
*Inhale* "Because of such meticulous practice I am now ready to crack that joke." *Exhale*
Yuki turned towards Taniguchi Skywalker and looked at him with a piercing gaze.
"Luke, I am your father!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO, it can't be!" screamed Taniguchi while jumping off the bridge and killing himself.
"What, are you serious!" asked Itsuki?
"LOL just kidding bitches! I use protection!" laughed Yuki while removing a packet of Desire condoms.
"…" said everyone
"That was quite possibly the most horrible joke I have EVER heard!" said Kyon while facepalming.
"Tell me about it, I got so BORED listening to it over and over again!" said the yellow-ribboned tsundere.
"You really are evil aren't you?" said Konata.
"Flattery won't get you anywhere….bitch!" replied Yuki
"Darth Yuki, you must die for the sins that you have committed. The dark side has corrupted you too much. You must be slain!" declared Itsuki while raising his glowstick.
"FOR SPARTA!" shouted the gay vampire. Everyone looked at him.
"Oops sorry, wrong movie!"
"AARGH, I HATE SPARKLY VAMPIRES!" said Yuki while throwing a coin into the dark abyss below the bridge.
"Ooooh, shiny" said Edward as he jumped off the bridge.
"Die!" screamed Itsuki as he, Master Tsuruya, Kyon Solo, Kagami, Konata and Haruhi all attacked Darth Yuki. Miukuru being as useless as she was sat on the sidelines wearing a cheering outfit that she had purchase at a 50% discount from the cosplay shop.
*ONE VERY EPIC AND MIND-NUMBING FIGHT SCENE LATER*
Kyon Solo and his companions lay on the ground, completely worn out and shattered while Darth Yuki was standing over all of them, grinning broadly.
"It seems that you bitches did not anticipate my secret weapon." Said Yuki while showing everyone the second season DVD of Haruhi Suzumiya.
"Please, no more Endless Eight, I CANT FUCKING TAKE IT!" screamed Konata.
"You truly are evil Darth Yuki!" said Kyon before collapsing onto the ground with exhaustion.
"Now that you idiots are dealt with, there is only one person left." Said Yuki while turning her attentions to Mikuru the Hutt. The latter was panting and holding it's chest in the cheerleading outfit in an attempt to motivate everyone.
"Our last hope, Mikuru the Hutt is, nyoro!" said Master Tsuruya.
"We are so freaking screwed now…." Said Princess Haruhi and Konata.
"For the first time in my life I agree with both of you crazy idiots." Said Kagami. Suddenly Kyon Solo managed to look up. His eyes locked with Mikuru's and he looked at her with a steely determination.
"Mikuru, you are our last hope. You have to try and stop Darth Yuki! You can do it, I believe in you!" said Kyon before collapsing again. Mikuru felt a new sensation flooding into her.
For the first time ever, Mikuru experienced the feeling of confidence.
"That is the biggest load of cheesy sentimental bullcrap I have ever heard. Lets just get this over with!" said Yuki while drawing her pink glowstick. Mikuru was helpless, but she couldn't give up. She had to try her best, so she brought her fingers towards her eyes.
"Mi-mi-mi Mikuru Beam!" shouted Mikuru in a deep voice. There was a blinding light and the whole area was covered with smoke. After some time the smoke finally settled down.
And before everyone stood Dora the Explorer.
"Oh its Dora the Explorer, I'm so scared! What is she going to do, educate me to death?" laughed Darth Yuki.
"Hola!" said Dora in a strong Italian accent while firing a laser beam at Yuki and killing her before disappearing.
"….I cannot believe that actually worked." said Konata.
"Kyooooon-kuuuuun!" said Mikuru the Hutt while jumping at Kyon who was still down on the ground.
"Well everyone!" said Itsuki while turning towards some random camera that just appeared from somewhere. "The universe is now free from the clutches of Darth Yuki and her fearsome plans; plans not released to you viewers as the authors were too lazy to come up with anything. This is goodbye from us at the Star Wars Universe!"
"Itsuki, you can't just go around breaking the fourth wall!" said Haruhi.
"Well….SCREW THE FOURTH WALL, I HAVE SCOTTISH KILTS! THIS IS THE END OF THIS STORY!" screamed Itsuki.
"I hate all of you…." Came Edward's voice from the dark abyss.
*EPIC STAR WARS CLOSING THEME SIGNIFYING ENDING*
X- I can't believe we just wrote this. I just hope that we don't get banned from or something.
Y- Are you kidding me, this is the awesomest piece of shit we have ever written! And it's Star Wars, so even if it sucks everyone will like it!
X- There is no use of reasoning with you...This is the last time ever that we are going to do a Haruhi/Lucky Star/Star Wars/Twilight Crossover…..
Y-No way, we have to do something like this again!
X-Just shut up, or I'm going to make you watch the Endless Eight and all Naruto and Bleach fillers at the same time!
Y – Forget that I said anything…..
X- Anyways, do you realize that we've got an enormous electricity bill this time? Do you know why? Because we used so many darn glowsticks! What do you have to say about that?
Y – Well I have only one thing to say from my side
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R&R BITCHES!
This is an XXX production. We are not responsible for any loss of sanity suffered as a consequence of reading this fanfiction. All complaints should be re-directed to any random number.
We do not own anything in this fan fic except for the Broken Toyota which was used for the transition in the first scene. It is now in the junkyard.
