Chapter 3 - Autumn Eternal

Kakashi's vision fluctuated. He couldn't fully bring himself to open his eyes due to the fatigue he felt in his soul.

Perhaps this was all just a terrible nightmare... a warning from Obito's spirit about what could happen if I'm not careful..

He felt as though he was surrounded in a pool of darkness. The water just barely real enough to keep him floating but not enough for him believe it was there. His senses dulled and his world was a constantly shifting vortex. The ebbs of this strange place did nothing to comfort what he had just been through, only causing the pain to expand in his body.

Suddenly, a great pain shot into his left eye and spread to his head. The emptiness that his mind felt was now flooded with sheer agony. He screamed into the great expanse. Not even his own echoed screams kept him company.

Suddenly he found himself looking at the night sky. The stars shined with unusual brightness. Kakashi sat up and identified he was in Konoha's hospital. The hole in the ceiling looked unnaturally circular, as if something had created it. A voice startled him.

"Can you control it?"

Whipping around, Kakashi quickly identified the origin. Minato.

"Can you control the eye's power?" He repeated, softer. All Kakashi could do was shake his head to indicate that he was unsure what he was talking about.

Another figure appeared behind Minato. The words pierced through the air with a certain authority and impatience.

"I allowed you to keep your Sharingan eye out of respect for Obito. Boy, you will tell us how you've obtained this power." He lurched forward and grasped Kakashi's head. Minato stepped forward and pushed him back.

"Fugako, please. The boy clearly doesn't-"

"The boy has unlocked power greater than he knows. He's not of Uchiha blood yet he has done something only an Uchiha should be able to do. I will find my answer, Minato."

Fugako stormed out of the room, leaving behind only the small resonance of his anger. Kakashi slowly looked back up through the hole that was in the hospital.

Minato sighed and sat next to Kakashi. His eyes were fixated on the ground, but before he could get anything out, Kakashi placed his hand on his shoulder.

"Is this real? Is she gone?"

"Yes.. I'm afraid so.." Minato slowly turned and placed his hands in head.

"Where were you?" Kakashi finally pressed. He tried to stand quickly, but almost fell. Clutching to the side of his bed he firmly asked once again.

"Where were you?!"

Minato stayed silent. His guilt was written in plain sight and Kakashi knew that what he was doing was only going to drive a stake between himself and Minato. He couldn't continue to berate his teacher and pseudo-parent in this manner.

"I-I need to be alone, Sensei. I don't want to say things I don't mean while I'm emotional." Kakashi slowly stumbled out of the room, leaving Minato in the pale moonlight.

The village slept in a surreal peace. The same peace Kakashi noted only a few nights before, but this time it angered him. How could such a peace exist while the bondage of guilt and sadness held him back from it. He felt as though he was a desperately thirsty prisoner and the village was an endless stream of pure ice cold water.

He finally arrived at Konoha's cemetery. He slowly scanned over the names of the deceased until, against his wildest wishes, he confirmed everything.

Rin Nohara - Age 13

Kakashi fell to the ground, fully realizing the completeness of his failure.

"R-rin.. I.."

Suddenly, a sharp pain stung the back of his head. Turning quickly, he saw a rock land nearby. Another came flying and he caught it, turning to see who would dare assault him in this time. Mrs. Nohara shook with rage as she grabbed another rock.

"You killed my daughter! You murderer! She was your friend and you killed her!"

Kakashi couldn't handle this onslaught from her mother. He quickly jumped up and ran as fast as his weakened body could handle into the night. Her screams echoed through the village, and many of the villagers watched the poor cries of a mother well into the night.

"Friend-Killer Kakashi!"

Given everything that he had endured, Kakashi didn't sleep at all. He spent the night in front of the war memorial. His right eye sagged with a dark red hue due to exhaustion and his sobs. The emotions, he felt, were beginning to leave him. Only the cold dark emotionaless void from the night he woke up was there.

He mindlessly went through his training routine, attempting in vein to use his chidori and working himself until his body gave out. Refusing to use his left eye out of guilt, Kakashi was able to work for a bit longer than he was used to.

Bringing his spiritless body back to a standing position after a forced rest, Kakashi noticed a figure approaching.

"It looks like my rival is getting in practice for our next fight! Don't think you can leave me behind, Kakashi!"

Gai's smile and determination were far different than Kakashi's blank demeanor. Ignoring his classmate's words, Kakashi continued to work on his taijustu.

"Kakashi." Gai said, stepping in front of the practice tree. "I've heard what the others have been saying. I don't believe a single word of it. But trust me when I say that the only way out of the dark place you're in is proper training! This just won't do. I'll keep your body where it's supposed to be!"

Kakashi complied, if only because he realized he would actually have to fight to convince Gai to leave him alone and he just didn't have the will power to do that.

For the next few months Gai and Kakashi trained together, few words being spoken between them. The emotionless pit was only offset by the exertion of his body, by the testing of his battle wits, and by the sweat of his self proclaimed rival.

Yet things only seemed to get worse during this time. Most of his old classmates were apathetic towards him. Some would whisper of his new title: Friend-Killer Kakashi.

At one point, he was assigned a mission by the new hokage. He was to retrieve important documents involving peace treaties. His senses for combat were still sharper than ever, and he was able to outrun the ninja for the most part.

The ninja eventually caught up and readied to attack with a simple shadow clone maneuver. Easy enough to counter, Kakashi thought. He began to charge his Chidori.

That's when he felt an eerily familiar feeling. The blood dripping from his right arm as he thrust it through Rin. His eyes grew wide in fear and he began to hyperventilate. Not being able to control the surge of emotions, the Chidori dissipated and Kakashi fell to the ground, preparing to be crushed by the clones.

Gai leapt in with a team to back him up. The attacker fled, but Kakashi felt his body slowly losing control. He fell to the ground and began to cave inwards. His lost conscientiousness before Gai could turn around.

Break the chain of hatred.

Kakashi woke early, the sun penetrating the hole in the hospital he had made. Minato was already there, staring distantly into the view.

"Kakashi. I want to help you." He said gently.

"I don't know how you can." He whispered, defeated by the weight of his own thoughts. Was the hole in his heart truly going to be with him for the rest of his days?

"Enough self pity, Kakashi. You're a ninja of the leaf village and it's time you get back to doing what you're meant to do. I want to assign you to the ANBU, as my right-hand man."

"Wh-why me?"

"I can't think of anyone I trust more with this job. Go get suited up as soon as you're able."

Kakashi clenched his fist. The sacrifices went beyond just Rin and Obito, and now he had to make sure that whatever he did, no one would have to deal with the same level of misery that he was going through. He would protect the village and those he cared about no matter what.

His first mission as an ANBU was a bit awkward. He was easily the youngest ninja and the height difference made him stand out of the crowd. His battle prowess is what got him here, he figured that it would be how he made himself stand out from the crowd of ninja.

The first mission was to track down a group of ninja trying to disguise themselves as Rock Village ninja to rekindle the war. They had been stationed on the border of Konoha in order to spark hatred and fear. Kakashi's squad located them and identified the men. Kakashi took note of how many there were, what they were equipped with, and the direction they'd flee if surprised.

With all that in mind, he quickly charged in ahead of his squad.

"CHIDORI!"

The bellow boomed onto the men, scaring them for a moment before they dashed. Kakashi's speed was too great, however. Despite only seeing Rin, he was able to maintain his focus long enough to efficiently rip the men down one by one.

One of the final ninja turned and dropped to his knees.

He held his hands out to plead, "Pl-please... I'll tell you everything!" Kakashi blankly stared at the man before thrusting his Chidori through his chest. He watched the life drain from his victim and removed his hand, shaking the blood off.

The others landed and gazed on the brutal reality of the death Kakashi had dispersed.

"C-cold blooded..." on of the ANBU was able to mutter.

Kakashi turned and without a word launched in the direction of the village.

His missions continued in this manner for a short time, earning him his next unwilling title - "Cold-Blooded Kakashi". Even Gai had taken notice in this change to his friends demeanor. Kakashi was no longer sad on the exterior, but rather cold.

Gai stammered, "Yo-you can't keep pushing away, Kakashi! This isn't like my rival!" Igoring Gai's plea's, Kakashi made his way to Rin's grave.

"I've joined the ANBU. I feel myself slowly losing touch.. I miss you more and more as time goes on. I wish I could've done more to save you.. Obito... and myself.." A tear falls from his cheek. He looks at his right hand, realizing his curse is to carry the very thing that took away Rin with him the rest of his life.

Later that day, Kakashi received word Minato wanted to talk with him. He figured there would be some sort of repercussions for the brutality in which he was carrying out his missions...

"Kakashi. Good to see you." Minato greeted pleasantly.

He already seems at home Kakashi thought, observing the comfortable manner in which Minato sat in the Hokage's chair.

"Did you need me for something?" Kakashi stated curiously.

"Yes. Listen, this is between you and me because I don't want this getting out... but Kushina is pregnant."

"Oh. Congradulations."

"Thanks. But listen, during the pregnancy, a the seal which keeps the Kyuubi at bay will have less chakra devoted to it since some will be going to the baby. This leaves her and the village in a vulnerable state. I need you to watch her for the next nine to ten months to make sure nothing happens."

Kakashi nods. Somewhere inside he knew this is a way to keep him away from the ANBU action for the time being, but this level of request was something he couldn't turn away.

"You have my word." Kakashi said quickly.

"I wouldn't have anyone else." Minato stood and bowed before Kakashi left.

For the next ten months Kakashi never let Kushina out of his ever vigilant sight. He stood outside during family meals. He perched in the rain while she knitted various pieces of clothing. He walked just out of sight when she made her way around the village as she did.

More importantly, Kakashi felt himself coming back to his emotions. While he spent his time watching, it gave his mind a chance to achieve clarity. He was able to fully undertake his grief in a healthy manner. The beauty of nature revealed itself to his eyes once again. His curiosity of animals and the wilds grew. His spirit grew kind once again through the patient hours of introspection and reflection.

After Kushina drew ever closer to giving birth, Kakashi found himself in Minato's office again.

"Kakashi. I can't thank you enough for watching my wife so closely. I never had a fear in my mind while you were out."

"Of course. I'm sure the baby will be beautiful." Kakashi smirked. "I'll be getting back to ANBU mission then."

"Hold on, Kakashi. Why don't you take a break. You've been at it for 10 months. Relax a bit and make sure you're ready for the coming times."

Kakashi nodded, knowing Minato was reluctant to let Kakashi go back to the ANBU missions. A part of him was nervous to return as well. Although a spark of happiness had found it's way back into his heart, he wasn't sure how long it would last in the ANBU way of life.

That night he was walking with Gai, who was insisting that they train to take full advantage of their youth. Kakashi mentioned that he wanted to be fully rested for his coming missions and Gai was going to have none of it.

Then something caught Kakashi's attention. A sensation of pure ill intent was subtly interlacing itself with the calm aura of the night in Konoha.

"Do you sense that, Gai?" Kakashi cautiously inquired.

"The only thing I sense is your cold attitude! You shouldn't push friends away just because you were in the ANBU! We have training to do!"

Kakashi turned abruptly as a huge cloud of smoke emerged on the edge of the village. Time nearly stopped as the smoke spread to the streets. The all too familiar words echoed in Kakashi's mind.

Break the chain of hatred.

Before long the cloud exposed the Nine Tailed Fox who began to destroy the village in cataclysmic fashion. Screams replaced the stagnant silence and explosions leveled the homes of Konoha. Kakashi quickly began to formulate a counter strategy.

"Come on Gai, this is no time to stall!"

"Finally! Something to explode my boundless energy on! Bring it on, you monster!"

Suddenly a senior ninja appeared in front of them.

"Go to the training fields, the Third's orders!" he barked.

Kakashi turned to Gai, trusting nothing but the orders in that moment.

"Let's go!"

"Aw Kakashi we can't just let-"

"Let's go!"

The two made their way to the spot where they found the rest of the young ninja from the village. Despite protests, they were forced to stay behind and carry on the will of fire since this was "a domestic dispute."

Kakashi clenched his fists as the fighting went on. He was nervous for Minato as he had no yet seen him. He knew that he would be the first one to jump in to save the village. He felt so helpless being stuck behind this barrier. The rest of his classmates seemed to share that view. Some tried to convince the older ninja to let them go. Some cried in mourning for their lost loved ones. Gai tried to burn his excess energy by punching the ground in frustration.

Kakashi could only hope Minato was safe as the Nine Tailed beast disappeared in a flash.

"That was him! That was the Hokage!" Someone cheered. The rest of the students all began to celebrate. The barrier was released and for a moment Kakashi felt relief. Him and Gai quickly ran ahead to the village to help with the aftermath.

Blood stained the broken homes, children cried for parents they would never see again, and fires burned the memories of those who died. Kakashi felt like the inner turmoil he had gone through life with up to this point had finally made itself external. As of the very forces of nature were coming out of him. He slowly touched his eye before the Third Hokage appeared on the top of the village cliff.

"Konoha! We have been saved. Minato and Kushina have given their lives to destroy the Nine Tailed Fox. Their sacrifice is the will of fire that will help us regain our village."

Kakashi's knees buckled and his eyes were crestfallen. Because of his choice to go with the others to the barrier, he was unable to the last of his team. Every single person he cared deeply about was dead, and now he was left with the idea that his own inaction caused their deaths.

At the funeral, Kakashi was the last behind, standing solemnly in front of the large gravestone where his master now was buried.

"I've failed you... all of you..." Kakashi managed to eek out. Before the inevitable numbness was able to grasp hold of him, someone's presence jarred him.

"You know, the third hokage will become your new master. He's the reason you were unable to save Minato and Kushina. Join me, and we'll make sure that it doesn't happen again."

He turned to see a man with a wrapped face leaning on a cane.

"Danzo..." Kakashi stated cautiously.

Without much warning, he turned to leave before Kakashi could manage more of a response.

"Seek me out. Do what is right for the village." With that he left.

Kakashi's tipping point was miniscule at that point, and those words were all it took. His face contorted into a rage and he knelt to the ground.

I could have saved them if I was only given a chance..

Kakashi decided to do what he felt was the only thing he could. He took off towards Danzo's headquarters at Root.


A/N - Thanks for keeping up with this guys! I just wrote this chapter today. I know it sounds like I'm just rehashing some of the stuff from the filler arc, but I want to paint the full picture of my thoughts on Kakashi's psyche during this time.

I promise you things will get more unique! I plan to bring in and expand on a character which is hopefully where the "M" rating on this story will come to life.

You're the best if you're reading this! I very much appreciate any reviews you have!

Thanks,

Dezz