Stars in the Darkest Nights

Hello everyone! Thanks you to Chillybean for reviewing, and all the other wonderful people who have read my story. Okay, let's get onto chapter 3!

Akira's POV

"Why the hell are you studying film at high school anyway? Your maths and literature scores suck, shouldn't you focus on them?" I said, watching my brother fiddle with a broken camera. "Akira you don't understand. My dad wants me to do this, and I can't fail him." snapped Akio, glaring at me with the same dark gold eyes as I had. "Akio, why do you always let dad control your life? Do you even want to be a film director?" I asked desperately, and Akio lowered his head.

"Akio, I don't want you to be wasting your life. I know that your dad's precious baby boy and that he spoils you, you shouldn't feel like you're his slave." I continued, and sat next to him on the old coach in the lounge. "Kiki. Even if I tried, I still feel like I need to start taking responsibility." My brother whispered sadly. "Why, I don't understand?" I asked him, confused.

"Kiki, I've always had more freedom than you. Mum and Dad always let me do what I want, but now I feel indebted to them. They've let me travel the world, go to all the parties my friends have invited me to. I feel that I have to make them proud, and so by living dad's dream, maybe…" Akio trailed off. I looked at my brother, trying to snap some sense into him. "Please Akio, why do want to waste your life doing something you hate? When you are the most talented cook the world has ever seen. You might even be the chief for the prime minister one day! So why Akio, why?" Akio looked at me lifelessly and in a hoarse whisper "Please leave me alone Akira, just go away…"

I stood up and went to find my dad, who was writing book reviews for the library. "Dad, why do keep telling Akio to be a film director? You know that he isn't interested…"

"Akira this isn't any business of what your brother wants to do. Being a cook isn't a real job. He'll get bored of it. I know what's best for him. Now stop worrying about your brother." Snapped my Dad. I felt so frustrated at him, but also at myself. Why can't I do something more. I can't bear seeing my brother, hating his job. We only have so little time to live. Unconsciously, I was clawing at my left hand. Horrified, I ran out the door.

It was disgusting what I did. But I was so angry. I can't let myself lose control, I made a deal with myself, and I'm not going to hurt myself anymore. But I could feel my nail clippers in my jumper, I need to distract myself. I tried to not think about how frustrated I was, but it didn't work. While running through the streets of my town, I saw a grassy muddy hill. Without thinking first I jumped. I slid down, gaining more speed as I rolled down. The mud covered my whole leg, and the grass stuck on to it. It hurt a bit where the stones dug into my shin, but I felt exhilarated. Before I knew it, I was laughing hysterically at my own craziness. I felt the same rush of endorphins as when I would hurt myself. Finally I stopped and realised that I should laugh whenever I'm really angry or sad. Smiling like an idiot I saw two small figures at the top of hill rushing toward me with a concerned look.

"Dudes, come join me on this awesome hill. It's like so intense, man." I yelled, trying to imitate a hippie, I sure felt like one. The world hadn't stopped spinning yet. "Akira-chan, are you okay?" asked Fuji when he reached me. I saw his friend, the captain of the tennis team following close behind him. They both had their tennis bags slung over their shoulders. "You know what, I've never ever felt any better!" I giggled. They both nodded their heads like as if I was insane, and I probably was. "Okay, umm, I'll ask you a simple question Akira-chan…" Fuji asked me, trailing of slightly, "Why?" my smile got frozen on my face at that point, but after years of half lying, I recovered quickly. "Have you ever had a moment of insanity? When you don't think before doing something crazy, you just sort of…I don't know. How do I explain this to you tennis lovers? Hmm, it's like when you make a dangerous dive for the ball. You know that you would hurt yourself, but after you've dived and hit the ball. Don't you just feel so happy for getting that point?" after I explained it like that, they seemed to understand it better.

I'm not sure; both of them hide their emotions so well, it's almost scary. Fuji with his smiling face, and the expressionless Tezuka. I lay down on the grass, feeling it squelch a bit. The sky was actually pretty, with its pink and orange clouds; it looked like a castle of fairies was somewhere deep in the clouds.

Fuji's POV

"So you think we can nationals this year, Tezuka?" I asked my best friend as we walked home after our Tennis practice. "As long as we don't let down our guard." came his reply, wow I was so surprised (!) (Sarcastic). I sighed and whining, I complained "Come on say something different, or you'll end up a lonely old man in the mountains. Girls don't like guys who sound like they are only able to say about five words. Unless they were "I love you my girl" " Sending a glare in my direction, he opened his mouth to say "Fuji, twen-"

"Hey, isn't that Akira-chan?" I cut him off. There was Akira-chan running straight for a steep hill, before I could tell her to slow down, she jumped and rolled down the hill. Dragging Tezuka with me to check on her, I found her laughing. What the hell? I knew that she was on the weirder side of things, but this is just insane. She spotted us and yelled out "Dude's, come join me on this awesome hill. It's like so intense, man" Wow, she was either dizzy, or was high on something. Rushing toward her, I could see that she was covered in mud. "Akira-chan, are you okay?" are worriedly asked her. Hey, it's not every day you see a girl purposely roll down a muddy hill. She explained to us why she did this ridiculous thing but something seemed a bit off. Akira-Chan lay down on the grass, and I saw scars all across her left arm. Tezuka whispered in my ear "I'll leave you to stare at your future girlfriend alone…" I tried whacking him, but he escaped and his eyes were taunting me. Bleh, who ever said that Tezuka doesn't take revenge is wrong.

I was curious about Akira's scars, but I wasn't sure if it was a sensitive topic. But first I need to tell her that I knew the truth. Sitting down next to her, I started, "Akira-chan, I know that you came to counselling yesterday to ditch class." At that moment she bolted up, her eyes widened slightly, and for the first time, Akira-chan stuttered "No Fuji-san, you you've go got it all wrong. I do have a pro-problem…" I looked at her confusingly. She looked so fragile and vulnerable at the moment. Contrary to the confident and happy person she was at school. She was like a whole new person. Grabbing my hand she whispered "Please, as my counsellor don't tell anyone about what I'm about to tell you. Not even the school!"

"Akira-chan, I can promise that I won't tell anyone. But if you're doing something that will harm your health like not eating, I would need to tell the school." I said gently, wondering what on earth had happened to Akira-chan. Her eyes hardened and gripped my hands tighter "NO, promise me that no matter what the situation, whatever I've done you will not tell anyone." The tone of her voice was similar as to when she would do speeches in front of the school. It wasn't threatening, but there was something that made you listen and nod your head in agreement. I hesitated, it was completely against the code I had as a counsellor.

But I looked at Akira-chan, and something inside of me felt the need to protect her. I viewed her in a different light, one where she needed someone to just listen to her, to shelter her from the harsh world. Because even though she put up a brave front, where she laughed and made jokes, somewhere inside of her she needed someone to make her truly happy. "Okay Akira-chan, but you do know that I could get into serious trouble if they found out that I didn't tell them about you doing something dangerous." I agreed, and she released my hands, and hesitantly touched the scars on her left hand. She took out the same bandage she wore yesterday to see me and fiddled with it. I realised that it might have something to do with her scars on her hand. Looking at them close, some of them were old, while other were probably just days old. There were a few scratches her and there that didn't look like it was from her roll down the hill. Gently, I touched them. "Do they hurt?" I asked her, my finger trailing on one of the longer ones. She shook her head, not meeting my gaze. As I examined it more, I saw how her nails were bitten short. Around her wrists, there were small little cuts. They looked like as if it was inflicted by a pair of scissors. It was also darker in some places, and they looked crescent shaped.

Suddenly it hit me and my eyes widened in surprise. Softly I asked Akira-chan "Akira-chan, do you hurt yourself?" She looked down and picked at the grass. "Yes" she quietly whispered, I barely heard it. It was very hard to take in, she just wasn't the type I would strike to be a self-injurer. One part of me was telling me to run straight to someone and tell them, but when I saw Akira-Chan knelt next to me, glaring at the grass I couldn't bring myself to it.

"Do you realise how ashamed I'm of this. You're the only one who knows about my disgusting habit." She sneered, pointing out every one of the scars. "This was from the day before yesterday; I lost control and cut myself. Everything was blamed on me once again. I didn't know what to do. " She showed the long cuts down her arm. The blood had clotted. "I bit myself there, that's how it started when I was ten. This has been happening for so long. When I hurt myself everything makes sense. I solution comes to my mind, and the situation blows down." She sighed and still avoided my eyes.

"It's okay. You're not alone. There are actually a lot of people who do this." She gave me a disbelieving look. "Well I for one don't cut myself. But trust me; you're not alone on this." Taking a breath in, she said softly. "I don't know Fuji san if what you've said is true. But I want to thank you for sitting her and not running away in disgust or fear. You're one of a kind." She finally met my eyes, and I could see that she was assessing if I was frightened or wanting to run away. She looked like a nervous stray cat, ready to bolt at any moment. I grasped her hand tighter, "It's okay Akira-Chan you can tell me anything. I'm here to help you." She looked up at the steadily darkening sky and we sat in silence for a few minutes. "Do you know how scared of my life I am? What if when I'm twenty or something and I lose control again and well, I end up in hospital?" she faded away and looked at me nervously through her shoulder length light yellow green hair.

"Do you think of that when you, umm" I cleared my throat. "When I hurt myself?" she finished my sentence for me. I nodded nervously. I hoped she didn't think that I was judging her.

"You see, I don't quite understand why I do this but let me tell you something. I don't need people's pity, I don't cut myself to show off and say 'hey look at me. I'm so weak'. You only realised my scars until today right?" I nodded in agreement. She continued "I don't think 'oh goody, imam kill myself' I'm definitely not suicidal. I value life too much and not just mine. When I hear about people who do suicide without thinking about the effect the have on others it's selfish. Also, they're just throwing their life away. Think about all those poor people in third world countries who would love a chance to live, when you just waste your life away. No, I'm not like that. I don't know what I'll be like, 6 years or so from now. When I cut myself, happiness is all I think about. I'm going to hurt myself doesn't flash across my mind instead it's "This will help me." And I love it for the first few minutes, but every time, I'll look back and regret every moment of it." I was lost in her words, she had definitely lived up to her name of being the best speaker in Seigaku junior high. "Hey are you listening?' she asked me a bit annoyed. "Yes, and that was very go-I'll let you continue." She smiled, and giggled.

"After all this seriousness, I think we need to be happy again!" she chirped, eyes shining. Just like the Akira everyone saw at school.

"Wait Akira-Chan! This is something serious, we need to talk more ab-" Cutting me off she shouted to me as she sprinted down the hill.

"oh pooo-hoo, there's plenty of time for that later!"

I Sprinted down to catch up with her, and she stopped suddenly, causing me to run pass her. "Akira-chan!" I shouted, smiling. She was an odd one.

Author's note:

You like? Well pretty please review! I know that you've been reading, so something small is encouraged. I don't have much confidence as a writer, so reviews keep me motivated to keep typing this story. So tell me if it's good, bad, or plain ugly. Thanks you awesome readers!