A/N: I once wrote a letter to a girl that was similar to this. I began thinking about the similarity of Hermione in this story and my situation then. I moved on, but that letter is still in my shoebox as a reminder of what despair and loneliness felt like.
I hope you enjoy.
DISCLAIMER: eh, you've heard it before.
Dear Harry,
You haven't replied, so I'm going to take that as you not wanting to be friends anymore. I understand. I really do. I don't even know why I'm writing this letter, seeing as I'm never going to send it, because it's going to hurt so much if I do. You don't know how cruel you are to me right now, but I guess I deserve it. I should have never said it, you know. Never said good-bye that way. I was so hell bent on simply being your friend and yet, when push came to shove, I caved and told you about how I felt. But here's the thing, I wasn't completely honest. Not really. I fell in love with you much earlier than that. I'll give you one guess. It's not during the Yule Ball, but it was pretty close.
Do you remember when I was in the lake, kidnapped as part of Krum's plan? I wished, so hard, that I was your victim. I was the victim, not Ron. For you. I wanted to be the person whom you cared about more than anyone else in school. Bloody Merlin, Harry. I placed second to importance, compared to Ron. That's how sad I was. But I never showed it. No, not Hermione. I drowned myself in so much studies that I wanted to choke. I did so well in my OWLs because I didn't want to think about you. I mean, sure, I read a lot, but it wasn't for fun that I got all those Outstanding scores.
Merlin, this is so dumb. You're never reading this. But it feels better to just write it all down.
Not replying is making me break. Australia isn't fun, Harry. It's great and all, but I want to be around you. I want to be your friend. I just want to be in the same area as you are right now. I don't know why. I do know, but it sounds so childish, so clingy. I told Mum, because I didn't have anyone else to talk to. She sympathised, but couldn't really understand it. She has Dad, after all.
I thought of coming back after so many nights, but I couldn't. I said goodbye, didn't I? I said goodbye and I want that to be the end. I'm done with wishing for something that won't happen. Bloody hell, I helped you defeat Voldemort, I can get over you too. I hope. Who am I kidding, though? It's hell without you. Just the grin. I want you to grin at me in that stupid, laconic way like you tell everyone you don't even try. It's so smug and yet so humble it's adorable. I want to kiss you, love you. Make love to you. There! I said it! I want to shag your skinny arse until you can't walk straight. But it's more than that, silly Hermione, of course it is. I want to wake up after that world-shattering shag and see you beside me. I'd kiss you, you'd kiss back. We'd cuddle. Then more sex. Just because we can and we fucking will. I don't want you to ever leave me. But I left first, didn't I? Can't blame you for that.
Merlin. It's a good thing this is going directly into my double-enchanted, triple-jinxed shoebox. I am never letting anyone else read this. Ever.
I hope you owl me, though. Just one owl, saying that it's okay, and that you understand, like you always bleeding do. And that we're still friends and nothing will ever come between us. But it's been a month and I've had more replies from Ron. My ex. Who has moved on. And Neville. And Luna. And even Madam Tonks is owling me more about your godson.
Please, please write me back. I'll take anything, even just a little bit.
Love, really love,
Hermione
