I'm going to try to update each Tuesday, but I have exams coming up so the next couple may be a couple of days late.
I just want to have a massive rant now just because I've seen something a few times and it really annoys me. Okay, so basically when you are going onto 13 reasons why fanfics, you click on the little button that says 'books' not TV so why are people writing fics based off the TV series when 13 reasons why is a BOOK. I know it's a TV series on Netflix too, I haven't actually watched it but from what I've heard it's quite different so I don't actually want to, but you don't see people writing Captain America fics based off the films and then put it in the comics section do you? I know there isn't a section for 13 reasons why in TV shows, but seriously, don't put something based off a TV series under 'Books', it's just annoying. Anyone else agree with me here?
Anyway, I hope you enjoy and please let me know what you think.
Cassette 2 Side A
One third of the way already. Only four more to go. I wonder if these tapes will really do anything, if you'll really take notice of your actions, if it saves just one life, it'll be worth it. Because for all I know you're still doing it. Still driving innocent people to… To end their own life. Because if you are, these tapes are to stop you. And so at least six of you know the truth. The truth about me. Not the crazy rumours that were always flying around.
I want you to know the truth. Because I was never loopy, I never wanted to take those drugs. I never wanted every special moment with my family to be ruined. And I never wanted any trouble at school either. So why did you do that to me, Aria? Why?
You started it. You shoved into me. I don't see how it was my fault. I didn't even do anything that bad. Certainly not enough to drive you to kill yourself. It was just a joke. You took it way too seriously.
Aria, I bet your denying all of this. You never knew what you were really doing to me. How could you? You probably think I'm being way too dramatic about all this, and maybe I am, but I have an excuse. What was your excuse for doing those things?
I expect everyone listening knows that Aria and I never really got on. You probably never knew why. Aria, why did you hate me so much? It truly was an accident.
You were grinning at me. Why would you laugh at me if it was just an accident? I always saw through your lies Hannah.
For those 5 of you who don't know, or maybe these tapes have got out so it's not just you 6 hearing these, Aria and I weren't always arch enemies. We never really spoke to each other. We'd never said hi to each other in the corridor, asked each other to borrow a hairband for gym, traded lip gloss shades in the toilet before class. None of that. I don't really know why.
Because I always knew you weren't worth talking to. And I was right.
Anyway, I can't even remember when it happened,4th maybe 5th grade? It was in the changeover between periods and the corridor was busy, everyone rushing off in different directions. You know, how it always is when I got shoved into a certain someone. Now just so you know at this stage, I was on my phone laughing at something that came up on my Instagram. I turned around to apologise.
"Hey!" Aria said, while I was still laughing on my phone. "What was that for?" At this stage I put my phone away, ready to defend myself.
"It was an accident." She grabs her notebook off the floor.
"You could clearly see I was walking here."
Well she could.
Then you walked away. After that, if you saw me in the corridor you'd glare at me. Knock stuff out of my hands. Always small spiteful little things. You're probably laughing about this right now.
You're right, I am. You're blaming me for the fact you're committing suicide because I didn't like you so I gave you the evil eyes. Mature.
It got worse than that when we got older though. A few months before we moved away you 'accidently dropped' my pants in the showers after gym and they got soaked so the school lent me a skirt from lost property for the rest of the day. I heard you laughing to your friends afterwards that yesterday you took all the decent pants and skirts from lost property so I had to have one that didn't really fit me.
It was just a joke. Get over it. Move on.
The school said I had to wear the only skirt there. When they gave it to me, it didn't look too bad. I only had one period left anyway. So I put it on. It was way too short and tight, but I could just about manage, I'd just have to hurry home so no one really saw it. Only someone did. I'm not going to say who, they come up later but they know who they are. And because they saw it, they thought it was an excuse. They saw it as an excuse to come up to me and slap my bottom. I was just walking, I had never spoken to this guy before and he just slapped it and ran off.
How was that my fault though?
Aria, I don't blame you for his actions. You couldn't have known that would happen? How could you? You were aware it might start rumours though. You were aware that certain guys, or girls to be fair, may take it as an opportunity.
It was only meant to be a joke. You shouldn't have left your pants so close to the showers anyway.
Aria, if you hadn't done that, you probably wouldn't even be on these tapes. I didn't really care about the small, petty things. They don't matter to me. It was just another immature girl thinking she could get through to me. But that, putting me in a position where I was made vulnerable like that. That was unforgiveable. After that, I threw out any clothes that were remotely tight. I couldn't trust anyone at school otherwise.
That's a bit extreme.
I did start wearing tight clothes once I moved, but that took a lot of courage. You can't even begin to understand how afraid I was when I first wore some skinny jeans out in public. As it happened something quite similar happened in my new town, but you don't need to know about that.
Aria, you took my self-confidence away at a time I needed it most. I think you probably did genuinely mean it as a cruel joke, but jokes have consequences. And this was one of them. If you hadn't played that 'joke' all this may not have happened. If you hadn't done that, I may have been able to cope with the rumours about Isaac and the drugs, but this incident sparked other things, things I still can't come to terms with, and never will.
You're the one who's ending it. Or has ended it.
Things that caused me to move towns. Move to a town where a rumour started based on a kiss.
Rumours die out.
A rumour that caused someone who I trusted to hate me.
You shouldn't have trusted them then.
Then a list was made which gave people an even more perverted image of me.
Why did you let them get that image of you in the first place then?
This list caused someone to take even the safety of my home away from me.
You already said that Isaac took away the trust and Faye the good times, what more was left?
I turned to someone to help me find out who they were, and they did and then just dumped me, pretended we were friends, but never really talked to me.
Who would want to be friends with you?
Then someone tried to use these rumours started as an excuse to touch me sexually when I repeatedly expressed I did not want him to.
You could have just left.
Then when I was so alone and there was only one way for me to keep receiving encouragement, someone took that away from me.
Stop being so melodramatic.
Then someone offered my thoughts up for ridicule.
Isn't that what these tapes are doing?
And there's more. Someone who seemed trusting did something that indirectly caused someone to die. I may have been able to stop this death, but she didn't let me. So I also have the guilt of someone's death on my conscience.
You could have reported it to the police, it would have at least cleared your conscience.
On the same night as that, I saw someone rape someone. At the time, I was having a break down, they didn't know I was in the room, but the person who was raped, had two chances me and someone else. The someone else was the person who started a rumour based off a kiss. There was never really two chances. I was never strong enough and he was a jerk.
It was never your responsibility to stop it.
Later on the guy who raped the girl took advantage of the fact that I was vulnerable too. I could have probably stopped him and he knew it. He just took advantage of me being an emotional wreck.
Like you said you could have stopped him, you can't exactly blame me because you didn't.
Finally, I went and spoke to someone, I tried to get help, to try to stop these tapes from ever being sent on. They told me to move on. Get over it.
It still was an option.
That was never an option.
You made it not an option.
So that's what your joke did.
That's pretty unlikely, I didn't exactly maker your family move out of town.
Maybe it would have still happened anyway Aria, and I'm not blaming you completely, some people did a lot worse than you.
I already knew that.
You didn't break the law at least.
Maybe if you had reported people to the police I wouldn't be wasting my time listening to these pointless tapes.
But I still hold you responsible at least a little. Aria, just think about what you're about to do before you do it, that may have saved a life. It might have saved two lives in fact because the person who indirectly caused a death, wouldn't have done that if I hadn't been there. She would have been driving herself home instead of me. It might have even stopped a rape. I hope you understand Aria, it was a small thing, but it started a snowball that just kept on rolling. Madison, you're up next.
I did a harmless prank, maybe I took it too far, but she can't hold me responsible of a rape of a girl I never met, or the death of someone I never met. Or even her own suicide. I wonder what Madison did. The tape clicks to its end and I take it out and flip it over.
I go down from my room into the kitchen. It's hot, even sitting up on my bed with the window wide open. I pour myself a glass of cold orange juice and pop a couple of ice cubes in it before going into my back yard. I have a hammock in the shade of two trees, it might be cooler there. I take a long sip. It's cold and delicious. Then I press play.
