I'd fantasied for weeks about Keith wrapping himself round me and taking the initiative. Why am I so confused?! I wanted him so badly but I wanted him to want me too. That moment felt like I finally had him – we were a thing just waiting to blossom – but his face afterwards…

It'd been a few days since what I lovingly refer to as 'the incident'. Barely a wink of sleep had laid its weight on me as my mind revisited every second of the last few weeks in intense detail – what was said, what was done, what I'd done – and then that reaction…

Since the incident we had carried on as near usual although there was an aura of awkwardness between us – probably unnoticeable to everyone else but it felt like a stage and spotlight to me. I hated this. What I hated more was that every time I glanced at the mullet head, even just in regular save-the-world conversation, he would look away or distract himself.

Was I on his mind as much as he was on mine?

Before all this idiocy – yes, I know, started by yours truly – my mind often crazily wondered about the future and who would be by my side. Once upon a time I'd imagine whoever it was I was currently dating or had a major crush on, usually changing weekly if not daily. For a long time now all I could think about was Keith Kogane. Even when I didn't want to think about him or tried thinking of Allura or someone else, it always came back to Keith. It used to be hot. Now it was torture.

He was driving me insane.

"Get some sleep, Lance. You look exhausted." I blinked up at Shiro. With a smile he gave me a sympathetic pat on the back as he passed me out of the hangar.

We'd be in serious trouble if the rest of the team genuinely needed my input out in the field today – luckily the mission had been a simple one. Unfortunately so simple that my brain went into autopilot as I flew Blue while my thoughts were consumed by what was becoming the biggest problem in my life.

Pidge and Hunk were babbling incessantly about something techy and, there beside me, there was my problem. Keith was operating the external hangar doors at the control panel. Our eyes caught for the briefest second and – there it was – that strange perplexed expression on his face, jaw ticking in apparent frustration as he quickly busied himself and then started for the doors.

Our group wandered out of the hangar and started back to our quarters for some much needed R&R. Pidge waved cheerfully as she and Hunk continued on past my bedroom stop. Keith, still keeping his eyes thoroughly diverted, tried to hurry past.

Gods. I need to do something or this will go on forever. I sighed. It's now or never…

"Dude, I need to talk to you."

We simultaneously looked up the corridor and watched Pidge and Hunk disappear out of sight.

"What is it-?"

I stopped him, my mouth swallowing his words. My hands found his face and tightly cupped either side of his chiselled jawline. I hadn't intended to kiss him but I found it so hard to resist – if I was only going to be in this position one last time I was going to make it count. We could look back and laugh at this, surely?

Eventually I pulled away from him, one of my hands lingering on his face just a second longer, memorising the feel of my touch on his skin. I cringed at the sound of my ragged breathing – I was so nervous my chest felt like it was trapped in a vice and my oxygen was being dangerously rationed.

I daren't take a step away for fear my nerves would kick in and my legs would turn to jelly – all this was embarrassing enough without me face-palming the floor through a mixture of fear and crazed hormones. That and I so desperately wanted him to scoop me up and kiss me… Lance, head out of the clouds, man. Not gonna' happen.

For the next minute we just stared at one another silently. Each second that passed felt like an eternity. Each second that passed made me want to curl up and die, as I began to ready myself for a push, a shove, a barrage of verbal abuse… But nothing, literally nothing, happened.

For the sweet love of endless space, why isn't he saying anything?! Why am I not saying anything?!

My heart was now thundering so loud I swear the guys would hear it all the way to the control room… My eyes darted quickly up the corridor to check we were still alone. If he was going to shoot me down or whatever I didn't want an audience-

"Lance-" the sound of his voice silenced my whirlwind of thoughts. "That really wasn't talking."

What.

The Hell.

"And I can't reply to anything unless you actually talk to me." I must have been gawping like a goldfish because his whole demeanour seemed to soften. "But don't kiss me again. Please," he added quickly, his voice going up an octave. My heart deflated slightly as he held his hands up to extenuate his point, like I was going to launch myself on him. Again. "I… Look, I don't know what's going on and… I just don't know… about… me."

I sighed, defeated, and looked down at my feet. So that was basically a no then… Great. Now I have to live and work alongside the idiot for – let me see – the rest of my life, knowing that I kissed him and made a complete and utter fool of myself! More to that, that I made him kiss me and deep down he probably didn't want to! I'm a horrible human being- Trash-

A gentle hand sat on my shoulder. I looked up and Keith smiled at me but I couldn't bring myself to attempt to return it.

"I need to train. Let's… talk later. Yeah?"

I felt myself nodding but internally I was screaming.

Keith didn't wait for a reply. Calmly he started away from me.

No.

His kiss the other day: that meant something. If this was my moment to explain, to confess, well, now was the time. The only time. Or I was afraid we continue avoiding each other and talking about this forever.

I'm happy to play for both teams but I don't want people to look at me differently for being 'that guy who will date your daughter and your son'. I don't want to be that guy no other guy can be friends with just in case he 'turns on them'. I've seen it happen and it's not pretty. And I don't want to be alone. I hate being alone. If anything I wanted to be close again with Keith, even if it was just as friends – I didn't want to lose him completely. I know that's rich coming from someone that literally stalked another guy like prey to be inappropriate, but this felt real.

"This isn't cabin fever or, like, a prank."

My brain was moving a mile a minute – it was like it was three conversations ahead and my body was only just catching up. I had no comprehension of what I was saying. I was just saying.

He stopped and turned to look at me, a strange expression washed over his face.

I gulped. I was going to say it… apparently whether I liked it or not.

"I like you, really like you. Okay?" He didn't move. "I'm not ashamed that I feel this way and even if you don't like me back, that's not going to stop me liking you."

He continued to stand statue still, saying nothing. Hurt and fury started to bubble through me as I started to wish he had pushed me away and tore out my heart – anything would be easier than dealing with non-answers and shrugging away the subject.

"There's always been something there – you have to admit that – but how I feel now, my feelings for you, it's all I can think about. Lance and Keith. Keith and Lance." I could feel a hot blush inching over my face as my voice got louder, my words bouncing off the walls of the corridor.

He responded quickly in hushed tones: "I think we should talk later-"

"I want to talk now."

The tick above his eye pulsed.

"Lance. Seriously. Later." He turned to walk away again, but I tugged on his sleeve to stop him.

"Do you honestly have nothing to say to me? I told you that I liked you-" He tried to escape again, this time trying to brush past me a little more aggressively, but I countered the aggressiveness , pulling him back round to face me. "Why can't you say your feelings point blank?! I can take it!"

Keith stared at me. Hard. "Final warning, Lance. Let-me-go."

I didn't care. I grabbed his wrist again, stopping him.

"I want you, Keith! It's driving me insane!"

"You're driving me insane!"

Suddenly I was against the wall, my spine crashed into the cold metal corridor panels. Before I could piece together a very creative swear I clocked him coming closer towards me. Anger flooded through me. It was fight or flight and as much as I loved his breathtakingly perfect features I wasn't about to let that mullet brain throw the first fist.

He caught my punch with ease, pulling my arm up, catching the other to pin above my head against the wall. Next to my head, his free hand smashed to the wall.

"You're-driving-me-insane," he repeated, this time slower, his tone biting.

I stared into him, my blood boiling. He wasn't going to shake me.

Keith stared back defiantly. For a second his breath caught and his eyes briefly flittered round my face, before returning to my eyes with so much fire. I remained still as he seemed to randomly lose some of the wind in his sails. More than ever I wanted to be inside his head.

As suddenly as I'd thrown my punch, he leaned in and his lips were briefly but hard on mine.

His eyes danced, scanning my face. His jaw tight.

My mind was severely paused as I struggled to comprehend what was happening.

After a beat, Keith leaned in, lips capturing mine again.

He pulled away and looked at me. The fire still burned in his eyes but now I wasn't so sure if it was all anger… All I knew was that I wanted to get lost in the intensity.

It was my turn now, with Keith visibly floundering. I lent forwards, meeting him in the middle as we kissed again, this time harder, hungrier. His free hand grasped my face as our kisses started to deepen. I couldn't help but gasp as I felt his tongue touch mine and intertwine.

His hand started down my neck, travelling further and further down, to linger on my hip. I could feel his fingers shaking against my skin, unsure.

We breathed into one another, catching the moment – this was so crazy, yet so, so right. He relaxed his grip on my hands and I brought mine either side of his face and hovered my lips over his, not quite touching, just teasing.

My hand found his hips and I dipped my fingers just below the beltline at the small of his back, slowly drawing my fingers along and round until they met at the front. In a wave of heat and want I pulled him round and pushed him against the wall. There we moved almost as one, his hands tangled in my hair as my hands roamed under his shirt, clawing at his back, as I desperately pulled him as close to me as possible.

I was so into him I could barely breathe…

Our mouths were moving against one another again. I caught his moan as I bit his lip, my hands back to his hips, pulling him hard against me. We paused, his hot breath lingering on my skin.

His eyes looked towards my bedroom. I followed his gaze to the door and back again. Oh sweet Jesus… My heart skipped a beat. This. This was the hottest point in the entire freaking galaxy right now. I needed to calm down for fear my heart would explode… that or something else soon would.

"I've been waiting for you to make the first move," I whispered into his ear.

He smiled, his breathing still ragged. That smile…

I kissed him lightly, softly.

"I think you should sleep on this, Keith, before we do anything really serious." I hated to be a cock block, especially with the fine specimen before me, but I couldn't shake it from my head that merely minutes ago we were arguing and he proclaimed that he didn't know how he felt. I wanted him. Badly. But this was the right thing to do. "Sorry."

He smiled and looked down briefly, gathering his thoughts. "Yeah. I think that's a good call."

"I'll… see you later."

There, our hands briefly gripped one another's, before we separated and we started, eventually, walking away in different directions. As I got to my door I tried to stop myself from doing what every couple did in the movies: cringing, I turned to watch him go, hoping he'd turn around. Just when my brain kicked in and remembered that this was Keith on the agenda and he didn't know anything about people skills, he turned with a sheepish smile.

God I hope he wants me still tomorrow.