Masquerade Pt. 3: Vash; Beneath Blue Skies
Author's Notes: I don't own Trigun. I do own butterscotch brownies, though, a mind made for late, late nights, and an imagination as brutally obstinate as a rock. So here I am, writing at four in the morning...and hoping that whatever comes out is even slightly legible... wait. Legible is handwriting. So...comprehensible?
"What are you reaching for?" Meryl asked, looking curiously at Vash. She sat across from him on a jagged rock, watching as he closed his outstretched fist on nothing but air. She blinked, interested despite herself.
Vash cast her a flashbulb grin—there, then gone—and withdrew his hand. He rubbed slowly, bashfully, at the back of his neck with his right hand, pursing his lips in thought. "Heh, you know...I don't remember anymore. It's just...I used to do that. Lots, a long time ago. And I know I was reaching for something. Would you believe it? I just can't remember what it is!" He laughed self-deprecatingly, biting his lip and picking up a pebble from beside him. He considered its smooth edges for a moment, and then he tossed it over the edge.
Meryl leaned over, watching until she couldn't see it anymore. She didn't hear any plink at the bottom. Of course...this was sand. What did she expect? Even the sound of a short fall would be masked by the sand.
A sharp gust of wind tore from the skies above them, sending stinging sand onto their faces. Vash just closed his eyes, as if used to it. Meryl clapped her hands to her face to keep most of the grit away. The wind finally settled, slower but still heavy enough to knock a person off balance if they weren't careful.
Meryl glanced at the sky. "Blue," she observed dryly. "Why's it so windy, then?" She smoothed her shirt and stood, staring upward. Vash's eyes followed hers.
"I guess even the sky has secrets. You'd never know what a blue sky can hide," he said cheerfully. When Meryl looked at him, he smiled, but as soon as he thought she wasn't looking, the smile faded away to a dark, old, worn expression that felt like falling. It was as empty as it was deep, and it was painful. She felt like she'd been locked into a dark and bottomless chasm when she looked into his eyes. She wondered how much stronger he felt it.
Meryl glanced up at the sky, marveling at how much the turquoise heavens looked like Vash's eyes.
It really was amazing what rested in secret beneath blue skies.
"Insurance girl!"
The sharp exclamation tore her out of her reverie, sending a jolt of shock through her that landed her uncomfortably close to the edge of the cliff. The owner of the sharp voice just stared at her, blinking innocently as he gripped the edge of her coat. "Don't fall," he warned happily.
Meryl sucked in a breath and straighened her harried demeanor, jumping impulsively to her feet as anger washed through her. "Wha—what were you just doing? You know, it's rude to—"
Vash cowered beneath her stabbing finger. "Hey, Insurance Girl," he whined. "I was just trying to get your attention. We were about to lose you!"
"Lose?" Meryl asked humorlessly, directing her most caustic gaze at the Typhoon.
"Yeah. If you get too serious...if you think too much, you'll actually get lost in thought, and we might never be able to find you again!"
Meryl's glare crumpled at Vash's stupidity, and she slipped back down on the sand.
She wondered if he'd ever gotten lost in thought, and who had found him.
"You look reeeeally funny, Insurance Girl. You okay?"
She turned to him, supressing the hint of a smile. "I think you broke my brain, you broomheaded idiot."
He nodded, then turned back, extending his hand as another gust of wind blew. Just like last time, he closed it on nothing. She wasn't sure if she was supposed to hear his soft murmur; "Like time...just like time...you can't stop the wind. Can't grab it."
He turned to her. "Sometimes I think it's right in front of me, you know?"
Meryl scooted off to the side. Too close. He was sitting too close. "What?" she asked grudgingly.
"What I want. What I'm searching for. But then, I'm afraid to grab it...because I have other things in my hand. Would you drop a handful of double-dollars to reach for just one more? It's kind of like that."
Meryl felt an odd sort of shudder run through her.
This was strange.
Was she actually having an intelligible, adult conversation with this idiot?
"Hey hey hey! I'm really hungry! Do you think Big Girl and Wolfwood maybe packed some salmon sandwiches?"
Meryl sighed, dismissing her question. Of course not.
All she saw when she looked at him was happy blue skies, bright and carefree. But sometimes, when he didn't think she saw, she felt the cold wind slice through that sky.
She spoke before she could capture her words and measure the intelligence of speaking so suddenly. "So if you can't remember what it is you want to grab, and if you're afraid to lose what you have, why do you still reach?"
Curiosity; the need for knowledge. A need that defied logic and common sense. Meryl's failing point. She gritted her teeth. Why was it that she did she all the things she promised she wouldn't do around this doofus? She should hit him, she really should...
"Because."
Meryl turned to look as Vash spoke.
"Because...if I don't reach, then it means that I don't believe I can grab it. Even if I don't want to...even if it hurts or if I'm not quite ready, I have to reach because if I give up hope I lose. And I can't lose. There's too much yet to do. I...have to keep my promise."
"Ah..." Meryl bit the inside of her lip and nodded. Did she understand? Not really. But sort of. A ripple of discomfort swept through her.
One part of her wanted to walk away. The other part needed to say something to bridge this silence. The silence seemed to bring their thoughts closer together rather than stretching them into the distance, and Meryl would have done about anything at that point to keep the emotions from getting any closer to her.
Kind of like...
She looked at Vash from beneath hooded eyes.
Kind of like him, she supposed. He was just like that. Thus far and no farther. He felt the pain of everyone, and he tried to bear the burdens of so many, but still, humanity held him at arm's length, and he complied, desperately remaining distant in an attempt to stay rooted in the reality he was used to, in an attempt to preserve his memories and promises...feelings that had faded over the ages but still shone in his mind.
For a while, she'd told herself that he'd rested, finally found a place to stay, a place to call home.
Vash didn't have a home, though. Even while he sat right beside her, he wandered in his mind, wandered through memories and through years, going far, far back to places and people she couldn't possibly comprehend. When his eyes were clear, though, and when he thought she was doing something else, she could watch his journeys through those eyes. She saw the sadness and his true smiles. She saw innocence, fear, uncertainty, and internal scars just as clearly as she had seen those on the outside.
Meryl watched him now, while he didn't see her watching, and she saw his pain. Before she knew it, she felt tears brim in her eyes. She leaned over to hide them, letting her hait slip over her eyes, but instead of holding them in, she let them fall.
Her teardrops landed in the sand below her, making dusty craters and polka dots on her pants.
For Vash.
She cried because his skies had no room for rain. He always kept them blue, even when the wind tore his world apart. So he sat there in front of her, surrounded by others and yet completely alone, dying in a world she couldn't follow him into.
Author's Notes: Please forgive me...I sort of threw the usual out of the window and wrote a chapter without the chapter's subject as viewpoint character. For some reason, this story wouldn't work any other way, though. I've written Vash so much through his own perspective that it almost came natural to try to see him through someone else's. Hope this is okay!
