"I guess this is where we part…" said Roxas and look down on his shoes.

Axel just smiled and softly brushed his fingers over his cheek saying: "You have my phone number and I have yours, so we'll definitely meet soon, right?" When Roxas nodded the redhead grinned like a madman and turned to leave: "I'll call you as soon as I can!"

Roxas didn't dare to look up before he was sure that Axel was out of his sight. He still couldn't believe what he had done the night before. He had been enchanted by the sly redhead whom he might never see again. Yes, they had each other's numbers, but if Axel wouldn't call him, Roxas wouldn't have the guts to do it too.

The blond boy sighed and turned around, just to see his friends come out of a coffee shop. Roxas quickly turned around and wished from the bottom of his heart that his friends won't see him. Of course… he never had much luck.

"Roxas!" yelled a dirty-blond headed boy- Hayner- who held a steaming cup in his hand. Roxas gulped and stopped on his way. He really had wished that the next time he would see his friends would be at school on Monday, where he could find an excuse to flee from the answers. But Faith decided to be a bitch that day and Roxas knew he had to think up some reasons and excuses… and fast.

"Where have you been? You just disappeared yesterday and you haven't answered your phone? Did something happen? Did you meet someone?" the questions flew from his friends' mouths.

Roxas sighed deeply and slowly to buy some time, so he could make up a cover story. Before he could open his mouth, he was dragged to the coffee shop, which his friends just had left and he was shoved onto a chair.

"So?" asked a red headed girl.

"Well, Kairi… actually the singer was my summer acquaintance, we started talking and later we went to his place… I slept on his couch," said Roxas with a smile and hoped that his friends would buy it.

"You mean the hot guy with red hair?" Kairi asked.

"Yeah, that sounds like him," laughed Roxas nervously.

A blond girl thought for a moment and said: "But I heard that he went home with a cute blond girl…"

Roxas blushed "A cute blond GIRL???" and added: "Y-yeah, she was with us first but she went home soon."

Roxas' friends wanted more information, but he made an excuse of being tired and went quickly home. But Namine, the blond girl, felt like something was out of place in Roxas' story.

***

Axel shoved his tongue in his mouth and his hands massaged his body in a slow circular pattern. Roxas wrapped his legs around the redhead's hips and pushed upwards. Axel moaned and pushed himself onto Roxas, the friction between their bodies was almost unbearable. Roxas felt Axel's hand moving down… and down… until it reached his jeans, he opened the button and zipper and grabbed…

Roxas woke when the alarm suddenly started ringing and wished that the dream could continue. Shit, that was the most erotic dream he had ever had and he didn't even get to see the end…

Roxas decided to take this to bathroom.

He felt much better after a shower and he was happily choosing what to wear to school when his cell phone rang.

"Hi Nam," answered Roxas.

"Hi… I'm sorry, but I can't go to school with you today, so don't wait up?"

"Um… okay?"

"Alright, so I have to go, bye!" and she hung up, before Roxas could say anything.

"Yeah…bye," said the blond boy to an empty room.

***

Roxas slowly walked towards school, music blasting in his earphones and thoughts flying in his head, making no sense. So he decided that it's about time to arrange his thoughts and feelings…

He started from the beginning- his childhood- and he realized- Roxas suddenly stopped on the pavement- that he haven't even liked a girl… ever. He had always had female friends and he had even called a few of them his girlfriends, but he never really liked them, they were just friends, not like Axel…

Namine, Olette, Kairi… he did love them, but like sisters.

Axel

When Axel entered his mind he felt butterflies in his stomach and shivers ran all over his body. Well, those weren't exactly brotherly feelings, were they?

Roxas sighed sadly and continued his way to school.

For a while had thought that he wasn't capable for romantic feelings and if there weren't Axel… maybe he wouldn't. What was it that made Axel so special, what made Roxas want him so much? He only knew him for what- two days?

'I'm acting stupid. He was just my first… and I'll just forget about him… he probably wouldn't even call. I'll find someone new. A new girl or a… boy, it doesn't matter. I just need to forget him…

Okay, who am I kidding? I can't even stop thinking about him. But I can't fall in love… I can't let him hurt me, but what's more important-

I can't hurt him… I mustn't hurt- must not… anyone… ever again.'

***

"Have yourself a merry little Christmas,

Let your heart be light

From now on,

our troubles will be out of sight'

Roxas smiled shyly to the crowd and looked for his father in the mass of people. His smile faltered when he noticed his dad in the corner with an annoyed look on his face.

"Have yourself a merry little Christmas,

Make the Yule-tide gay,

From now on,

our troubles will be miles away."

He smiled again, but he didn't feel any happiness. It was two days before Christmas, but the only thing he wanted was to escape to his room and hide.

"Here we are as in olden days,

Happy golden days of yore.

Faithful friends who are dear to us

Gather near to us once more."

But at the same time, he didn't want to go home…

"Through the years

We all will be together,

If the Fates allow

Hang a shining star upon the highest bough.

And have yourself a merry little Christmas now."

He bowed and smiled to the clapping people, he smiled as big as he could, it didn't matter that his cheeks hurt.

He smiled because he had to be happy… so he smiled even bigger.

***

"Hey, guys." Roxas sat on his seat at the back of the class with a sigh. "Where's Namine?"

"Haven't seen her," said Hayner as he dropped his head on the table. "I hate school…" he murmured and closed his eyes… just as the school bell rang. Hayner groaned and sleepily sat up in his chair.

Roxas started to wander what was keeping Namine, when the blond girl stormed into the classroom and apologized to the teacher.

Roxas was confused, first Namine didn't come to school with him and now she was late. Something weird was going on, and Roxas had every intention of finding out what it was.

But he couldn't do anything at the moment… so he closed his eyes and forgot where he was, as he fell into a dark pit of dreams.

***

"It' was your fault! She left because of you!"

Roxas whimpered at his father's loud voice: "I'm sorry, I'm sorry… I didn't mean to."

Strong hands shook him as he looked at his feet, trying to hide the tears.

"It was your fault! Your fault!" and he was pushed away.

'No.'

It hurt.

'Please.'

Roxas stumbled, fell backwards and piercing pain flashed in his head. 'Please, no.'

"NO!" yelled Roxas and fell from his chair. There were trails of tears on his cheeks, his eyes looked as they were ready to pop out and he was gasping for air.

The class was filled with silence. And then there were whispering voices everywhere. Roxas felt like a cornered animal, so he did the only thing he could… he ran.

***

A.N.I guess you noticed that I love to write dreams and flashbacks…I really don't know why. Maybe because it helps to create more drama(YEAH!) and helps the readers and myself understand the characters feelings and actions…

This took quite a while to write, not because it's that good, but because I'm lazy. And I'm really sorry for the wait. But here it is and I hope you like it.

Like usually I don't know what will happen next so I hope you'll help me with that tiny problem.

I know that Christmas is five days away, but I'm still going to wish you a merry little Christmas (I really love that song).

And... That's all I guess. Oh, please note me if there are any grammar or spelling mistakes, some of them always goes unnoticed.

Yours sincerely

Liisu

Edit: I changed the first and second part a little, but that didn't made that much of a difference, just made myself feel better about this whole story... just thought you should know.