Because colleges don't allow any pets above a goldfish.

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.

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Pets: (noun) what Alfred likes to call, "their children."

0.o.0.o.0.

They were given to Arthur as a gag gift from one of his friends from the sewing and crafts club. Arthur doesn't think much of them when he politely laughs and accepts them. He thinks even less of them when he carelessly dumps them on Alfred's bed, thinking that the blond could appreciate them more than he ever would.

Still, he is somewhat surprised and baffled by Alfred's overly enthusiastic response when he sees them.

What is "them," you may ask?

"D'awww! Artie, your friend is totally cool! Look at these! They're uh….umm…there's a word that Kiku used for this…..oh yeah, mochi! Look at this one, she got my Nantucket and glasses right!" Alfred exclaims, holding one smiling mochi who was made to resemble Alfred-curl, glasses, eyes, and all.

"Them" are the two stuffed mochi that Arthur's sewing partner, Alice, made for him. He cannot fathom the idea why she would make them for him in the first place.

"And they're so squishy too!" Alfred lets his fingers squeeze experimentally around the mochi, laughing in childish delight as it flattens and pops back to its normal size. He then raises the mochi to his mouth and pretended to eat it. "I just want to nom it…"

Alfred's smile becomes even wider when he lifts up the other mochi. This one possesses a frown.

"Oh dear gods, don't even get started on that."

"Dude, they got the eyebrows and your frown right!" Alfred points at the thick eyebrows that were sewn expertly with black thread.

Arthur considers scowling but refrains from doing so, knowing that it will only prove Alfred's point. He settles for a tired look instead. "Well, they're yours. I don't want anything to do with-"

"Artie! How can you say such a thing! They're not just mine. They're ours!" Alfred declares. He goes on further to say, "Since they don't allow pets here, these mochi can be our pets."

"No."

"Fine, they can be our adopted children." There is so much conviction behind Alfred's answer that Arthur believes him. For a moment, anyways.

Because Arthur does what Arthur does, his natural response to such a statement is to become flustered and let his speech mutate into some unintelligible jargon.

"You-W-what?-We can't have-"

"So, what should we name them? OH! I'll name mine Alfred Jr. Or Al, for short. Aand…." He lifts up the Arthur mochi. "You should be named…Artie!"

Arthur, who's working on his Literature paper during this time, stops typing abruptly. "Oh no, you are not going to give a name like that!"

To Arthur's surprise, Alfred furrows his brow in temporary consideration. It is not long before he comes up with another name. "Wait, I can't use that name…that's my petname for you….Hey, your middle name is umm…'Ignatius' or something, right?"

"Latin for 'fiery one.' I'm surprised you remembered." Arthur wouldn't mind giving his middle name to a mochi. He rather likes the name. If the mochi is to be likened to him, it should have a regal name like "Arthur." Yes, Ignatius-

"Iggy, it is then!"

Arthur chokes on his own spit at the sound of it. Alfred just effortlessly murdered and reduced a proud sounding name to a name that you would give to a dog in the record of 5.7 seconds.

Arthur berates himself for overestimating Alfred's intelligence. "I am not going to be the father of a mochi named….Iggy."

"Tch, of course, you aren't! You're the mom!"

"Since when?" Now, he is livid.

"Dude, you wear briefs. I wear boxers. I'm pretty sure I'm the one wearing the pants here."

Actually, Arthur goes commando more than sometimes but Alfred doesn't need to know that.

How Alfred isn't able to figure out how wrong that sounds is unfathomable. "Your logic astounds me," Arthur answers dryly.

True to his word, Alfred does end up treating and talking to the mochi as if they really are his pets, or children in this case. One day, after his classes, Alfred drops back into his room. As always, he takes off his coat and greets Arthur who is usually reading a book or making tea. This time, however, he also asks about the mochi dolls who are peacefully sitting on his bed. Same old smile and frown.

"How's Al and Iggy doing? Sitting in the same place as usual? Jeez, Artie, you gotta take the kids-"

"Pets." Arthur interrupts before he could stop himself. Like hell, if he's going to accept something emba-

"Aha! So you acknowledge them!"

Alfred only receives a furiously thrown pillow at his face in response. Nevertheless, it's a victory.

The next few days after, when Alfred is busy out with his friends, Arthur is spending his time studying for his Physics exam. Because he is frustrated by the subject (who gives a flying fuck about quantum mechanics?) and he knows that Alfred is passing this class in flying colors (just…just how?), he wants to unleash his frustration by yelling at Alfred.

Which is utterly difficult, considering the person he wants to bitch at is absent at the moment.

It is only natural that he takes his rage on the two mochi on said roommate's bed. He places the two stuffed dolls onto his desk and stares at them for a moment. He then pulls out one of his killer glares that he usually shoots at Alfred. Like the model, Al cheekily smiles at him.

"Lucky little bastard…" Arthur grumbles as he tries to read his notes. After a few minutes of aimless studying, his attention wanders off to Iggy who, when placed next to Al, looks like he's frowning at him in shame over something he did. The corners of Arthur's mouth twitches at how accurate the picture portrays his and Alfred's life.

"So, you don't get this happy moron either, huh?" Arthur muses out loud in a casual and comfortable manner. His green eyes widened in surprise at his own statement.

Was Alfred influencing him so much that he's actually starting to talk with them?

Crap.

The next few weeks, Arthur gets used to the mochi. For one, the mochi are good stress relievers, questioning sanity or not. For two, it's pretty entertaining to see Alfred juggling them and randomly screaming "MOCHI!" at random intervals of boredom. At some point, he stops correcting Alfred when refers to the mochi as "their adopted children."

Arthur claims that he's just tired of correcting the term.

Alfred sees it as passive acceptance.

Arthur can live with that.

However, he cannot live with what appears outside his door one day. Alfred discovers it first on his way back from his classes.

"Hey, dude, I found another mochi doll outside our door." Alfred says as he walks in with a mochi in hand and an envelope in the other. He tosses it on Arthur's desk. "The note had your name on it."

Arthur looks at the envelope and recognizes Alice's handwriting. He casually tears open the envelope and takes out the note, glancing through it quickly. "You seem much more relaxed ever since I gave you the mochi. For one, you don't scowl as much anymore when you're talking about Alfred or other things in your life. You and Alfred must be appreciating them very much. So, I made another mochi for you to complete the little family you have. :)"

"Complete the little family you have"…? What could that possibly mean-

"Dude, I think we just became grandparents!"

Oh, fuck no.

/

*gives Commodore Coolio a mochi.* Go nom on that.