Oooooossss I'm so bad ; ; I should have had this done a week ago but my art gets in the way of things X[ Any how, I'm sorry that this chapter is a little shorter then the last one but I'll make the fourth longer since i think that will be the real bulk of the story (which I should have named operation flirtation or somthing since it's going pretty far from what i had planned for it XP!)
Disclaimer: I don't own anything Naruto ._. *eats ice cream to ease the pain*
-Chapter3-
Kakuzu marked off a few locations on the map he'd been studying before rolling it back up and tucking it away. Again he looked in the direction he came from and growled when he still couldn't feel his partner's chakra signature. Patience at his limit, he stood ready to go back and dismember his tardy team mate when a familiar chakra let it's self be known, stopping him in place. He narrowed his eyes.
"That loud mouthed jack ass isn't with you? Good, we wished to speak with you alone." Molding from the ground Akatsuki member Zetsu emerged. "You two aren't on disagreeable terms are you? The whiny prick piss you off again?"
Kakuzu turned, facing the other member squarely. "Not more then usual." he replied in short.
"I'm afraid there's a slight change in plans. Leader-sama wants another damn meeting. He says it's about an experiment he wishes to try with us."
The hoary falls ninja nodded. "And why did you need to inform me of this alone?" Kakuzu couldn't help the dreaded feeling that settled in the pit of his stomach. He had no idea what it was he should have been so worried about…
"Yes. Actually, we wanted to ask a favor of you since you're obviously more prevalent over Hidan. He's definitively a bottom. There is an experiment I am conducting that I wished for him to participate in. He's the only one that'll survive it. It's a plant fertilization method I've developed but it requires a human ingredient that's detached but still functions and doesn't decay. We want his balls. It would only be temporary and you could always reattach them. Or you could just smash them and laugh at the little bitch. We are willing to pay you should you comply. Hee hee. The dissection video will fetch quite a bit. But we'd only sell it with his permission. Fuck his permission. He should never have refused us! We couldn't force him. We should have forced him. The specimens would have been so beautiful. We'll have his offspring…"
Apparently his ninja instincts were sharp as ever. Kakuzu didn't know which was worse: Having a conversation with Zetsu for five minutes or hearing Hidan bitch for an hour. "If I didn't have to work with him on a regular basis… I'd consider it." There was no way in hell Kakuzu would be a part of something that sick but he decided being polite was the wise choice. He didn't know if his… 'family jewels' would survive, but he didn't want to give Zetsu any ideas. One thing did irk him however and he couldn't help but ask. "What do you mean he's a ….bottom? Just because I'm older, I have no control over what that boy does."
Perhaps if he was more up to date on the new sexual lingo these youngsters used, he wouldn't have asked…
---
"Stupid sick bastard. Uhk! Damn blonde bimbo, heathen FREAK!!" Hidan cursed, picking off excess bits of clay from his cloak as he walked down the dirt road. "Damn asshole. Like I care about his damn problems. Seriously, he should get Tobi to do this shit…" Images of Tobi trying to seduce Kakuzu in a French maid outfit, feather duster and all, flooded his mind. Hidan blinked. If it wasn't for Tobi's mask, that might work. Laughing out loud, he continued the little scenario in his head. Tobi could play a cheap trick. Hell, the boy is so willing he'd probably do it for free! Hidan's mind played with the idea a little more before tossing it aside.
Hidan sighed, running his fingers through his hair, the soft strands a comfort as his mind worked out a plan of attack. Tobi's too easy. I bet he's after my bones cause he thinks I'm playin hard to get or some shit. Man this is so fucked up! I converted a virgin to you my lord and this is how you repay me??? Hidan stopped and stood on the dirt path raging. This is sick! I didn't join Akatsuki for this crap!!
"About damn time you showed up. "
Hidan jerked his head glaring at his partner and silently cursing him self for letting his guard down. Not that Hidan cared, but he knew Kakuzu would jump to the chance of belittling him in any way." Yea well I had some bullshit to clean up in isle 10, so fuck off!"
Kakuzu ignored the sarcastic remark. He wasn't angry at all to his own surprise, just very glad he and Zetsu were done with their 'talk'. He was updated on the modern times in a way he could live with out. He gave Hidan a glance over. "You couldn't wait till later to do your damn ritual? You just did one last night…" He replied, almost grateful to have his partner back. Almost…
"Ritual? What are y…?" Deidara's conversation popped into his head. Biting his lip, Hidan laughed nervously. "Yea right… Well, um… Some one saw and it ended up being a double…" Kakuzu's eye's narrowed and Hidan gulped. Fuck! He's giving me that 'something's up' look… Damn it, don't change into the 'something's wrong loo'… FUCK!
"Your too clean for a 'double' ritual let alone one…"Kakuzu continued to eye his partner suspiciously. If it wasn't a ritual then what the hell was he doing all this time…?
"Um well…" -'You're going to flirt with him un'. - Hidan bit his lip a little harder not meeting his partner's eyes. This better work you clay fucking freak son of a bitch! "I tried something new and it didn't go so hot, seriously, I don't feel like talking about it kuzu." Then Hidan gave the most anguished, hopefully cute, pout he could muster.
The reaction was instant. Kakuzu stared at his partner in mild shock. The slightly pouted lips, pleading eyes, slight tilt of the head, all assaulted him at once before he could breathe. What the hell? He screwed his eye's shut, but the image was burned into his mind. Muttering something unintelligible, Kakuzu strode on past his partner, face set in a deep scowl.
Hidan stared at the retreating form, disappointment marring his features. What the hell? Fuck! I didn't even get a chance to flirt or anything and the damn bastard just walks off. This is gonna be harder then I thought. With a curse, Hidan followed suit.
---
After an hour of walking, Kakuzu's ninja instincts alerted him that something was amiss. Reaching out his senses he concluded that they weren't being followed. Glancing at his partner he finally understood what was wrong. He's too quiet. "Leader wants another meeting so we'll be making a stop before moving on…"
"Hn. Yea sure."
The silence stretched for another ten minutes. Kakuzu's senses were going off like an alarm. He couldn't believe that now when he finally got some peace and quiet, he wanted that obnoxious brat to talk. He figured that it must have been due to the trauma he endured while talking to Zetsu.-'He's definitively a bottom.'- Kakuzu snorted. Even though he agreed, it was something that have little prevalence to him. It had nothing to do with money or finances; it was useless information. He had no clue why he even asked. -'You seem to be out of touch with the newer age trends. When the hell did you last get laid, seventy years ago or something? Even we sedate such needs now and then…'-Kakuzu suppressed a shutter. More useless information. Besides, he'd out grown such petty needs. The thrill of a good hunt with a promise of a huge reward was much more exciting. Such small minds these younger ones have, so clouded by raging hormones. What a waste of potential.
Kakuzu glanced at his partner. Hidan was thinking. That was bad. He apparently had been 'thinking' during their whole walk, hence the complete silence. What the hell could his tiny brain be so absorbed in? Hidan's words and actions from earlier reminded him that something had made the Jashinist upset. Kakuzu would hang himself later but he needed a distraction from the silence. "Your ritual fell through that badly?"
Hidan replied with a 'hn', too absorbed in finding a solution to his problem. A sigh left his lips, not missed by his partner who was covertly analyzing him. This was one of the reasons why he chose action before thinking. It was so easy to get lost in your thoughts, get distracted with a memory, and have to find your way back to the beginning. So far after back tracking his experiences, he realized that he basically had no experience what so ever with picking up chicks (or in this case guys). What Deidara did worked on me, but Kakuzu's an old geezer. He probably can't even 'do it' any more, or maybe 'it' wasn't even there any more, or… Hidan made a small anguished sound startling his partner. I am not… Even… gonna go there. Just… Stop… But his mind went into the whole dismemberment in full detail. In desperation Hidan had to ask just to make it stop. "Kakuzu, you still have a dick… Right??"
Kakuzu stopped. Taking note of his partners crazed anguish ridden eyes, he replied. "If it was that bad, we can make a stop and find you another victim…" The crazed look turned into confusion. "There's another settlement around here with… people, that you can… sacrifice?" He said the words slowly so that the mentally challenged psycho would understand. Understanding finally flashed, but was replaced with annoyance.
"Fuck the ritual! Just answer the damn question! Are you a dickless freak or not?"
Kakuzu didn't know if he should be insulted or relieved. "It was still there the last time I checked…"
"When was the last time you checked???"
"Hidan…"
"When was the last time you checked JASHIN DAMN IT!?? I'll pull your fuckin pants down and check myself if you don't fuckin tell me right now!!!"
Knowing the boy had snapped completely, Kakuzu was careful to suppress his sarcasm. "Yes Hidan I have a dick."
The crazed youth snarled angrily. "You're just saying that you damn bastard! Show it! Lying heathen!"
"No."
"SHOW ME DAMN YOU!! I… I need to know it's there…" Hidan's voice grew desperate as if he was scared of some horrible impending doom Kakuzu just couldn't see.
"Hidan, what the hell is wrong with you?" The question seemed to jar a sense of sanity back.
"Look just… Never mind, it's nothing… Just… Is it THERE there or is it sewed on or some shit seriously???" Hidan looked at his partner wearily.
The boy's fate rested on Kakuzu's shoulders and had the situation not been as bad he would have laughed. "Hidan, I have a normal functioning dick. Are you satisfied?" His brow quirked. He was even more curious to know what happened at the ritual to make his partner so erratic.
"Yea. Just forget it. Where are we going again?"
The older man sighed. It was totally understandable that Hidan wouldn't retain a word Kakuzu said that was important. A sure sign the old Hidan was back and fully functioning. "Here. This is range enough for the meeting leader wants to have." He sat down on a flat slab of stone waiting for a signal from the other members.
"Oh yea. " Sucking his teeth, Hidan lifted his hand to rake through his hair but stopped glancing at his nails with a frown. He sat down on the grass making him self comfortable against a tree before glancing at his partner. "Oiy, you got any nail polish left? I'm all out and I figured I'd get it done while I pretend to listen to leader's bullshit." The falls ninja snorted, a semi-silent way he would laugh at Hidan's antics. Hidan caught the bottle that was tossed his way with a grin. Getting to work on his fingernails, he frowned. "Leader had to pick the gayest color in the damn rainbow didn't he? It doesn't even go with our uniforms…"
"All the other colors were taken." Kakuzu replied joining his hands in a familiar seal when he felt the call.
"Yea I wonder why…" Creating the seal with his left hand Hidan used his right to work on his toenails.
I knows it's short but it shall be longigated next chapter i swear ; ;
