Redemption
Chapter 3
The huge plexiglass sheets along the walls of the lab were covered in numbers, symbols, and letters. Until ten minutes ago, they were practically useless. But that was ten minutes ago. Tony stepped back to survey his additions, a satisfied smile on his face. Everything fit. It worked, at least on paper. Because of who it involved, he would check, double-check, even bazillion-check if need be to make sure. Pepper trusted him and he would not let her down. He'd ran out of the bedroom without the notebook containing the rest of the formula, which he would need for those bazillion-checks. He was walking out the door when he heard J.A.R.V.I.S.' warning.
"Sir, Miss Potts is..."
The end of the message was missed because of the collision. Tony ran head-on into Pepper. She practically walked into his arms. Her skin was hot to the touch, letting him know everything was definitely not okay. He saw the fear in her eyes confirming his suspicion. "Honey, what is it?"
Pepper looked helplessly at her hands and arms. "Make...make it stop." She pressed her face into his neck. "Tony, please make it stop," she repeated.
"I'm trying," he said, wrapping his arms around her. "I promise, it will be over soon." He stood and held her for the longest time, waiting for her body to calm itself. "That's why I left the bedroom. Is that what made you...upset? Because I left? I was coming back. I wouldn't leave you."
"I know, but I...I started to panic. I asked J.A.R.V.I.S. where you were and he said you couldn't be disturbed. I needed you and I was trying to find you."
"You did," Tony consoled. "You found me." He peeked at what skin he could see and noticed it returning to its normal shade. The heat was subsiding. He could feel it against his throat. He moved his hands slowly up and down her back in slow, comforting strokes. "You should go back to bed."
Pepper shook her head. "I don't want to dream again."
"But, you need to rest."
"I need to be here...with you."
"I have to go get something I left in the apartment." He felt Pepper tighten her grip. Tony kissed the top of her head. "I'm sorry," he muttered into her hair, "but, it's important. I need to make sure all my calculations are correct before..." He felt a hot tear leave her cheek and roll onto his neck. She didn't care about formulas and equations. All she cared about was being with him. All he cared about was taking care of her. "Okay. Change of plans. We go back to the apartment. I look for what I need and you tell me what's going on."
Pepper gave him one last hug before letting go. She pulled back to look at Tony and gave him a shy smile, dashing away her tears with the back of her hand. Tony kissed the end of her nose and took her by the hand, leading the way out of the lab.
"How long?" Tony asked. They were back in their bedroom where Pepper was sitting cross-legged on the bed while he sorted through his research.
"How long what?"
"The panic attacks. That's not the first one was it?"
"No."
"So...how long have you been having them?" Pepper toyed with the edge of the pillowcase beside her but didn't say anything. "Since Miami?" He looked over his shoulder and saw her nod . "And you didn't tell me because..."
"You have a lot on your mind."
"Nothing more important than taking care of you."
"You work night and day and...it's all my fault."
Tony laid the papers he'd been holding on the table and joined Pepper on the bed. "There is a lot of people at fault and tons of blame to go around. There's about 12 ways it's my fault. I threatened a terrorist. I left you alone. I put you in harm's way. Killian. Maya. They wouldn't have been a factor if it wasn't for me. So, blame me. Blame him. Blame her. But none of this, in any shape or form, is your fault."
"You're busy with all this," Pepper said, waving at the paperwork scattered around. "Since I don't do science, I thought I could help best by dealing with the panicking on my own."
"Kinda like me thinking that since you were busy running the company, I thought I could help best by preparing for the worst?"
"Something like that."
"Except you did stuff like doing yoga breathing exercises in the bathroom. I built 35 suits of armor and stored them under our basement." This coaxed a small laugh out of his girlfriend. "I learned the hard way that trying to hide it does no good."
"I don't like not being in control."
Tony moved to sit beside Pepper, wrapping his arms around her. She responded by laying her head on his shoulder. "It's okay. That's just who you are."
"A control freak?"
"No. Not exactly."
"Not exactly?" Pepper asked, raising her head.
Tony guided her head back onto his shoulder. "Not exactly a control freak. You're used to being the one taking care of stuff. You're a…a 'manager.' You planned and managed my life. You run a company. It's your nature. This is one problem you can't organize away and it's driving you nuts."
"So, now you're the manager?"
"Temporarily."
"You mean you don't want this to be a permanent role reversal?"
"Uh...no. As you can see, organization has never been my strong suit." Tony ran his fingers through her hair. "But, for you...I'll do it as long as it takes."
"Any idea how long that will be?"
"Sooner than later. I know it's not what you want to hear, but..."
"No. It's...it's fine. I trust you." Pepper looked at the mess that was Tony's workstation. How he managed to find anything was beyond her. She would have gone completely berserk trying to maneuver around it all. "I don't see how you do it."
"Well, it helps that I'm a genius."
"Not that, Mr. Modesty. I don't see how you work in all that...squalor," she finished, unable to find a better word.
"I prefer to think of it as organized chaos," Tony defended. "That's what I've got you for, remember? You bring order to my chaos."
"I don't think even I can help that." Pepper sat silently for a while, enjoying the feeling of Tony's arms around her. "Have you heard from Happy?"
"This afternoon."
"How is he?"
"Being pampered by his private nurse and binge-watching British television."
"But, he's going to be..."
"He's going to be fine. By the time we get back, he'll be using words like 'brolly' and eating scones every day for high tea." Pepper yawned and settled further against his shoulder. Tony remembered he'd roused them both from what had been passing for rest. "Those things are contagious, you know," he said through a yawn of his own. He released her with a kiss. "I'm tired." Pepper began to get off the bed. "Don't even think about going far. You can go as far as the other side of the bed, but that's just until I can get these covers straightened out." Tony gave her his most charming smile. "I'm not sleeping alone. You don't get a choice."
"Oh, I wouldn't dream of it."
Tony busied himself with rearranging the sheets and comforter. When he finished, he slid between them and patted the empty place beside him. Pepper needed no further invitation. Tony was lying on his side, so she lay her head on his outstretched arm. With a hand on her belly, he pulled her against him. Pepper interlocked the fingers of her right hand with his left hand that was near her face. "What if…"
"Shh. Don't. Just rest." Tony felt Pepper relax. It wasn't long before her deep, even breathing told him she was asleep. One last time, he kissed her hair and closed his eyes. Tony knew she couldn't hear him, but he had something to tell her before he drifted to sleep himself. "Sweet dreams, Pepper."
Author's note: Finally...I have managed to get this story updated. I apologize for the delay. Real life has been throwing some heavy stuff my way lately, but, usually, that results in more writing inspiration. Maybe this will end up being a good thing. :-) I'm forever indebted to my BFF for keeping me going and her unwavering faith in me. Thanks so much to nancyozz for her input and support. It means so much. Let me know how you like this chapter. Reviews are wanted and welcomed. I promise the next update will be sooner. I hope you like it. Again, I apologize for taking so long. Thank you for your patience. Happy reading and PEPPERONY FOREVER!
