He sits across the table from his partner as they each lunch. It's a rare occasion where they are between cases, and neither one of them have to be in court. He watches her, but she is too consumed in thought to make eye contact with him. She pushes her food around her plate with her fork. Her eyes look darker than usual, he notices. She looks more conflicted than usual.
She takes a swallow of her drink. She can no longer avoid the fact that their are eyes on her. She looks up at him. He doesn't look away like she expects him to, instead his dark eyes peer into hers. She knows despite her best attempts to keep him at arms length that he can read her. She struggles with coming up with something to say that will end the awkward silence.
"Olivia," he says her voice in a calm, even tone, "What's on your mind?"
"Nothing," she lies.
"Olivia," he repeats, this time in a more demanding tone.
"I was just thinking about the concept of confessional."
He cocks an eyebrow, shaking his head, "You're not Catholic."
"You are," she points out.
"What about it?"
"Nothing," she responds.
"Something, or you wouldn't have mentioned it."
"Among other things it is supposed to assuage guilt for the sins that you've committed, right?"
"That really isn't the purpose."
"It is a part of it though," she points out.
"Yes," he confirms, "Why are you asking about confessional?"
"No reason."
"Olivia if you have something to say, just say it."
"It doesn't work, does it?"
"Confessional?"
"Does it mollify the nagging feeling of guilt at the pit of your stomach?"
"For what?"
"Hypothetically," she clarifies.
"Maybe for some people."
"And for you?"
He shakes his head, "No. Liv why are you asking? You know having you as my partner can be incredibly frustrating sometimes."
"Thank you, I really appreciate that."
"I just meant that I wish instead of being cryptic, or beating around the bush, you could just confide in me. I wish that you trusted me enough to let me behind the wall."
"The wall? What wall?"
"The one you put between yourself, and the rest of the world. What have I done to convince you that I'm not trustworthy?"
"Nothing."
"So why is it that you refuse to talk to me?"
"I talk to you every single day. I talk to you more than anyone else."
"Not about anything of substance," he calls her out.
"What do you want me to say?"
"What do you want to say?"
"Nothing."
"Olivia you were close with your old partner, weren't you?"
"Yes," she nods in confirmation.
"You trusted him."
"Yes."
"Why don't you trust me like that?"
"I never said that I didn't."
"It's not the same," he argues.
"No."
"Why not?"
"There are a lot of reasons."
"Give me one," he begs.
She looks away. He stares back at her in complete, and utter frustration. He clenches his jaw, exhales, and decides to take a leap of faith.
"Olivia I've heard the whispers, the rumors. I am just going to come out, and ask it. I think that we have been partners long enough now, that I can ask. Were you screwing your partner?"
"No."
"You never once crossed the line with him while you were partners?"
"No."
"Why do you try to keep me at arms length all of the time?"
She takes a deep breath, "Because I don't want to be that invested in my partnership ever again."
"That's why you didn't want me as a partner?"
"I never said I didn't want you."
"You didn't want another partner, at all. It didn't matter who it was. It wasn't going to be him. He ripped your heart out when he left, didn't he?"
"I'm fine," she says struggling to stave off the tears that have begun to fill her eyes.
"You're still not over it are you? The way he left wasn't right, but I can't change that. I just want you to realize I'm not him. I'm not going to leave you."
"Nick, don't make promises that you can't keep."
"We should go."
"We don't have anywhere to be. Paperwork can wait."
"I don't want to talk about this anymore."
"You never want to talk about it. Why?"
Her nostrils flare as she breaks eye contact, "Please don't," she begs.
"Please tell me," he implores her.
"I can't."
"Liv you seem so damn conflicted for someone who is supposed to be happy."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"It's like you're going through the motions but your heart isn't in it."
"Excuse me?"
"I see you every single day, but you're not happy. You're trying to move on with your life, but even when you do it seems like something, someone is holding you back. I don't think that you're happy. I don't think that you're ever going to be happy with Brian. I know that is harsh, but I am tired of pretending that I don't notice."
"I don't know what to say to that."
"I know he was familiar, and you're comfortable, but I don't for one second think that you actually love him."
"That isn't really your call to make."
"Olivia, why were you asking about confessional? What did you do?" He shifts the subject.
