"Alright class my name is Mr. Garrison," the honors teacher stated writing his name on the board. "And I will be your English teacher this year so as long as you all sit down and shut the hell up we can get through this fast as fast as possible. Just to start I wanna clear those awful rumors; yes I'm gay, yes I enjoy getting my ass pounded on Friday nights, and yes I MAY have been involved with drug abuse yesterday. Can any of you prove it? No. So I suggest you keep your fuckin mouths shut unless you wanna get a firm beating from Mr. Hat," he addressed a puppet positioned on his right hand.

"I will fuck you up!" he said through a pile of cloth. "I will rape your parents and make you eat your mom's aborted offspring!"

Kenny sat next to me in the back of the room. I gave him a nervous look. Butters raised his hand on the other side of the room.

"I thought you got rid of Mr. Hat after third grade," he said. "What happened to Mr. Slave?"

"What's the problem ass-face? You got a problem with me? You'd rather sit here in class with that perverted two timing whore? It's people like that who make you watch as they rape your father!"

"Now Mr. Hat-"

"You go to hell! You go to hell and you die!"

Butters screamed and ran out of the room crying. I'm not sure whether or not his pants were dry. A hush fell over the class.

"Well the answer Leopold's question Mr. Slave is a faggot who ran away and got married when we went through a ruff patch. Apparently gay men don't like it when you get rid of your penis without them knowing," he mumbled. "So I'm staying in his guest room planning a way to kill Big Gay Al."

"WHAT?" I found myself shouting astonished with my mouth opened wide in shock. Mr. Garrison stared daggers at me.

"And if some bitch decides she's gonna go alert the authorities, she'll just make a visit to the Mormons IN HELL!" Mr. Hat screamed.

The whole room grew silent and eyes turned to me. My face turned bright red as I slumped down into my seat. I heard Kenny giggling from across the isle. How could no one else be worried about this teacher's mental condition?

"Alright class now the first book I'm gonna need you all to get is 'Edith Hamilton's' Greek Mythology.' We will be studying this for most of this grading period and-" Mr. Garrison's words trailed off. I was still sunken under my desk. No one was looking at me anymore but I still felt so embarrassed. I obviously was not yet adjusted to the culture of this town. In fact, I don't think I ever will.

A note landed on my desk right at my eye level. I looked to the direction it came from and saw Kenny waving at me. I smiled and opened it.

"Don't worry," it said. "The puppet's only ever tried to kill Cathy Lee Gifford." What the hell was that supposed to mean? "Mr. Garrison's been like this since the 3rd grade."

I took out my purple pen which I only use for marking something important in my class notes or planner or, in this case, writing to an important person. "I think the puppet is the scariest part," I replied. "You're going to Clyde's party Friday right?" I folded it up and passed it back to him.

"I dunno… I think I'm just gonna stay at home."

Kenny was the only reason I wanted to go to the stupid party. I don't wanna step foot in Clyde's house unless he's there to talk to. I guess it would still be cool with Stan and Kyle, but I really wanted to get to know him better. "I was gonna get a ride with Stan and Kyle… but I don't wanna go if-" I erased that last part. No need to sound desperate. "but I don't think it'll be any fun either, I'll go if you go." I wrote instead.

"Alright. I'll go if I can find a ride. I might take Karen (if my dad lets me use HIS car)"

KAREN? WHO THE HELL IS THIS "KAREN?"! She'll probably some bitch or slut or something. Kenny wouldn't have feelings for two girls at once right?... But maybe he doesn't have feelings for me at all. Maybe he's not who I thought he was. At least he's coming to the party right? That's gotta mean something. "Would Kyle and Stan take you?" Whatever happens at the party, all I know is that I don't want Karen to be there.

"Most likely, you can count on me being there."

I smiled and tried to think of something to write back, but instead I found myself folding up the seemingly worthless piece of notebook paper and putting it in my backpack.


Friday came faster than expected. I hadn't really met anyone new, but after four more days of lunch at Kyle's table, I found it easier to understand Kenny. Clyde still made annoying attempts to flirt with me. Cartman still called me a bitch, and I started packing a second sandwich for Kenny everyday.

As soon as I got home from school that day I raced upstairs to my room to get ready, even though the party didn't start until 8. My hair was washed and straightened. Mascara and red lipstick was carefully applied to my face. I slipped into my favorite pink cotton shirt and tight ripped pants. I looked pretty hot if I do say so myself, but not slutty, flirty yet hard to get. Before I knew it Stan's car was in the drive way and he was honking the horn. I came out 5 minutes later.

"Where's Kenny?" I asked climbing into the back seat.

"He's going with Karen in his dad's car," Kyle replied riding shotgun.

SHIT!

Kyle and Stan laughed all the way to the party. They were talking about some Canadian television show or something. I ignored them and stared out the window, my head resting in my palms, watching the world pass me by. This night was going to be pointless and awkward. Kenny's probably gonna disappear at midnight with his floozy. With my luck I walk in on them doing it in Clyde's bedroom. How could I be stupid enough to fall for his little "game." He's no better than Clyde.

There was a tap on the window opposite of me. I turned to see Kyle. "You comin?" he asked. I didn't even notice they got out of the car. I was forced to put on my happy face as I entered Clyde's house.

We all walked up to Clyde's door together. The Ke$ha song blasting made it hard to hear Stan compliment my necklace from outside. I was wearing the one my Dad gave me when I was little. Kyle opened the door and it looked like we were the last ones to arrive. A few kids were already wasted and vomiting on each other. The windows were clouded with condensation and the whole house was stuffy and filled with sweaty mad dancers. Clyde went all out with laser lights and spinning gobos. He hired Token to DJ (or at least I THINK it was Token since he was black). I figured Clyde threw a lot of parties like this and I would be pressured to go to another one.

A girl ran over to Stan almost immediately and jumped into his arms. She rapped her legs around his back and started grabbing his hair as they were making out. She wore a short yellow skirt and a tight purple sweat shirt that covered a white skimpy tank top. Her hair, the exact shade of Stan's had to at least reach her ass, which I now noticed Stan was grabbing at. I coughed uncomfortably.

Stan pulled his face away for a second. "Oh Step this is Wendy. Wendy, Steph."

"Oh yeah," the girls said still in Stan's arms. "I sit in front of you in Mr. Garrison's class."

"Yeah!" I lied, I had no idea who this girl was. "Hey when do we nee-"

But she turned back to Stan and he started gnawing on her face again. I turned to Kyle annoyed but he just rolled his eyes and smiled. All this love was making me angry. Really I was just jealous of what I didn't have. I decided to storm off to the kitchen before I lost control and hit someone.

I managed to find a bottle of coke in the fridge amongst all the alcohol

"Hey," oh great a wild Clyde appeared. "What's going on?" the wild Clyde uses arm around... it's not very effective. I sighed. "Have a drink." He poured me a shot and set it in front of me. I was actually really tempted to grab Clyde and go all the way, but then my head snapped back to Earth. Without a further thought I (illegally) gulped down the yellow-brown liquid. Take that society!

"Hey!" a muffled voice called to me. I turned to see Kenny. "I didn't know you drank."

"WHAT? Can't a girl have a fuckin shot without being judged?" I snapped at him

"…Sure," he said hastily, eyebrows raised. A girl with short brown hair appeared shyly behind him. She gave me a polite smile.

"Who's this?" I asked angrily. I never actually drank before and didn't know how long it would take me to get wasted.

"Umm… Stephanie this is my sister, Karen."

"I'll bet it is- wait," and my face turns red again…