A/N - It's unforgiveable how much time it's taken me to update this, I realize that. But here it is, and I hope you enjoy. I thought this was only going to be 3 chapters, but there's still one left in me. Thanks for reading, and again, sorry for the redonkulous absence.
Despite telling Grissom that she would find Sara as soon as possible, Melinda was still reluctant to travel such a long way. Usually she didn't have to go very far to use this gift of hers; there were enough ghosts in Grandview to keep her busy as it was. She didn't like the idea of going so far out of town, but this Grissom guy, he was persistent.
He must have known she wasn't anxious to leave, because when she woke up the next morning, Melinda found a roach in her Special K. Upon finding this unpleasant visitor in her breakfast, Melinda did what any normal person would do--she shrieked like a school girl. Then she calmly rose from the table, threw the bowl away (knowing she'd never be able to use it again) and shouted, "Grissom!"
Grissom showed up out of thin air, as most ghosts usually do. He looked rather guilty, actually. "Sorry," he said sheepishly. "I'm just anxious to find her. There's things she needs to know."
Melinda sighed, giving up. "Okay, I'll get a flight as soon as possible. But until then, no more bugs, okay? I just--I really can't deal with it."
"OK," Grissom said. "Fair enough." He disappeared, and Melinda breathed a sigh of relief.
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw another form disappear as well. It was Jim, of course. He was checking up on her, watching her, protecting her. She sighed again, so conflicted in her emotions.
In her mind, the rational side of herself wished he would just move on and find the light. He couldn't stay earth-bound forever, and it was just time to go. It was so hard knowing he was still around, yet they could never be together again the way they were before. Couldn't he see how hard it was for her? How incredibly sad and heartbreaking the whole situation was turning out to be? There was nobody like Jim. And there never would be anyone like him again.
But in her heart, this irrational side of herself couldn't deny that his presence comforted her on the long, dark, lonely nights. She would remember their nights together--dinner, holding hands and watching TV or talking about their future; talking about how badly they wanted a child, then ending the night by making love and falling asleep satisfied and happy. Remembering these nights made her so sad, but knowing that he was still around, still watching out for her, still loving her...she liked that feeling. It was comfortable. Sometimes she'd break her own rule and talk to him, if she was feeling really empty. But most of the time, she tried not to acknowledge him. It was just easier that way.
Shaking it off, Melinda went online and booked a round trip ticket to Las Vegas. It wasn't cheap, but she didn't have it in her to refuse someone in need. Besides, she felt oddly close to Sara even though she didn't know anything about her. But they had one important thing in common--they both recently lost the loves of their lives. That was all the information Melinda needed to go the distance for the dead.
10 hours later, Melinda was in a rental car with the ghost of an anxious entomologist riding shotgun. Grissom told Melinda that Sara probably would be getting ready for work when they showed up at her door since she worked the graveyard shift. He also told her that Sara was a scientist; a very logical and reasonable person. She probably wasn't going to take too kindly to what Melinda wanted to say, at least not at first.
"Is there anything you can tell me that I can say when she has her doubts? Maybe something that only the two of you could possibly know?" She was used to people doubting her, but Sara sounded like she was going to be even more of a challenge.
Grissom thought about it, nodded and told her a few things. She smiled as he talked. This man really loved his Sara. She said as much, and then it was his turn to smile.
"She was a student of mine in the beginning, and she was so different from the rest of the students--so focused, so intense, so fascinated. And fascinating. We would have the longest talks together after class. I didn't pursue her for a number of reasons, but I never stopped thinking about her. Then she came to work for my team and I'll admit I didn't handle it very well. Sara was so inquisitive and curious and I didn't want to ruin her illusions, so I made some mistakes. A lot of mistakes. But it was never because I didn't love her. I loved her from the start. It was just too complicated."
He stopped talking and zoned out for a second. Melinda wondered if he had been this talkative when he was alive. She was guessing no, since he claimed there was still so much left unsaid between he and Sara.
"So what happened to change things between you?" Melinda asked.
"I don't know exactly," he said. "I think she was tired of waiting for me, and I was tired of denying to myself that she was the only woman I could ever imagine being with for the rest of my..."
"Life," Melinda finished for him.
"Right," he said sadly. "Then one of our closest friends was kidnapped and very nearly died, and we realized that life was short. So we did something about it. It wasn't easy, but we made it work."
They were quiet for the rest of the short trip. Melinda had never been to Las Vegas before and was fascinated by the glowing, glittery city. It certainly was more vibrant than Grandview. Just thinking about the sheer amount of ghosts that lay under the surface of the town gave her the chills.
When they arrived at Sara's townhouse, Melinda nervously rang the doorbell. She wasn't sure why she was so nervous--after all, she'd done this thousands of times before. But the distance and the situation were all making an impact this time.
Sara answered the door, looking the same way Melinda felt--tired, weary and sad. Melinda knew she wasn't exactly going to be receptive, so she started talking fast.
"Hello, my name is Melinda Gordon. You don't know me, but, well, I have some things to tell you. It's about your late husband."
Sara looked alarmed. "Gil? What could you possibly tell me about him?"
Before Melinda could answer, Sara said, "Were you one of his students? How did you know him?"
"Well, I didn't, exactly. I'm from Grandview and I didn't actually know him at all." Sara was looking more and more impatient with every word. "But...I know there are things he wants you to know."
Sara sighed. "Oh, so you're a psychic? A ghost hunter? What did my dead husband tell you he wants me to know? I was on the news, which I'm sure you know, so people keep trying to get in touch with me about this. They all claim Grissom contacted them from beyond. Are you going to tell me that he liked bugs? That he was good at his job? That he loved me a lot? I don't need a psychic to tell me that, Melissa. I'm not that desperate, so take your bullshit and leave me alone, please."
Before Sara slammed the door in her face, Melinda said loudly, "Moby Dick!" Grissom, who was looking worried, nodded his approval at this tactic.
Sara hesitated before she opened the door again, even if Melinda had said the right words.
"He wanted to reread Moby Dick before he died. He wanted to see the rainforests again. Um, something about a chess tournament, I think. And he wanted to be able to say good-bye to the ones he loved. He didn't get to do those things, and he wants you to know...he's sorry."
Sara's face that had seconds ago reflected anger and frustration was now tinged with sadness and curiosity. She wiped a tear from her face before opening the door to let Melinda (and Grissom) inside. She wiped away several more as she led Melinda to a black leather sofa.
"Sorry, pregnancy hormones," Sara said, chuckling.
A huge, drooling Boxer came running through the living room to see what was going on.
"Hank!" Grissom said happily. "Oh, I've missed my boy."
Hank chose that moment to look directly at Grissom and unleash a furious round of anxious barking. Grissom looked unnerved.
"Hank!" Sara cried. "What is wrong with you?! He never does this. Lately he's been more protective of me, though." She took him by the collar and ushered him closer to her, where he dutifully sat and stared at the ghostly form of his owner for the rest of the visit.
Sara offered Melinda some tea, which she declined. Sara took a sip of her own tea, then cleared her throat.
"Okay, well, you've said the right things so far. Tell me more. I'm usually more of a tougher sell than this, but being pregnant has made me a little...I don't know." She looked like she was searching for the words.
"I know," Melinda said gently. "I understand."
"First of all, how do you know these things? Are you a psychic?"
"More like a medium, really. I see spirits. Usually they come to me when they have unfinished business. Your husband is very persistent. He also really likes bugs."
"Have you been seeing an abundance of bugs lately, too?" Sara asked.
"Oh, yes. The latest was a roach in my cereal, which was not pleasant, I have to say."
Sara wiped another tear away. "I'm sorry, I'm not usually a crier. But every time I see another bug...there's butterflies in the kitchen, ants on my alarm clock, and then there's the ladybugs. There's ladybugs everywhere I look. I feel like he's here with me. I feel like he's trying to send me a message. And while I appreciate the sentiment, it's driving me crazy. He's everywhere, and yet he's not here at all."
Melinda was, needless to say, familiar with this feeling.
"I lost my husband recently too," Melinda said, unsure if she should tell Sara her sad story. "The same thing has been happening to me. Only...I can see him, too. Talk to him. Hear him. They're here because they love us and don't want to move on."
"But I want him to move on!" Sara said. "I know he loves me, and I know he was taken from me too early, but him being here all the time is not helping. It would be so much easier just knowing that he's gone. God, he was so stubborn, you know? Always doing things his way."
"I don't really know him very well, but I get that feeling," Melinda said, smiling. "Um, he also said that he loved you from the beginning, when you were his student, but he didn't want to ruin your curiosity and inquisitiveness. I'm sure you know that, though."
Sara nodded. "He has told me that before, but it's always nice to hear again. Is he...is he here right now?"
"He is," Melinda said, seeing Grissom in the corner of her eye. He was being amazingly quiet for such a demanding ghost.
"Does he know about the baby?" Sara said quietly. Melinda's heart broke for her.
"I know," Grissom said. "I was at Desert Palm when the doctor told her."
"He knows. He was at the hospital when you found out."
"What does he think…about this?"
It would have seemed like a strange question for an outsider looking in. Gil Grissom was dead, he couldn't think anything about it, right? And what if he did think something about it, what good would it do now? But Melinda knew that it mattered. She knew what Sara was asking. And she hoped Grissom would give her the answer she wanted.
"I think it's amazing," he said. "I think you're going to be a beautiful, happy mother. I think our child will be the smartest, most interesting, most curious kid around. Because they will take after their mother, and you are all of those things times a thousand."
Melinda relayed his message to Sara.
"Wow," Sara said. "I wasn't expecting to hear that when I woke up today."
"I think he has more to tell you," Melinda said. "At least I hope so, since he made me come all the way out here to tell you about it."
They both laughed, acknowledging the strangeness of the situation.
Sara sat patiently while Melinda listened to what Grissom wanted to tell her. After all the years of giving messages from ghosts, Melinda had honed her listening skills as much as one possibly could. As he talked, she wiped a few tears from her own face. She was pretty sure, from what both and he and Sara said, that he was never this talkative alive. Not for the first time, she wondered how death seemed to hone so many people's communication skills so well.
"He says...he says he's sorry for all the years he put his feelings for you aside. All of those years he could have had with you instead of playing games; of denying the truth of what the two of you were always meant to be. He says he's devastated that he won't get to teach his child about bugs and about life and about love. He has so much to teach now that he's gone. And he knows that you're going to be a good mother, and he urges you to be strong and courageous and not be frustrated or sad that he's not here with you. His spirit will always be with you, always watching over you and the baby."
Sara was having a hard time keeping it together, and frankly Melinda didn't know why she wasn't curling into a ball on the floor, sobbing. Sara was stronger than her, that was for sure.
"Am I allowed to tell him something? I don't know--I don't know how this works," Sara said, wiping her eyes with a Kleenex.
"Of course. He's here with us, he can hear you."
"Okay, well, I want him--you. I want you to know that I take responsibility for the early years of us, too. It's not all your fault. I was so smitten with you that I let it affect my work, and that made things uncomfortable. It just wasn't meant to be yet, and I've come to know and appreciate that. We had 3 years together, didn't we? They weren't always great; there were challenges. But we overcame a lot of odds. And now we'll have a child who will always know his or her daddy was a good man who loved me, who made a difference in people's lives, who will always be remembered by the friends he made along the way. Our baby will have Uncle Greg and Nick and Jim and Aunt Catherine to teach him or her things that I couldn't. I'm not worried; I know I can do this. I just never wanted to do it without you."
Melinda came over and sat next to Sara, putting her arm around her. She usually tried not to do that in these situations, but the woman clearly needed someone to be there for her. Sara smiled gratefully, and Melinda handed her a tissue. After blowing her nose and throwing the tissue away, Sara continued.
"And I want you to know, Gil, that you taught me so many things. The lecture you gave at the Forensics Academy Conference was the only one that interested me, because you had such a passion for what you were talking about. You made me see it was okay to enjoy my work and what I care about doing. You made me feel like being a geek or a dork wasn't such a bad thing.
"And then later, when our friendship was slowly growing into more, you were the only one who paid attention when I was calling out for help. You listened to me; you heard about my past and my parents and you didn't run. You made me see that what I felt was normal, and you helped me move on with my life."
Sara sniffed, then apologized to Melinda. "I just have so much to say, you know?"
"I know. Please continue, I'm in no hurry."
Sara took a deep breath, then continued. "I thought we figured it all out, and then Natalie happened. I know you understood that I had to leave, and I don't regret it. I was doing it for us, you know. I didn't want you to have to deal with my broken shell. It had to happen that way to make me realize what--or who--was really important to me. And it means so much that we were able to get married before you…died. I will treasure this child with everything I have in my body and myself, because they will be half of you. You taught me so much, and I'll teach the baby everything you taught me. It was true what I said, Gil. You will always be my one and only, I will miss you with every beat of my heart, and our life together was the only home I ever knew."
Melinda looked at Grissom, who was now looking up at the ceiling. She knew he was seeing the light now, and it was only a matter of seconds before he was gone.
"Tell her she has a beautiful soul, and our baby will, too. Tell her that she was my last thought before I died, that it was her face and her heart and her life that flashed before my eyes when I took my last breath. Tell her that I'm so proud of her, so full of pride. And tell her that she will always, always be loved."
And then there was no more Grissom.
"He's gone," Melinda said. "He went into the light." She told Sara what else he said before he disappeared. Sara cried in her arms until she noticed she looked at her watch and realized it was time to go to work.
"You can't call in?" Melinda asked. Damn, this woman was stronger than anyone she knew.
"I could. They would understand. But doing this job; speaking for the people who can no longer speak for themselves...it's what keeps me going right now. When the baby is born, I'm going to move back to San Francisco to be with my mom, who wants to help. That's a really long story that I won't bore you with, by the way. But for now, while I still have a chance, I want to be there for the people with no voice."
"Well, good luck with the baby," Melinda said. She wrote her number on a stray piece of paper she found in her purse. "And call me if you need anything. I know how it feels to be haunted by the love of your life."
Sara smiled gratefully. "Good luck with your own ghost."
"Thanks, I need it."
They hugged one more time, and Melinda headed out to the rental car. She knew when she got back to Grandview, she and Jim were going to have a chat. Melinda couldn't handle this anymore. Jim needed the light. It was the best thing for both of them.
Before she turned the key in the ignition, Melinda noticed the ladybug on the dashboard. She shook her head and smiled, and headed back home to her favorite ghost.
