Author's Note: Ah, I read a short story today called Ramond's Race, I think it was, and the narrator reminded me so much of a less vulgar Mugen. Oh, and I forgot the disclaimer. Samurai Champloo is not mine. If you believe it is and want to sue me, then you have too much time on your hands. And I will crawl through this computer and your's and kick you in the shin. Not possible? Oh, I'll go all Mulder on you and make it possible.
And Mugen's nicknames for Almi are going to change constantly.
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Ya know, look-alike aint so bad at the women's duties. For the three days that we've been here he's cooked good food, sewn up the holes, and made up what we slacked on with the chores. I think he just wants Fuu to stay and have little almonds with him. And I think granny wants the same, and that's why she's allowing us to stay. She doesn't like me, I can tell. That evil glint in her eye when she sees me around Fuu tells me all I need to know.
Like right now, she's giving me the evil eye from across the grass. Yeah, we're out on a picnic, 'cause the brat said it was a nice day outside and granny said one of our chores was having lunch with her. And Almi.
Those two were sitting across from each other, brat chatting and look-alike looking like his eyes were going to pop out of their sockets. I hope they do and land in her lap; see how his chances are then! And granny is still evil eyeing me. Hell, can't a guy just enjoy some food a love struck pansy made? "What are you looking at, icky?" Her nickname for me. And I'm looking at a slowly dying hag who worries about ugly babies too much.
Jin is watching brat and look-alike interact closely with his tea cup covering his pursed lips. Probably doesn't want granny seeing and making stupid nicknames up for him either. "Really!" Fuu shouted. Almi laughed and she covered her mouth, blushing and muffling her apologies. Now all three of us were intrigued. "Honestly. But people say that it's just a crazy old man who likes playing match maker."
Asshole liar, he wasn't all blushing and shy when I saw him giving directions to the nearest town. And he was talking to Six, the woman I had fucked and robbed. She said she was expanding her business and opening another shop in a busier town. But if he didn't blush at her cleavage, he certainly isn't truly blushing about some young puberty-forsaken girl.
"That's creepy. I'll make note not to go to those woods." Fuu said. Look-alike's face fell and he looked down. "But it's probably just a myth, you know. People will believe any ro-romantic nonsense." She patted the hand on his chop sticks and tried to smile. "Is the scenery as pretty as you said? That big meadow and pretty waterfall in the forest?" She's just trying to make him feel good. Poor, poor Almond. "Yeah. I'll take you sometime."
Hot granny looks like she's fixing to jump up and make booties right now, Jin's eyebrows are twitching, and I'm wondering if they're planning on going to see 'crazy old man who likes to play match maker'. "What ya talking 'bout?" I ask. I stretched and let a little gas pass, making all their eyes narrow and their noses bunch up. "You're so rude. Atleast say 'excuse me'." "It didn't hurt you any." "Try telling that to my burning nose hairs." "Improper table conduct." "Ew." They have the ugliest morphed together voice I ever heard.
Granny pretended to stretch and hit Almi in the shoulder, which made him turn back to Fuu. "How about we go tonight? The stars are really pretty from the waterfall." She nodded her head enthusiastically and granny gave me a look. I don't know what she as trying to tell me, but it doesn't matter in the long run. I just want to know what little plan these two birds are making.
"Where are you planning to go?" Jin's been reading my mind lately, I just know it. "Oh, we're just going out to look at stars." I heard that part, bitch. "Well, where?" I think all of our eyes got big and we looked at him. So it wasn't as snappy as all of the comments I make, but it was still out of character for him. Fuu's mouth was open and she looked around as if thinking of how to reply. Like I said, snappy fish face isn't a usual occurrence.
"Just through the woods." Almi said. Jin turned and gave him a hard stare. "And how long do you plan to stay out alone and unprotected?" Fuu still looked shocked and granny looked ready to knock him over the head. Almi glanced at Fuu before lifting his head up and staring straight into Jin's eyes. "As long as we like." Whoo, that little punk is asking for it. If Jin doesn't kill him then I will, just because he's annoying and too fake for my tastes.
Fuu looked at Jin once before jumping up and snatching Almi's hand in her own. "We should go see it while there's daylight, uh, ha ha." Nice nervous laugh, not noticeable by anyone else at all. "You're right." He stood up and Jin grabbed hold onto his clothes. "If you're not back by dark or if she is kidnapped I will dispose of you." This is getting good. Wonder how hot granny is taking it. I looked at her and laughed at the fire being shot at Jin through her eyes.
"Good thing it's noon, isn't it." Fuu said with another nervous laugh and started to pull Almond in the direction of the woods they were talking about. Now that you think about it, seeing the two fight was quite funny. They look about the same feature wise, and if Jin let his hair down I bet it would have been same there too.
Jin stood up and bowed at granny. "I'm sorry, but I won't be able to clean up." He had started to walk off but granny snatched his hair. "Oh, no you don't. I am having grandchildren soon if it's the last thing I do; and Fuu is the best looking girl around, along with the sweetest, and is the only one worthy of being my daughter-in-law." When he went to pull away she snatched up his glasses and threw them on the ground and hovered her foot over the top of them.
Don't you look at me fish face, because you know that all I need is an excuse to run after them and cut his head off, and that I'll do it. He flickered his eyes over towards the woods and winked. Gotcha. "What'd you tell him? Don't you think of stopping them from reproducing."
I grinned at her and ran towards the woods, hand on the hilt of my sword. I wonder why fish face is so upset. After all, it's good that the brat is finally getting some nookie. Maybe that'll mean that she'll bitch less, a lot less, and life would be good. But eh, I guess I don't like the jack-off look-alike and could think of a thousand better people out there that could screw her. But still, it's bothering me how he got all angry because Almond wanted to take her on a walk; after all, I just got angry because I don't like the fake.
And there they are, walking hand in hand through the woods and towards the meadow he was talking about. I crept behind trees a short distance away from them and eavesdropped. Hey, I'm a moral-less bastard, why change this late in the game?
When they got to the meadow I didn't have anything to hide behind, so I just waited behind a tree for them to come back my way.
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How pretty can a meadow be that you have to run around in it from noon to sun down! Goddammit, and I had to keep looking over at them because there was nothing better to do; plus they kept making noises that reminded me of something much more vulgar than innocent play. Groaning, laughing, cute little noises that the brat would probably make after climaxing.
"So, what would like to do now?" Yes, they were walking closer towards the forest. Fuu's hair was let down and rested a little below her shoulder, which was good looking on her. Almi was looking even more like Jin than before, with his hair in a loose braid hanging behind him. They walked past me; still holding hands, I noticed. I stood up and sneaked behind them.
"Oh, we still have time to see the waterfall. I'm sure Jin forgot about his threat." She said. He nodded and started running with her. I followed, tripping over the rocks they seemed to skip over. Man, fish face better give me some money after this. They continued on their way until they got to the waterfall.
It was pretty, I'll admit. The setting sun did give it a certain lightening that made it look very welcoming and the water looked calming. But not calming enough for the two of them to get naked and swim. "Go ahead, I won't look." He better not mean what the hell I think he means. I peaked over the bush I was hiding behind to see Almond covering his eyes and Fuu taking off her clothes. Now, I never said that she was ugly.
Who'd want to fuck you, bitch? Ha, you think a brothel would even take you? You're ass ugly. Ugly brat. Flat as a board ugly brat.
So I did. But she certainly doesn't look too bad near water and naked. Small little body, just enough assets to grab, and that brown hair fits her. She walked over and put one foot in the water, jumping backwards when it was too cold. Yeah, so she's not the most sensual female. "Are you ready?" "No! Don't look!" She held her breath and nose and ran forward into the water, making a large splash all over her clothes. "Damn. Okay, I'm ready."
Almond's not too bad looking either, if you ignore the big scar across his abdomen. He has no hair on his body, so guess the two puberty-less kids can get together. I sat back, not feeling the urge to watch them, and listened incase things got too hot and heavy. They're just kids you know; don't need to be doing them things. All I heard was laughter, more laughter, huffs, more laughter, chit chat, laughter galore, and then repeat.
"So, what are you doing in this town?" Look-alike asked. "Oh, we're looking for somebody important. Or, I am. Those two are just my bodyguards." This is going to get interesting. I laid on my side and listened closely. "Makes sense. You do look like the type to get abducted a lot." Oh, bitch slap. One point look-alike. Fuu scoffed and I bet she was probably crossing her arms. "Only because they're always running off and I have to go to dangerous places to find them." Bullshit, brat.
"Whatever you say." It sounded like she splashed water on him and he laughing. "How about you? Where is your father? I bet you got the blue eyes from him." She asked. "Oh, yeah. He was German and came over here to sell his books. He met my mother and married her. They built that hotel and she conceived me. He ran off back to his family in Germany when I was a few months old." His voice sounded truthful, but I still think he's just telling her to get a sympathy fuck. "Oh, I'm so sorry." Yep. But question is: are you sorry enough to let him touch you?
"Nah, it's okay. My mother threw a brick at him and broke his arm while he was walking away. I do wonder if he got back to Germany alright sometimes, though." That's the 'I'll sleep with you to make-up for lack of a father figure' part that Fuu needs to initiate. "I know how you feel. So your mother has raised you alone all this time?" "Mm-hm." It shows, look-alike.
I peaked on them once or twice, just to make sure he wasn't trying to sneak a grope. Way to go, Almond. The water only covers the top of her nipples, and just barely. "I thought you caught onto the hint not to let them be together alone." A smooth voice said.
I turned and met eyes with an angry Jin. He was clutching the handle of his sword tightly and I wanted to laugh at him. "They're just cleaning up their mess. You should have come by earlier, they were going at it like rabb--" "Mugen!" I peaked over the bush to see Fuu pulling her clothes on and Almi blushing from the water. "What happened? What did you do?" Jin stepped over the bush and started stomping towards the water. Man, that running water really makes me have to pee.
"Him? Jin, Mugen! He's over there watching like a pervert!" "As opposed to touching you before marriage or even commitment?" He pulled out his sword and I hoped over the bush and walked towards them. "I was just kidding about that comment, damn. You and I both know no red-blooded male goes for chicks like her." "Hey, bastard." "So naggy." Jin rolled his eyes and snatched the naked look-alike up by the wrist. "We're all going home. Now."
Look-alike stuttered something about his clothes and Jin replied with a glare. "I. Don't. Care." Fuu sighed and picked up his cloths before following them, and I following her. "This is all your fault." She muttered. "I denied nothing."
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Author's Note: Crap, Andy Kaufman attack. Quick, someone get me the seasons of Taxi. Come on now, hurry up! You know what, this is R.E.M.'s fault. They just hhhaaaddd to put Man On The Moon as the first number on their greatest hits cd. Which reminded me, "hey, I haven't watched Man On The Moon yet. I've been waiting to watch that movie for six years.". So I went on Wikipedia and read his biography, along with the movie's. So here I am, pratically banging my head on the desk because I want to watch Taxi and Saturday Night Live (70's).
Review so I stop living in the past, that I didn't live in, and accept the present.
