Kate awoke to the sound of her cell phone ringing at five a.m. the following morning. She tried opening her eyes as she reached for it, but it felt like someone had poured salt into them. She groaned and shut them again as she fumbled around for the source of the ringing. When she finally found it, she brought it to her ear.
"Beckett." She rubbed her gritty eyes with her free hand.
"Hey boss. Sorry to wake you, but we got a body," Esposito said.
"Where?" she asked, and listened as he rattled off the address. She repeated it a few times in her head to memorize it, and then said, "I'll be there soon."
She hung up the phone and quickly typed a text message to herself with the address, just in case.
Then her hand dropped to the bed and she lay back, blinking up at the ceiling. Her eyes were really dry and there was a pressure behind them. She could feel a headache already building up.
That's what happens when you cry yourself to sleep and then only get three hours of sleep, she reminded herself.
After Castle left her place yesterday, Kate had sat on the floor and let all of the pain flow out of her. She'd finally been able to drag herself up and into the shower about an hour after he left. As the water whirled down the drain, she had tried to scrub the misery down with it. The rest of the evening had been spent on the couch, numbly watching whatever was on the television. None of it had registered in her mind, and the numbness kept everything else at bay. Until bedtime.
When she lay down to sleep, the tears had started fresh, and she couldn't keep them from falling. They had clogged her chest, and her nose, making her feel like hell, but she welcomed the physical discomfort in hopes that it would overshadow the emotional pain. She had wondered why it hurt so much, Castle leaving her, but had pushed the thought away, refusing to think about it. She also refused to wonder if she would cry like that if Josh left her. Instead she let the tears swamp her as she rode out the wave of despair.
The memory of the previous night caused Kate's hands to clench into fists and she felt like punching something. She wasn't this person. She didn't cry for hours when someone broke her hea—when someone walked away from her. She hadn't cried this much since her moth—No. She was not going to go there. She was going to get up and be a big girl and do her job. With or without a partner.
She shoved herself up off the bed and towards the bathroom. Maybe another hot shower would help.
Somewhere deep inside, she knew nothing would help. But she was going to find time later in the day to go a few rounds with a punching bag.
Beckett stared down at the body, noting the pattern of bruises along the victim's arms and the blood around the fingernails. The woman had put up a hell of a fight.
"What've we got, Lanie?"
"Stab wounds to the chest and stomach. Five, to be more precise. Looks like a fairly small blade, though it was big enough to do the damage. Fatal wound is this one here," she said as she pointed the one closest to the victim's heart.
Kate nodded. "She put up a fight," she said as she gestured towards the victim's hands.
"Yeah, I'll make sure to scrape under her nails and send whatever I get to the lab."
"Any I.D.?"
"Not that I can find."
Ryan and Esposito walked up. "Morning, Beckett."
"You got anything?" she asked, forgoing any greetings. Ryan raised his eyebrows slightly at Esposito, who shrugged.
She sighed. Her voice must've been harder than she intended. She refused to take this out on her friends. It wasn't their fault her partner had walked out on her.
"Sorry. What've you got?" she asked, this time sounding like Detective Beckett, not like a crazy woman who'd only had three hours of sleep.
The boys took turns relaying all of the information they had found, from who discovered the body to the different buildings they were going to need to canvas for witnesses. When they were finished, Kate started to divvy up the tasks she wanted them to do, but Esposito interrupted her. "Where's your boy?"
"What?" Kate looked up quickly. She didn't want to do this yet.
"Castle. He's usually here by now."
Kate reached up to pinch the bridge of her nose between her fingers and thumb. "He's not coming."
They all remained silent, waiting for her to tell them why. Kate shrugged and figured now was as good a time as any to let them all in on the secret. "He quit."
"He did what?" Lanie asked incredulously, standing up from her crouched position near the body. She stepped over it and came up next to Kate. She wanted to put her hand on Kate's arm, but she was still wearing her gloves.
"Apparently he shadowed me for long enough and has plenty of research to write his Nikki Heat books. He's not getting enough writing done because he spends too much time at the station. So he quit to focus on his writing."
"That's bullshit," Lanie said, her tone steely.
"Bastard," Esposito grumbled.
Kate gave her friends a small smile. "Thanks guys, but it's okay. I'm alright." And then, "Now, let's get back to work. Ryan, I want you—" She straightened her spine and split up their duties, moving on with the case.
If Castle could move on, so could she.
Later that afternoon, Lanie called Kate down to the morgue. When the detective arrived, Lanie didn't waste any time telling her about the body and everything that she had discovered. She relayed the information precisely and without preamble. Kate knew Lanie wanted to get it out of the way so she could get to the interrogation.
Kate sighed as Lanie wrapped up, knowing what was coming. Instead of trying to run from the situation, she hopped up onto an empty exam table and waited her friend out.
"So, girl, what the hell is going on?"
Kate looked down at her hands and picked at her fingernails. "I told you earlier what he said."
"Yeah, but we all know that's bullshit. Tell me everything."
Kate looked up at her friend. "He came to my apartment last night and told me he was quitting, that he wasn't going to shadow me anymore. I asked him what he was talking about and he threw himself into this speech about needing to write more, that only writing one novel a year was not enough and that he had plenty of research for all of his Nikki Heat books, or any other books he decides to write. He said that Gina thinks he needs to focus on his writing."
Lanie heard the sting in Kate's voice and she sighed. She came to Kate and leaned next to her on the table, resting her hand on Kate's thigh. "Oh, honey. I'm sorry."
Kate just nodded, because her eyes were filling with tears. "You want to know the worst part?" Her voice was low and strained.
Lanie just nodded.
"He said he needed to focus on his writing instead of playing 'Cops' with me." Lanie snorted, giving her opinion on that. "So I told him that he was my partner, that partners don't just jump ship when things get tough. And you know what he said to me?"
"Do I want to know?" Lanie asked, and wrapped her arm around Kate's shoulders, as if to brace herself.
Kate's voice stuttered on the tears. "He said he wasn't my partner, because he was never actually a cop."
"He said what?" Lanie said, her voice close to screeching. "I am going to kick his ass the next time I see him! Scratch that, I'm going to go find him just so I can kick his ass! Please tell me you put him in his place after that."
Kate shook her head and wiped at the wetness on her face. "No. I—I couldn't… I couldn't believe it, that he would say that. And then he left. He told me to have a wonderful life and then he walked out." Kate reached up with both hands this time, burying her face in them so she could finish out the tears.
Lanie just stood with her, rubbing her back gently. After a few minutes, Kate lifted her head.
"I am so sick of crying over that asshole," she grit out between her teeth.
"Good," Lanie said and pat her on the back once before coming to stand in front of her. "No more tears, Detective Beckett. Buck up. And after work, we'll run to the store for some ski masks and a shovel and we'll bury the fucker. I know some great places to hide a body."
Kate laughed then and reached out to hug her friend quickly. "Thank you. I needed that."
"But seriously, girl. If you want me to go kick his ass, I will. Or we can send Javi to do it. You know he'd relish the chance."
Kate shook her head. "No. I'm going to move on. I still have my job and my friends. I'm going to forget all about Richard Castle and move on with my life."
"What about Josh?"
Kate looked up, her eyebrows wrinkled in confusion. "What do you mean?"
"You said you still have your job and your friends, but you didn't mention Josh. You know, the guy you're going to marry."
"Yeah, I mean, of course, I still have Josh," Kate sputtered. "I just meant… in a work-related capacity."
"Uh-huh." Lanie raised her eyebrows and crossed her arms over her chest.
"What, Lanie?" Kate asked exasperatedly.
"Nothing." Lanie made a face. "I just—I wonder."
"What?" Kate threw her hands up. "Spit it out, Lanie."
"Do you really want to marry Josh?"
Kate's jaw dropped. "I wouldn't have said yes if I didn't want to."
"I know that." Lanie frowned and turned to pace in front of her friend. "I just think… I just wonder if you're settling. I mean, he is gorgeous. He's a doctor. He's a very nice person. But I never thought you were actually in love with him. And so when you told us you were getting married, I was genuinely surprised. I never thought your relationship would get that far."
"Why would I stay with someone and work on a relationship with them if I wasn't intending on finding forever with them?"
"I know, honey. I mean, that's what we all do. Look for our forever person. But I really thought that eventually you and Castle would—"
"Look, Lanie, I appreciate your concern, but it's unfounded. There was never anything between Castle and me, and there never will be. He's moved on, and I love Josh. And I am going to marry him."
Lanie held up her hands in surrender. "Okay. I was just checking. I wouldn't want my best friend to make a mistake like that without first considering all the options. That's all. You know I love you, honey, and if you love Josh and you want to marry him, then I'm happy for you."
"Thank you," Kate said quietly. "I need to get back to work." She hopped down from the empty table and started out, trying to push back the feeling of betrayal. She knew Lanie meant well. She was only trying to be a friend.
"Kate?"
She stopped and turned to look back at Lanie.
"I am sorry. If you need anything, anytime, you'll call me, won't you?"
Kate smiled. "Yes, Lanie. I promise." With that, she turned and walked out.
End Note: Don't you just love Lanie? I find it incredibly easy to write her voice. What do you think? Did I do all right? (Yes, I am fishing for reviews, haha.)
